Author Archive
I have been having some serious family issues lately, and, I admit, the sound must carry to the neighbors. I have a religious neighbor (we obviously have very different views and parenting styles) who, out of the blue, came up to tell me, in a condescending way, that they pray for us all the time. She is so judgmental! Now, if it someone were to say that to you, how would you respond in a shove it up your you-know-what, kindly kind of way??
Hillery in Montana
Dear Hillery,
Very simply, I would thank her for her kind thoughts. And tell her I can use all the kind thoughts I can get!
I would also not assume that she is without drama/trauma in her own life, so I might also tell her that I would keep her in my prayers as well.
You referred to how judgmental she is…let her judge. You are also judging her. There is a difference between noticing what is, and being judgmental, BTW. When there is a negative emotion that attaches itself to our perception of the other person, as opposed to the action, we have moved into judgment. It is natural to react to this emotion. It is also likely clear to her that you feel this way, and that you don’t think that her way is okay. So, the cycle of judgment keeps going on and on.
But you can stop that cycle, Hillery, simply by noticing what you are doing, noticing that she is doing the best she can, and change your mind about her. How? Just take what she really means, (that she knows things are not perfect in your world, and you could likely use a little help), and throw out the doctrine and judgment she brings to it. That simple shift removes your judgment moving back at her.
There is a very good chance that she felt awkward about saying anything to you, and that she had to muster up the courage to speak to you. Further, is it also possible that your reaction to her words is your embarrassment in knowing that others know you are struggling, and are witnessing the drama? Is it possible that you don’t think it is okay what is happening in your life? We do seem to want the outside world to see only the perfect little family picture, don’t we?
Sweet Hillary, is it also possible that the judgment you are reacting to is your self judgment? If so, stop. Change your mind. Don’t let fear (embarrassment) and judgment hold you in place. Let the energy of her, in essence, saying, “You are not alone.”, be what flows through you. Know that Divinity does not expect perfection from you, because She thinks you are already perfect, no matter that it may appear it is not.
You may even wish to strike up a conversation with your neighbor, from a new perspective. Who knows, she may have been reaching out to you from her pain, and you may be able to help each other. This might actually be the perfect time to teach her a new prayer:
Thank you Creator/God, for letting me know that this problem has already been solved. Please help me now to see my part in that solution.
Therese
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.cwghelpingoutreach.com She may be contacted at: Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
I am so angry. I have been in a marriage for 32 years. I have been faithful. I have given him children. AND I have had a full time job. Now I find he wants a divorce, and wants to be free to be with other women. Now I am all alone, he wants to leave me with the kids, the stress is making my job performance suffer and I am at risk for losing my job, and he is off having his fun. I need him! Is this God being fair??
Rhea
Dear Rhea,
I am so sorry you are going through this right now. I get that it doesn’t seem fair.
Since I don’t have the luxury of an ongoing dialog, like I do over at The CWG Helping Outreach, I am going to be quite direct.
You talk about your relationship in terms of him getting what he wants, and you not being treated fairly…you do not speak of losing your soulmate, or the love of your life or any other endearing term. Which leads me to ask what you expected of marriage…why were you in the marriage? I often ask, and I will ask you: What is your definition of Love?
I think that what “Conversations With God” has to say about this subject is particularly pertinent right now. In chapter 8 of book 1, it talks about how we define Love. In this chapter God says:
“For most people, love is a response to need fulfillment.
Everyone has needs. You need this, another needs that. You both see in each other a chance for need fulfillment. So you agree—tacitly—to a trade. I’ll trade you what I’ve got if you’ll give me what you’ve got.
It’s a transaction. But you don’t tell the truth about it. You don’t say, “I trade you very much.” You say, “I love you very much,” and then the disappointment begins.”
A relationship that is healthy, even if it does not last forever, begins with knowing that we are complete with or without that other person in our lives, and having a desire to share that completeness with another, hoping to enhance their lives and yours in the process of sharing. We all need help along the way, and none of us live in this perfect little love zone all of the time, but it is what healthy relationships are based on, and what they return to when the dramas in life end. In fact, getting back to that space is what causes the drama to end.
Further, Rhea, we most often think of “relationships” as having to do with romance. In reality, we are having a relationship with everything in our world all the time. We know who we are relative to all that is around us, and how we act on those relationships depends on our thoughts about those things, including our thoughts about who we are. Our thoughts create our experience. Hard to believe, I know, when we are in the middle of traumatic changes in our lives, like the ones you are going through right now. Our thoughts do create our experiences, (not to be confused with events) and you can change your experience right now by changing your thoughts about why this is happening. One very good tool, among many good tools out there, to help you change your thoughts, is the book, “When Everything Changes, Change Everything” that Neale wrote. (Information about the website is below, and the book can be read for free on the website!)
I am a person who always looks for the “silver lining” in things. Even when things that appear awful are happening, my mind goes back to the times when things looked hopeless, yet they ultimately proved to be things that opened up doors for me. (For instance, the hopeless co-worker relationship actually had to happen to me, so that I wouldn’t be attached to that job, and I was open to the next.) When I do simply accept that there is more, my mind relaxes and gives me a break. I calm down and am able to let my mind filter what my soul is saying. Can you see even a tiny bit of silver? Can you look back at anything in your life and see the silver lining now, that you couldn’t see then?
Rhea, “justice”, by the way, presumes that something is “wrong”. There is nothing wrong. Each person simply has their own soul path.
I am going to write a little story around what you say about your ex…I might look at him and think that he is a very insecure person. Why? Because he is looking for love and acceptance outside of himself. He seems to need validating by temporary things. Who he is, doesn’t seem to be enough for him. Which leads to many questions as to why…
What I have done, by doing this, Rhea, is write a story that moves me from pure judging, to looking for understanding of his actions. Not necessarily because I think that those actions are working for him in any way, but because I wish to understand that HE thinks that they are working…otherwise he wouldn’t be doing them.
We don’t have to stay with those people, Rhea, we don’t even have to fall out of love with those people, but when we move to understanding, we stop doing one very important thing:
We stop hurting ourselves.
And when we do that, we stop hurting those around us, even if we were hurting them unconsciously. (Maybe that’s what people are reacting to at work?)
And when we stop the hurting, things seem to fall into place…because we believe that they will.
Ask yourself, Rhea, what might be needing to be looked at within yourself that is causing you to feel that you need someone in your life who has said he doesn’t want to remain in yours. Is it because you are being treated unfairly in your “trade” agreement, or is it because you are not defining love in a way that includes yourself.
Therese
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.cwghelpingoutreach.com She may be contacted at: Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
Respected sir/madam,
I have been in a very happy relationship for two years now, and both of us are very serious. We are sure that we want to spend the rest of our lives with each other. My boyfriend loves me very very much, but recently, I hurt him so deeply that he’s lost his trust in me.
We were in different cities when we fell in love.Let us say that I was in C and he was in G. Recently, I had a chance to visit G but unfortunately, he was visiting my town then. My chances of meeting him were anyway slim and I had a mental misconception that if I went to G, I’d feel much closer to him. We hadn’t been able to talk to each other to our heart’s contents for a while and we were feeling a little empty. We needed to feel closer to each other.
He didn’t tell me he wanted to take me there first (this was my first visit) but he made up a number of other reasons for me to not go. I justified all of them and in the end, he reluctantly agreed. He was angry with me but I wanted to go very very much so I thought that when all the bad things that he was afraid would happen wouldn’t happen he would forget about everything and everything would go back to being normal.
When I finally reached G, I realized that I had made the worst mistake of my life. I had heard so much about the place from him that when I so much as read the name of a road, I missed my boyfriend and cried and cried. I was travelling by bus and I called my boyfriend and cried to him and he was kind and sweet to me but he was hurting and missing me too.
I stayed in G for three days and missed him every second of that I was there. The only way I could distract myself was by talking to a group of boys who were really funny and warm. I generally don’t interact with boys much unless it is for work and he does the same with girls. We prefer it that way and we feel safe and comfortable in our routine. I knew he wouldn’t like my doing it, but I justified it because I didn’t have any proper girl friends with me and well….truthfully, what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.
I’ve never lied to him before this and I hate myself for doing it now. I took a picture with a boy and I am grinning widely in it. I swear up and down right now that I wasn’t happy there. Sure I danced a little and smiled a little but I kept wishing that I was there with him not with a group of people I didn’t even like all that much.
Anyway, now this picture? I fabricated the truth a little and told him that other people took it by crook and I hadn’t actually posed for it. Yes, I lied to him. But I swear I never have before this.
The next day, I played in the water on the beach and went out at night and he’d told me not to because in that part of the country, they were both very unsafe and stupid things to do. But I completely forgot his strict instructions and did both of those things. I am an idiot.
When I came back home to C, I sent him a copy of that picture and came clean. In my favour, I’d like to say that I was the only one with a copy of that picture and I still sent it to him because I couldn’t stand to lie to him.
He saw it and was very very very hurt. He said he couldn’t trust me anymore because even though he’d asked me not to, I went into the water and went out at night and that if something had happened to me, he’d have lost me forever. He was also very hurt that I took a picture I anyway shouldn’t have but the fact that it was in G, where he and I were supposed to go alone for the first time, made it much much worse.
I was so guilty that to prove to him that I love him very very much I cut myself for the first time in my life. I agree it was the stupidest thing I could have ever done, but…..oh, well. What’s done is done. He got mad about that too. Said I needed a psychiatrist.
He’s ready to give me another chance but he is hurt. And he says mean things when he is hurt and they hurt me and there is simply a whole lot of hurt going around. What do I do? Please help me? I want to make things okay again. He says he I hurt him so much that he is numb and that he is beginning to lose faith in love and that he has no interest in going to G with me or otherwise again because the place is ruined for him. What do I do? That was our honeymoon spot 🙁
Yours sincerely,
Susan
Dear Susan,
Wow!, I’m practically out of breath reading this…I can only imagine how draining it is to you actually living it.
Susan, the only betrayal in this whole long story is to yourself. It is said that betrayal of oneself, in order to not betray another, is still betrayal. In fact, it is the greatest betrayal of all.
Susan, what does love mean to you? If you yearn for another, and cannot live a day without that other without crying, does that mean you love that other? I don’t believe that to be true. To me, it means that you have handed your happiness to another, believing that happiness is something that is given to you by another. Susan, dearest Susan, we create our own happiness, and misery, given our thought about a thing.
It feels to me as though you are allowing your boyfriend to control your life. A truly loving partner would have informed you of the dangers in city G, and upon finding out what you did, merely expressed relief that you hadn’t been harmed. The dumping of guilt upon you is control, not love. (Well, it IS love, in the strictest sense, since all negative emotion is distorted love, but I hope you understand what I am saying in this context.)
You see, Susan, Love wants for you what you want for you. If you feel you would enjoy having a wide variety of friends in your life, now, and even (especially?) after you should marry, then your partner should want that for you. His inability to trust you now is his problem, not yours, because it shows that he wants for you, what HE wants for you, and not necessarily what you want for you.
Just as an aside…I would, personally, question why my partner had so many reasons for me to NOT come and visit in the first place.
As to your cutting. Obviously you know that that behavior doesn’t really work for you. It is a symptom of something larger, to be sure. I would agree with your partner that professional help would be of benefit. I lean towards body-centered psychotherapy, but there are many good professionals.
Which leads me back to my earlier question: What does Love mean to you, Susan? Not, “what do I have to do to get someone to love me?” There is a very good little book, by Neale Donald Walsch, called “Neale Donald Walsch on Relationships” that I believe could be invaluable in helping you gain insight. It is a very short, easy read. I got my copy for just a little money at an on-line used book store.
Sweetie, guilt, stress, worry, anger, hurting yourself…these are all indicators that something is not working. I have told my daughters what I am going to tell you now…Love should bring Joy. Yes, it takes dedication, and effort, but it shouldn’t be a constant struggle, especially in the early stages. If it is a struggle from the beginning, consider that it might not be any better going forward. Consider choosing again…and again, and again until you find a relationship that doesn’t require you betraying yourself to have.
Therese
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.cwghelpingoutreach.com She may be contacted at: Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
Dear Therese,
Georgia here again. So what about the current state of affairs in this world? It is obvious, to me at least, that we are being lied to by so many that we have trusted to tell us the truth.
Take, for example, our weather patterns these days. Cloud formations that used to be rare are common place now. There is increasing evidence that the clouds are being chemically created. This brings us to two points. Barium and aluminum are being dropped on us something like 5000 times the norm. Just like gmo food, they are using us as guinea pigs to see the side effects. AND they are using the force of nature to the advantage of big business and government. I think they are purposely using these things to keep us scared and controlled. They are not using these things for the “good”. I think you would think long and hard about the effects of these chemicals if one of your kids was messed up in the head and the other other one couldn’t breathe bc of possibly being those guinea pigs.
We have the capability to manipulate something as big as the weather and it would be awesome. But now is no time to lay down and volunteer but a time to demand that we have a right to know what is being dumped on us. Because we lay down and take it, we are condoning to the “elites” that humanity has no value.
How are we to think of these things as spiritual opportunities??
Georgia
Wow! Georgia, I like that you are asking these questions! Putting the everyday reality into a spiritual perspective is sometimes very hard…almost impossible sometimes. Okay, I’ll give a spiritual explanation and some perspective on these things a shot here.
My thoughts: man can do just about anything. We can create and engineer even human life. Many think this to be a sin. Only God’s territory. As you know, I think we are all “gods”. (As CWG puts it, individuations of Divinity.) Engineering life, or engineering clouds, it isn’t about doing these things, but for what purpose they are being done. This, then, becomes a matter of individual and collective choice. Do I have a problem with engineered clouds being used to create water in a drought area? Or to recapture wasted water to refill the aquifers? No. Do I have a problem using them to cause destruction to profit big business and control the people? You betcha. So, personal and collective awareness is, as usual, the key (opportunity) to changing how we use our power…and that changes as we begin to view humanity as One. Realizing the butterfly effect is real. In Christian terms…what you do to the least of my brothers, you do unto me.
I would also urge you to keep open the possibility that at least some of these cloud/weather changes may be circumstantial, as opposed to insidious. Be very careful to avoid being sucked into the story of the way things are, and stay as much as possible in observing the facts (as you know them) of what you see.
Which actually takes me to the esoteric question of “why not”? If this life is but a continuation of life, and we really, as CWG states, have no life to lose, why not consciously agree to be the guinea pig to further the course of humanity? Why not volunteer?
Ahhh, there’s the key! We are NOT volunteering right now! But what if we were, for real, given that choice? Might that not change some things? Might life look more like an opportunity than it does now? What if we were told up front that there was going to be a section of this planet used to experiment on long term human effects?
Older people might volunteer to live in “chem zones” to give their children’s children a better life. Especially since much of the world is starving due to lack of rain for crops. We are sacrificing ourselves for far less noble things already.
Don’t mistake, please, that I think it is okay to be doing what they are doing, in the way they are currently doing things. Transparency…choice…is the key.
There is abundant room for changing how we look at life…and that’s exactly what this site is all about!
One more thought… An unfortunate statement about humankind is that sometimes the masses are so meek and compliant that it takes a “madman” to step out of the box…a person (or group of persons) who dares to even think something is possible! Now we sane, but outside the box thinkers, Spiritual thinkers, have (the opportunity) to either keep the madmen in check, show the madmen a better way (who he/she really is) or empower the masses. Or at least begin to en-mass allow the sane, outside the box thinkers/doers to not be reviled. Currently people are afraid of being relegated to the fringe of their families/societies/religion if they don’t stay inside those boxes. Portrayed as unpatriotic, heretics, crazy and or conspiracists. Make sure to look at your own views of others, and not disempower.
Georgia, in our search for a better way of living, we do have to be very alert to not falling into yet another power grab agenda masked in altruism. (Opportunities to Be discerning, careful, vigilant?) We must be careful of anyone who wants us to be fearful vs merely aware. I get the feeling that there are many agendas in play here, and many are proclaiming themselves to be the one and only “right” one. All of which means, to me, that we have to be “cafeteria Catholics” and pick what works from each, and figure out what is truly for the greater good…and create our world consciously from this point forward. Knowing that what works now most likely won’t entirely work, oh, two thousand years from now! We must now work the idea of change into our long term thoughts. The opportunity to create our own agenda…not all agendas are self serving and malevolent. We can include the thoughts of others and other ways.
On the subject of religion, and government, it is encouraging to see even the Pope and Rev. Pat Robertson changing their minds about homosexuality on even a minor level. The United States has made major attitude and legal changes in this area. This may seem off topic, Georgia, but it is all wrapped up in control…the ultimate control…of sexuality, and specifically the feminine energy….feminine energy and attempts to suppress it. Just look at television commercials geared for girls and toys for them. Absolutely ridiculous that still, in 2013, all the girl toys are make-up, hair playing with dolls, dolls to teach them how to be a mommy, brat dolls that are nothing but materialistic, fashion creating websites, jewelry making, hair extensions and color. Whereas the boys toys are geared around imagination and engineering!! We are “Madison Avenue-ed” into our roles from an early age. Warriors that are used to protect money and the status quo are called heroes and idolized. A woman who questions that status quo is a B word or worse…never spiritual, intuitive, peace-maker. The divine feminine is Mother, but not in the way it is currently portrayed. These times are giving us, I believe, our opportunity to create balance.
Georgia, the bottom line of what I am saying is that we do have control. We have control of how we think and feel about this world we live in. We can fall into the chaotic energies swirling about, or we can keep the perspective that we are the butterfly that can effect our world. We can become a conscious part of the collective, and influence that collective. We are being given many opportunities to choose how change happens. I believe we, as individuals, through our thoughts and actions, can not help but influence the direction of humanity.
Rudyard Kipling said it perfectly. (I know, I know, this post is getting really long, but I think it is an important topic!)
If—
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website atwww.ChangingChange.net . She may be contacted at: Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: ChangingChange.net offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
Dear Therese,
My 85-year-old grandmother lives on her own and is in good health for her age, but with the heat of the summer upon us, I am worried for her. She just barely makes it by on her SS check, and can’t afford air-conditioning. I’m not in a position financially to take on her electric bill if she turned on the AC. I am married and have two children. I really like what Neale says about helping others, but what am I supposed to do?
Geena in TX
Dear Geena,
Let me begin with the practical things to do, that you may have already thought of….
I see you are in Texas, and I just moved from Houston, so I know that the power company has a program that encourages people to pay at least $1 extra to help seniors who cannot afford air-conditioning. Perhaps such a program exists in your area and you can help your mother apply for it? I also read that there is a federal program for such assistance.
( Paraphrased from an article called “The Savvy Senior,” by Jim Miller)
Next, make sure you are aware of the things, other than the actual heat, that contribute to the risk of heat-related illnesses, such as medications (diuretics, high blood pressure meds that can cause dehydration), being overweight, underlying illnesses like diabetes, certain heart issues, and trouble walking around.
Make yourself aware of how to prevent heat exhaustion. Don’t wear tight clothing. Hydrate, and avoid alcohol and caffeine. Take frequent cool showers, apply cool water and ice packs to your skin. Avoid sun exposure, and drink water even when you do not feel thirsty!
Spend time in public places, and check to see if your area has a local health department air-conditioned shelter.
Okay, that is the practical. How about the spiritual in all of this?
As you alluded to, CWG says that our purpose in life is to serve others. We must be sure of who we are, and fill ourselves, of course, but we do this so that we may serve others well.
With that in mind, have you and your husband considered asking your mother to live with you? Assuming this is possible. Even if you have limited space, many cultures share bedrooms. Grandchild and grandparent, for example. If not full-time move in, how about on particularly hot days or months? You have 2 children, and many believe (as does CWG) that by taking advantage of the wisdom of the elders, it lessens the burden on the parents, gives the children a much larger view of life, and gives the elders a purpose. In short, it models “we are all One” in a very real, close to home, way. In fact, it is the perfect way to change the current paradigm of separateness that permeates our western cultures these days. We can’t usually share what we believe with the whole world, but we can show our own children that there is a different way!
You would be serving your mother by doing any of the things mentioned above, but perhaps you might want to take the last step, too? Your mother’s pride might get in the way of her accepting the offer initially, but, if it is something you are willing to do, be sure to keep the offer open. Maybe even have a trial period. If she does move in, be open to change and new ways of doing things. This kind of situation does present challenges, but it also gives abundant opportunity for deciding who you really are…and acting on that decision.
Geena, you may find that your mother’s apparent helplessness is her greatest gift to you, to your children, and to the world.
Therese
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net . She may be contacted at: Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: ChangingChange.net offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
Dear Therese,
Been reading some of your advice columns. I think your advice is so thought out and great. One question in particular I resonated with was the man asking where our leaders are and who do we follow. I really feel that is the question of my generation (30’s) and younger. I agree with you 100%, but I just want to add a little. Your generation had real news (for the most part). It was opinionated and honest reporting, such as the hippie movement, Vietnam, and Martin Luther King, Jr. My generation comes from filtered, agenda oriented, media. If there is an icon to follow, look to, (such as the way many opinions were changed with MLK), our media makes them look like lunatics. That is, if they even choose to do a story on them. If today was 1960, Neale would be main stream news with his new way of thinking. Hell no, you Google him today and he’s made to look like a crazy for saying God spoke to him. And that’s my point, anything to do with God is not news. The only news about Christians is about things like Westboro Baptist and how God hates fags (their word). Why? Because the news is that people who believe in God are insane. People who don’t believe in abortion are out of touch. My point here is that people like Neale don’t get face time anymore. I could go on here but my point is younger generations are lost.
Also, its about finding the pure courage and sacrifice for speaking up and finding a graceful way of demanding a better way. We are taught that the only heros are fiction. Anyway, the word “peace” and its meaning, and how to achieve it in ourselves and others around, is completely mutilated and twisted.
I also want to give you an example how what was taught to me, mainly through media, was so contorted and wrong. Woman’s right to choose. This act is to be empowering, it’s my body, I can choose to abort. Because I believed what I saw on TV, media, hidden messages in TV shows etc. I felt I was empowering myself as a woman to abort. Knowing what I know now, no, I was manipulated into this thinking and I chose wrong. I’m not empowered, neither man nor woman has a right to choose this. Life can not be debated. A life is a life, period. If someone buys a gun, points it and kills someone, there is no debate, there is no empowerment. The man who held the gun and killed goes to prison. Why in the world have we bought into it’s ok to abort?? Let me be more clear, why have we accepted it’s a woman’s right to kill a baby?? A woman who’s not in her right mind drowns her children in a tub is demonized for the rest of her life for doing so. But it’s ok to rip a 6 month old fetus (in some states) out of the womb and break its neck and dispose of it??? It’s OK because the person doing it is a doctor?? And to think our country ALLOWS a person to choose killing babies on a daily basis as a PROFESSION??!! How twisted and numb we are toward life! My point is, I don’t feel empowered for exercising my right to choose, I feel like a killer and every woman who thinks twice about the decision will one day feel the same on some level. Or perhaps they won’t because they have chosen to bury the burden.
I chose to share my insight about this to show you how I didn’t think twice because of what was fed to me. Just think of how manipulated younger generations are now because its taught more and more there is no God, only government.
Georgia, in PA
Dear Georgia,
I left your letter pretty intact, because I believe these are important issues you raise. I will not use this column to give any advice as to whether or not a woman should choose to have an abortion, but will address what I believe to be larger issues surrounding the specific issue, that may help you with the guilt you feel surrounding your decision to abort. So…
If you believe in God, you have to define what kind of God you believe in.
I believe in a God who does not judge me or condemn me for things that I did when I did not have a fully formed opinion of God and Life. Sweet lady, I don’t believe God would have any desire for you to have a moment of guilt beyond the point where it served you to think about something and form your own feelings about things. Guilt harms our mind and our bodies, and God has no need for anything that harms us. Her only desire is for our happiness.
I also believe, if one believes in God, that no life, no matter how short, is without purpose. I believe that even the aborted fetus (child), chose to have that experience. You see, just as the life of a brother murdered in a drive-by shooting, or a beloved grandparent dying, causes us to reflect on the meaning of that person in our lives, so, too, does the life of that unborn child.
My reflection on abortion has gotten me to the point where I don’t believe it is a matter of whether or not we have taken a life…because I don’t believe that life ever ends, and is, rather, something we will do again and again. My reflection has me at the same point you are…why do we even think that this child isn’t Life? Why do we value life, in general, so little? Or is it something more? Are we beginning to value ourselves, as women in particular, once again? Inappropriately, to be sure, but just as the abused becomes the abuser, couldn’t it be that women, given choices now, don’t know how to make those choices very well sometimes?
Or is the choice of abortion, and the purpose of those children, greater than even that? Is it so much about the child/mother, as it is about culture (government/big business/media…are they really separate?), and religion that got us to the point of even thinking that there is a need for this choice?
Let’s back up to before the point of making the decision to abort. What would have to change in a woman’s life to change this decision?
I believe what would have to change is that no woman, married or not, would ever be reviled, or thought to be sinful or wrong in their choice to carry a child to full term. Nor would she be made wrong for choosing to give that child up for adoption. I believe that when every woman knows that they will not be thrown into poverty because they have a child, or be given, essentially, second class citizenship, they will have those children. And if abortion is to be something that no one ever chooses, then we must believe, as I mentioned earlier, that we lose nothing when we die…so dying in the act of birthing would not be considered anything but a natural continuation of life…of the mother’s and the child’s.
I, with all of my heart, believe what CWG says regarding “right’ and “wrong”. There is no right and wrong, only what works and doesn’t work. Abortion IS working to get the conversation going…but it is NOT working as something we should choose once we have our moment of enlightenment on the topic, individually, then, hopefully, collectively.
These changes in our world can happen. I believe that there are so many abortions now, because these little unborn souls are choosing to get this dialog going. I think that extremists (political, religious) , are currently monopolizing this conversation, turning it into a distorted dialog…that is tied up in the larger agenda of money/control, and until the dialog turns to how we think about ourselves, in relation to one another and to Divinity, it will continue to be a point that will never be universally resolved. The issue of abortion, for me, is also representative of how we are re-thinking the killing another human being…period. If it is not okay to end the life of an unborn child, how is it okay to end the life of a “born” child…through war? via the death penalty? We are having to ask ourselves why is the temporal deemed so valuable as to justify offering up human lives to possess?
However, it is people like you and I, who will, ultimately, effect this change. As I said in the column you referred to, I believe that WE are the leaders who will change the world, and we have to stop waiting for others to change it for us! Change ourselves, change the person next to us, change the whole darn world! (Shades of Mother Teresa and Ghandi!)
Georgia, this is a very timely topic, and one with which many struggle, especially those who have had an abortion. I thank you SO much for your input about this. My thoughts about abortion have been floating around for about a month, and now I know why! Thank you for giving me the opportunity to express them. You might also consider that without your experience with abortion, this column might not have been written, and others would not know your thoughts…and your thoughts could be part of the shift in this world we seek.
Oh, one last thing…I agree that today’s news is very skewed and full of agenda, but that might just be a good thing, because it is, at least, very transparent now. We definitely know who is the liberal and who is the conservative etc. My generation (baby boomer), had very censored news in its own way. Neale might have gotten more “face time”, but I doubt he would have been accepted. (But I get what you are saying…take the more transparency and lay it over today) The point of any of the generations is that we must think for ourselves, and the best way to “think” for ourselves, is to feel what any input does to our bodies. “Truth” and “Lie” feel very different in our bodies, but we have been taught to ignore our body for a very long time…way before your generation or mine. Now is the time to teach our own children something different, don’t you think?
Therese
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net . She may be contacted at: Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: ChangingChange.net offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
Dear Therese,
I had dreams and plans that had to be put on hold because of family circumstances. I made promises that I sincerely wish to keep, but I, none the less, find my mind wandering to those dreams and plans more and more. I don’t want to back out on my promises to others, but I would really like the opportunity to follow my dreams. What can I do?
Darla in Fargo, ND
Polonius:
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Hamlet Act 1, scene 3, 78-82
Dear Darla,
In CWG terms, betrayal of yourself, so as not to betray another, is the greatest betrayal of all.
Why? Because there is no other. When you betray yourself, your giving is tinged with the energy of betrayal in all you do. You serve no one as well as you think you are serving them. In some way the people to whom you made the promises know that you are giving from your lack and not your fullness…and that means they know that at least some piece of you is far away from them.
It has been my experience that when I finally let go of the notion that I am the only one that can do something, or that I only have one way of fulfilling my promises, those promises have a way of still being kept! One way of importance is that I enable others to step in and take the burden off, enabling them to demonstrate their greatness.
When we think that we are the only ones who can do something, or that there is only one way of having dreams fulfilled, we get frustrated. We move into expectation instead of preference, which is so very limiting…and why do we keep limiting a limitless Universe?
Perhaps you could give a thought to fulfilling your dreams where you are? Have you looked at the possibility of combining old and new dreams? Maybe you can include the people to whom you made promises in your dreams? Maybe they are ready for an adventure? Consider, also, that you are where you are for a reason, if only for now. What are you being called to look at?
Of equal importance in this process is this: Once you have decided it is time to be true to yourself, you must also tell the truth to yourself. Admit all of the negative as well as the positive emotions surrounding this. You may find that there is something entirely different than you think driving your feelings. When you tell the truth to yourself, Darla, then, when you talk of changes to the others you wish not to betray, they will know they are hearing the truth. This does not mean that they will react in a positive way necessarily, but it does mean that they will know, if only on their soul level (only??), that you are being true to yourself, and by extension, them.
Finally, be Grateful for it all.
Gratitude for all that is, is the engine that drives what is to come. Yes, difficult sometimes, but can’t we all look back at our lives and see how something that seemed “not good” at the time, turned out to have one heck of a silver lining? Look for that silver lining right now. If you can not see it, know that it does exist!
I know that’s a lot to take in, Darla, so take things as slowly as you wish right now, and when/if the time is right to make a change trust yourself. It may be kind of scary, but know that it is also an adventure, and an opportunity to experience Life as fully as you can!
Therese
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net . She may be contacted at: Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: ChangingChange.net offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
Dear Advice,
I have been blessed by the teachings that Neale and other like-minded souls have provided. I was wondering what I can do about my situation. I am currently in the military, and I have a wife and three children. I don’t like war, but I’m about to get deployed to Korea for a possible conflict. I am determined to let God work through me, but I experience sadness when I think about the potential violence and death that could happen in Korea. I was deployed to Afghanistan a few years ago, and the trauma of war is terrible. The military is my physical source of income, and it appears to be the only option for supporting my family. I feel some guilt because of my occupation, and what it causes me to potentially do; however, my wife and children need a loving, providing father. My wife is partially disabled as well, so her working at a job is partially unreasonable.
Thank you for your answers,
G.M.G., El Paso,TX
Dear GMG,
As you know, there are no easy answers to this one. There are the physical and the spiritual, and there is how to combine them.
The current reality is, as I see it, that you have a legal contract with the U.S. Government. I took the liberty of contacting a very good friend of mine, who is an ex Staff Sargent, to ask him what he would counsel. His first thought was to suggest that you go to your unit’s chaplain and approach the subject with him (knowing the military, it might even be prudent to do the “hypothetically, if a person felt…” thing), and see what he/she might say about how to become a conscientious objector. This may not be possible, though, since your deployment to S. Korea is not considered in a conflict area at this point.
Now, should you wish to, and are able to, pursue any track that gets you out of the military before your tour is up, it could cause you to lose your benefits as well, which, given your family situation does make your decision much more complicated. Since going to Korea is usually a 1-year unaccompanied tour, I assume you have at least that left? Might you have been in long enough to “retire”?
However, we now move to the spiritual side…we often say we have no choice in the matter, when, in fact, we really do have a choice. We just don’t like accepting the consequences of what one choice would be. We are, also, conditioned to make the “easy” choice, even though that choice may just be delaying making the choice we really should make, or is simply the one we have been told is the “right” choice. Often, even though something nags at us, we do what others…culture, religion, government, family, friends…tell us is the right thing to do, rather than what our gut tells us would really work for us, on a level too often not worked into the mix…our soul level.
I am going to suggest you also reach out to your family. If you haven’t already, sit down with your wife, and your children (if they are old enough to understand), and tell them how you are feeling. Discuss that a huge part of your decision rests in what you perceive your responsibility is to them. GMG, there is a real possibility that they don’t expect you to do something that is harming you in this way. I would let them know what your vision is of what you would like to do, and why, and ask them how they would create your vision. If you would like them to be part of you life, it can only work if they have a voice in what that life looks like, and how it gets created. Remember…they are on this journey with you, co-creating with you. Remember, too, that children, because they don’t have all of the clutter of culture, religion and more, often have the greatest insights!
So, how do you apply the Spiritual knowing you have growing in you…you don’t like war…to all of these real (in the physical level) aspects of your life?
I believe you have to move to the first level of truth telling. Tell the truth about yourself to yourself. Someone recently put it to me this way: The highest virtue is being truthful. What “works” for us doesn’t always look compatible with our physical circumstances. Telling the truth to ourselves, about what we are feeling, will often make us feel isolated from what the world says we should feel. However, when we are truthful with ourselves, it opens the door for all possibilities to appear.
Then we have to make sure that we put no boundaries around possibilities! We do that so very often by having a very specific view of what the solution to a problem should look like. We most often want that road of least resistance, when it is the messy road that our soul tells us we should take. When you are truthful with yourself, you will know what the “right” road is. That’s what gut feelings are all about. Our bodies connect the mind and the soul.
And then there are your children. What do you wish to example to your children? What do you feel you are exampling now? What do you think you would example by doing something different? Which would have the most positive long-term benefit to your children…and your wife…and you?
Having said all of that, let me conclude with this: There are no “right” and “wrong” choices to be made here. As CWG states, there is only what works and doesn’t work. We get to define what “works” for us. Sometimes things that once worked don’t any longer. Sometimes what would never have seemed like a possibility in our lives, is now the perfect choice, if not the easiest choice. And knowing what that perfect choice is comes from, yup, telling the truth about ourselves, to ourselves.
I am now going to suggest that you find some time to just sit quietly and meditate. I am going to suggest a very simple meditation. Begin at the top of your head and just feel every inch of your body…from the top down, and then back up again. When you have a thought (and you will!) don’t judge it, simply acknowledge it, thank it, and move on. The same thing for body sensations…notice, thank, move on. Do not linger in the thought or sensation. Do this for 15 minutes to 1 hour. It may be difficult to go more than 15 minutes the first time or two.
Why do I suggest you do this? Because doing this brings your mind fully, and only, into the present moment. It eliminates the clutter for that brief period of time…and does much the same thing as rebooting your computer does. It gives your mind a chance to de-clutter and and allows for the possibility of new thoughts.
GMG, I would also like to invite you to join The Changing Change Network at www.changingchange.net . This is the website Neale Donald Walsch created to support the book “When Everything Changes, Change Everything.” The membership is free. The book, in its entirety, is on the site to read…for free. And, most importantly of all, there are volunteer Spiritual Helpers there who will dialogue with you about moving through dramatic change in your life…and I think this is a pretty dramatic time for you right now. It has some pretty powerful stuff, that can help you find your answers.
Finally, I would ask you to be kind to yourself, no matter what decision you make. You have had a lifetime of data, and changing your thoughts about that data will not always happen overnight. Just know that you are on the “when you know better, you do better” path, and that is enough.
Therese
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net . She may be contacted at: Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
An additional resource: ChangingChange.net offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services. The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions. What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God. It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.
Has your life been changed by the message of Conversations With God? Do you wish there was some way you could share how the message worked, and helped you in your life, with others?
There is a way.
Neale Donald Walsch has written a remarkable book that takes the messages of CWG and overlays it on everyday situations and circumstances in life. The book — titled When Everything Changes, Change Everything — provides a complete technology for addressing life challenges with a remarkable combination of modern day psychology and contemporary spirituality.
This deeply insightful text is supported by a website staffed exclusively by volunteers. The website is called The Changing Change Network, because it has created a network of people around the world who are dedicated to being there for others in a spiritually supportive way. The site can be found at www.changingchange.net
The purpose of this helping outreach is to “change the way change changes you” when a person is experiencing a negative response to a major, unexpected, unwanted change in their life. The website fulfills a promise that Neale made in his book: You never have to go through traumatic change in your life alone.
He promised to create a site that would be staffed with volunteers who would answer, within 24 hours, any person posting a call for help regarding a sudden change in their life. (Go to www.changingchange.net to see what I’m talking about.)
The Spiritual Helper volunteers assist people in finding practical spiritual tools to use in times of extreme change. These volunteers know the material in Conversations with God and When Everything Changes, Change Everything intimately, and commit two days a month to being the first responder when a person posts a question about how to go through their dramatic change. The Helper also commits to being the “back up” for another Helper for two other days per month.
This is a wonderful opportunity to enter into a true spiritual ministry. And you don’t have to worry about “not knowing how to do this.” Once a month Neale holds a training call to answer questions you may have about CWG in general, about how its messages apply to the problems and challenges which people discuss on the site, and about ways that you might best respond and interact on the site. In addition, once a year Neale offers the Spiritual Helpers free on-site participation as a back-of-the-room observer at one of his spiritual renewal retreats, and works with the Spiritual Helpers in private sessions during the retreat, exploring in highly personal discussions everything he knows about the CWG messages and how to apply themto people in the group who are seeking spiritual growth.
So, I ask you: Do you feel called to help others, but just don’t know how? Do you know the Conversations with God material, realize its power, and wish to share it? Do you have a little extra time?
Perhaps you were attracted to CWG for a reason. Perhaps you are being given the opportunity to be a Spiritual Helper.
Interested? Go to www.changingchange.net and see if you can imagine yourself there as one of our Spiritual Helpers. You can even begin to offer gentle spiritual counsel before becoming an “official” member of the Spiritual Helper team. (Members of the general public often do.) Then, if you feel the impulse to offer your help more often, and on a regular basis that can be counted on, write to: spiritualhelpers@changingchange.net and offer your commitment to check into the site two days a month to see if anybody new has posted, and to respond within 24 hours if someone has.
It’s as simple — and as wonderful — as that. The Changing Change Network is a global network of people “being there” for other people. If you have been feeling the impulse to look for your spiritual ministry in the world, you may have just found it.
Let us know. And thanks for reading this.
Therese Wilson
Global Director
The Changing Change Network
Dear Therese,
I see Neale, and others, talking about world peace, but I sure don’t see much peace around me these days. I hear them talking, talking, talking, but what am I supposed to do? Where are the leaders like Martin Luther King and Ghandi and Mandela for NOW, and for moving forward? Who is going to lead ME? I am confused as to what I can do!
Jason in Detroit
Dear Jason,
I think any rational person sometimes takes a look around at this world and feels hopeless. The energy does feel pretty overwhelming. But here’s what I believe. I believe that there may never be “leaders” in the same manner there were in the past. I think they had their place in space and time, and were necessary, because it wasn’t time for the next step…for ALL of us to be leaders.
We no longer require a specific leader to be the genesis of change. In fact, we no longer have to know just who was the first to promote and work for an idea, because now an idea whose time has come can spread across the world in seconds with no one having to know who first thought it.
It does mean that we all get to choose, instantly, whether or not we are going to “Be the change we wish to see.” Are we going to follow the example of those brave souls who were recognized as leaders, and allow them continue to lead us into our own power?
We can choose how we feel about it all. We can choose to give up and just let it all happen, or we can choose to do something about what we see. For me, even if I never “succeed” at changing the world, just the fact that I don’t give up gives my life purpose and meaning. I will know, at the very least, that I have exampled for my children, and grandchildren, what I feel the world should look like…and maybe THEY will be the ones who change things.
In any case, we could all, literally, because all of the negativity of this world, stay in bed, under the covers, and be depressed, or we could choose to talk to everyone we meet with a smile on our faces, engage them in conversation, and let all know that we are doing our best to live differently than the energy we feel around us. We could invite them to join us by simply living our lives joyously, and encouraging them to live their lives as joyously as possible as well!
And lead. By our own example and power.
And maybe you, or I, will be the genesis of the next great paradigm shift…and never have to know it.
We may be the first Domino. (Hey, it could happen!)
When a waitress or waiter asks me if they can do anything else for me, I always say, “Yes, you can give me peace!”, and then a conversation (short or long) ensues about how each of us must first create peace in ourselves, and how peace spreads from our own peacefulness. I actually had a really long conversation about just that when I went out to dinner yesterday! And I have the conversation in grocery stores and when standing in lines. As a matter of fact, if someone really wants to talk, the one question that really gets the conversation going comes from right here, The Global Conversation.
“How is it that 7 billion people, all claiming to want the same things…are not able to achieve them?” (By the way, have you read Neale’s book, “The Storm Before the Calm”?)
I believe that “talking, talking, talking” really is the answer, but it has to move off the page and into our personal being and radiate outward to our own corners of the world first.
So don’t be afraid to be confused. It is my opinion that being confused, being mad, or being afraid are all simply signals that we should look at things in a different way…because if the current way is making you confused/angry/afraid, it obviously isn’t really working for you! Consider, if you will, what might work for you. In what way might you be getting called to lead?
Therese
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net, which offers spiritual assistance from a team of Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less, and offers insight, suggestions, and companionship during moments of unbidden, unexpected, unwelcome change on the journey of life. She may be contacted at Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
