Author: Therese Wilson

I have a chance to take a good job offer in another city, but it means possibly having to end my relationship, because my lover and companion does not want to leave where we are now, for lots of reasons. His own good job is here, and also, his children. They are fully grown, but he does maintain a friendship relationship with them. I hate to lose this relationship, but I hate to lose this career opportunity, too. Any thoughts? Barbara M., Peoria, Illiinois

Dear Barbara…CWG suggests that you ask yourself two questions regarding any relationship:
1.Where am I going?
2. Who’s going with me?

In that order.

“Where am I going?” implies that you must listen to yourself…to honor those “gut” feelings.  A simple way of doing this is to sit quietly for a moment.  Take a few deep breaths, then say, out loud:  “I am going to take the job.”

Pay attention: what are the sensations in your body?

Next, say, “I am going to stay where I am.”

Pay attention:  what does your body say about this?

This is important, because you should only decide things in relationships based on mutually decided goals…you should never dictate your life by what other people feel is “right” for you.  You must know, and stand in, your truth.  Which leads to the second question:

Who’s going with me?  If your companion has the same goals for the relationship, he will follow–even if what he is following is your decision to stay. Or he may ask you to stay where you are, which is just as “fair” as you asking him if he will to go with you. Both actions are legitimate demonstrations that he has the same goals for the relationship as you do. So, it still means you must know where you are going, and why.  In other words, what part of your Divinity do you choose to express, staying or going?

If, dear one, you would like to know more about what Conversations With God has to say about relationships, I would suggest you go to Book 1, Chapter 8. Just a snippet:

     You have no obligation in relationship, You have only opportunity.

     Opportunity, not obligation, is the cornerstone of religion, the basis of all spirituality. So long as you see it the other way around you will have missed the point.

     Relationship – your relationship to all things – was created as your perfect tool in the work of the soul. That is why relationships are sacred ground. It is why every personal relationship is holy. Never do anything in a relationship out of a sense of obligation. Do whatever you do out of a sense of the glorious opportunity your relationship affords you to decide, and to be, Who You Really Are….. long-term relationships do hold remarkable opportunities for mutual growth, mutual expression, and mutual fulfillment – and that has its own reward.

 Therese

(Therese Wilson is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net, which offers spiritual assistance from a team of Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less, and offering insight, suggestions, and companionship during moments of unbidden, unexpected, unwelcome change on the journey of life.  She may be contacted at Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)

(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to:  Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)

I’m 53 and I’m losing hope of ever finding peace in my life. It seems it has been nothing but a string of challenges, defeats, and losses since I was 25. After more than a quarter century of this, I am done. I don’t understand why my life has been life this. What have I done wrong? I try to follow all of the “teachings” (affirmations, medication, visualization, etc.), but it seems to get me nowhere. I need help, and a reason to even bother trying. — LJ, Denver, Colorado

Dear L.J….There is likely nothing I can say that will make all of these feelings go away over night, but I am going to suggest a starting point that worked for me…change your way of viewing the events of your life.  They are, as much as they may seem to the contrary, not defeats and losses!

Might there be another you could view these “challenges”?  Perhaps as “opportunities”?  Perhaps as things to be grateful for?  I get, L.J., that the last thing one usually feels in the middle of the drama of life is grateful, but taking a moment to see if there is some way any situation could be looked at through the eyes of gratitude does a couple of things for me…it makes me stop, in the moment, and stop participating in the drama, and it gives me the opportunity (there’s that word!) to decide how I feel about what is going on.  Not what other people think about it, not what I am told I should think about it, but how I think about the event.  Usually I become a little more clear about who I wish to be from that point forward.

There is no formula, L.J, no “teaching” that will be the magic bullet, until you trust what you already know…that you have done nothing wrong.  I believe, as CWG states, that there are no mistakes, darling one.  No right or wrong.  Only what works and what doesn’t work.  Knowing what hasn’t worked in our lives is the only way to know what does…the light and dark, yin/yang of things you know.  When you know better, you do better.  “Knowing better” isn’t a solo journey of the mind, it must be accompanied on the path with body and soul.

So, I would ask you to look at your life through the lens of what did work.  You are obviously on a spiritual path or you would not be in this space today.  Is it possible that you would not be on this journey if you hadn’t experienced your life just as it unfolded?  Can you now consider that you might be able to change your mind about things going forward?  I hope so, because it has been my experience that when I see the joy in the past, and I am grateful for all that is my now…my future unfolds in astonishing ways!  Even in the middle of what others might see as horrible, I am calm, and, yes, happy with exactly where I am.  (Well, I can’t lie!  I am usually calm, etc.!  Believe me, I do still have my moments, but they are far fewer.)

If, L.J., you would like to have more of a discussion about this, with more people than just me, see the information below.

Therese

(Therese Wilson is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net, which offers spiritual assistance from a team of Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less, and offering insight, suggestions, and companionship during moments of unbidden, unexpected, unwelcome change on the journey of life.  She may be contacted at Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)

(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to:  Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)