Author Archive
I have a book in me that is ready to come out, it’s something I’ve been wanting to do ever since I was in my early twenties and knew I wanted to be of service to this planet. I feel like I am going to burst with enthusiasm and joy for this project, yet I am also stuck because I am terrified it won’t happen and I have no idea how to go about this process. How do I allow this book to come to fruition without getting in my own way, as in trying to talk myself out of it, putting it off, staying inspired, etc.? This is so important to me, and I don’t want to lose this momentum I feel.
Sam, Colorado
Hi Sam,
Congratulations, that’s great! And I get where you’re at – oftentimes in the same instance that brilliance and inspiration strike, fear, doubt and confusion as to how to proceed also enter the picture. This is of course normal but it doesn’t have to be your long-term experience with this project that’s so near and dear to your heart. I happen to have a client who is well into the writing process of his own book that is bursting out of him, but he started right where you are. While I’m no expert in book-writing, I do have some ideas and suggestions that have been very helpful for him, myself, and many others I know. Below are some tips that will hopefully help you out in remaining in alignment with this project, maintaining your energy and passion for it, and of course, help you finish it. Furthermore, these tips can be applied to anything you are working on that is of importance to you and you’d like to see come to fruition.
First of all, ideas, inspiration, motivation, and creativity all come from a place of alignment, or being centered and connected. When we’re in alignment, we have access to everything we need to create; when we’re out of alignment, we can only see about 6 inches in front of our faces and have very limited access (i.e. we feel uninspired, unmotivated, at a loss as to what to do, etc.). My advice would be to make being in alignment your top priority throughout this process (and all of life, really!), especially before each and every time you sit down to write. For example, many authors I know meditate, exercise or go for a walk outside, pray, practice gratitude or do all of the above before sitting down to write. It raises their vibration and gets them in a state of flow and receiving, and good things always come from that!
A great tip that was given to me by a certain best-selling author you may have heard of, this guy Neale Donald Walsch (wink wink), was to set sort of a sacred time to write as well as a minimum of time you are going to write for each day. For example, writing in the morning for at least 15 minutes a day. If you end up writing for longer than that, great, if just the 15 minutes, then that’s great, too. He also gave me the tip to never stop at the end of a chapter or paragraph, or even at the end of a sentence for that matter. Give yourself a place to easily pick up from. I thought that was brilliant. No wonder this guy has published so many books, eh?
Finally, one thing I have done as well as the client I mentioned earlier, is to give yourself a “writing retreat”, as in remove yourself from the everyday distractions and go somewhere simply to write for a few days. For example, my next writing retreat is 2 days at hotel where I will also pamper myself and spend some time relaxing (that’s how I happen to get my greatest inspiration and work done). In other words, make this fun and pleasurable! Carry that initial energy of excitement, enthusiasm, joy and passion forward as much as you can.
Can’t wait to read your book, Sam, be sure and let us know when it’s done!
(Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling. She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
I am a 28-year-old Indian woman. I am quite attractive and a very loving person but have never been in a romantic relationship. For some reason, the people whom I have fallen for have never reciprocated my love. In India, marriages may also be arranged by your friends or family. I really want to have love in my life, but I want it to come naturally. I do not want to look for a partner or go for an arranged marriage. I am really confused as to whether I should make a conscious effort, like joining a matrimonial site, or do I wait for love to come by? I really can’t imagine getting married to a person whom I do not love…please guide.
Pilar, India
Hi Pilar,
First of all, thank you for reaching out, for listening to the voice of your soul and being brave enough to ask if there is another way to find love that is more in alignment with who you really are, as well as how to find it. The answer to your question of whether or not to go actively searching for it or wait for love to come by is…neither. Instead, here are two other approaches that I’m going to offer you today, Pilar:
One of the greatest messages from Conversations with God is that if there is something you’d like to experience in life, the quickest way to do so is to give it away, give it to another. The very act of doing so is a statement to the Universe that it is yours to give, and in the actual giving of it, you are indeed experiencing that thing you said you wanted to experience. For example, for someone who wants to experience being rich, sharing what little they do have with someone who has even less can produce a tremendous experience of being rich. Now, in the situation of intimate love, this can be kind of challenging. It doesn’t necessarily mean going around telling everyone you see that you’re in love with them (unless, of course, that serves you). Instead, it means fully expressing all kinds of love – to your family, your friends, your pets, your fellow humans walking their own path. It also means giving yourself the experience of being in love with you. Treat yourself with the same love, appreciation, respect, kindness and tenderness that you would your significant other. Take the time to express that love to yourself, through loving thoughts, words, and deeds. You see, what happens when you do this is that your focus is shifted towards love itself, versus the perceived lack of it in your life, and via the process of creation, you can’t help but call forth more of it into your life.
The second approach is an approach that I would offer, no matter what the external challenge or problem, is to first of all stop worrying about how to make it happen (in other words, get out of the energy of the problem, as no solution is ever available in the same energy the problem exists in), and to go within and focus on your own alignment. Neale calls this your “soul’s agenda” and offers the powerful question, “What does this thing (problem, choice, situation, etc.) have to do with my soul’s agenda?” When you are living from your soul’s agenda, or living from a place of alignment, everything else quite literally comes together. It works itself out. In other words, love finds you, you don’t have to find it. By the consistent attention to and raising of your own vibration, you open the door to allowing all of the things you desire in life to come through, and, in the process, you get to experience all of those feelings you thought you could experience only in the having of something external to you. You get to experience them right here, right now. It’s incredible.
So what does that look like, this alignment thing, or how do you tune into your soul’s agenda? By focusing your attention inward, through meditation, journaling, practicing daily gratitude, whatever you resonate with that allows you to connect to that source within. But here’s the key: do so consistently. Sometimes even the simple posing of the powerful question “what does this have to do with my soul’s agenda?” or even “what would my soul do here?”, without consciously trying to answer it, is enough to shift your attention, and the answer appears right exactly when it needs to.
Try the above approaches, Pilar, and much love to you in the process.
(Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling. She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
I have a counseling practice, and I help a lot of people on a day to day basis. I’ve followed the Conversations with God material for years and incorporate it in my work at every opportunity. Part of my job is to show my clients how wonderful they are, what a gift they are to the world, and that they are not their “problems.” What I’m having trouble with is getting myself to believe that about myself. I seem to have this resistance to accepting anything good about me, and every time a client thanks me for changing their life, tells me how great I am, I am quick to turn it back to them, make it about them. I just have such a hard time acknowledging the good things about myself, no matter where they come from, without feeling conceited or arrogant. I know there’s some learning for me here, and I’m more than open to hearing your thoughts, please!
Savannah, N. Carolina
Hi Savannah,
Bless your heart for the work you do. I know you do much more than what you’ve just outlined for us but that part is perhaps one of the most important gifts you can give to others. And you’re very wise for recognizing that you haven’t yet given it to yourself, and that there is some “learning” here for you.
We have been conditioned for years by our parents, grandparents, churches, and all sorts of sources to not speak well of ourselves, to not brag or boast, etc. Along with that we all know a person or two who can’t seem to get enough of talking about themselves and how great they are, which can often be received as annoying and we say that person is “full of him/herself”. Between those two factors and probably many others, it’s quite normal for you to have this resistance to acknowledging yourself and owning your own magnificence, and you’re certainly not alone in that (just think of all the clients that come to you!). But it doesn’t have to be that way, and the other side of the coin holds gifts and opportunities beyond measure, and not just for you.
In my experience and observations a person who brags all the time and comes across as arrogant and conceited is actually overcompensating for something, and you can smell it a mile away. However, it is quite a beautiful thing to witness someone who is indeed “full of him/herself” in the way I believe God intended for us to be, in such a way that couldn’t possibly be interpreted as arrogance or conceit, but instead a joyful experience of a person owning and loving who they are without apology. I’m guessing you know a person or two who has accomplished this as well, yes? And, being that you’ve undoubtedly helped facilitate this process in others, you’ve seen the incredible impact this kind of self-love and appreciation has not only in the individual’s life, but the lives of their loved ones and even the world at large. You see, Savannah, it is not only in our best interest to acknowledge and own the beauty and brilliance that each of is, it is our responsibility. It is our gift to the world.
So this begs the question, what on earth are you waiting for?
Here’s an exercise to help you:
~ Make a list of your own magnificence. List as many things you can think of that are great, wonderful, and extraordinary about you, and do so without a thought towards sounding arrogant.
~ Write or talk about 3 examples where your magnificence really came in and brought about something very powerful for another soul.
~ Also, from a future perspective, ask yourself the following: what will it mean for you to fully engage your magnificence? What will it mean for your life, the lives of the people you’re in contact with, and the world at large?
This is a profound exercise. In fact, my own coach just gave it to me as my homework recently, and I have already given it to two of my own clients. So complete it first for yourself, Savanna, and then pass it on. Let’s see just how many people we can get to own their own magnificence, to see and live the very best parts of themselves freely and with joy. The benefits of this are literally endless.
— “Accept yourself. Love yourself just as you are. Your finest work, your best moments, your joy, peace, and healing come when you love yourself. You give a great gift to the world when you do that. You give others permission to do the same: to love themselves. Revel in self love. Roll in it. Bask in it, as you would the sunshine.” ~ Melody Beattie —
(Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling. She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
I have a co-worker who I just don’t get along with. I do my best to be nice, have tried the “kill her with kindness” approach, but I have to admit I am getting sucked into the drama of it all more and more. I don’t like having a relationship like this in my life, I sometimes dread going to work because I don’t want to have to interact with her, and I certainly don’t like the way I act sometimes because of it (gossiping, complaining, acting less than my highest self). I’m not exactly sure what the problem is, I think our personalities just don’t match, but it’s beginning to drive me crazy because it’s taking up so much of my energy! How do I make this problem go away?
Janelle, TX
Hi Janelle,
On this day of your life, I believe God wants you to know…
…that you cannot hope to solve any problem using the
same energy that created the problem.
Whether it’s the endless wars in the world or the
unending quarrels and fighting in your own home, the
problem is the same: conflicting energy. If you want
to change the outcome, change the energy.
The extraordinary aspect of this solution is that you
do not have to wait for the other party in order
to do it.
Do you receive the daily emails from Neale? If not, I highly recommend them, you can sign up at www.nealedonaldwalsch.com. Anyway, the above quote is from the email sent out today, actually, and I believe it addresses your question perfectly. In other words, you cannot fix a problem from inside the problem. You must move outside of it, and actually shift your attention away from it. This approach is difficult for most to understand, because it can appear to be avoidance, and we have been conditioned in our society to attack a problem head on.
I assure you that shifting your attention is actually not avoiding it. It’s “changing the energy”, as Neale articulates above. When we change the energy, we are giving ourselves access to more information, broader perspectives, and yes, solutions. And, as also articulated above, you do not have to wait for the other party in order to do it. This is another great demonstration of how you can always control your experience of something, even if you can’t control the event itself.
So how exactly do we change the energy? What does that look like?
It looks like shifting your attention to things that feel better, to things you can control. You may not be able to control what your co-worker says or does, but you can most certainly choose what you say and do. You may not be able to choose how your co-worker perceives you, but you can most certainly choose how you perceive her. Instead of focusing your attention on what you don’t like about her, consciously focus your attention on what you do like about her. And I get it, that may be difficult at first, but I urge you to give it a try. Even the smallest of things, do you like her hair color? Perhaps she has a nice smile, or she actually does her job really well. Furthermore, shift your attention to things you like about yourself, who are you being when you feel you are being your higher self? What are you grateful for in your life? In your job? What things in your life are occurring that you wouldn’t label as “a problem”?
All of these things, including other things such as meditating, journaling, spending time with people you love, doing things you love to do, help shift the energy. And, while it may appear that you are not directly addressing the problem, you’re right, you’re not. In other words, you are no longer looking at it as a problem, and in time, it no longer is experienced as a problem. Trust me, I’ve seen it happen time and time again.
One more thought for you, Janelle: when you find yourself thinking about this co-worker, try just sending her positive, loving energy, just as she is. Silently bless her, and show her the greatest demonstration of love possible by allowing her to walk the path her soul has chosen to walk at this point. Remember, in the largest picture, your soul and her soul have already made an agreement to help each other out in this lifetime, to give each other a certain experience of yourselves through one another. For a deeper explanation of this, check out “The Little Soul and the Sun”, by Neale Donald Walsch.
(Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling. She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
I am newly married and a few months in, and I’m loving the married life! I haven’t noticed much has changed, really, except for one thing – my husband and I are definitely not on the same wavelength when it comes to money. We recently moved into a new house and now have the whole mortgage and budgeting thing going on, and I now see that we operate entirely differently when it comes to money: I am a go with the flow, trust that things will work out type of person who definitely does not enjoy making sacrifices, and he is a follow the budge to a “t” kind of a guy. This has caused some tension between us, and I’m not sure what to do about it because I don’t even like talking about money! I definitely don’t want this to be a bigger problem though, or drive us apart, so I need some advice.
Kristi, Jacksonville
Hi Kristi,
Congrats on your marriage, and let me acknowledge you for bringing this issue to the light before it becomes a bigger problem. You’re right, money can definitely be difficult to talk about for a lot of people, and it happens to be the number one thing that couples fight about, and incidentally, one of the top reasons for divorce. Let’s avoid that, shall we?
So, what most people don’t realize is that money is just energy, like everything else. What we believe about it, how we think about it, speak of it, interact with it, etc., all contributes to our experience of it. So the first place I’d like to direct you is to what your current idea of money is. Do you believe money is bad, the root of all evil, limited, is earned in large quantities only by those who have either inherited it or work unGodly long hours and are miserable anyway? Or do you believe that there is enough out there for everyone, that we are all deserving of large amounts of abundance of all kinds? If you are unsure, a good place to look is what you heard a lot of growing up. We were sponges as children and it was very easy to unconsciously inherit the beliefs about money that our parents had. For example, if you saw your parents fighting and worrying about money all the time, you’re likely to grow up feeling stressful about money, not wanting to talk about it, avoiding the topic altogether or fighting about it with your spouse, not to mention having the experience of not having a lot of it.
The good news is that a belief is just a thought you continue to think, and it is entirely possible to change that thought. And that brings me to step 2: once you’ve acknowledged what your current beliefs/ideas about money are, decide whether or not they are serving you, and if you decide they aren’t, choose a new belief you’d like to have about money, one that does serve you. Next, begin creating new habits that are in alignment with this new belief. For example, say you’ve chosen to believe that money is wonderful and there’s enough to go around for everyone. Some habits you may choose to adopt may be only saying good things about money and avoiding complaining about it, saying a prayer of thanks every time you pay a bill because you have the money to pay for such luxuries as heat and electricity or your cell phone, and you enjoy them all. You could even start a dialogue with your husband about what his beliefs are about money, letting him know that although it’s been a difficult topic for you to talk about in the past, you’d like to be able to talk about it together and find a place in your finances that you both can feel good about.
But I encourage you, Kristi, to start with yourself. When you get into vibrational alignment with Who You Really Are in relation to any topic in life, it has a way of making everything come together without much effort on your part at all. And everything I gave you above are great ways to come into alignment around money. Look for what you appreciate about money, not what you dislike about it or feel helpless about. Share what you do have with others lovingly and joyfully, now that’s a wonderful way to feel and experience your own abundance. Look for what is currently working for you around money and share that with your husband, giving him the space to share what works for him around it. Marriage is definitely about being willing to love and grow with each other not just through the good times, but through the challenging ones. And this could be a wonderful opportunity for the two of you to grow closer and more intimate in ways you haven’t yet.
(Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling. She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
What do you do with the stuff that easily triggers anger? I’m an easy going, peaceful and loving person, but I have my moments where I lose it, like when my kids throw tantrums or are exceptionally whiny, or someone treats me with disrespect. I get that we are all human and anger is a natural emotion, but in these situations it just feels awful and I always regret it. How do we show up as who we really are in those moments? I sometimes feel like a terrible person!
Martha, San Francisco
Hi Martha,
Great question, and I think we can all relate to it. I’m glad you used the example of “losing it” with your kids, because those blessed little creatures sure know how to push our buttons and make us feel the furthest thing from spiritually evolved (coming from a mother of a “lively” 3 year old). I’m going to use this example as I explain why we have some strong emotional responses that don’t feel so great sometimes as well as how to shift them.
Conversations with God discusses the concept of “giving meaning to things”, saying that nothing in this world has any meaning save the meaning we give it. So a thing is not “good” or “bad” by itself, it is simply a thing that is occurring and those who are observing this occurrence are the ones who assign the meaning of it being either a bad thing or a good thing. Now let’s apply this concept to the thing we call “kids throwing tantrums”, something I happen to be very familiar with, and I’ll speak from my point of view since I can’t reach into your mind to access yours.
The meaning I have assigned in the past to my child throwing a whopper of a tantrum (and total transparency here, please don’t judge!), looks something like this, “She is being so irrational right now for no reason, she is not listening to me which is disrespectful and undermines my parenting. And this is awful to experience!” The meaning I assigned that occurrence was making me feel bad, and triggering an emotional response of anger and irritation, which used to cause me either to raise my voice, get frustrated, things that certainly didn’t help the situation. Presently, I am happy to report that I’ve assigned this occurrence a new meaning, which looks something like this, “Wow, my little baby is having a difficult time right now, she’s clearly overwhelmed by something and doesn’t know how to manage her emotions yet. Poor thing!” This new meaning triggers my emotional response of compassion, which now causes me to practice patience, tolerance, and even scoop the little tyrant up and hug her until she calms down. Voila, my experience of this occurrence is now vastly different and much, much better for all involved, simply because I changed the way I was looking at it.
So I encourage you, Martha, to take a deep look at those common situations that occur in your life that trigger your anger. Ask yourself what meaning you are currently giving each of them, and then consciously assign them a new meaning that feels better to you. And then, of course, practice implementing them. You’re not a terrible person, you’re an amazing person for noticing something that you’re not in alignment with and wanting to change it.
(Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling. She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
My question deals with something that may sound trivial to others but is a serious challenge for me. I’m wondering what the spiritual approach to dealing with the harshness of winter would be? Although I have never officially been diagnosed with SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), I’d lay money down that I have it. I am happy, content and thriving throughout most of the year until these harsh winter months hit, especially after the holidays. All I seem to want to do is stay home, sleep, and disengage from life. It truly is a struggle, until spring comes and I’m back to my old self. I’m no longer okay with feeling awful for 3 months of the year for no good reason. There’s got to be another way, right?
~ Mark, North Dakota
Hi Mark,
There is always another way, because we are creative beings and have the ability to decide how we want to experience any given thing in life. And when co-created events show up that are seemingly out of our control – like harsh, cold, long winters (I’m from MN so I can soooooo relate to this) – we get the opportunity to decide how we are going to experience them as well as who we are in relationship to it.
So now, Mark, it is your turn to decide who you are in relationship to this thing called “the harshness of winter”, and create your experience of it. Don’t worry, I’m not just going to leave you with that, I’m going to help you out with “the how” part as well.
The very first step is to manage all of these thoughts and emotions you have because it’s winter, and the very best way I know of to do this is to engage in a daily practice, one that includes meditation (of any kind, whatever works for you) and gratitude (writing down at least 10 things each day that you are truly grateful for). Those two practices alone go such a long way in quieting the mind chatter and lowering external influences, because it shifts your focus on what is good and gets you centered and connected – always a great starting point when approaching anything in life. Plus, they raise your vibration and put you in a place of desire (creative) vs. a place of lack (resistant) for the next step, which is…
Decide and express who you are in relationship to winter harshness and how you’d like to experience it. Let go of any beliefs about how you’ve experienced it in the past, or how you think it has to be, put your focus on the way you’d like it to be for you, and then express that. For example, if you decide that you’re actually okay with hibernating for winter, then get some good books and/or movies, buy one of those “snuggie” blankets to curl up in, light a candle or start a fire in the fireplace, and enjoy the comforts of home. Quit making yourself wrong for it. On the other hand, if you decide you’d like to still be able to get out and about and be active during the winter, then make it a point to schedule some social dates with friends, sign up for a class, or plan a winter weekend getaway. Engage in winter activities like sledding, skating, or building a snowman, enlist a friend to join you and use each other as accountability partners. Make it a point to connect.
I used to despise the months of January and February here in Minnesota, they were so cold and so long and I never wanted to do anything. My experience nowadays is vastly different. I decided that I am naturally one who does slow down in the winter and hibernate a bit, I spend a lot of time in my cozy house (and yes I have a snuggie blanket) with my family and watch a lot of movies. And I love it. You see, I no longer make myself wrong for wanting to do those things, I embrace it. Incidentally I also decided that I wanted to be someone who enjoys winter, and while the latter is part of what I now enjoy about it, I also make it a point to schedule outings with my family and friends, and play in the snow with my 3 year old (something I previously also despised). And what makes this a sustainable choice and expression of who I am vs. a fleeting one? Those daily practices I spoke of as step one.
Although you may never have a direct say in the weather conditions of winter, Mark, you most certainly have a direct say in how you experience it from now on. And I don’t tell you this in theory, I tell you this from my direct experience. I even look forward to winter now, something my former self of a few years ago would have laughed in your face if she heard you say it.
P.S. I’ve also heard those sun lamps are great for those dealing with SAD, you may want to consider getting one, or making a commitment to spend time outside every day it happens to be sunny.
Nova
(Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling. She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
My friends and some of my family members think I am selfish because I am honest with them when I don’t want to do something or attend a function I’m invited to. They tell me I only think of myself, I only do things for myself, and that if I’m not careful I’m going to find myself all alone one day soon. I’m conflicted because I don’t want to hurt their feelings, or be disliked or alone, but I don’t feel I’m in the wrong for speaking my truth. How do I make them understand?
Julia, London
Hi Julia,
I’ve heard it be said that selfishness is the vibrational alignment with self, and that is never a bad thing. I happen to see selfishness as a good thing, actually, when used in the right context. Everyone is responsible for themselves, and most unhappiness comes from the belief that we are responsible for the happiness and well-being of others. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a wonderful thing to bring happiness and well-being to others, by doing so we receive the same thing. But the distinction lies is whether or not we are responsible to do so. We’re not. Each soul on this planet came here with its own agenda, to experience particular things, and each soul knows what it’s doing. Therefore, being “selfish”, or as I look at it, paying special attention to the soul’s desire or agenda, is not a bad thing at all.
So what if doing what’s best for you, or “being selfish” appears to hurt another? I’ve also heard it be said to “speak your truth, yet soothe your words with peace.” Take a moment to evaluate how you are speaking your truth to others. Do you sometimes come across as harsh, indignant, condescending maybe? If so, ask yourself how you can soothe your words with peace when expressing what you desire. In terms of “making them understand”, well, I’m afraid that’s just not possible, Julia. We can’t make anyone do anything – remember, it is not we who are responsible for the reaction of another, that is completely up to them. But there is great comfort and peace in knowing that you have been true to yourself, you have spoken your truth with great kindness and compassion, and have chosen to show up as authentically you, regardless of how another chooses to react. There is also great freedom in allowing another their own experience. It’s one of the best gifts you can give another.
Also keep in mind that when people are upset with you, or don’t like something you are doing, you are giving them the gift of deciding who they are in respect to that. And they’re reaction to you gives you the same opportunity. And finally, sometimes we simply “grow in a different direction” with some people in our lives, when the purpose of your relationship has been served. You may want to take a moment to ask yourself the difficult question of whether or not that applies to some of the people you are referring to. And if this continues to be in an issue, this lack of understanding one another, that is, with certain people who you’d like to keep in your life, consider getting some counseling or a mediator involved to help close that gap in understanding.
This isn’t an easy topic, this business of relating with those closest to us, it’s always a bit of a hot button. But remember that you are responsible for YOU and only you, and if you are making choices from a place of authenticity, honesty and alignment, than you’re doing pretty darn well as far as I’m concerned. Hope this helps.
P.S. You may want to read about the 5 Levels of Truth, covered in “When Everything Changes, Change Everything”. It offers great clarity around all of this speaking our truth to others business.
(Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling. She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
Instead of answering a question this week, I thought I’d share a very powerful New Year’s ritual you may want to try to properly say goodbye to this significant year, and embrace the year ahead with open arms. I often hear the phrases “good riddens” or “I’m so done with this year” at the end of each year, in people’s attempt to leave behind the old and start fresh. What most people don’t realize, however, is that when you speak in such negative tones, you are actually creating more resistance around what you are trying to let go of and are basically inviting more of it into the next year. So don’t do that! Try the following instead 🙂 :
On New Year’s Eve, set aside some alone time (or do this with someone you can easily share stuff like this with) to be with what has occurred in the last year, and tune into what you want to see in the next year. Follow these steps:
1. Create your space. Making this a ritualistic experience adds to the energy of what you are doing, and makes it more meaningful. So light that candle, say a prayer, take deep breaths, burn incense, etc.
2. Properly say goodbye to 2012. Take out a sheet of paper, and begin writing all that you are ready to say goodbye to from the last year and even prior to it, all of those things that you recognize have served their purpose and are no longer needed in your life. I say “properly”, because in order to truly release something, it needs to be lovingly released. In other words, rather than saying “I’m so done with that” with an edge of regret or disdain, shift your energy to being grateful for the presence of this thing in your life, and the acceptance that it was there for a reason and there was a gift in it.
3. Lovingly release. In a safe way, burn the piece of paper, or tear it up, bury it whatever works for you, and as you do so give thanks to God, the Universe or whomever it is you appeal to with such things.
4. Celebrate! When you are finished, it is so important to celebrate. Not only does it lock in the experience, but it is an acknowledgment of this loving, important thing you just did for yourself. Celebrating can happen in many different ways; maybe pouring a glass of champagne or eating some decadent chocolate, or perhaps taking a luxurious bubble bath or going out to celebrate with a loved one.
5. Powerfully invite the new. On New Year’s Day, or as close to it as you can get, take some time to tune into and get clear on all that you’d like to invite into your life for 2013. Again, create your space and take out a sheet of paper writing out all of those things you’d like to see show up, both physical and non-physical things within yourself you’d like to see emerge. This can be done as a list, a letter to yourself, a drawing, etc. When you’re finished, seal it in an envelope and keep it somewhere safe that you’ll remember to take it out and read it next December (it helps to mark a reminder on your calendar).
6. Act as if and walk your talk. Don’t simply sit back and wait for these things to show up. In the days, weeks and months that follow, consciously choose to think, speak and act in accordance with the things you wrote down for 2013. Set some goals and milestones, hire a coach to inspire you and keep you on track, enlist a good friend to help hold you accountable.
Wishing you happiness, joy, peace, love and fulfillment in the New Year, and in this process of becoming more of Who You Really Are.
Nova
(Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling. She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
I recently had a BIG ah-ha moment regarding what I want to do with my life, and I’m really excited about it. It was like a light bulb went on in my head, almost like the idea was placed there. However, I am finding that I’m afraid to take the leap at this time due to a number of reasons (time commitment, money, will I even be good at it, etc.) and am wondering if I should wait for a better time. How do I truly know if it’s the right time or even the right choice for that matter?
Nancy, Colorado
Hi Nancy,
I love when that happens! And you described it perfectly, like the idea “was placed there” – and in my humble opinion, Nancy, that’s how you know. When you feel it with such certainty and conviction, when your whole being lights up at the mere thought of it, when it feels like a no-brainer. Only you can answer if it’s the right thing for you to do (and I’m dying to know what “it” is), of course, but the above “symptoms” are great indications that it is. Now, regarding the “timing”: No matter how valid a reason seems to not do something, they are excuses, my friend. The bottom line here is that if there is something you want badly enough, if something is important enough, you can and will make it happen. There are many resources and tools out there to assist you, as well as support from others, but it is up to you to follow through on it, and it takes action on your part. This is a hard concept to swallow for some, because I think in the back of our minds we’re all hoping for that miracle or to be rescued. But the miracle is inside us, it is us.
Furthermore, consider that it isn’t a question of whether this is the right choice or the right time for it, it’s a question of whether or not you want it to be. You get to decide if it is or not, you get to give meaning to it, no one else. And rest assured that whatever you decide, whatever meaning you give this, the Universe will line up to support you. Be easy about things, and trust that.
Two great and powerful questions to ask yourself right now are, “If not you, who? If not now, when?” Some other general things to consider to help you give meaning to this:
~ Check in with yourself to see if this is an inspired action, one that excites you, lights you up, so much so that you actually feel it in your body (heart races, adrenaline pumping, can’t sit still you’re so jazzed). It’s important to be aware of what you uniquely respond to and what works for you, as opposed to what may be right for others.
~ Money is the number one excuse why people don’t follow through with something they want. You already know the financial cost. Now ask yourself, “What is the cost of me not doing this?” This is a great question to ask yourself even when money isn’t involved.
~ Bring the future into the now. Visualize who you will be should you accomplish what you set out to do, and get as detailed as possible. Allow yourself to feel what it’s like to already be there. Hold on to that vision and those feelings to help keep you motivated.
~ When embarking on something new or different in life, fear and discomfort are always present. Change is scary and uncomfortable, and is a natural part of growing yourself and stepping into who you really are. Acknowledge this in the beginning, expect it and embrace it, and it will be easier to move through.
Most of all, Nancy, whatever you decide, trust yourself. Give yourself permission to feel good about it. There is no right answer about anything – there’s only the meaning you give it.
Nova
(Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling. She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
