Author Archive
I’m looking for practices that support my well-being and my staying connected to who I am, besides meditation (which I’ve tried and I just can’t seem to get the hang of!). Any good ones you know of that really work?
Ken, Ohio
Why yes, Ken, I do! This is one of my favorite topics to speak to, as I have found in my own experience as well as the experiences of my clients that engaging in a daily practice is the single most important thing you can do for yourself, and happens to be the key to sustaining your connection and well-being. When you show up for yourself in this way with such consistency, commitment and discipline, you are becoming aligned and present in life in such a way that positively and powerfully impacts every aspect of it. The reason for this is because engaging consistently in practices such as meditation allows you to stay in a high-vibrating, good-feeling place, and you are able to access more clarity, truth, intuition, wisdom, inspiration, motivation, etc. than when you are feeling disconnected, negative, and vibrating low. So I always encourage my clients (and myself) to make their daily practices as important and as high of a priority as eating, sleeping and breathing are, and I’m not exaggerating.
So I’ll get off my soapbox now and give you 3 of my favorites:
~ Daily Gratitudes: Each day spend a few quiet moments writing down at least 10 things that you are truly grateful for, and consciously choose to make your first and last thoughts of the day thoughts of gratitude. I have no doubt in my mind that if each and every one of us did this the world would be a much better place.
~ Incantations: Very similar to affirmations, yet waaaaayyyyyy more powerful because we are engaging your energy and physiology with the words to produce the “feeling” of what you are saying. Let me explain. You know how sometimes repeating an affirmation or a mantra can sometimes get frustrating because while you are saying it you are very aware that you are not feeling it? With an incantation, we choose our statement, and repeat it with feeling, much like an actor delivering a line. We also repeat it while engaging in a “power move” or stance, a movement or position that makes you feel powerful. The results are quite magical. For example, if you were to use the incantation, “I am confident and happy”, repeating it several times with emotion while moving your body powerfully (or even just standing in a yoga pose or something), you would find yourself feeling confident within minutes, sometimes seconds. You see, incantations help us immediately manifest the emotion, which is what we’re looking for anyway. It’s not the house, the car, the job, the relationship, etc. that we want, it’s how we think it’s going to make us feel. Imagine being able to feel however we wanted to without the things we think we need in order to feel it first – that would mean we literally do not need anything outside of ourselves in order to feel good (see: illusion of need from “Communion with God”)! And a lovely added benefit to this is that our very “feeling” or “being” draws those things to us (see: process of creation from “Happier Than God”)!
~ Meditation: Yeah, yeah, I get it – you’re not good at it. But I’m going to include it anyway because the benefits are endless, and I’d like to offer you a new approach/perspective on it: there is no wrong way to meditate. Whether it’s sitting in silence with your eyes closed focusing on your breath, doing a guided meditation, or just daydreaming, you are benefiting. Try a few different things on, without judging them, just notice which method you like best. And start small – even 3 minutes a day every day can work wonders.
Try these out, Ken, and see how they feel. But give it a good two weeks of committing to practice these every day no matter what so that you can really feel the impact. Because it doesn’t really matter what you do, it’s the fact that you take time to go within consistently that creates the experience of well-being and connection. Enjoy!
(Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling. She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for over a year now, and I feel like we have tried literally everything, even IVF – needless to say nothing has worked. I’m at my wits end with this process. I want a child so badly, yet I can’t continue this cycle of disappointment, it’s making me miserable and is even beginning to affect my relationship with my husband. Medically, chances of us conceiving are very low, but not impossible. However, I am one who believes that anything is possible and I don’t want to give into the odds! But what can I do? Where is my baby? Feeling very desperate at this point, don’t know if you can help but I follow CWG books closely and thought I’d give it a try.
~ Jeannie, Arkansas
Jeannie my heart just aches for you. I feel the pain in your words, and your frustration is palpable. I so admire your strength, courage and perseverance, it speaks volumes to who you are as a person. I wish I could wave my magic wand and make it happen for you.
But since I can’t, I will offer you my intuition on your situation. When we want something so badly in life that it consumes all of our attention and creates a boatload of negative feelings in us, the resistance that we feel around the whole subject actually begins pushing it away from us further. Conversations with God describes the using of the words, “I want” as a declaration of lack, of the thing you want not being there right now, and the Universe responds to this and gives you more of the experience of wanting. To take that even deeper, it isn’t the actual words “I want” that produce more of the wanting, it’s the vibration you are offering when you speak them (or, the Sponsoring Thought – the thought behind the thought). For example, when a child sees a commercial about a cool new toy and exclaims in excitement, “I want that!”, he isn’t coming from a place of lack, he is coming from a place of desire and joy at the thought of having that toy. But when a person living paycheck to paycheck declares in frustration, “I just want more money!”, they are all too aware and consumed by their lack of money.
I’m describing the above to you, Jeannie, for two reasons: 1) You’ve created a lot of resistance (quite understandably, I might add) around becoming pregnant and 2) you’re speaking and thinking about it from the vibration of lack. I know that may sound harsh, and I assure you that I am not implying that you caused any of these “problems” in the first place, I am simply pointing out how you can approach this energetically and spiritually, as I too, am a believer that anything is possible. So, then, let’s look at what you can do about it.
Declare your intention from a place of desire. In other words, what can you say about this that actually feels good to say? An example might be, “I look forward with joy and gratitude to the day when we conceive.” Do you enjoy praying or communicating with your guides/angels? Then by all means pray for it, but offer up a prayer of gratitude. The gratitude acknowledges that it is already there, or is at least on its way. One of my favorite prayers of gratitude from CWG is “thank you, God, for helping me to understand that this problem has already been solved for me.” See how much better that feels?
Next, back off from it. Move from this state of resistance to a state of allowing. You see, our only job here is to be clear on what we want and decide that it’s coming, and you only need to do this once – it’s the Universe’s job to figure out “the how”. It doesn’t mean stop trying to have a baby, it means let go of the resistance around it, and take action from a good-feeling place. So what might that look like? It could look like diving into a fun project, getting artistic and creating something, practicing daily gratitude, taking up a hobby and inviting more fun and lightness into your life. It could look like going out on dates with your husband and appreciating the free time the two of you have right now, making love simply to express how you feel for one another.
In short, you know you are in a state of allowing when you feel good, you feel light. Let it go for now. Let the Universe do its job and give yourself a break. Your faith and belief are so strong, Jeannie, I can feel that about you. Backing off and giving yourself permission to feel good about life is your way of exercising that faith, and wonderful things come of it.
Sending you lots of love throughout this process,
Nova
(Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling. She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
I feel really stuck in life right now. I’m doing everything that I think I want to be doing (pursuing my master’s degree, working in my chosen field, developing my spirituality, maintaining my health) yet I often notice that amidst it all I feel stagnant and unfulfilled even. It doesn’t seem to add up. I don’t necessarily want to change anything about my life right now, at least the direction of it, but I also know I don’t want to feel this way. I would appreciate any insight you have on this please.
Roberta, Michigan
Hi Roberta,
I’m going to answer your question with a question: what are you doing for fun? You see, in the quest to live a fulfilled life, we often put a lot of focus on the stuff that we believe brings us happiness (career/purpose, money, stability, health, family, personal growth, etc.). None of that is bad, of course, it just tends to carry a heavier energy of “seriousness,” an urgency to “get it done so I can be happy.” Without a healthy dose of fun and variety in the mix, as well as inviting mindfulness (aka “being” within the “doing”), it’s very easy to find ourselves feeling stuck and even unfulfilled. In fact, I believe fun is completely underrated in our society, that the mindset many people have that there’s only time for fun after the work is done is a huge disservice to their own happiness and well-being. Fun and variety are the fuel that allows us to keep going with all the other important things in life! And if you’re not having fun and enjoying what you’re doing, then what’s the point? (Okay, so you can tell I’m a bit passionate about this subject.)
Now, I recognize that I don’t know everything about your story, and I’m sure there are probably some other contributing factors to your feeling stuck, stagnant, and unfulfilled, but I’m going to give you a place to start:
~ Ask yourself how much “healthy” fun and variety you currently have in your life (i.e., the kind that fills you up, makes you feel good and doesn’t hurt anybody, least of all you). Then, if you can’t think of anything or there are only one or two things that you “sometimes” do, ask yourself:
~ “How can I add more healthy fun and variety into my life on a regular basis?” This may look like taking a class just for fun, joining a club, scheduling in consistent time to hang out with friends, or even including at least an hour of fun into your day EVERY day. Then do it. (I do the last one, by the way, as part of my work day. And I work more efficiently because of it.)
~ Also, ask yourself how you can be more present in each of those areas you’ve identified in your life (school, work, spirituality, health). A place to start might be in noticing what you love about each of those areas. Another idea would be to choose the state of being you wish you were in on any given day and simply be that (a whole other topic).
~ Finally, if all else fails, partner with someone to help you through it, to help you get to the underlying reason behind your “stuckness” and who can help you navigate your way to flow, fulfillment, happiness, joy and freedom. Hire a coach, work with a therapist, a spiritual counselor, whatever you feel drawn towards but do something. It’s so much easier (and faster) than trying to do it alone.
(Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling. She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
I’m beginning to think that there’s something wrong with me. Things that come easily to those around me are hard for me, and every time I try the latest and greatest thing that a friend swears by, I’m frustrated and disappointed because it doesn’t work for me. This happens anywhere from money and career to the latest self-help craze or dieting and I’m beginning to think I’m a “lemon.” I’m generally optimistic, I have a positive attitude and an open mind – is there something I’m just not getting here??
Becky, Vancouver
Hi Becky,
No, you are most certainly not a lemon, and there is nothing wrong with you. It’s easy to watch another person do something and find success and assume that we will, too, only to find ourselves frustrated and wondering, “what am I doing wrong?” For instance, one person may start a new diet program and lose 20 lbs. on it. Another person sees this and tries the program herself, and doesn’t lose a thing. What’s the problem here? The answer is something you probably already know on some level – the answer is that each one of us is a unique individual, and we all work differently.
Seems like common sense, right? Yet how many times do we find ourselves forcing ourselves to fit into different constructs anyway, just because it works for someone else, all the while knowing this answer? We do this because we are taught to. We are taught to fit in, be a part of the norm, conform, etc., and the ironic part is that we’re taught this because it’s supposed to be easier, when, in fact, it makes life much more difficult if these “norms” are not your true nature. We end up fighting ourselves, going against our natural “grain,” and life feels just plain hard sometimes.
But what if we made a conscious choice to embrace the unique things about ourselves, and the unique way in which we work? What if you made a conscious effort to work with yourself instead? Oh, the possibilities…
And here are a few ways to get you started:
– Pay attention to what works for you and doesn’t work for you. How do you know? Things that feel good, come easily to you, and you look forward to work for you. Things that bring a lot of resistance, anxiety, struggle, and even fear probably don’t work for you.
– Avoid the things that don’t work for you and embrace the things that do. It’s as simple as that, but it takes some focus and listening to yourself. Try writing things down as you notice them, and referring back to your lists as reminders when making decisions.
– Get into the habit of centering yourself. When you are closely and strongly connected to your Self, everything naturally becomes clearer, and you’ll find yourself making choices based on what you’re naturally drawn to versus what you think you “should” do. So do whatever works for you, meditate, journal, go for walks, paint, etc.; whatever brings you that calm inner peace and clarity.
Start there, and it will be amazing at how much easier and more enjoyable your life becomes, not to mention how much more fun it is to be YOU. And remember to celebrate the things that make you different – if we were all the same, the world wouldn’t be nearly as interesting.
(Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling. She can be reached at Nova@TheGlobalConversation.com. )
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
I’m finding it really hard to maintain my inner peace and balance around negative people and circumstances, and it’s particularly hard right now with the whole political divide thing – people are downright mean right now! My question is, how do I stop being so affected by the negative energy of those around me?
Sarah, Wisconsin
Hi Sarah,
The answer to your question lies in your own alignment and connection with yourself, as well as where you are focusing your attention. In short, when our attention is placed within, nothing “without” or outside of us can harm us. This isn’t just spiritual fluff, talk to any person who consciously practices and makes going within a priority, they’ll tell you they are a lot less influenced by the thoughts, words and actions of others. And when you allow yourself to spend more time paying attention to the negativity around you, reading about it, listening to people who complain a lot or are negative, etc. more than you are focusing on going within yourself, yes, inner peace and balance does indeed become jeopardized. There are many approaches to this, as you can imagine, but I’m going to offer you the most direct and effective one that I am aware of, and that is to: a) engage in daily practices and surround yourself with people and resources that support and are in alignment with who you really are, and b) be very aware (and honest) about where you’re allowing your attention to be placed.
The daily practices part is huge – if you are not giving yourself this gift already, I urge you to do so immediately. Miraculous things come from this alone. Meditating, journaling, practicing daily gratitude, yoga, etc. are all wonderful ways to “go within” and connect with who you really are. But the real magic of this lies not in what you are doing but in the commitment, consistency and discipline of engaging in these practices each and every single day. I wake up before my husband and daughter each day, and trust me I am not a morning person, just so I can make sure I get my practices in. I do this because I see how it impacts the flow of the rest of my day, as well as how I show up in it and how I interact with others. And when I don’t do it, or skip a day or two, I feel it. In other words, I notice I am more easily influenced by others and find it more difficult to maintain a sense of peace and balance.
Also, get into the habit of asking yourself if where you are currently placing your attention is serving you. And if it’s not, consciously choose to shift your focus. I know there has been a lot of disagreement and negativity on facebook, for example, so much so that people are even “un-friending” those who hold different political viewpoints. If you’re reading these posts and are noticing that it doesn’t feel good to read them, it’s in fact messing with your bliss, then simply stop reading them. It really can be that simple.
Try these two things, Sarah, and I bet you will begin to see a difference immediately. Good luck and enjoy!
Nova
(Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling. She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
I am a really nice, peace-loving, spiritual person at heart, yet sometimes I catch myself reacting in a less than evolved fashion in different life situations. For example, I get so angry when I encounter bad drivers or people who clearly have no regard for others, and my tendency is to get angry and sometimes even rude, steaming about it for sometimes days afterwards. At the same time I see myself reacting in such ways, I know that it is not who I really am. How can I walk my talk more, and keep my cool in situations that evoke such instant anger?
Martha, Los Angeles
Dear Martha,
First of all, good for you for being aware of a behavior of yours that is not in alignment with who you really are – a lot of people don’t ever even get to that point! I have got a lovely exercise for you to try, one that I found in the CWG Book 1 Guidebook years ago and that I use with pretty much all of my clients at some point. Rest assured that this challenge is not unique to you, we all at some point in our lives show up as “less than evolved”, or react harshly to certain situations life throws our way, some of us more than others. The trick is to not react, but to instead act on it; in other words, decide ahead of time what your new reaction will be. And there’s a fun and easy way to do this:
~ Take out a piece of paper and draw 3 vertical columns. Title the first column, “Situations That Commonly Occur”, the second column, “My Usual Reaction to It”, and the third column, “My New Reaction”.
~ List as many situations you can think of where you find yourself reacting in a way that you don’t like, identifying your usual reaction to it, and then choosing your new reaction, or how you’d like to show up when that situation arises.
~ Finally, put it into practice! The next time you find yourself in one of the situations you’ve identified, choose your new reaction!
So much of what we experience in life simply calls for awareness and a small turning of our attention, and making conscious choices. You’ve already got the awareness and attention part down here, now you can enjoy making a conscious new choice based on who you really are, and in my humble opinion, there is no greater joy.
Now, while I’ve found this exercise to be extremely useful in my clients’ lives as well as my own, it does not account for every situation. For example, if you’ve got some deep-rooted emotions connected to some of your “usual reactions”, it may serve you to speak with a professional about it, process what you need to process, and finish your unfinished business. But for many of our daily experiences, habits and patterns, this exercise works like a charm, and begins assisting you in creating more and more experiences that you can be happy with and proud of. Enjoy!
(Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling. She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
My question has been a burden for me as well as for others around me who are in the same boat. So many of my friends dear to me are going through so much of the same, and it appears so is much of the world. Dislocated is a great describer, for we are unable to be independent as in self-supporting through some economic means. Living with parents and relying on government assistance is growing tired. I have within the past year graduated from a University with a B.F.A. in painting and drawing, with a minor in art history. I know it is a degree that really cannot propel one into a great financial state, nevertheless it was what I truly desire and I create daily in my studio. So now I am very frustrated applying for jobs without a response and am going to be fifty five years old. I stay well, meditate, ask for my desires to be presented and enjoy my being. But I still see the struggle to be independent going unfulfilled. I apply much of what I have learned from CWG, but yet as friends and I feel so forsaken. ~ Thomas
Dear Thomas,
You’re right, this is a challenge a lot of people have, in different contexts; you are certainly not alone in this. And none of them, including you, is forsaken. It’s wonderful that you have such desire and passion around your art, and you sound very clear that that is what you wish to spend your time doing. However, the “story” you are telling is one of lack and limitation. Before I go any further, Thomas, I hope you receive my words with love and forgive my being so direct, it’s just that this is something that we all do at times, myself included, and it serves us all to be aware of it.
The more you talk about, think about and tell others that your life in terms of career and earning money is a struggle, the more you will continue to experience that. The more you focus on the lack, on how hard it is to “make it as an artist,” the more of that you will get. Furthermore, as long as you choose to look at your degree as one that will “not propel you into a great financial state,” that is exactly what you will continue to experience. You see, Thomas, life proceeds from our idea of it, or to quote one of my favorite lines from CWG, “All you see in your world is your idea about it.” While you may not be able to completely control what shows up in your life, or your friends’ lives, you can most certainly control how you choose to perceive it and, therefore, experience it. If I were you, Thomas, (and by the way I was you but in a different context at one time in my life) here is where I would start:
– Change your idea about your life. Decide right now that you can have all that you desire, that it is indeed possible. Don’t worry about “the how,” just decide that this is true.
– Take your focus off your perceived lack and limitation, and all of the frustration that comes with it, and instead focus on gratitude. Focus on what you do have right now, what you love about your life just as it is, how thankful you are to have such a wonderful support system and that you are still able to create through art. In fact, I encourage you to make this a daily habit – each day write down at least 10 things you are truly grateful for. Make your last thoughts of the night before drifting off to sleep and your first thoughts upon waking ones of gratitude and appreciation for what is.
– Stop giving energy and attention to the story of “I can’t earn good money as an artist.” Tell a new story, first to yourself and then to others.
– Instead of waiting to feel happy, secure, and abundant when you do get hired to do what you love to do, be all of that now. This is a great gift we all possess but not many of us use consciously. Yet it is entirely possible to create the emotion you think the “having” of something will provide for you, right here and right now. Choose a desired state of being and commit to “being” that for an entire day. For example, if you choose “abundant,” focus on thinking abundant thoughts, speaking abundant words, and taking abundant action. Write the word “abundant” down on a piece of paper and carry it with you all day, or better yet, post it somewhere you can see it. Create an abundance-inspired piece of art!
You have the power to change your experience of life, Thomas, and no one can take that away from you. Yet you must be willing to take responsibility for your life, be willing to see it another way, and trust that you deserve everything you’ve ever wanted.
(Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling. She can be reached at Nova@TheGlobalConversation.com. )
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
It seems like every time I find myself feeling really good and happy about my life, it is short-lived. One minute I’ll be happy and in no time at all something will happen to throw me into a tailspin and I don’t know which way is up! How can I stay happy for longer periods of time?
~ Melissa, Indiana
Dear Melissa,
First of all, I so know what you’re going through! Truth is, we all do. What you are experiencing is the Law of Opposites at work; that is, as soon as you make a declaration to the Universe (i.e. “I am happy.”), its exact opposite will show up in some way. Admittedly, this experience can be frustrating, especially if you aren’t aware of what’s really going on. But the existence of this law isn’t to punish or to deter us, it actually helps us create what we want in life.
Allow me to explain. The Law of Opposites is based on the principle: “In the absence of that which you are not, that which you are, is not.” In other words, you cannot know yourself as happy unless you know of the experience of sadness. If you were happy all the time, and were only surrounded by happiness, you would cease to even know what happiness really is. But when its opposite shows up, and you experience that contrast, your experience of happiness becomes greater. So you see, the Law of Opposites works in harmony with what you are trying to create more of. The key is to recognize what’s happening and choose happiness again.
So the next time you have this experience, in whatever context, try this:
Step 1: The moment you notice the seemingly not-so-great stuff showing up in your world, take the time to stop and recognize what’s happening. Choose to see it as the Law of Opposites doing its part to bring you what you have called forth. If you dare to, choose to see the “bad” stuff as a sign that the process of creation is indeed working, and say “thank you.”
Step 2: Make a new choice, or, rather, choose your original thought again. For example, if your original declaration was “I am happy,” then choose it again, and focus on everything that is alignment with happiness. Make the conscious choice to not give any more energy to the negative stuff that is appearing in your reality.
Step 3: Pat yourself on the back for being the creator of your own experience.
I’m not saying applying any of this is easy, unless it is, of course. But I am saying with a little conscious thought, intention and awareness, you can have an entirely different experience than the one you mentioned in your question. Good luck!
Nova
(Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling. She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
