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There is so much pain in the world. I see it written in the eyes and on the faces of people everywhere I go. Perhaps I see more of it given my work with grief, but all kinds of emotional pain finds its way to my doorstep. I do not see emotional pain as a bad or negative thing, rather I see it for what it is, the opportunity to be one of our greatest guides. It is a process to knowing and experiencing the depths of who we really are. There are many different kinds of emotional pain. And in this week’s column, we will begin to explore the many aspects of grief and recovery. Healing our grief is vital if we desire to create health and lasting happiness, so let’s look at it a little deeper.
What is grief? Most would answer sadness. While sadness may be a part of grief, it’s not representative of the whole picture. Grief is actually all emotions one feels and experiences while moving through any kind of loss. It is also common to feel what would seem to be conflicting emotions while grieving, like sadness and happiness at the same time. For example, sad that a loved one died but happy that they are no longer suffering from the pain of a long illness.
There are major losses, like death and divorce; and minor ones, like breaking or losing a favorite pair of sunglasses. We all experience grief in every form, yet not all recover from it; major losses being especially challenging. Having recovery tools to move through this very natural human emotional process can make the difference between really living versus just existing. Embracing your grief is to embrace your life, for it is part of who you are. Living a life full of joy does not mean we live a grief-free life, it simply means we move through the tough times returning us to our natural state of being. Winston Churchill said, “If you are going through hell, keep going.” I couldn’t agree more.
While I get having a conversation about grief isn’t usually in our “top ten” list, we might want to consider placing it there, for there is no one who escapes it. And learning how to be with it, rather than avoiding that which is unavoidable, just makes sense.
When you look to see what it is you were taught about grief and how to deal with it, it becomes clear that we may have been given some less-than-helpful information around it, if we’re given any info at all. How many of us were taught things like “time heals all wounds” or “big boys don’t cry”? I am sure you could come up with many more of these well-intentioned but untrue statements.
Often there are things communicated that might even be intellectually true for us but aren’t really helpful when we are in the midst of dealing with a loss, things like “they are in a better place now” or “there are more fish in the sea.” Far too often we approach grief with our intellect, which is the wrong tool for the job; grief is an emotional process. Intellectual comments, whether true or not, can leave us feeling empty and isolated. Going through loss alone makes it that much more painful and it’s never recommended. Suggestion number one in “When Everything Changes, Change Everything” is never go it alone.
Avoiding grief can lead us toward unhealthy behaviors which do nothing to help us resolve or heal our pain. The desire to feel different or to “fix” what we are feeling is quite common. Of course, in truth, there is nothing to fix because grieving (feeling) doesn’t make us broken. All of this born out of the idea that there is such a thing as a “bad feeling”; this thought leads us into more pain. Far to often people self-medicate, using all different sorts of substances or different forms of destructive behavior seeking an unneeded cure. Stuffing our feelings over time can create all sorts of health issues. Think about how often do you stuff laughter? Then why do we stuff our pain?
Feelings are created to be expressed and not repressed. When feelings are expressed, they are like waves…they have a beginning, a middle, and an end. Once a wave passes, either a similar feeling begins with less intensity as the next wave or the feeling of being complete begins to set in. Completion is all our feelings desire, simply to be fully expressed, holding nothing back. This emotional process happens until it ends naturally; surrendering to it is the key.
When I became willing to move toward my pain, rather than avoiding or running from it, an interesting thing began to happen for me. Moving toward it, especially with the intention of healing it, revealed gifts my pain had to offer. Gifts you ask? Yes, underneath all emotional pain is buried treasure. It certainly may not look or feel like it when you are in the middle of it, and I do not say this lightly or without empathy for the many painful events we all move through, yet I am still humbled when I think of the many ways my pain has nudged me in directions I may never have taken without it. Here is where our spiritual nature reveals itself, always there, holding us together as we fall apart. I am certain that if you have been on the planet for awhile you have experienced this, probably many times. The question I ask myself these days is, why do I resist it? Especially knowing that perhaps all of my greatest insights and spiritual awakenings have come through some of the most painful events and greatest hardships in my life.
I am moving through such a challenge right now and once again have noticed that old familiar feeling of resistance coming up. Yet there is another voice present, one gently urging me to surrender to the process. This voice whispers: trust that nothing happens by accident and that everything that is happening right now has a reason and purpose behind it, which, as always, supports you and your greater good. Listening to this voice has provided some comfort and a willingness to move back into the process, moving within to heal with a new level of faith and trust. But perhaps more importantly, simply allowing the pain to be expressed rather than repressed; this is the message my soul wishes to remind you of today. There is something wonderful to be experienced within the authentic expression of our emotional process, and to deny yourself that which you created simply because it feels “bad” produces more of the thing you are attempting to avoid anyway. Remember “what you resist persists.”
Moving through emotional pain is a blessing as only moving through it can be. Allow others to not only witness your process but hold you through it. Know that help is available. Know that you are not alone. Reach out…I am here.
I will close this week’s column with this wonderful quote: “Beautiful pictures are developed from negatives in a darkroom…so if darkness has fallen upon you, rest assured that a beautiful picture is being prepared, waiting only for the right time to be revealed.”
The time has come because you are here. What is being revealed for you?
Holding you in my heart – JR
(J.R. Westen, D.D. is a Holistic Health & Spiritual Counselor who has worked and presented side-by-side with Neale Donald Walsch for over a decade. He is passionate about helping individuals move beyond their emotional and spiritual challenges, transforming breakdowns into breakthroughs. His coaching provides practical wisdom and guidance that can be immediately incorporated to shift ones experience of life. As is true for most impactful teachers, JR’s own struggles and triumphs inspired him to find powerful ways of helping others. Sober since June 1, 1986, JR’s passion for helping individuals move through intense life challenges drove him to also specialize in Addiction and Grief Recovery. J.R. currently shares his gift of counseling & coaching with individuals from around the world through the Wellness Center, Simply Vibrant, located on Long Island N.Y. . In addition, he works with Escondido Sobering Services and serves on the Board of Directors for the Conversations with God Foundation. He can be contacted at JR@theglobalconversation.com, or to book an appointment, write support@simplyvibrant.com.)
Last week we spoke about “turning on” your health & wellness by taking a whole being approach. This week we will dive into some practical ideas in and around that old familiar saying “you are what you eat.” Much of what goes into us on a daily basis from a traditional diet may not be beneficial, and just because it’s edible doesn’t mean that it should be eaten!
Over the last 25 years I have tried various ways of eating, from the super healthy to the not so much. Predictably, some ways have worked great and some have not. Like many, I was on the yo-yo plan of gaining & losing weight. Most of the diets I tried were simply unhealthy no matter what my weight was…and sick & skinny was certainly not my goal. I long ago ended the diet mentality in exchange for creating a lifestyle of health and wellness. After years of experimentation, learning and paying attention to what works, I have found solutions that are a fit for me and I know work because they keep me fit. Remember that you must find what works for you, so take the following suggestions below not as gospel, but rather as ideas to set you on a course of personal exploration. Pay attention to how you feel, as this is always the best guide!
Here are some simple suggestions that have worked for me and may help you, too.
Remove processed foods from your diet – Get out of that box!
If it comes in a box, bag, or a can, instead of right out of the ground, you probably want to limit or avoid it. Most of these so-called foods have been processed in some way and probably not in a way that is going to be healthy for you. Processed also usually means a whole bunch of extra stuff added that have little or no benefit for your body. And far too often, when it says “all natural” on the side of that box, it just means added junk your body doesn’t want or need. Lots of things are considered natural that you wouldn’t dare put in your body…like arsenic!
Instead of reaching for that box, fill up on fresh organic foods which are packed full of living enzymes. Live Enzymes are referred to as the life force or energy of whole food. Processed and cooked food no longer contain this life energy which we need daily to be well. Other so-called food may sustain you, but it’s not going to do much in creating health or in keeping you well. If you begin eating processed-free foods, you will quickly notice your energy level increase, and perhaps, like me, some of those stubborn pounds will begin to melt away.
Get raw! Eat at least one raw meal a day
Raw simply means uncooked. Along with losing much of its life force, the process of cooking whole food removes up to 80% of the available vitamins & minerals; and if that isn’t bad enough, those precious live enzymes die off, too. Most conventional foods these days have very little nutritional value to begin with, so cooking it makes it worse. I suggest having at least one meal a day that is uncooked (or cooked below 118 degrees). This could be a big colorful salad, lightly steamed veggies, or a fresh blended veggie smoothie.
How about a Juice or Smoothies?
I drink 2 or 3 green smoothies a day. I make them fresh in a powerful blender with only organic raw and fresh ingredients. (By the way, this does not include what some smoothie bars make. Most of them are full of sugar, processed powders, and junk). If I am still hungry after my smoothie, I add salads, steamed veggies, kale chips, flax crackers, nuts and seeds etc. The idea is to get as much nutrient-dense and nutrient-rich foods in you every day as possible. If you desire to lose weight, using smoothies where the fiber remains in your drink, rather than juicing where the fiber is removed, is a far better path for weight loss and great for overall health.
If you are going for a juice, use can use the same organic ingredients, like kale, spinach, beet, cucumber, celery, carrot, apple, ginger, lemon and so much more. If you really want to optimize your health, invest in your own juicer or high-speed blender and then get busy in the kitchen coming up with your own marvelous creations. AND DO SHARE! Wheatgrass shots are also packed full of nutrition. If you can’t handle the taste, chase it with a little bit of freshly squeezed orange juice or add it to your favorite juice blend to hide the taste.
Here are some of my creations. These are blended drinks rather than juiced and are about 2 to 3 cups in volume.
Mornings:
Romaine lettuce
flax seeds
chia seeds
hemp seeds
blueberries
strawberries
grapes
or your favorite fruit
small handful of raw mix nuts
1/2 Hemp milk unsweetened
1/2 Coconut water
Lunch / Dinners:
mixed greens, spinach, kale, veggies of all kinds
flax seeds
chia seeds
hemp seeds
small handful of raw mix nuts
salsa – use all different kinds like mango or pineapple for variety
dash of cayenne pepper
raw garlic
nutritional yeast
shot of liquid aminos
In the lunch and dinner smoothies, I use either my lemon-aid recipe below or low-sodium organic veggie broth for a more soup-like flavor.
JR’s Lemon-aid mix: 4 lemons squeezed to 1/2 gallon of fresh spring or filtered water with 4 squirts of liquid stevia. Liquid stevia is an ideal sweetener. It is 300 to 400 times sweeter than sugar, yet nourishing to the pancreas. Lemons are full of benefits for the body too, and help in detoxification…who doesn’t like a cool glass of lemon-aid on hot day? I also steer clear of things in a can. Soda is on my “avoid at all cost” list! My lemon-aid mix is great to drink all day, so it makes that task easy. I also enjoy green tea or just plain hot water as well. Great to help aid in digestion prior to eating.
Remember that you want to pack in as much nutrition into each meal to give you and your body the tools to create energy and great physical health. These nutrient-dense smoothies have also provided something I had not experienced before…the feeling of being full and satisfied. I will tell you that I understand the pain associated with feeling hungry after eating a regular meal and the emotional ups and downs that can be experienced when you are trying to lose weight but having little success using traditional methods. My smoothies have allowed me to lose weight effortlessly, increase my energy & overall health, and end the whole food drama in my head. What a gift!
We will talk more about exercise in upcoming articles, but just a note to say that including daily movement is also very important. My favorite exercise is my yoga practice, and I love walking too. Just a 20 minute walk a day can make all the difference in your health. Get out and soak up some vitamin D and get that heart & butt movin! You can do it!!
These simple suggestions can begin you on your way to better health. All that is required from you is your willingness to get out of that box and get into making some healthier choices. Keep it simple and remember – what would love do now? Make each and every choice out of this question and watch you and your health thrive. Until next week, cheers! – JR
(J.R. Westen, D.D. is a Holistic Health & Spiritual Counselor who has worked and presented side-by-side with Neale Donald Walsch for over a decade. He is passionate about helping individuals move beyond their emotional and spiritual challenges, transforming breakdowns into breakthroughs. His coaching provides practical wisdom and guidance that can be immediately incorporated to shift ones experience of life. As is true for most impactful teachers, JR’s own struggles and triumphs inspired him to find powerful ways of helping others. Sober since June 1, 1986, JR’s passion for helping individuals move through intense life challenges drove him to also specialize in Addiction and Grief Recovery. J.R. currently shares his gift of counseling & coaching with individuals from around the world through the Wellness Center, Simply Vibrant, located on Long Island N.Y. . In addition, he works with Escondido Sobering Services and serves on the Board of Directors for the Conversations with God Foundation. He can be contacted at JR@theglobalconversation.com, or to book an appointment, write support@simplyvibrant.com.)
Welcome to our new section of the Global Conversation on Health and Wellness. For me, this topic is an important part of the equation in having what I call the God experience, or what some have called bliss. If you are experiencing something other than perfect health right now, you know exactly the value of the above statement. Without health little else matters, so spending some time looking at our lifestyle choices is well worth our time and energy.
What we will explore within this blog going forward are the many ways of naturally returning to and keeping your body in a state of grace, health and balance. We will look at lifestyle choices that create the space for you to be fully alive, fully available to your life and all of the joy a healthy lifestyle has to offer.
Nature has provided us the perfect packages filled with all of the elements we need to have this state of health, all we have to do is make the correct choices for our body. Yet there is so much more to the picture than just “you are what you eat.” As important as that is, we also cannot ignore the rest of that which makes us tick.
We all know that we have a body, a mind, emotions, and most would agree that we are spiritual in nature. Our emotional, mental and spiritual health are vital in creating wellness in our physiology, and each contribute to the makeup of our physical health. Within the health & wellness conversation here, we will will take a holistic point of view, since each of these areas desire our daily care.
As Conversations with God reminds us, “every act is an act of self definition.” Your actions and the intention behind them either contribute to your health or take away from it. When we act consciously with the intention of loving ourselves through every act, our health begins to immediately flourish.
Scientific research has shown that although we cannot choose our genetics, we do have the ability to influence which of our genes are expressed. We have the ability to turn on genes which promote health and turn off those which code for illness and disease. How can we do this? The answer is surprisingly simple. Our lifestyle habits, including our diet, exercise, thoughts and the choices we make dramatically affect the expression of our genes. Actions really do speak louder than words.
If you are not feeling well right now, or have been making choices that you know do not serve you and your wellbeing, the great news is that you can choose again in this very moment. If you are feeling bad about your past choices, forgive yourself this minute, for the energy of resenting yourself will never lead to healing. Love is always the answer, and in this moment you can begin to make loving choices for yourself with the intention of healing your life. It begins when you say so. SO SAY SO!
Get into action. What are you doing today to love your whole self? Join in the conversation and share where you are, where you desire to be and what you are willing to change right now to begin moving toward the next grandest version of the greatest vision ever you held about who you are and what health & wellness means for you. The God experience awaits you! Will you answer the call? Let the journey begin…
To your health! – JR
(JR Westen may be reached at JR@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
