Author Archive
The 12 Steps are based on the admittance of one’s powerlessness over their particular addiction or compulsion. The irony of doing this is that it takes incredible personal power to make the statement that you are powerless. The decision to admit powerlessness over our disease is not an easy one. It always comes at the end of a long battle, with many heartbreaks and material losses. It is literally the U-turn we are making from being dysfunctional into a very powerful creator.
Addiction and co-dependency are the same disease. Most people do not understand it in that way. The addict uses a drug or behavior that stimulates the mid-brain chemical reaction known as the Brain Reward Cascade. The co-dependent uses thoughts and actions to stimulate the exact same process. I was coaching a client recently who has a family member suffering from addiction. Midway through the call, I referred to her as an addict. She was stunned and replied that nobody has ever called her that before.
I went on to explain that anytime we rely on an outside source to control our own happiness, we are playing the “reward cascade” game. Co-dependency, much like gambling addiction, shopping addiction, and sex addiction, are considered the pure addictions. This is because the desired result does not come from any external source. They are thought and action-driven addictions which stimulate the dopamine release, providing us the reward we are seeking.
Once we have the awareness that we have a disease, a continuing and progressive illness, we are put in the position of making a choice. Do I continue with my behavior in spite of my knowledge? Or do I accept my condition and make the necessary changes? This is pure power and control, the opposite of powerlessness. Granted, we cannot recover ourselves. We do need help and guidance from others. Again, we are placed in a position of using power to do what is needed to make sure that we rehabilitate the behaviors that no longer work for us.
Our thoughts create our emotions. Most people are not aware that this is how our brain works. Have you ever been walking down a street at night when the thought comes to your mind that it may not be safe? What happens? Your heart starts racing. Your breath becomes rapid and shallow. You simply had a thought that triggered the body’s “fight or flight” response. This thought was created by you. It didn’t just happen to come across your mind; you created it. What’s more, you likely created it out of data in your brain from an external source without any relevance to what is real in that moment.
This is how we operate most of the time. We come from data external to our self and act as though it is the God-given truth. We end up building our life around these beliefs we have about how life is, and those beliefs are typically created out of faulty data.
Recovery is all about using our power to change our beliefs that are based on faulty data. The 12 Steps provide the necessary tools for experiencing life from a place of power rather than of powerlessness. Abstinence simply is not a satisfying enough response to the admittance of our inability to control our use of drugs and behaviors, but changing our perspective from one of “life is happening to us” to one of “life is happening through us” will repair our low self-esteem and allow for life’s greatest joys to be experienced.
(Kevin McCormack C.A.d, is an addictions professional and Conversations with God life coach. Kevin hosts an Addictions and Recovery column on the website www.TheGlobalConversation.com. He is a recovering addict with over 26 years of sobriety. Kevin is a co-host of “Conversations with God on Recovery” workshops and retreats. The next retreat will be held June 23rd – 26th in Medford, Oregon. To contact Kevin, visit his website www.Kevin-spiritualmentor.com or email him at Kevin.spiritualmentor@gmail.com)
There is no right or wrong. If you are here on this site, there is a good chance you believe that statement; however, there is what works and what doesn’t. For those of us who are in recovery, as well as those who understand the destruction that addiction causes, we know that addiction doesn’t work. Physically, it damages the body just like cancer, diabetes, and heart disease. Emotionally, the addict copes with life’s twists and turns about as well as a 4-year-old and never gets better at it while actively using. And as hope for normalcy fades from the addict’s life, so does any desire to grow spiritually.
In Neale’s conversation with God, God makes it very clear that nobody does anything inappropriate, given their view of the world. Again, being that you are here on this site, you will probably agree to some degree that everything is perfect just the way it is. There is perfection in all that we think, say, and experience. For those of us who have experienced addiction firsthand, even when that was happening, it was perfect, there was nothing wrong with it at all. I was experiencing exactly what I was choosing; and that was to do drugs.
It was not apparent to me or anyone else in the beginning of my drug use that there was a problem, because it was working. It was working perfectly. I was able socialize better and I didn’t feel inadequate anymore. For most addicts, when we had our first experience with the addictive substance or behavior, it was mission accomplished — we had found the cure! Over time we began to demand more and more out of the disease, and that is when things clearly did not work very well anymore.
Thanks to the media for bringing right into our living rooms perfect examples of people living a life of active addiction to keep this very real for us. Just about two years ago, we watched as Charlie Sheen was fired from Two and a Half Men for ironically exhibiting the same behavior his character on the show acted out week after week. He then proudly came out and said that he was “winning.” How is that for denial? The whole world saw him fired from a multi-million dollar job, lose his kids in a custody battle, flaunt horrible relationships — and he called that “winning.”
Nary a month goes by without seeing Lindsey Lohan’s plastered mugshot flash across the TV screen and the tabloid magazine racks. Her spiral down to the bottom is being meticulously documented in print and on screen.
We have seen the following legends pass on from addiction: Elvis Presley, Marilyn Monroe, John Belushi, Chris Farley. The amazingly talented Whitney Houston. Then there is the 27 Club, which includes: Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Curt Cobain, Amy Winehouse, Jim Morrison, just to name a few, all of whom died at the age of 27. The list is too long to include all the names here, but I am sure you know of someone who you may have been a fan of that passed away from addictive behaviors.
But we love keep up with the crazy behaviors the famous addicts of the world continue to display. Addiction sells. The media is making a fortune by following known addicts around, waiting for them to act out, get into a fight, get arrested, or better yet, when they die. It’s not the media’s fault. The media is just giving the public what they want, and are willing to pay for.
It is our cultural story of living our lives vicariously through the celebrities. Many people are of the belief that it is not moral to act this way themselves, but enjoy seeing other people do it. It is almost as if the celebrities aren’t real, and it is okay to sit by and watch them destroy their lives. Most people don’t even consider that they are actually enabling the behavior by patronizing them.
Why don’t we have the same standards for the rich and famous that we would have for our own family members? If every act is an act of self-definition, and it is, aren’t we saying, “It is fine by us if you want to kill yourself with drugs, just entertain us in the process”? What message are we sending to our children by allowing this stuff to creep into our homes?
We spend way too much of our time and money glorifying alcohol and drug use. It is common now to see references to pot smoking on almost all of the sitcoms. If it’s okay to watch that as a family, are we sending the message to our kids that pot smoking is condoned? Is marijuana use now condoned? Do we as a society not care anymore that our kids are using pot? New surveys show that, for the first time ever, more Americans are in favor of legalizing marijuana than those who oppose it. Do we just want the money from it? Or do we not care if people use it?
I think we need to pay a little more attention to what works, and what doesn’t. It is clear that addiction doesn’t work.
How are you defining yourself? Does it matter to you?
I get that everything is perfect, I really do. Nothing needs to change. I, however, am defining myself as someone who desires to see the rampant addiction and destruction it creates lessen in my lifetime. I choose to be a person who is there for the addict when they reach their hand up from the bottom and ask for help.
What will you do to help? What is the cultural story you hold about addiction? Let’s talk.
(Kevin McCormack C.A.d Is a certified addictions professional, as well as a Conversations with God Life Coach. Kevin is a practicing Auriculotherapist, and a Spiritual helper on www.changingchange.net. Kevin will be presenting at the CwG Recovery Retreat in Medford Oregon June 23rd – June 26th. You can visit his website for at www.Kevin-Spiritualmentor.com To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@theglobalconversation.com)
(This week’s Addiction Column is hosting an article submitted by Cathy Taughinbaugh, Founder of “Treatment Talk.”)
I am the parent of a former addict.
When my daughter was 19, I realized she was addicted to crystal meth. It was late spring and she should have been finishing her sophomore year at college, but instead, because of her addiction, she was no longer attending classes. She had taken a job washing dogs and she had just been fired.
Through the years, I’ve asked myself why I didn’t know that my daughter was using drugs. As it turns out, she had been using on and off for the past four years, including her last two years of high school.
I found crystal meth in her backpack in the fall of her senior year. We had it identified, so we knew for sure what the drug was. Her father and I sat her down and listened carefully as she explained through her tears that she was holding it for her friends and that she did not use the drug. She said she would never do it again.
I honestly believe that she didn’t use again. For awhile.
As parents, we were shocked, frightened, and angry that she had made this choice to use drugs. We were filled with shame, and clearly in denial. We were naive to think that our little talk would make any difference in my daughter’s future choices.
She was grounded for a few weeks. She did attend a therapy appointment, but that didn’t go well, so we discontinued it. I try to stop myself, but I do occasionally think back on what we didn’t do: We didn’t drug test her. We didn’t send her to a drug education program. We didn’t change her environment. We did not regularly check her backpack and room, because if I’m brutally honest, I was too scared of what I would find.
There were a few minor infractions after that incident, but she kept her curfew, was accepted to college, and seemed to be functioning as a normal teenager.
I know now why I was in denial during that time. It is difficult to face a problem when you don’t have the answers. Drug use was new territory for me. I had never had any family member addicted and didn’t have a clue about crystal meth. Although I know now that I didn’t cause it, at the time, I didn’t want to face my role in my daughter’s addiction.
So like many parents, I continued on in my comfort zone. I wanted to continue the close relationship with my daughter and was not sure how to do that and be the drug warden at the same time.
But when she was almost 20 years old, her drug use became clear and that’s when I jumped into action. I called a few close friends that I thought could give me some guidance and help.
We found an educational consultant who put us on a path to healing. She agreed to treatment, and within one week she was on a plane to Utah to attend a Wilderness program for five weeks and then on to Southern California where she was in treatment for another three months. Finally, she lived in a sober home for six months.
Her program included getting a job and/or attending college. She did both and graduated from a local state university. A part-time job in a grocery store helped pay expenses while going back to school.
Today, I am a grateful parent. My daughter has continued in long-term recovery and is doing well. We both realized, first and foremost, that we needed to face our reality, change and grow.
Having an addicted child is not what any mom dreams for her child. This was the last thing I expected. The emotional exhaustion sends you down a devastating path. It is a journey to find your way back. The financial costs took my breath away.
For any family thrown into the midst of their child’s addiction, you feel the full range of emotions throughout the experience. From anxiety, to anger, frustration, sadness and grief, the emotions can consume you if you let them. You have to say goodbye to the child that once was and accept this new person whose life has become chaotic and unmanageable.
The control of your life that you once had is now gone. You know inside that you’ve also lost the power to make a difference in your child’s life while they are in the midst of their addiction.
Just like any addicted person, finding a spiritual side to my life and seeking the support of others is what saved me. It gave me the courage to ask for help, the strength to walk into that first Al-Anon meeting and the understanding that there was hope for my family.
Self care and support was essential for me. Addiction is draining on everyone but particularly those closest to the addict. As they say in the airlines, put your oxygen mask on first, before helping others. This is exactly what you need to do when you are dealing with your child’s drug or alcohol dependence. Work on healing yourself first before you try and heal your child.
My daughter has moved on with her life and doesn’t discuss her addiction often. She knows, however, that life can be hard due to poor choices and the disease of addiction. She also knows that there is always hope.
We both realized that our lives could change when we were ready to dig deep, overcome our fear and take on the challenge to begin again.
(Cathy Taughinbaugh is a Parent Recovery and Life Coach and Founder of Treatment Talk, a website dedicated to sharing and support for addiction, recovery and treatment. Cathy is committed to educating parents, young adults and teens about the dangers of substance abuse.)
There I was, walking away from my family and towards the detox ward of the hospital. Overwhelming fear, coupled with a hangover and sense of humiliation, weighing on my thoughts and my body. So many questions running through my head: What is this going to be like? What are they going to do to me? How can I get out of this? Where would I go? What have I gotten myself into? I was walking into the complete unknown, and I was afraid.
I remember very clearly the first thing that took place. I was greeted by the doctor who ran the detox. His name was Dr. D’ Amico. He explained that I would be wearing the typical hospital gown; you know the one that is open in the back and ties around your waste. He gave his reason for this: “You are sick. You are suffering from a disease; therefore, you will be treated as any other person who is sick.” This was my first real introduction to addiction as a disease.
After changing into the hospital gown, the nurse took all of my possessions, shoes and socks, clothing, and cigarettes. There was no smoking in the hospital detox. I was led to my room, basically an open area where there were two beds sectioned off from the rest of the hospital by only a curtain. The curtain remained open all the time.
I was tired and worn down. Looking back, I felt relief to be out of the cycle of addiction and the pace of the life I had created. A nurse came to my bed, bringing medication. And I was told that because alcohol was one of the drugs I was withdrawing from, I had to take anti-seizure medicine. Alcohol withdrawal is the most dangerous drug to withdraw from.
My second day in detox was more challenging. I was already feeling much better after a good night’s sleep and nutritious meals. Feeling better sounds like a good thing, but for a person who is addicted, feeling good and healthy typically means that it is okay to start using again. And that is exactly what I was thinking: “I don’t need this. I can do it myself.” I don’t remember saying that, but I would not be surprised if I did, as I know I was thinking it!
My addictive behavior did not end in the detox. After the second day, when the nurse would deliver the anti-seizure medicine, I would store it under my tongue until she left the room. I would quickly remove it and hide it under my pillow for future use. I was saving it up so I could take more than one and hopefully get high. Looking back on this behavior reminds me that I was not just a “normal” kid who liked to party a little too much.
It was pre-arranged that I would go directly from detox to a 28-day inpatient treatment facility. This is a very common procedure, because by the seventh day of detox, I was feeling on top of the world physically and mentally. I was very resistant to going to a rehabilitation center. (Most of the people who do not go directly to rehab relapse and begin using again shortly after their release from the hospital.) After a brief intervention with my parents and the doctor, I agreed to proceed as planned.
It is my hope that in the telling of my personal story here someone reading this will have a greater understanding of how to navigate early recovery either for them or for a loved one. Alcoholics and drug addicts will convince themselves and everyone else that they just need to break the cycle of using and they will be fine. I am here to tell you it just isn’t so. Abstinence is not recovery! And except for extremely rare cases, abstinence does not maintain. For those who do simply abstain from using their drugs of choice without employing some form of self-improvement program, long-term recovery is much less likely to happen. It is the addictive behavior that must be addressed. The drugs are simply the symptom of a far greater issue. I was not plotting my next binge when I was saving up the medication for “one last high”; I was exhibiting the behavior of an addict.
Addictive personalities do not simply go away with time. It is debatable whether or not they ever go away. From my personal experience in recovery, irrational thinking, obsessions, desire for instant gratification do not disappear from the recovering addict’s life. What does go away is the obsession to use drugs and alcohol. It does dissolve immediately. For some, it can take years. But the transformation does take place.
The motto of the recovery community is “One day at a time.” Indeed, this is the basis for most programs that deal with addictions. And what a wonderful way to live life it is. When we seek to keep things simple and we stop projecting our thoughts into the future or wishing the past was different, we remember that all we have is the breath we are taking this very moment of now. We have the power to change who we are right now, but not by fretting over the past or fearing what may come next. When we live one moment at a time in the awareness that the past is the past and the future is unwritten, we find our peace. This is recovery.
(Kevin McCormack C.A.d Is a certified addictions professional, as well as a Conversations with God Life Coach. Kevin is a practicing Auriculotherapist, and a Spiritual helper on www.changingchange.net. Kevin will be presenting at the CwG Recovery Retreat in Medford Oregon June 23rd – June 26th. You can visit his website at www.Kevin-Spiritualmentor.com To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@theglobalconversation.com)
Little did I know when I woke up hung over and in a fog, Wednesday, May 27, 1987, what this day would hold for me. What I did know is that it would not be a normal day, nor a comfortable day. I could not have known, foreseen, or imagined how important this day would end up being in my life. The challenge for me was that I had an appointment with a counselor who was going to evaluate me on behalf of the New York State Department of Transportation’s “Drinking and Driving” program to determine if I fit their profile of an alcoholic.
My task was to see to it that I did not meet their criteria for an alcoholic, by any means necessary. You see, I knew I had a drinking problem, but I could not let someone else tell me this. I had been defending myself against these allegations for a few years, mainly from my family. I had to be right, and being right meant I had to lie. And on this day, I had to convince a professional that I was simply a recreational user, so I needed to put my best foot forward.
I was well aware of this 9 am appointment in advance. I made the appointment myself, and my family took it upon themselves to remind me of it. They also warned me that going out to the bar after work that night (like I did every night) was not a good idea. I begged to differ. So I went out as I usually did; and to this day, I could not tell you what I did, how much I drank, or who I was with that night. I believe I must have blacked out very early.
I was mandated to the New York State “Drinking and Driving” program due to a DUI I had been convicted of roughly six months prior. At the time of my arrest, I was 20 years old, not of legal age to drink in New York. I had to go to a special class one day per week for 10 weeks to learn about the dangers of drinking and driving. Part of the curriculum of this class was a psychological test that was designed to determine the potential for alcoholism. The questions on this test seemed very normal to me, so I did my best to answer them as a “non-alcoholic” would answer.
Feeling pretty good about my ability to get over on the system, I was shocked and angered to find out I did not “pass” this test. I was told that I was at high risk for alcoholism based upon some of my answers. One of the answers that I got “wrong” was to the following question: Do you have night sweats? Well, I am a smart guy and I know that everyone sweats, so I answered yes. Now, apparently this was a trick question…. How in hell did they know that I would wake up in the morning and there would be a soaking wet imprint of me on my sheets? Apparently not everyone sweats profusely at night! Who knew?
So now here it is, the morning of this looming appointment. I am hung over. My parents (who are not drinkers) are shocked that I would take such little care of myself prior to this appointment. On this night, they had been waiting for me to get home, as they sometimes did, most likely in fear that I would not make it home. This night was much like the rest; I staggered through the door sometime around 4:30 am. I do not recall what, if any, interaction took place at that time. After getting about three hours of sleep, my parents awoke me to get ready for my appointment.
My father drove me to the place where I was to have my session, probably because they wanted to make sure I went through with it, but also because I was likely still intoxicated from the night I had just spent drinking. There was also a “higher” reason for him to be there, which will be revealed to you shortly.
I remember what happened next as if it happened just this morning. The details are surprisingly sharp in my mind even though it is almost 26 years later. I walked up to the receptions area and announced who I was and who I was there to see. The receptionist looked through the appointment book and turned a few pages. She asked me again who I was there to see and what my name was. She asked me to wait there for a minute while she checked with the counselor. When the receptionist returned, she stated very bluntly that the reason she did not have me on her list for that day was because my appointment was scheduled a week prior. I had missed my scheduled appointment!
My mind went suddenly blank and my heart sank to my stomach. I turned to my father and spoke the words that would set in motion the most profound change my young life had experienced, “Dad, I am ready to go to rehab.” This request had come from “out of the blue” as I had been battling with my parents about my drinking and their desire for me to get help. I had steadfastly denied any problem, using the old adage, “I can quit anytime I want.”
“Dad, I am ready to go to rehab.”
For me to ask for help at that moment in time was, in my opinion, a Divine intervention. I had not considered making such a change in my life at any time. I was valued in my workplace even though my employer knew full well what my lifestyle was. I also enjoyed my job very much and was in fear that being away for a week, or, God forbid, a month, may jeopardize my employment.
Hitting bottom for me came as a surprise. Speaking the words “I am ready” came out of my body as if a spirit guide had thrust itself into the physical realm and did for me what I could not do for myself. This is the moment of pure creation that I am so incredibly grateful for till this day.
I had no idea at the time what I was getting myself into. I had heard about rehabs, and I had even attended a few minutes of an AA meeting once because a friend of mine had been mandated by the Courts to go. I really did not know much more about where I was heading and how profoundly my life would change. What I did know is that I was tired, and I was feeling like I had quite possibly made a mistake that New York State might have punished me for. For the first time, I was afraid that I had become exactly what most everyone who knew me knew I was: an addict.
I shared this story with you here to show the depth of where I was at in my life at the age of 21. Everybody’s bottom is different; and for some, the bottom is death of their physical body. My bottom may be considered by some to be a “shallow” bottom. What this means is that I did not lose much in the way of material possessions. I didn’t completely alienate my family and friends. I was not living on the streets, begging for money so that I could pay for my drug of choice.
I was at the place that was perfect for me to transition my life path. My soul gave me the exact right situation, with the exact perfect people, in the one place and time that I would be able to make the choice to change. Nothing happens in this world by coincidence. And for me, it is very clear that my story can make a difference in the lives of other people suffering with the pain of addiction.
I will be sharing with you in this series of blogs what the first year of recovery was like for me. Although we all have our own path to freedom, I believe there are some very important decisions that enabled me to remain substance-free through the trials and tribulations of early recovery. So stay tuned to learn more about me through my experience of getting clean and staying sober. I thank you for being here to read this and hope that these words of my personal journey to recovery may inspire you or someone you know to make that hard choice to move into the unknown.
The next article will describe my seven days in the detoxification ward of the Ellenville New York Hospital.
(Kevin McCormack, C.A.d, is a certified addictions professional, as well as a Conversations with God Life Coach, and a Spiritual helper on www.changingchange.net. You can visit his website for more information at www.Kevin-Spiritualmentor.com To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@theglobalconversation.com)
The most generally accepted definition of addiction in the treatment and medical community is “continued use in spite of negative consequences.” The reason this designation has been given is to point out the leading indicator of those suffering with the addictive behaviors and compulsive disorders; and that is denial. It is my intention in this article to point out negative consequences of the different types of addictive behaviors and compulsive disorders. In doing so, this gives us the opportunity to examine our own actions, as well as heighten our awareness of those around us.
There are certainly different levels of addictions; we have used the term in this column “soft addictions” and “hard addictions.” The consequences for the hard addictions have wide-sweeping impacts. The families, employers, co-workers, and many times innocent bystanders get caught in the dragnet of hard addictions. Try finding somebody who hasn’t been in some way affected by addiction, then let me know when you find one.
Soft addictions, however, the consequences are mainly directed at the person in question. Typically, the soft-addictions person appears to have life pretty much all together. This person may simply being addicted to being lazy. They will sit around every chance they get, doing very little physical exercise, if any. Their body over time begins to suffer the negative fallout and breaks down earlier than it should. Sloth is a very common form of dependence that typically goes untreated.
With the computer age well in hand, obsessive and compulsive use of the internet and our wireless devices has taken over the lives of many. I have already written a blog on this called “Beyond the Big Five.” The typical results from seeking the brain reward chemicals from our electronics is that we become very removed from social interaction. The instant gratification we receive temporarily relieves the need for companionship. Like all addictions, however, our tolerance grows and we seek more and more gratification from the virtual reality we have created.
Food addiction is a very complicated subject, and even more complicated to evaluate. There are those for whom food takes on the form of a hard addiction. For some, it is clear that the negative consequences of obesity signals the need for treatment; however, many of us can have less damaging addictive traits surrounding our food. I have noticed in my life that when I overindulge in sugars, that my mental and spiritual connection are diminished. This is clearly a negative consequence in my life, yet some days I will still partake in this behavior. Although the softer food addiction still has many adverse effects on our lives, they are nonetheless obstacles to experiencing joy in its fullest form.
The sex addict who fathers eight children with eight different women, all the while being married to the same person over the entire time, is suffering the consequences of addiction and at the same time causing a giant ripple of destruction in the lives of all the people involved. The “hot” school teacher who knows full well that having any relationship with a student, let alone a sexual one, and proceeds to do so without regard for “what is true,” will experience the wrath of negative consequences sooner or later. We have seen this countless times, so much so that we don’t even seem to be upset by it anymore, unless of course the teacher isn’t “hot” or a female.
The “lighter” side of sex addiction is pornography. This, very much like the internet addiction, is a compulsion of solitude. The effect this has on a person can be seen in their outward body, as well as their social interaction. Any meaningful relationship becomes compromised at some point. Trust boundaries are trampled on and self-esteem issues abound for those involved with the porn addict. Without treatment, this person ends up leading a very lonely life.
As with all addictions and compulsive disorders, denial is the obstacle to recovery. In many cases, not only is the addict in denial, but the family members will be as well. Our society has one major addiction that most of us indulge in, that is the reliance upon a belief that we don’t need help from anyone. “We can do it ourselves” we say, without having the first clue where to turn.
The definition of denial is the refusal to accept what is true. Truth as we all know comes in many flavors. The truth we are talking about here is what is observably true. It is fairly safe to say that given the information in today’s society, if a person gets caught driving while intoxicated one time. they made a huge mistake and showed terrible judgment. If that same person then repeats that behavior and has a second offense, they have crossed the line into addiction. The non-addicted person who gets a DUI never makes that mistake again.
“The truth will set you free” it is said, and recovery from all types of addiction require it. We must tell truth about our self to our self We then should tell the truth to our self about someone else. Once we get to this point, we will then be willing to tell the truth about our self to another. When we get to a higher place of evolution, we will begin to tell the truth about another to that other, and this is service to humanity. At this point, we begin to tell the truth to everyone about everything. This is how the world evolves. This is how we create peace on earth and goodwill towards men.
(Kevin McCormack is a Conversations with God Life Coach, a Spiritual helper on www.changingchange.net, and an Addictions recovery advisor. You can visit his website for more information at www.Kevin-Spiritualmentor.com To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@theglobalconversation.com)
With the odds of beating addiction and leading a productive life so low, the question has to be asked: Why do some recover? What is it that those few people are doing that opens up the door for an addiction-free life?
There are many factors involved, Divine intervention being one of them! But overall, the current path showing the best results are the 12-step programs. “So what are they doing that other programs are not?” you may ask. And I am here to tell you what I believe it is.
The fundamental aspect of the 12-step programs is that you do not go it alone. One of the very first suggestions to a newcomer is to get a sponsor. It is strongly suggested that the person you choose to be your sponsor has at least one year in the program, goes to meetings regularly, has a sponsor them self, and inspires you to stick around. This person should be of the same sex; or in cases of gay or lesbian, they should be the opposite sex. Many deep emotional processes will be encountered in this relationship, and having a romantic interest would destroy the sanctity of the sponsor.
It is well-known in the 12-step world that if you ignore this suggestion, the chances of your gaining long-term sobriety are bleak. Addiction is a disease of denial and deception. And who knows better if you are living in denial or deceit than someone who is all too familiar with those states of being? The old saying “You can’t bullcrap a bullcrapper” (insert your own profanity if you so choose) really applies here.
“An addict alone is in bad company”
Life was not intended to be lived in solitary. We live in the Realm of Relativity and we need others to help us shape our perspective. This is especially true to the recovering person as they have spent nearly their entire existence telling lies. This reminds me of a 12-step joke. Please indulge me here….
“Do you know how to tell if a newcomer is lying?” says one 12-stepper to another? “Yes,” the other person says, “when their lips are moving!”
Sometimes recovery is down and dirty and you have to assume the worst in order to help someone get through a tough time. The one thing old-timers in the rooms know, pulling punches never helps anyone. You have to be straight, direct, blunt, and willing to alienate someone if your gut instincts tell you they are up to their old tricks.
This is the area that the 12-step programs have nailed down perfectly. We do not need to have people in our lives that tell us what we want to hear. What everyone needs are people surrounding them who will speak their truth at all times. Compulsive behaviors, addiction, and deception cannot be practiced in the light of honesty and openness; this is what gives way to long-term sobriety. The Tenth Step says something profound:
“We continue to take personal inventory, and when we are wrong, promptly admit it.”
Wow! Imagine the world for just a moment if everyone used just that tiny part of the 12-step program in their daily life! Nevermind the humility it takes to do that, but think about the amazing conversations that we would be having with each other. Humans would bond together like molecules of water, ebbing and flowing with purpose through life. Some may argue that there is no “right and wrong.” And I will give you that. So let’s change the wording slightly:
“We continue to take personal inventory. And when we become aware that something we are doing is not an expression of who and what we are at our core, we promptly seek to make the changes necessary to bring ourselves back into alignment.”
Let’s face it, we are human. And “to err is human.” This is the beauty of the Realm of the Relative. We always have events occurring that could use improvement. This is a process of evolution we are in here, and we have many opportunities to move along that path together. Every opportunity to express ourselves in our highest expression moves us to a place of greater understanding. By purposefully being aware of our own behavior, how it is sent, and how it is received, we offer ourselves and the other the space for expansion.
(Kevin McCormack is a Conversations with God Life Coach, a Spiritual helper on www.changingchange.net, and an Addictions recovery advisor. You can visit his website for more information at www.Kevin-Spiritualmentor.com To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@theglobalconversation.com)
For most of the addicted community, the disease has been brought on by the conscious decision to use substances that are likely to cause dependence. Typically, drug and alcohol use begins in response to trauma, peer pressure, stress, or overall lack of concern for the outcome. Nobody ever picked up a drink or a drug thinking that someday they may be so hopelessly addicted they would lie, cheat, steal, rape, assault, even murder under the influence. “It won’t happen to me” is the usual thinking.
It is my belief that the genetic aspect of addiction should be taught to everyone at an early age. This would enable everyone to fully understand the nature of their choice to drink or do drugs and what the consequences of that choice may render. I understand that testing would be too costly and not a very good use of anyone’s money. For most, simple observation of their family tree would let them know if they stand a good chance of being predisposed to the possibility of addiction.
But this article is going to target a different segment of the addicted population. There are many people who have unknowingly, unintentionally, even unwillingly become addicted to prescription drugs. This may have started from something as simple as a slip-and-fall injury, a car accident, or some other type of pain-causing trauma. Innocently enough, they went to their doctor and discussed the pain and what could be done about it. Most doctors (not all) are pretty quick to prescribe narcotic pain medication to their patients.
It has been my own personal experience that doctors freely prescribe dangerous narcotics for routine procedures and surgeries. I have personally been given a prescription for narcotics after having my wisdom teeth removed. It was my experience that a few Advil took care of any pain I had. Just recently I had hip surgery and was prescribed Oxycodone even though I told the doctor there was no chance I would ever take it. My experience post-surgery was that I did not even need an aspirin!
Here is something shocking, and I do hope there is a medical doctor reading this that is willing to vouch for the validity of what I am about to tell you. Most medical doctors only receive a few hours of training on addiction in their entire school career! I do wonder how things would change if they realized that the drugs they are prescribing could possible send their patients spiraling out of control?
The sad truth is that too many people believe that addiction is not a disease (doctors included) and that addiction is just a moral deficiency. Most people who do not have trouble controlling the prescriptions they take and the alcohol they drink are not willing to believe that other people cannot do the same. These so-called “normal people,” the ones who drink one beer and call it a night, or take one tablet of Vicodin every 4 – 6 hours as needed, they are the ones who can be most beneficial in assisting the addicted people into treatment. They are the ones with the clear mind to think with.
People under the influence of narcotics, suffering with addiction, do not have good judgment. Denial is a key indicator for addiction. Believe it or not, the addict has tricked themself into believing that they somehow need to double, triple, quadruple the dosage of the Vicodin because their pain is “worse” than most people’s, and seeing as their doctor “can’t see that,” they end up going to multiple doctors. Once all of the doctors figure out what they are doing and put an end to it, the addict “who knows better than the professional” seeks out the black market or a drug dealer for the drugs.
These people I am writing about here are doctors, lawyers, nurses, police, firemen, postal workers, moms and dads, grandmas and grandpas, sisters and brothers, priests and nuns, rabbis and Imams. Addiction crosses all lines and cultural boundaries. Those who know these people and see their behavior can do them the biggest favor ever and simply recognize it with them. These are typically family members that know what is going on yet are afraid to do anything about it.
Let me ask you this: If you won’t say something to the addicted, who will? Can you come from a deep place of love and compassion without judgment and condemnation? Can you set aside your own lack of understanding about the disease of addiction and just extend a hand to a drowning person?
For an addict to ask for help, many factors must fall into place, and none of them are pleasant. It is called “hitting the bottom” for a reason; those who reach out for help are at a place where they never thought they would go. Sometimes that window of opportunity is only open for a very short time. It generally takes deep legal troubles, relationship woes, financial ruin, homelessness, or a major health crisis related to usage for the addict to admit they have a problem.
Enabling by family members only ensures a much deeper and possibly tragic bottom for the addict.
The good news here is this: Those who become “accidentally addicted” have a much greater success rate in recovery than do the people who knowingly take illegal drugs for what some would call recreational usage.
The spiritual recovery program is perfectly suited for these people. They are usually not able to relate to the hardcore drug addicts found in the Twelve Step programs, although some do just fine there. What they need to do is to overhaul their own belief system and become aware of the power they hold over their own lives. Taking on an approach to life that embraces fellowship, personal integrity, and openness is a vital key to sustained sobriety as well as increasing the quality of life.
Most people will agree that relapse is less likely to occur in the life of a happy, outgoing person. For those seeking to improve their conscious contact with a Higher Power, happiness is a natural byproduct. Using a support group in the pursuit of spiritual living encourages a sense of belonging and family that all humans desire. Seeking support from coaches and counselors is also highly recommended in the early stages of recovery.
(Kevin McCormack is a Conversations with God Life Coach, a Spiritual helper on www.changingchange.net, and an Addictions recovery advisor. You can visit his website for more information at www.Kevin-Spiritualmentor.com To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@theglobalconversation.com)
That’s right, I hear voices — four of them actually. And tonight I recognized them and saw very clearly what was happening, and it started with a prayer. I prayed while laying in savasana after an inspiring yoga class. My prayer was a simple one, a typical one even. I knew I had to get this blog up. And I am somewhat of an inspirational writer. What I mean by that is when something in my life inspires me, the thoughts come fast and furious. When this happens, I need to get to the computer quickly or at the very least a pad and pen.
This past week, I haven’t had the opportunity to let those things that I felt inspired to write about get written down or entered into the computer. My busy life was stringing out my current blog past when it was time to change it and I needed some inspiration. So I prayed. I asked God in what I recognized was my voice, “God, please bring through me the words that those reading my blog this week are seeking to hear.” I continued in my head with the invocation, although this one had a different voice, albeit it was still my voice. The inflection was not as strong and committed, and it stuttered a little.
The prayer continued in this shaky voice, “Please, God, let this blog be of great service.”
This is where it became interesting. Another voice almost simultaneously, yet seemingly behind the shaky voice, a higher pitched, tense, and uneasy voice, was saying, “Let this be of great service to me as well.”
Just as that voice started to say that, another voice came in and chimed, “You can’t ask for this to serve you!” This voice was clearly different, as were all four of the voices, yet they were, strangely enough, all my voice. It was very clear to me while this was happening ,that these were all my thoughts with my different data attached to them surrounding what each statement was.
This noticing of my thoughts, and the voices attached to them, was fairly unique to me. I have listened to the voices in my head many times and always wondered what was going on there. I have been intrigued about how many different levels there are in my mind. And that kicked off another whole set of thoughts and voices.
The thought process fascinated me, especially with the level of clarity and awareness in which it occurred. I quickly had the thought, “This is the blog!” As soon as I made that decision, I had two simultaneous things going on in my head.
The first was, “Don’t forget this!” I began to repeat the topic over and over in my head so I would remember: “I hear voices, I hear voices…” While repeating that mantra, my secondary thoughts were flying about, “How does this tie in to addiction?” One voice said, “You can’t write about something like that. What if it harms someone?” While immediately another voice said, “Oh, my God, people who hear voices need to read this. They need to know that maybe those voices are there to bring awareness to our thoughts.” This very same voice said, “You must write this article.”
And so that conversation took place in my head in a two-minute span while laying on a floor in a 105 degree room, soaking wet after a ninety-minute yoga class where every aspect of my being was pushed to the limits. This incredible insight happened because I took time for myself. I made time for me and only me to honor what God has given me, a beautiful mind capable of multi-layered thought, an incredible body that is able to do more than I ever give it credit for, and a soul in which to rely upon and seek wisdom, compassion, discipline, and insight from.
You see, recovery is about always seeking greater insight into ourselves, the world around us, and to expand our consciousness of what we believe our Creator to be. If I seek to remain open, and never declare anything to be the ultimate truth, that leaves me with the power to recreate myself and my world at any moment. When you are in a state of mind that is seeking higher states of Divinity, there is no room for relapse.
I understand that for some hearing voices is a sign of mental illness, and that should not be taken lightly, nor should it be made fun of. What I am encouraging people to do here is take a concept and think deeply on it. What I did only took two minutes and the feeling and inspiration was phenomenal.
(Kevin McCormack is a Conversations with God Life Coach, a Spiritual helper on www.changingchange.net, and an Addictions recovery advisor. You can visit his website for more information at www.Kevin-Spiritualmentor.com To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@theglobalconversation.com)
Soft addictions are patterns of behavior we develop as coping mechanisms. These so-called addictions are considered endogenous in the treatment community. What this means is that the end result of the behavior is an internal release of reward chemicals in the brain.
Human beings are all reward driven. Some of us like the reward of excitement, that feeling of being “on top of the world,” and there are others who seek to feel more repressed or subdued. Regardless of which you are, you would not choose to continue to live if you could not experience an emotional reward.
Truly depressed people will share that their life is dark and empty, with no meaning. These people are experiencing a life with little or no reward; and many who are truly in this place choose to end their lives. It has been said that no normally functioning person could imagine what the person whose brain chemistry lacking in reward chemicals experiences.
These naturally occurring chemicals are either dopamine or serotonin, and they control our moods. When we have extra dopamine flowing, we are considered “high” or excited. When we inhibit our serotonin levels, we are mellow or maybe even depressed. Just for the sake comparison, cocaine is considered to be a dopaminergic drug; it increases the amount of dopamine in the synapses of the brain, giving us the reward of a high. Alcohol is considered gabainergic, which is a depressant. Alcohol acts to lower serotonin levels throughout the body.
When we find a particular behavior that seems to work to bring the desired result, some of us become dependent on them. When this dependency stops us from maturing and developing other coping mechanisms, that addiction takes place. The difficulty in diagnosis is that most of the so-called “soft” addictions are common behaviors that, much like drugs and alcohol, if consumed correctly and with moderation, are very normal human actions. What defines them as addictions is also the same as with drugs: “repeated usage in spite of negative consequences.” You will see this phrase used in this column often.
When you lose multiple jobs from being tardy or absent, you may want to see if you are continuing unhelpful behaviors in spite of negative consequences.
If you find your partners, whether they be spouse or other, continue to leave you, citing your behavior, it may be time to see if you have been repeating behaviors that bring negative consequences.
Do you know all the first names of the police officers in your town because they have all given you tickets? This is continued dangerous driving in spite of negative consequences. And just to let you know, when a normal driver, one who is not seeking brain-reward chemicals from speeding or running red lights, gets a ticket, they take the blame for it and see to it that it never happens again. Okay, I’ll admit, I needed to hear that and see it in writing as well! My own son termed me a “habitual traffic offender.” Nothing like the innocence of a young one to help break down your denial!
Do your friends not want to hang out with you anymore because you argue all the time? Have you ever admitted to being wrong about something? Have you admitted you were wrong just to win another argument and be proven right again? Has anyone ever called you “Mr. or Mrs. Right,” first name “Always”? The addiction to being right could be one of the most damaging behavioral defects in our society. The effects are very clear to all but those who are smitten by this very divisive, anti-social, ego-driven compulsion.
These are just a few of the soft addictions that plague humanity and keep us from experiencing our full potential as Triune Beings. The willingness to look at ourselves and do a simple inventory of our lives and experiences we have had can unlock the door to the freedom and joy that we all say we wish to experience. The world outside of us does not need to change for this to happen, and we would do well to stop waiting for the world to change before we do.
Recovery is a personal journey that starts when we turn our focus inward and confront the reality which is our lives to date. Every act is an act of self-definition, meaning everything we have said or done is who we are. The hardest thing to do is give ourselves an honest and open appraisal. The help of another person on the same journey is extremely important for us to arrive at our own truth.
Denial is the biggest obstacle to recovery. When we continuously place the blame of negative experiences outside of ourselves, we are in a reactive pattern. Keep this in mind: When you have one finger pointing at someone or something other than yourself, you have three fingers pointing back at you.
(Kevin McCormack is a Conversations with God Life Coach, a Spiritual helper on www.changingchange.net, and an Addictions recovery advisor. You can visit his website for more information at www.Kevin-Spiritualmentor.com To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@theglobalconversation.com)
