The Twelve Steps were originally written by Dr. Bob and Bill W. in 1939. They are to this day considered the foundation of recovery for all types of addictions and compulsive disorders. And without question, the application of the Twelve Steps into one’s life gives the best chances of long-term sobriety. It has long been my belief that there is no human condition the Twelve Steps could not improve. They are simply a guide to living life in an honest, open-minded, humble, intentional, and responsible manner. What I cannot believe is that there has not been anyone who dares to expand on them, until now.
I am going to offer an alternative to the original Twelve Steps. I want to be very clear here, these are not meant to replace the Twelve Steps, they are not intended to imply that there is something wrong with the Twelve Steps. There is, however, something that has troubled me — and from what I now know, this has been a huge stumbling block for others as well — and that is the idea that we are somehow powerless. For those who do not know, the current First Step states: “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanageable.”
A great friend of mine laughingly says, “I don’t remember booze jumping down my throat on its own.” I am very clear that it was my thought to go to the bar, it was my words that asked for the drink, and it was my hand that lifted the poison to my lips. I see no powerlessness there; I see the deliberate, albeit insane, act of doing the same thing over and over, all the while expecting different results. I will grant you that after the first one, I was compelled to continue drinking by the mind-numbing action of the alcohol, coupled with its amazing ability to make me feel like I fit in. This is the point where I felt the most powerless. And even then, I was able to regulate my intake enough to not overdose or get sick; that is, most of the time…. So was I truly powerless?
The other bone of contention I have heard from people, and again I would agree with, is the labeling of oneself as an “alcoholic” or “addict.” Anyone who has spent any time in the spiritual community or with a life-coach or a counselor knows that the word directly following “I am” is an extremely powerful word. Taking on such a label for the rest of one’s life could, in fact, bring about a relapse or a repeat of the past. Many in the Twelve Step programs have chosen to alter that saying with statements such as “I am a grateful recovering addict.” This is a step in the right direction as far as I am concerned. A truthful and extremely powerful statement would look more like the following: “Hi. My name is Kevin. I am choosing sobriety.”
Maybe the original thought when writing the Steps was based on the knowledge of the terrible guilt, shame, and remorse most of us feel when we hit the bottom and seek help. Somehow the word “powerless” seems to take us off the hook for the horrible behavior and unthinkable selfishness that we continually expressed. Maybe the sheer thought of taking full responsibility right off the bat would send the genetically predisposed addicts right back to their drug of choice. Is that a good enough reason to use the word “powerless”? I will leave that up to you.
What I am going to do here is create a new First Step, one that allows us to acknowledge our own divinity and at the same time gives us the opportunity to admit that our choices up to this point were not in the best interest of ourselves, our loved ones, or anyone whom our behavior damaged in any way.
This new First Step will be the largest step, the most intensive step. And just like the original AA First Step, it will be the most difficult step. There will be no rushing through this or any of the new spirituality steps to recovery. The days of someone going over to their sponsor’s house for the weekend to do all Twelve Steps are over. This is a lifetime of work that we are about to undertake here. After all, the reason for getting sober is to live, right? The reason for making a drastic change to your way of life is to live a joyful and full life, right? So how can one do that by spending a weekend working on the erroneous thoughts they have spent their whole life tending to?
Reading words in a book and feeling them in your gut only makes them a concept with which you resonate; it does not bring about a knowing. Experiencing those words in your own actions is what will cause you to know them as real. There is a huge difference between thinking, believing, and knowing. Thoughts change all the time. New thoughts pop up by the thousands per second, not always our highest thoughts by the way! Beliefs are also subject to change based upon things we see and how we interpret them in our mind. Knowing is something different altogether. When you know something to be true, you will base your life around it.
So without further ado, I offer you the first in a series of new spirituality steps to use in the process of changing those lifelong behaviors, attitudes, addictions, compulsions, or obsessions that have alienated family, friends, and loved ones, harmed countless other people, and left your life lonely, empty, and dark.
Step 1. I see that the way in which I have chosen to live does not work. I am now ready to create myself anew as a sober, responsible, and accountable member of society.
This step will require much work be done, as it clearly states that everything we thought we knew about living life was faulty or no longer viable. We will need tremendous support and guidance in building a new foundation for our lives. As the original program states, “You need to change your people, places, and things.” Having those around us who are willing to tell us when we are not being who we now say we are and reeling us back in when we fall prey to old thoughts and behaviors will be vital to sustained change.
I once again will state that I am really clear that for 20 percent of the addicted population, the Alcoholics Anonymous Twelve Steps are working quite well. What I find incredibly disturbing is that leaves 80 percent of the group in the grip of this continuing and progressive illness without an option.
It is my belief that the soul brings us to the physical so that we may experience ourselves in ways never before experienced. In honoring that belief, I feel it is my duty to offer this new solution to one of life’s biggest problems. Stay tuned. This is only Part One in a series of blogs that will re-write the Twelve Steps to align with the new spirituality.
(Kevin McCormack is a Conversations with God Life Coach, a Spiritual helper on www.changingchange.net, Addictions recovery advisor. To connect with Kevin please email him at Kevin@theglobalconversation.com)
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