The Global Conversation

Tag: cwg

  • What the heck are we toasting?

    At 12:19 two lives in my community changed forever.  One 17-year-old dead and another 17-year-old under house arrest, charged with intoxicated homicide while driving.

    Intoxicated.  Tested an hour after the crash and still three times the legal limit.  Allegedly, her step-father gave her the alcohol.  Allegedly, the young man’s grandmother, with whom he lived, was at a club, and his parents lost in their own addictions.

    Men in many countries not considered good businessmen if they don’t go out and drink in the evening.

    The apartment across from me installed their wine refrigerator weeks before they moved their furniture in when I lived in Denmark.

    The examples of how alcohol has become a pillar of many cultures are boundless.

    How can this happen?  What are we doing to ourselves?

    All around the “civilized” world, it is considered not just acceptable, but encouraged; and if one does not drink, you are suspect.

    CWG says that nothing is wrong, only not working, and it is up to us to decide if it is working for us.  God says that one day we will simply choose to not abuse our bodies with drink, drugs and food that doesn’t belong in our bodies.  God also says that if we destroy the world as we know it, the world will still go on…just in a different way.

    The 17-year-olds’ worlds have been destroyed and will now have to go on in a very different way.  Life after life is being destroyed because of alcohol, but why?

    How many beer/alcohol commercials are there during sporting events?  Do watchers not see that this is in direct conflict with the healthy bodies they expect the athletes to maintain?  Why are they surprised and outraged when an athlete gets into a fight in a bar and shoots someone?  Why are they surprised when they take performance-enhancing drugs?  Are they really worse than the legal drug of alcohol?  As CWG says, helping someone who is on their deathbed die with dignity and releasing them from pain is illegal…but killing yourself (and possibly taking others with you) slowly, because it is legal, is perfectly acceptable.  Huh?

    I believe CWG is correct, once again, in saying it is because we do not know who we are, or are not taught it is okay to be who we really are.  I believe it is because we are afraid of our greatness.  If we didn’t medicate and actually faced the world as it is, what might change?  Do you think that we would like what we see?  Do you think that we might choose not to destroy our bodies, and our minds, and possibly our world?

    If we took back our greatness…if we saw ourselves as individuations of the Divine…do you think we might see that we have become part of a collective Stockholm Syndrome?  Will we see we have fallen in love with the very thing that enslaves us?

    What do you think, beyond words, might be done to change this, to influence the collective, by us as individuals?  I will throw out the first ideas…

    Change the channel.

    Or don’t drink…it is a choice, not an addiction, for the biggest majority of us.

    Or write your television station requesting such ads be removed…it worked to remove tobacco ads from TV in the United States.

    There are so many things I can think of that could begin to change this way of being in this world…tell me what ideas you can think of…

    Tell me what you are already doing and how you are already demonstrating your greatness!  Maybe others will follow if they know they are not alone.

    (Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of, and Spiritual Helper at, the global website at www.cwghelpingoutreach.com  She may be contacted at:  Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)

  • My Will be done

    My life is in a period of transition, and I couldn’t be happier.  Change is inevitable and oftentimes met with resistance.  Spiritual teachers profess that happiness can be maintained through life changes by letting go of our resistance to them.  Suffering is the result of our unwillingness to accept the transformations as they occur.  Mastery is the result of intentionally inviting change into our lives.

    Suffering is the result of our unwillingness to accept the transformations as they occur.

    I have reached the point of mastery in my trade without really even knowing I was doing so.  18 years ago, I had my own business subcontracting window treatment installations for decorators and designers in a highly affluent area of New York.  I was very good with my hands and was very successful as a drapery and blind installer.  I had trained to be an interior plantation shutter installer and fell in love with doing those installations. The pay was fantastic, but it was the physical challenges and rewards I really loved.

    Very quickly I became the number one installer in the greater New York area, receiving recommendations by the top shutter manufactures and their wholesalers.  Shutters where not terribly popular in the Northeast back then.  And to this day, they still are not nearly as sought after there as they are in the southern and western states of the U.S.  But it was my dream to be just a shutter installer full time.

    My business was very successful and financially rewarding. I enjoyed being my own boss.  At the young age of 30, I was doing pretty well.

    One day, my then wife came home with the news that she had a great offer to work for a large entertainment company in Orlando, Florida.  She asked me if I was willing to move, and without hesitation, I said yes!  I had never really considered moving from New York, especially to Florida, but I knew that Florida was a good market for shutters.  Three months later, I was living in the Sunshine State.

    As soon as I hit the ground in Orlando, I cracked open the phone book and started calling shutter companies to see if any of them needed an installer. I landed a job the very next day.

    My time at that job was very short, as I did not resonate with the owner and the product they were using.  I had grown accustomed to working with the very finest shutters in the business and found my standards to be above what that company was used to.  So I turned to the company that had been recommended to me and I gave them a call.  Two days later, I would start working for them.

    It has now been 18 years for me with that company and I feel blessed beyond words to have had the opportunity to do what I truly love doing.  I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I manifested my desires and the universe was more than willing to oblige me.  I have mastered my trade at the highest level because I followed my passion and truly believed that it was possible for me when the opportunity to move presented itself.

    I have now come full circle with installing shutters.  I have worked in every aspect of the shutter industry and feel that my time here is nearly complete.  A little over a year ago, I went to my employer and told him that I was beginning to prepare for my next career and that I would likely only be with him for another year.  Now, that year has turned into almost 2, but my plans have not changed.  I told him that the one last thing I wished to accomplish was training a suitable replacement for myself.

    I can feel the universe lining up once again in my favor as I invite this change fearlessly into my life.  For the last two weeks, I have been training a new installer, and it appears that he may, in fact, have the very same drive I had over 18 years ago.

    A dear friend once told me that he would much rather initiate change in his own life than have life impose its changes upon him.  I couldn’t agree more.  I understand that sometimes change comes in uninvited.

    All change is for the better, and even though we may not see that, time will always reveal this great truth.  Today, when I was remembering my decision to move to Florida, I saw the perfection in life and knew that it wasn’t simply luck or coincidence; it was the result of pure desire and passion. If time has not revealed the gift of your change, you are simply not ready to view it yet.

    I eagerly await the transition that I am currently under.  At times I think, “Why isn’t this coming faster?”  “What am I doing wrong?”  And then I look back and realize that it just isn’t time yet.  I am doing all the right things.  How do I know this?  Because once again, I am following my passion and my desire, and experience tells me this works.

    I try to do something every day that moves me in the direction that I desire to go.  I surround myself with people who will support me in my journey.  I have taken courses to expand my knowledge of the industry I am choosing to be in and feel prepared to seamlessly transition into my next career.  Indeed, I am already doing it!

    We are powerful creators as human beings.  Many times we do not credit ourselves enough for the things in our life that bring us joy.  Without having the belief that these things can be ours, we will never have them.

    Join us Path to Peace recovery retreat in Orlando, Florida, October 24 – 27th.  JR Westen and myself are taking the messages found within the ”Conversations with God”  Cosmology, along with our combined 53 years of personal recovery from alcohol, drug, and food addictions, and offering these retreats as a means of returning people to their authentic selves.  We understand the difficulty people face with overcoming these challenges in life and offer a simple, compassionate, and effective means of living a happy, joyous, and free life. These retreats are not simply a weekend long reprieve from our troubles.  Each attendee will be introduced to past and future participants through our community Facebook page.  In addition, any past participant can attend any future P2P retreat for any donation they wish to make.  You read that right – any donation, from $1 to infinity.  We have seen the lives of people change and remain changed from these retreats.  If this is for you, click here to register.

    We understand that there may be financial hardships keeping you from attending this retreat.  If you feel you would benefit from this retreat but cannot afford it, please contact Will@cwg.org and ask about our scholarships.  It is our deepest desire to help those who truly seek change and we want nothing to stand in the way of that.

    (Kevin McCormack, C.A.d ,is a certified addictions professional and auriculotherapist.  He is a recovering addict with 26 years of sobriety. Kevin is a practicing auriculotherapist, life coach, and interventionist specializing in individual and family recovery and also co-facilitates spiritual recovery retreats for the CWG foundation with JR Westen. You can visit his website here for more information. To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@TheGlobalConversation.com)

     

  • Who’s judging who…and why?

    I have been having some serious family issues lately, and, I admit, the sound must carry to the neighbors.  I have a religious neighbor (we obviously have very different views and parenting styles) who, out of the blue, came up to tell me, in a condescending way, that they pray for us all the time.  She is so judgmental!  Now, if it someone were to say that to you, how would you respond in a shove it up your you-know-what, kindly kind of way??

    Hillery in Montana

     

    Dear Hillery,

    Very simply, I would thank her for her kind thoughts.  And tell her I can use all the kind thoughts I can get!

    I would also not assume that she is without drama/trauma in her own life, so I might also tell her that I would keep her in my prayers as well.

    You referred to how judgmental she is…let her judge.  You are also judging her.  There is a difference between noticing what is, and being judgmental, BTW.  When there is a negative emotion that attaches itself to our perception of the other person, as opposed to the action, we have moved into judgment.  It is natural to react to this emotion.  It is also likely clear to her that you feel this way, and that you don’t think that her way is okay.  So, the cycle of judgment keeps going on and on.

    But you can stop that cycle, Hillery, simply by noticing what you are doing, noticing that she is doing the best she can, and change your mind about her.  How?  Just take what she really means, (that she knows things are not perfect in your world, and you could likely use a little help), and throw out the doctrine and judgment she brings to it.  That simple shift removes your judgment moving back at her.

    There is a very good chance that she felt awkward about saying anything to you, and that she had to muster up the courage to speak to you.  Further, is it also possible that your reaction to her words is your embarrassment in knowing that others know you are struggling, and are witnessing the drama?   Is it possible that you don’t think it is okay what is happening in your life?   We do seem to want the outside world to see only the perfect little family picture, don’t we?

    Sweet Hillary, is it also possible that the judgment you are reacting to is your self judgment?  If so, stop.  Change your mind.  Don’t let fear (embarrassment) and judgment hold you in place.  Let the energy of her, in essence, saying, “You are not alone.”, be what flows through you.  Know that Divinity does not expect perfection from you, because She thinks you are already perfect, no matter that it may appear it is not.

    You may even wish to strike up a conversation with your neighbor, from a new perspective.  Who knows, she may have been reaching out to you from her pain, and you may be able to help each other.  This might actually be the perfect time to teach her a new prayer:

    Thank you Creator/God, for letting me know that this problem has already been solved.  Please help me now to see my part in that solution.

    Therese

    (Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.cwghelpingoutreach.com  She may be contacted at:                                                              Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)

    An additional resource:  The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services.  The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions.  What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God.  It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.

  • Holy humor

    I’m going to date myself here, but I grew up watching Laugh In and the Carol Burnett Show. I still laugh hysterically if I see a clip of Arte Johnson in his yellow raincoat riding a tricycle and simply tipping over or Ruth Buzzi as Gladys Ormphby. I can’t help but smile if I hear “Sock it to me!” or “Here comes the judge!” or “My name is Edith Ann and I’m six years old.” I get a bit teary eyed hearing “I’m so glad we had this time together” and I can’t think of Tim Conway without thinking of Harvey Korman. I remember sitting around the big colored TV in the living room with my entire family and not a minute went by without us at least chuckling.

    The humor in those shows seemed innocent to me. Yes, some of it was stereotyped (like Goldie Hawn as the “dumb blond”) but as I remember it, it poked fun at humanity in general: at our foibles and quirks, at our idiosyncrasies and eccentricities. Individuals were not targeted for ridicule due to race, religion, orientation, nationality, political views or situations in which they may have found themselves embroiled. The shows (at least the comedy sketches on the Carol Burnett Show) were, for the most part, entirely staged just to make you laugh.

    Several years after Laugh In and the Carol Burnett Show had been on the air, All in the Family first aired. This was, I believe, one of the first shows that intentionally used humor to illustrate the dangers and illuminate the hypocrisy of bigotry and intolerance. It was one of the first shows to use humor to increase the consciousness of the nation. M*A*S*H followed a year later and also used humor not only to raise our consciousness but also to make us aware of the horrors of war and show us how to use humor to cope with life’s daily ups and downs.

    But M*A*S*H, along with two other shows that began that same year, Sanford and Son and Maude, also began to use humor to make fun of, embarrass, denigrate or mock individual characters in the show’s cast. Hawkeye’s relentless persecution of Frank Burns, Fred Sanford’s obvious dislike of his sister-in-law, Esther, and Maude’s disdain for anyone who was not a democratic women’s libber helped make laughing at someone one didn’t like or agree with acceptable. (I realize these shows were not the first: Don Rickles began his career in the 1950s and almost his entire act is centered around making fun of people. Not people in general but very specific people.)

    Many years later, shows like Roseanne, while addressing social issues in much the same way as All in the Family, brought biting sarcasm and wilting diatribes against individuals, both real and fictional, into homes all around the world by the new technologies of cable and satellite TV broadcasts. Now, jokes or graphics making fun of celebrities, political parties, certain faiths, ethnicities, orientations, genders, weights— the list is literally endless— make their way around the world overnight via viral videos or graphics posted on the internet.

    I don’t remember when I first began to question humanity’s use of humor. I do remember writing an article in the early 90s entitled “Prescription for Poison” in which I addressed the issue of humor and children. To a child who hears an “off-color” joke and sees Mom or Dad laugh at that joke, a seed is planted. After all, Mom and Dad don’t like lies, which make them angry, so if what they’re hearing is making them laugh, it must be the truth. And so stereotypes and prejudices and ignorance and hatred and intolerance are all planted in the minds of children without much thought by the adults around them.

    I eventually decided that the only jokes I would tell would be those that involved any group to which I could claim membership. My reasoning was that I knew the pains and struggles of being a member of that group (overweight, gay, female, single mom, black sheep of the family, brainy, etc.) and I had no qualms poking fun of myself in good humor. I no longer find jokes about other groups funny if told by someone who does not belong to that group. (The only exception I make to this rule is that I will tell one very specific “dumb blonde” joke, but then the “dumb blonde” is not really a real group, although it is a stereotype.)

    I hear people making fun of others while I’m standing in line at the grocery story or in the lounge at work or sitting in a waiting room at the doctor’s office or any place where strangers gather momentarily. And I hear people laugh not for the joy of laughing but at the expense of others. I have come to believe that many (most?) people nowadays use humor as a way in which to demonstrate to themselves that they are indeed not only different from but better than those they make fun of or laugh at.

    Laughter really is one of the best medicines out there, but when laughing at others as opposed to laughing at oneself, I believe that laughter becomes more like a medication overdose, toxic to the human psyche. The level of toxicity in our humor is steadily increasing and has even reached lethal doses in some instances. Remember the international incident, involving violent protests in cities all around the world, after a Danish newspaper published cartoons of the prophet Muhammad?

    Being able to laugh at ourselves, at the situations we humans create for ourselves, at how things that seem so “right” at the time can go so “wrong”— that kind of laughter can be a very healing experience. In “When Everything Changes, Change Everything”, Neale Donald Walsch writes, “The opportunity that we have every day is to look straight at what’s going on right now and smile and have a good laugh on ourselves and say, ‘It’s all good.’” (p. 226)

    But note something. He says to “have a good laugh on ourselves.” Not on others. Laughing at our own “mistakes” and our own “failings” can be very healing. It demonstrates that we recognize that, A, we survived our “mistake,” B, that our “failing” taught us something valuable and increased our understanding of Who We Really Are and, C, that we can still be happy even when things appear to be “going wrong.” In other words, being able to laugh at ourselves demonstrates that we have reached a state of acceptance and that we’re still okay with ourselves despite making a “mistake” or “failing” at our latest endeavor. This is when humor becomes holy. When it is healing and healthy and brings happiness to everyone who hears it.

    And now I have a confession to make. I laughed when I wrote the title of this article because I can’t help but hear it in Burt Ward’s voice, although he adds the word “Batman” at the end.

    (Shelly Strauss is a civil rights activist and speaker.  In addition to becoming an ordained minister, she has written 20-plus novels and is the “resident visionary” at One Spirit Project.  Shelly is also a spiritual helper on the ChangingChange website, offering support and guidance to people faced with unexpected and unwelcome change .)

  • Are you in a “trade” relationship?

     

    I am so angry.  I have been in a marriage for 32 years.  I have been faithful.  I have given him children.  AND I have had a full time job.  Now I find he wants a divorce, and wants to be free to be with other women.  Now I am all alone, he wants to leave me with the kids, the stress is making my job performance suffer and I am at risk for losing my job, and he is off having his fun.  I need him!  Is this God being fair??  

    Rhea 

     

    Dear Rhea,

    I am so sorry you are going through this right now.  I get that it doesn’t seem fair.

    Since I don’t have the luxury of an ongoing dialog, like I do over at The CWG Helping Outreach, I am going to be quite direct.

    You talk about your relationship in terms of him getting what he wants, and you not being treated fairly…you do not speak of losing your soulmate, or the love of your life or any other endearing term.  Which leads me to ask what you expected of marriage…why were you in the marriage?  I often ask, and I will ask you:  What is your definition of Love?

    I think that what “Conversations With God” has to say about this subject is particularly pertinent right now.  In chapter 8 of book 1, it talks about how we define Love.  In this chapter God says:

     

    “For most people, love is a response to need fulfillment.

    Everyone has needs. You need this, another needs that. You both see in each other a chance for need fulfillment. So you agree—tacitly—to a trade. I’ll trade you what I’ve got if you’ll give me what you’ve got.

    It’s a transaction. But you don’t tell the truth about it. You don’t say, “I trade you very much.” You say, “I love you very much,” and then the disappointment begins.”

     

    A relationship that is healthy, even if it does not last forever, begins with knowing that we are complete with or without that other person in our lives, and having a desire to share that completeness with another, hoping to enhance their lives and yours in the process of sharing.  We all need help along the way, and none of us live in this perfect little love zone all of the time, but it is what healthy relationships are based on, and what they return to when the dramas in life end.  In fact, getting back to that space is what causes the drama to end.

    Further, Rhea, we most often think of “relationships” as having to do with romance.  In reality, we are having a relationship with everything in our world all the time.  We know who we are relative to all that is around us, and how we act on those relationships depends on our thoughts about those things, including our thoughts about who we are.  Our thoughts create our experience.  Hard to believe, I know, when we are in the middle of traumatic changes in our lives, like the ones you are going through right now.  Our thoughts do create our experiences, (not to be confused with events) and you can change your experience right now by changing your thoughts about why this is happening.  One very good tool, among many good tools out there, to help you change your thoughts, is the book, “When Everything Changes, Change Everything” that Neale wrote.  (Information about the website is below, and the book can be read for free on the website!)

    I am a person who always looks for the “silver lining” in things.  Even when things that appear awful are happening, my mind goes back to the times when things looked hopeless, yet they ultimately proved to be things that opened up doors for me.  (For instance, the hopeless co-worker relationship actually had to happen to me, so that I wouldn’t be attached to that job, and I was open to the next.)  When I do simply accept that there is more, my mind relaxes and gives me a break.  I calm down and am able to let my mind filter what my soul is saying.  Can you see even a tiny bit of silver?  Can you look back at anything in your life and see the silver lining now, that you couldn’t see then?

    Rhea, “justice”, by the way, presumes that something is “wrong”.  There is nothing wrong.  Each person simply has their own soul path.

    I am going to write a little story around what you say about your ex…I might look at him and think that he is a very insecure person.  Why? Because he is looking for love and acceptance outside of himself.  He seems to need validating by temporary things.  Who he is, doesn’t seem to be enough for him.  Which leads to many questions as to why…

    What I have done, by doing this, Rhea, is write a story that moves me from pure judging, to looking for understanding of his actions.  Not necessarily because I think that those actions are working for him in any way, but because I wish to understand that HE thinks that they are working…otherwise he wouldn’t be doing them.

    We don’t have to stay with those people, Rhea, we don’t even have to fall out of love with those people, but when we move to understanding, we stop doing one very important thing:

    We stop hurting ourselves.

    And when we do that, we stop hurting those around us, even if we were hurting them unconsciously.  (Maybe that’s what people are reacting to at work?)

    And when we stop the hurting, things seem to fall into place…because we believe that they will.

    Ask yourself, Rhea, what might be needing to be looked at within yourself that is causing you to feel that you need someone in your life who has said he doesn’t want to remain in yours.  Is it because you are being treated unfairly in your “trade” agreement, or is it because you are not defining love in a way that includes yourself.

    Therese

    (Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.cwghelpingoutreach.com  She may be contacted at:                                                              Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)

    An additional resource:  The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services.  The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions.  What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God.  It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.

     

  • Is This Love??

    Respected sir/madam,

    I have been in a very happy relationship for two years now, and both of us are very serious. We are sure that we want to spend the rest of our lives with each other. My boyfriend loves me very very much, but recently, I hurt him so deeply that he’s lost his trust in me.

    We were in different cities when we fell in love.Let us say that I was in C and he was in G. Recently, I had a chance to visit G but unfortunately, he was visiting my town then. My chances of meeting him were anyway slim and I had a mental misconception that if I went to G, I’d feel much closer to him. We hadn’t been able to talk to each other to our heart’s contents for a while and we were feeling a little empty. We needed to feel closer to each other.

    He didn’t tell me he wanted to take me there first (this was my first visit) but he made up a number of other reasons for me to not go. I justified all of them and in the end, he reluctantly agreed. He was angry with me but I wanted to go very very much so I thought that when all the bad things that he was afraid would happen wouldn’t happen he would forget about everything and everything would go back to being normal.

    When I finally reached G, I realized that I had made the worst mistake of my life. I had heard so much about the place from him that when I so much as read the name of a road, I missed my boyfriend and cried and cried. I was travelling by bus and I called my boyfriend and cried to him and he was kind and sweet to me but he was hurting and missing me too.

    I stayed in G for three days and missed him every second of that I was there. The only way I could distract myself was by talking to a group of boys who were really funny and warm. I generally don’t interact with boys much unless it is for work and he does the same with girls. We prefer it that way and we feel safe and comfortable in our routine. I knew he wouldn’t like my doing it, but I justified it because I didn’t have any proper girl friends with me and well….truthfully, what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.

    I’ve never lied to him before this and I hate myself for doing it now. I took a picture with a boy and I am grinning widely in it. I swear up and down right now that I wasn’t happy there. Sure I danced a little and smiled a little but I kept wishing that I was there with him not with a group of people I didn’t even like all that much.

    Anyway, now this picture? I fabricated the truth a little and told him that other people took it by crook and I hadn’t actually posed for it. Yes, I lied to him. But I swear I never have before this.

    The next day, I played in the water on the beach and went out at night and he’d told me not to because in that part of the country, they were both very unsafe and stupid things to do. But I completely forgot his strict instructions and did both of those things. I am an idiot.

    When I came back home to C, I sent him a copy of that picture and came clean. In my favour, I’d like to say that I was the only one with a copy of that picture and I still sent it to him because I couldn’t stand to lie to him.

    He saw it and was very very very hurt. He said he couldn’t trust me anymore because even though he’d asked me not to, I went into the water and went out at night and that if something had happened to me, he’d have lost me forever. He was also very hurt that I took a picture I anyway shouldn’t have but the fact that it was in G, where he and I were supposed to go alone for the first time, made it much much worse.

    I was so guilty that to prove to him that I love him very very much I cut myself for the first time in my life. I agree it was the stupidest thing I could have ever done, but…..oh, well. What’s done is done. He got mad about that too. Said I needed a psychiatrist.

    He’s ready to give me another chance but he is hurt. And he says mean things when he is hurt and they hurt me and there is simply a whole lot of hurt going around. What do I do? Please help me? I want to make things okay again. He says he I hurt him so much that he is numb and that he is beginning to lose faith in love and that he has no interest in going to G with me or otherwise again because the place is ruined for him. What do I do? That was our honeymoon spot 🙁

    Yours sincerely,

    Susan

    Dear Susan,

    Wow!, I’m practically out of breath reading this…I can only imagine how draining it is to you actually living it.

    Susan, the only betrayal in this whole long story is to yourself.  It is said that betrayal of oneself, in order to not betray another, is still betrayal.  In fact, it is the greatest betrayal of all.

    Susan, what does love mean to you?  If you yearn for another, and cannot live a day without that other without crying, does that mean you love that other?  I don’t believe that to be true.  To me, it means that you have handed your happiness to another, believing that happiness is something that is given to you by another.  Susan, dearest Susan, we create our own happiness, and misery, given our thought about a thing.

    It feels to me as though you are allowing your boyfriend to control your life.  A truly loving partner would have informed you of the dangers in city G, and upon finding out what you did, merely expressed relief that you hadn’t been harmed.  The dumping of guilt upon you is control, not love.  (Well, it IS love, in the strictest sense, since all negative emotion is distorted love, but I hope you understand what I am saying in this context.)

    You see, Susan, Love wants for you what you want for you.  If you feel you would enjoy having a wide variety of friends in your life, now, and even (especially?) after you should marry, then your partner should want that for you.  His inability to trust you now is his problem, not yours, because it shows that he wants for you, what HE wants for you, and not necessarily what you want for you.

    Just as an aside…I would, personally, question why my partner had so many reasons for me to NOT come and visit in the first place.

    As to your cutting.  Obviously you know that that behavior doesn’t really work for you.  It is a symptom of something larger, to be sure.  I would agree with your partner that professional help would be of benefit.  I lean towards body-centered psychotherapy, but there are many good professionals.

    Which leads me back to my earlier question:  What does Love mean to you, Susan?  Not, “what do I have to do to get someone to love me?”  There is a very good little book, by Neale Donald Walsch, called “Neale Donald Walsch on Relationships” that I believe could be invaluable in helping you gain insight.  It is a very short, easy read.  I got my copy for just a little money at an on-line used book store.

    Sweetie, guilt, stress, worry, anger, hurting yourself…these are all indicators that something is not working.  I have told my daughters what I am going to tell you now…Love should bring Joy.  Yes, it takes dedication, and effort, but it shouldn’t be a constant struggle, especially in the early stages.  If it is a struggle from the beginning, consider that it might not be any better going forward.  Consider choosing again…and again, and again until you find a relationship that doesn’t require you betraying yourself to have.

    Therese

    (Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.cwghelpingoutreach.com  She may be contacted at:                                                              Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)

    An additional resource:  The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services.  The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions.  What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God.  It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.

  • Came to believe

    Just about everybody knows someone who is addicted to something, and I am not talking about the soft addictions that limit our connection to our highest self.  I am talking about hard core addictions that are affecting the lives of not only the addict, but also many lives around them.  Addiction takes no prisoners and it spares no lives. Families are torn apart, friendships are dissolved, businesses go bankrupt and employees lose their jobs.  Children are left without parents and parents lose children to drug related tragedies.

    Many of us have been asked to help someone who is in need of treatment, only to find that after a few days of sobriety the person has returned to their past behaviors.  I know of one person who has spent over $200,000.00 on treatment programs for his son only to have him end up using after all was said and done.

    Addicts are not soulless-bad people who willingly harm others for the sake of doing so.  They are suffering with a disease that affects their mind, body and spirit.  They are doing what they feel they need to do in order to survive and they live in fear of having to change their way of life.  They are afraid because the disease of addiction strikes at the center of the brain that operates through our subconscious; the same part of the brain that controls our heart beat and our breathing as well as many other survival functions.

    If you have ever watched the television shows such as; Addicted, Intervention, or even My Strange Addiction, you will see the cold hard truth of what it is like to be under the spell of addiction.  You will see, “Continued use, in spite of negative consequences” up close and personal.  Still, without having the experience yourself, you can never truly understand what is going on in those persons thoughts. The behavior appears to be completely insane, and it is.

    Insanity is defined:  Repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results.  The addict truly thinks that the next drug is going to fix them and they will never need to use again, hence the term “get my fix.”

    What I have found in my experience, as well as in the experience of others, is that insanity is temporary. The second step of the Twelve Step programs is; Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.  So how do we do this? How do we come to believe?  How did you come to believe?   Have you always believed? Do you still not believe?

    When I first came to sobriety, and was confronted with this step, I did what many others have done; I went on faith.  If it worked for others it could work for me – unless they were lying!  Yes, I didn’t believe yet, but I was willing to give it a try.  What I have come to understand over the years of being clean is that to be fully sane, is a lifelong process. I return to sanity in bits and pieces only to awaken to other areas of insanity.  Through the enlightenment of unhelpful behavior patterns exposed in my life, my level of joy and freedom are increased.

    To be fully sane, is a lifelong process.

    Faith is simply taking someone’s word for something and being willing to give it a try. It doesn’t mean just trust me and don’t question me.  Faith is not going blindly on what others say.  Faith is temporarily putting aside current beliefs to experience another way of doing things.  Faith, with experience, turns to belief.  Belief, with experience and awareness, turns to knowing.  When you get to a place of knowing something to be true, you have found peace.

    So this is what I am here for, to help others to take a leap of faith, and support them through their process of coming to believe, and then walking beside them as they get to know, who they really are and what they wish to do.  This is life in recovery.  This is the path to peace.

    In June we kicked off our first in a series of CWG on recovery retreats.  A small group of people all shared a life-changing event.  If you are in recovery and not experiencing great joy and freedom or are still suffering with addictions, please consider giving yourself this experience.   Our next retreat will held in San Jose, California, Sept 19 -22nd, 2013.  On October 24 – 27th, 2013, we will have another retreat in Orlando Florida.  Click here for more information on these life-changing retreats.

    (Kevin McCormack, C.A.d ,is a certified addictions professional. He is a recovering addict with 26 years of sobriety. Kevin is a practicing auriculotherapist, life coach, and interventionist specializing in individual and family recovery and also co-facilitates spiritual recovery retreats for the CWG foundation with JR Westen. You can visit his website here for more information. To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@TheGlobalConversation.com)

  • This just in: you’re addicted to the news

    When does too much turn into addiction?

    I am often asked this question in many different forms, about many different subjects.  It usually comes across in questions like am I addicted to work, or money, or candy, sex, alcohol even television.  The list goes on and on.  Society has done a wonderful job of blurring what is really very obvious to most people. In order for something to be considered an addiction the following definition must apply.  You will not hear the definition of addiction talked about in the media.

    Continued use in spite of negative consequences.

    For those of you who read this column regularly you have heard this definition before.  These negative consequences for the 5 major addictions are obvious to everyone who knows the addict.  For the soft addictions the consequences may not be so obvious from the outside.

    Many people would say that a person who makes millions of dollars and continues to build his wealth is addicted to money. Without knowing who this person is and what he is up to with his money, it is not for us to say that he is addicted.  Take for example, the person who works 100 hours a week.  We would judge this person to be a workaholic.  But what if that person is doing what he or she loves to do?  What if the work this person is doing is for a cause that could bring great joy and freedom to large numbers of people?  Do we still say that person is a workaholic or do they now become a saint?

    So if a person likes to come home from work every night and crack open a cold beer,  sit on the couch and watch the evening news is he addicted?  My answer is, “I don’t know, what happens if he doesn’t watch the news?”  You didn’t see that coming?  Really?

    The news media uses fear as the driving force to keep people coming back.  And it works! How does being informed of the murders, house fires, and potential terrorist threats, on a daily basis help us to feel joy?  Do we really need to know what the weather is going to be this coming weekend so we can make plans?  Many people keep a cable news channel on all day long listening to the same 5 stories be repeated endlessly.  You don’t think this is addiction?  Tell me what good this serves in our lives.

    Fear, is the opposite of everything that we are.
    God said that in CWG book one.

    Fear causes tension and anxiety which leads to all sorts of physical and mental health issues. Fear causes the body to enter into the fight of flight syndrome.  While in that mode the body cannot repair itself thus becoming vulnerable to disease.

    Living with a pattern of behavior that creates a mental state of fear qualifies as addicted by definition.  Repeating a behavior that is non-beneficial to our physical health or our mental well being is dysfunctional living.

    Hang on — there’s breaking news — oh no, a carjacking in New York City.

    Yes, this story gets the headlines; one man carjacks somebody in a city of 12 million people and this makes a top story on the 5 pm news?  Why?  What is the end game of this type of reporting?  Is it really just to keep us coming back day after day so they can sell ads?  Why do we not see the bigger picture?  That the majority of humans are out in the world doing good things, living normal, happy lives?  When will we decide take back our reality creation instead of letting someone create our reality based on what sells more advertising for them?

    It is staggering to see what the media chooses to report on when you look at it honestly.  The news is merely another form of entertainment much like professional wrestling. They are going to look for the most sensational piece of news and beat it over our heads for as long as possible.  A sensational plane crash gets 2 weeks coverage at the top of the hour while meanwhile 44 people per hour per day die from addiction-related incidents.

    My wife and I decided a few years ago that we would not watch news unless there was something happening that we felt the need to be informed of.  We also decided if we were going to watch that we were going to keep our finger on the channel button and turn it off as soon as we received the information we desired.  For the most part we get our news through the internet where we can pick and choose what it is we want planted in our head.

    My suggestion to everybody is how much news are you watching?  How is it affecting your life?  Is it helping?  Or is it just filling your head with useless information?

     In June we kicked off our first in a series of CWG on recovery retreats.  A small group of people all shared a life-changing event.  If you are in recovery and not experiencing great joy and freedom or are still suffering with addictions, please consider giving yourself this experience.   Our next retreat will held in San Jose, California, Sept 19 -22nd, 2013.  On October 24 – 27th, 2013 we will have another retreat in Orlando Florida.  Click here for more information on these life changing retreats.

    (Kevin McCormack, C.A.d ,is a certified addictions professional. He is a recovering addict with 26 years of sobriety. Kevin is a practicing auriculotherapist, life coach, and interventionist specializing in individual and family recovery and also co-facilitates spiritual recovery retreats for the CWG foundation with JR Westen. You can visit his website for more information at www.Kevin-Spiritualmentor.com  To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@TheGlobalConversation.com)

  • The Summer is Heating Up

    Dear Therese,

    My 85-year-old grandmother lives on her own and is in good health for her age, but with the heat of the summer upon us, I am worried for her.  She just barely makes it by on her SS check, and can’t afford air-conditioning.  I’m not in a position financially to take on her electric bill if she turned on the AC.  I am married and have two children.  I really like what Neale says about helping others, but what am I supposed to do?

    Geena in TX

    Dear Geena,

    Let me begin with the practical things to do, that you may have already thought of….

    I see you are in Texas, and I just moved from Houston, so I know that the power company has a program that encourages people to pay at least $1 extra to help seniors who cannot afford air-conditioning.  Perhaps such a program exists in your area and you can help your mother apply for it?  I also read that there is a federal program for such assistance.

    ( Paraphrased from an article called “The Savvy Senior,” by Jim Miller)

    Next, make sure you are aware of the things, other than the actual heat, that contribute to the risk of heat-related illnesses, such as medications (diuretics, high blood pressure meds that can cause dehydration), being overweight, underlying illnesses like diabetes, certain heart issues, and trouble walking around.

    Make yourself aware of how to prevent heat exhaustion.  Don’t wear tight clothing.  Hydrate, and avoid alcohol and caffeine.  Take frequent cool showers, apply cool water and ice packs to your skin.  Avoid sun exposure, and drink water even when you do not feel thirsty!

    Spend time in public places, and check to see if your area has a local health department  air-conditioned shelter.

    Okay, that is the practical.  How about the spiritual in all of this?

    As you alluded to, CWG says that our purpose in life is to serve others.  We must be sure of who we are, and fill ourselves, of course, but we do this so that we may serve others well.

    With that in mind, have you and your husband considered asking your mother to live with you?  Assuming this is possible.  Even if you have limited space, many cultures share bedrooms.  Grandchild and grandparent, for example.  If not full-time move in, how about on particularly hot days or months?  You have 2 children,  and many believe (as does CWG) that by taking advantage of the wisdom of the elders, it lessens the burden on the parents, gives the children a much larger view of life, and gives the elders a purpose.  In short, it models “we are all One” in a very real, close to home, way.  In fact, it is the perfect way to change the current paradigm of separateness that permeates our western cultures these days.  We can’t usually share what we believe with the whole world, but we can show our own children that there is a different way!

    You would be serving your mother by doing any of the things mentioned above, but perhaps you might want to take the last step, too?  Your mother’s pride might get in the way of her accepting the offer initially, but, if it is something you are willing to do, be sure to keep the offer open.   Maybe even have a trial period.   If she does move in, be open to change and new ways of doing things.  This kind of situation does present challenges, but it also gives abundant opportunity for deciding who you really are…and acting on that decision.

    Geena, you may find that your mother’s apparent helplessness is her greatest gift to you, to your children, and to the world.

    Therese

    (Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net . She may be contacted at:                                                       Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)

    An additional resource:  ChangingChange.net offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services.  The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions.  What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God.  It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.

  • More on personal power, plus media, abortion, and life…

    Dear Therese,

    Been reading some of your advice columns. I think your advice is so thought out and great. One question in particular I resonated with was the man asking where our leaders are and who do we follow. I really feel that is the question of my generation (30’s) and younger. I agree with you 100%,  but I just want to add a little. Your generation had real news (for the most part). It was opinionated and honest reporting, such as the hippie movement, Vietnam, and Martin Luther King, Jr.  My generation comes from filtered, agenda oriented, media. If there is an icon to follow, look to,  (such as the way many opinions were changed with MLK), our media makes them look like lunatics.  That is, if they even choose to do a story on them. If today was 1960, Neale would be main stream news with his new way of thinking. Hell no, you Google him today and he’s made to look like a crazy for saying God spoke to him. And that’s my point, anything to do with God is not news. The only news about Christians is about things like Westboro Baptist and how God hates fags (their word). Why? Because the news is that people who believe in God are insane. People who don’t believe in abortion are out of touch. My point here is that people like Neale don’t get face time anymore. I could go on here but my point is younger generations are lost.

    Also, its about finding the pure courage and sacrifice for speaking up and finding a graceful way of demanding a better way. We are taught that the only heros are fiction. Anyway, the word “peace” and its meaning, and how to achieve it in ourselves and others around, is completely mutilated and twisted.

    I also want to give you an example how what was taught to me, mainly through media, was so contorted and wrong. Woman’s right to choose. This act is to be empowering, it’s my body, I can choose to abort. Because I believed what I saw on TV, media, hidden messages in TV shows etc. I felt I was empowering myself as a woman to abort. Knowing what I know now, no, I was manipulated into this thinking and I chose wrong. I’m not empowered,  neither man nor woman has a right to choose this. Life can not be debated. A life is a life, period. If someone buys a gun, points it and kills someone, there is no debate, there is no empowerment. The man who held the gun and killed goes to prison. Why in the world have we bought into it’s ok to abort?? Let me be more clear,  why have we accepted it’s a woman’s right to kill a baby?? A woman who’s not in her right mind drowns her children in a tub  is demonized for the rest of her life for doing so. But it’s ok to rip a 6 month old fetus (in some states) out of the womb and break its neck and dispose of it??? It’s OK because the person doing it is a doctor?? And to think our country ALLOWS a person to choose killing babies on a daily basis as a PROFESSION??!! How twisted and numb we are toward life! My point is, I don’t feel empowered for exercising my right to choose, I feel like a killer and every woman who thinks twice about the decision will one day feel the same on some level. Or perhaps they won’t because they have chosen to bury the burden.

    I chose to share my insight about this to show you how I didn’t think twice because of what was fed to me. Just think of how manipulated younger generations are now because its taught more and more there is no God, only government.

    Georgia, in PA

    Dear Georgia,

    I left your letter pretty intact, because I believe these are important issues you raise.  I will not use this column to give any advice as to whether or not a woman should choose to have an abortion, but will address what I believe to be larger issues surrounding the specific issue, that may help you with the guilt you feel surrounding your decision to abort.  So…

    If you believe in God, you have to define what kind of God you believe in.

    I believe in a God who does not judge me or condemn me for things that I did when I did not have a fully formed opinion of God and Life.  Sweet lady, I don’t believe God would have any desire for you to have a moment of guilt beyond the point where it served you to think about something and form your own feelings about things.  Guilt harms our mind and our bodies, and God has no need for anything that harms us.  Her only desire is for our happiness.

    I also believe, if one believes in God, that no life, no matter how short, is without purpose.  I believe that even the aborted fetus (child), chose to have that experience.  You see, just as the life of a brother murdered in a drive-by shooting, or a beloved grandparent dying, causes us to reflect on the meaning of that person in our lives, so, too, does the life of that unborn child.

    My reflection on abortion has gotten me to the point where I don’t believe it is a matter of whether or not we have taken a life…because I don’t believe that life ever ends, and is, rather, something we will do again and again.  My reflection has me at the same point you are…why do we even think that this child isn’t Life?  Why do we value life, in general, so little?  Or is it something more?  Are we beginning to value ourselves, as women in particular, once again?  Inappropriately, to be sure, but just as the abused becomes the abuser, couldn’t it be that women, given choices now, don’t know how to make those choices very well sometimes?

    Or is the choice of abortion, and the purpose of those children, greater than even that?  Is it so much about the child/mother, as it is about culture (government/big business/media…are they really separate?), and religion that got us to the point of even thinking that there is a need for this choice?

    Let’s back up to before the point of making the decision to abort.  What would have to change in a woman’s life to change this decision?

    I believe what would have to change is that no woman, married or not, would ever be reviled, or thought to be sinful or wrong in their choice to carry a child to full term.  Nor would she be made wrong for choosing to give that child up for adoption.  I believe that when every woman knows that they will not be thrown into poverty because they have a child, or be given, essentially, second class citizenship, they will have those children.  And if abortion is to be something that no one ever chooses, then we must believe, as I mentioned earlier, that we lose nothing when we die…so dying in the act of birthing would not be considered anything but a natural continuation of life…of the mother’s and the child’s.

    I, with all of my heart, believe what CWG says regarding “right’ and “wrong”.  There is no right and wrong, only what works and doesn’t work.  Abortion IS working to get the conversation going…but it is NOT working as something we should choose once we have our moment of enlightenment on the topic, individually, then, hopefully, collectively.

    These changes in our world can happen.  I believe that there are so many abortions now, because these little unborn souls are choosing to get this dialog going.  I think that extremists (political, religious) , are currently monopolizing this conversation, turning it into a distorted dialog…that is tied up in the larger agenda of money/control, and until the dialog turns to how we think about ourselves, in relation to one another and to Divinity, it will continue to be a point that will never be universally resolved.  The issue of abortion, for me, is also representative of how we are re-thinking the killing another human being…period.  If it is not okay to end the life of an unborn child, how is it okay to end the life of a “born” child…through war?  via the death penalty?  We are having to ask ourselves why is the temporal deemed so valuable as to justify offering up human lives to possess?

    However, it is people like you and I, who will, ultimately, effect this change.  As I said in the column you referred to, I believe that WE are the leaders who will change the world, and we have to stop waiting for others to change it for us!  Change ourselves, change the person next to us, change the whole darn world!  (Shades of Mother Teresa and Ghandi!)

    Georgia, this is a very timely topic, and one with which many struggle, especially those who have had an abortion.  I thank you SO much for your input about this.  My thoughts about abortion have been floating around for about a month, and now I know why!  Thank you for giving me the opportunity to express them.  You might also consider that without your experience with abortion,  this column might not have been written, and others would not know your thoughts…and your thoughts could be part of the shift in this world we seek.

    Oh, one last thing…I agree that today’s news is very skewed and full of agenda, but that might just be a good thing, because it is, at least, very transparent now.  We definitely know who is the liberal and who is the conservative etc.  My generation (baby boomer), had very censored news in its own way.  Neale might have gotten more “face time”, but I doubt he would have been accepted. (But I get what you are saying…take the more transparency and lay it over today)  The point of any of the generations is that we must think for ourselves, and the best way to “think” for ourselves, is to feel what any input does to our bodies.  “Truth” and “Lie” feel very different in our bodies, but we have been taught to ignore our body for a very long time…way before your generation or mine.  Now is the time to teach our own children something different, don’t you think?

    Therese

    (Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net . She may be contacted at:                                                              Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)

    An additional resource:  ChangingChange.net offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services.  The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions.  What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God.  It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.