The Global Conversation

Tag: cwg

  • Unto Thine Own Self Be True…

    Dear Therese,

    I had dreams and plans that had to be put on hold because of family circumstances.  I made promises that I sincerely wish to keep, but I, none the less, find my mind wandering to those dreams and plans more and more.  I don’t want to back out on my promises to others, but I would really like the opportunity to follow my dreams.  What can I do?

    Darla in Fargo, ND

    Polonius:

    This above all: to thine own self be true,

    And it must follow, as the night the day,

    Thou canst not then be false to any man.

    Hamlet Act 1, scene 3, 78-82

    Dear Darla,

    In CWG terms, betrayal of yourself, so as not to betray another, is the greatest betrayal of all.

    Why?  Because there is no other.  When you betray yourself, your giving is tinged with the energy of betrayal in all you do.  You serve no one as well as you think you are serving them.  In some way the people to whom you made the promises know that you are giving from your lack and not your fullness…and that means they know that at least some piece of you is far away from them.

    It has been my experience that when I finally let go of the notion that I am the only one that can do something, or that I only have one way of fulfilling my promises, those promises have a way of still being kept!  One way of importance is that I enable others to step in and take the burden off, enabling them to demonstrate their greatness.

    When we think that we are the only ones who can do something, or that there is only one way of having dreams fulfilled, we get frustrated.  We move into expectation instead of preference, which is so very limiting…and why do we keep limiting a limitless Universe?

    Perhaps you could give a thought to fulfilling your dreams where you are?  Have you looked at the possibility of combining old and new dreams?  Maybe you can include the people to whom you made promises in your dreams?  Maybe they are ready for an adventure?  Consider, also, that you are where you are for a reason, if only for now.  What are you being called to look at?

    Of equal importance in this process is this:  Once you have decided it is time to be true to yourself, you must also tell the truth to yourself.  Admit all of the negative as well as the positive emotions surrounding this.  You may find that there is something entirely different than you think driving your feelings.  When you tell the truth to yourself, Darla, then, when you talk of changes to the others you wish not to betray, they will know they are hearing the truth.  This does not mean that they will react in a positive way necessarily, but it does mean that they will know, if only on their soul level (only??), that you are being true to yourself, and by extension, them.

    Finally, be Grateful for it all.

    Gratitude for all that is, is the engine that drives what is to come.  Yes, difficult sometimes, but can’t we all look back at our lives and see how something that seemed “not good” at the time, turned out to have one heck of a silver lining?  Look for that silver lining right now.  If you can not see it, know that it does exist!

    I know that’s a lot to take in, Darla, so take things as slowly as you wish right now, and when/if the time is right to make a change trust yourself.  It may be kind of scary, but know that it is also an adventure, and an opportunity to experience Life as fully as you can!

    Therese

    (Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net . She may be contacted at:                                                              Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)

    An additional resource:  ChangingChange.net offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services.  The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions.  What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God.  It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.

  • All benefits must be mutual.

    Dear Therese,

    A friend and I have been doing things together twice a week for almost ten years.  We enjoy our time together and have many things in common, but that’s not the problem.  My problem is that I always drive, because she doesn’t, and she has never once offered to pay me for gas.  Until recently that wasn’t an issue, because the places we like to go are in her area, but I am on a fixed income and would sure like to keep costs down for me, and there are things much closer to me that I could go to, instead of by her.  How do I tell her?

    W.H. in Wisconsin

    Dear W.H.,

    The simple answer, W.H., is tell her exactly what you just told me!  You’ve given no indication that she is abusive or unreasonable, which probably means that she has likely fallen into the habit of letting you pay.  Is it possible that when this arrangement began you consistently told her it was your pleasure, or no problem, or you liked doing this?  Sweetie, if you don’t speak up, you will never know if there really is a problem!  It could be that she is very willing to pay and just doesn’t know circumstances have changed for you.

    Your predicament is a microcosm of a much larger social problem, of course.  We are encouraged to give, but not told why.  The “why” is because this life isn’t about us, it is about how our lives touch and improve the lives others (put very simply, of course).  What we aren’t really told these days is that all benefits must be mutual.  The mutual ultimately boils down to the joy of giving, but being the human beings that we are, it often takes something a little more concrete to demonstrate mutuality.  For sure it means that one person can not take advantage of another.  When generosity is abused, the energy of the relationship changes, and we feel it.

    Then comes the next predicament.  We are also told that we have to be nice.  We are encouraged to avoid conflict.  We are fearful that other people won’t like us.  None of these things are necessarily wrong, until they stop us from being true to ourselves.  When we stop being true to ourselves, W.H., we also stop giving from our joy, and our giving becomes tainted.

    When our giving no longer comes from our joy, as is demonstrated in your case, it affects relationships.  Your friend, W.H., has no way of knowing that something has changed unless you tell her.  Chances are she suspects, by your behavior, or some subtle changes in you, but she can not really know until you tell her your truth.  I suggest you tell her very gently, but directly, that your circumstances have changed.  Don’t just stop doing things with her and go to places closer without giving her a chance to give back to you.  Who knows, she may have been hiding information from you about her finances or other things, and may wish to talk to you, too.  This one thing may actually open up a whole new avenue of communication between the two of you and move you two into a whole new level of mutual benefit.

    We just never know where standing in our own truth, even in seemingly simple things, will take us!

    Therese

    (Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net, which offers spiritual assistance from a team of Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less, and offers insight, suggestions, and companionship during moments of unbidden, unexpected, unwelcome change on the journey of life. She may be contacted at Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)

  • When it’s not selfish to be selfish.

     

    Dear Therese,

    I am a young stay at home mother of two, happily married, and I am a fairly spiritual person.  My life is really good, but I still feel kind of depressed.  I read CWG saying that my life isn’t about me, it’s about others, so I give all I can to my children, my husband and I do volunteer work.  I think I need some “me” time, but I feel guilty because that might take away from my giving to others.  What am I missing?  Aren’t I supposed to feel better because I am giving?

    Ann in Missouri

     

    Dear Ann,

    Yes!  You are supposed to feel better, but it isn’t your fault that you don’t.  Cultural influences around the world tell us that women are not supposed to be selfish, that they are not equal to men, that they should be ashamed, and that time for themselves is time they should be using to give.  They have it backwards.

    Ann, you are one of the “others” that you can give to.  You are certainly an “other” to those who know you.  Are you trying to do all of this alone, or are you reaching out and taking help when it is offered?  I know that I thought I had to be strong and independent…but it only isolated me.  It is not weakness to ask for help.  If it is okay to give to others, it is also okay to give to yourself.

    Let me expand on that.  If you do not fill yourself up, do you realize that you are not really giving as well as you think you are?  When you are running on fumes, even if you are giving all that you are capable of giving, the person to whom you are giving still knows they are not being given the very best you can give.  They may not know why something doesn’t feel right and true, but they know it, and don’t accept your efforts in the way you think they should…which means your effort was inefficient at best.  We do no one full justice when we do not give ourselves full justice.  When we are insufficiently full, we give insufficiently.

    It is not selfish to have “me” time, if the intent of that time is to make yourself whole, so that you may give of yourself well.  That is the mistake we make in our cultures.

     

    selfish |ˈselfi sh |

    adjective

    (of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure.

     

    Sweetie, you do not fit the description of “selfish”.  You do fit the description of tired, and needing to fill yourself.

    Taking “me” time can take many forms.  The first form I would suggest is simply using the word “no” more often.  If you are like me, the kids will invariably come into the bathroom whenever you are there…close the door!  I even wrote a poem once called, “The Temple That is my Bathroom”!  quiet, personal time, consciously taken, does not need a special space.  Take a bubble bath, or long hot shower, and shave those legs or use that loofah for more than 10 seconds…consciously enjoying the delicious time taken just for you.  Meditate…there are many ways of meditating that don’t require you to sit for an hour, including simply being aware of your breath, or stopping for a moment and noticing who you are with respect to your surroundings.

    There are grander things, of course, like taking a short vacation by yourself, or with your spouse to get reacquainted, going to two movies in the same day, auditioning for a play (not volunteering, unless it allows you to move into an area of joy you don’t usually get to experience), or sending the kids off to grandmother’s for a week.  Consider going on a retreat.

    “Me” time is essential…and you should also thank your depression for helping you to be aware of what is not working for you.  Depression gets a bad rap in this world.  Yes, there are people who are clinically depressed, and that is a very different thing, but most of us are called by depression to do something very simple…to stop…and listen to our bodies and our spirit, and recognize what is not working.  Pay attention to it.  It could also be a sign that you are not eating well, BTW, so remember that you are a mind/BODY/spirit being.

    So, sweet Ann, be selfish.  You just might find your full magnificence if you are!

    Therese

    (Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net, which offers spiritual assistance from a team of Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less, and offers insight, suggestions, and companionship during moments of unbidden, unexpected, unwelcome change on the journey of life. She may be contacted at Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)

  • Accept my gift of love.

     

    Dear Therese,

    Recently someone I know sent me a really nasty e-mail out of the blue.  I admit I don’t know this person well, but it still came as quite a shock and surprised me at how much I am upset by this.  Should I write back?  If I do, what should I say?

    Surprised

    Dear Surprised,

    I don’t think it is going to come as any surprise that I am going to ask you to look at yourself in this situation.  Not because I think you have done anything to cause this particular situation, mind you, but to simply ask yourself what in this situation is your moment of growth.  Is this type of thing a usual trigger?  Does someone being upset with you usually cause you to be unusually effected?  Why do you worry so because this person was “mean” to you?  I am sure you can come up with others to ask yourself!

    I ask these questions because what you are experiencing is actually quite normal.  What isn’t normal these days is to stop and understand that it doesn’t matter what anyone else says, it matters how you accept what they say, and how you choose to feel and be in the aftermath of the words.  The children’s nursery rhyme had it right…sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never harm me!

    I heard a little story (paraphrasing here, of course) that tells of the Buddha teaching the wife of a wealthy man.  Her husband noticed that his wife had changed, and he did not like the change, so he found the Buddha and approached him in anger.  The Buddha simply held up his hand and said, “I do not accept your gift of anger.  Accept, instead, my gift of love.”  And walked away, leaving the man standing silent, not knowing what to say.

     

    “Start telling the truth now and never stop. Begin by telling the truth to yourself about yourself. Then tell the truth to yourself about someone else. Then tell the truth about yourself to another. Then tell the truth about another to that other. Finally, tell the truth to everyone about everything. These are the 5 levels of truth telling. This is the five-fold path to freedom.” ~Neale Donald Walsch

     

    Surprised, what would happen if you gave a response that told her, even though gently, how you felt when she used those hurtful words?  Not what you thought about them, but how you felt.  Would that harm, or example how to appropriately communicate?   I would suggest you respond with your gift of love.

    I don’t know if you will see an instant change in the situation, although you may, but I do know that responding to her from the space of anger will not change anything.  Share the truth about your feelings, expecting nothing but the ability to share as your reward for doing so.  Plant the seed of example.  Then let the universe handle how and when it will grow.

    Therese

    (Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net, which offers spiritual assistance from a team of Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less, and offers insight, suggestions, and companionship during moments of unbidden, unexpected, unwelcome change on the journey of life. She may be contacted at Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)

     

     

  • Walk on Uneven ground

    Today I am going to share “advice” I realized I had to give to myself.

    I recently had minor knee surgery.  Minor in and of itself, but the third time on this particular knee, and placing my sweet knee dangerously close to bone on bone.  My doctor has cautioned that I must remember that my knee is no longer normal.  My physical therapist also advised me to not always walk on the level ground of sidewalks, but to walk on the grass to strengthen the muscles all around the knee better.

    So…yesterday I walked around the little lake in our neighborhood.  On the area with the most dramatic slope.  With the weak knee on the upside of the slope, making it do the power work.  And today…I can barely walk!  If I move, it feels better, but when I sit for awhile it gets weak again.  Sheesh.

    I was so proud of myself for how good I was at getting to the point where it didn’t hurt so soon after surgery!  But now I realize I was just doing enough…enough to get by, but not enough to challenge and really strengthen the knee.

    Then, as I am wont to do, I began to ask myself some questions.  Is my body, which is the connection between my soul and my mind, asking me to look at something?  Way too quickly came my answer…of course, silly!  Is it possible you’ve been taking the easy, level path spiritually?  Ummm…I don’t wish to answer that, thank you very much!  Have you been letting your fears settle into your body again?   Are you moving too fast, or too slow, or even both?  OUCH! literally ouch!  Could be!  Is it time to take the uneven path, and change your mind about some things?  Dang it!  Stop asking me questions!  And, just for the record, self, the answer is…yes!

    Dearest Therese, yes, your body is speaking to you, especially if you think it is speaking to you.  Be kind to yourself, don’t judge and compare yourself…not even to yourself.  Where you are, is where you must be to see where you are going.  Give the understanding you give to others, to yourself…you will then be able to share that understanding more wonderfully.

    Therese, walk the uneven ground, even though it be fearful and confusing, and brings things into your life you do not understand right now.  The uneven ground will strengthen your body…and it will strengthen your spirit.  CWG, in “The Only Thing That Matters” says that each time you think you are “there”, you will be given the opportunity to move into an even higher expression of “there”.  Don’t make the mistake of thinking this means you are moving backward.  It just means, if you are lucky, if you are open and brave, you will always be new at something all of your life!

    Therese

    (Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net, which offers spiritual assistance from a team of Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less, and offers insight, suggestions, and companionship during moments of unbidden, unexpected, unwelcome change on the journey of life. She may be contacted at Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)

  • Everything is good…so why do I have no motivation?

    Hi, I take your offer and have a question for you: 

    Since I work hard on me to except everything in my life and I am way more relaxed with whatever life throws at me… the downside is that I don’t have much motivation to achieve things, cause things doesn’t annoy me anymore so there is not much need to do something about it.  But I work way under my qualification (I am a social worker and work as a support worker), and I know that I have the skills to do much more, to change things, to make a real difference, but I simply can’t be bothered. That would be okay if I would be happy like this, but I am not and want to live my whole potential.  I am stuck in between… have no drive to change things since that is the only thing bothering me…. 

    Does this make sense? 

    many thanks, 

    Verena

    Yes, Verena, it makes perfect sense.  I think the confusion comes in thinking that because you believe life is happening perfectly, you no longer have a reason, or right, to try and change what is happening in your life.  I believe that just the opposite is true.  Accepting all that is happening does not mean that change can’t or shouldn’t happen.  It means that you are no longer giving your energy to the past, and can now give that energy to what is in front of you, that you might be able to change.

    You see, once you know everything is perfect, the natural thing is to wish that understanding for everyone.  When you see those who are doing harm to themselves, or to you, you should do what you can to move them into an understanding that this is not working for them.  Being a social worker puts you right in the middle of doing just that!  You can be relaxed and motivated to help at the same time.

    Perhaps you are not letting the proper thing motivate you, Verena.  Is money your motivator?  Or acclaim for what you do?  Or is helping others your motivator?  As a social worker, I think you just might understand that this life is, ultimately, not about you.  Yes, you must take care of yourself and be kind to yourself, and doing that is not being selfish.  If you are spiritually healthy, then you are in a better position to give of yourself fully.  And when you give of yourself fully, you can give others back to themselves more fully.

    The Christian Bible says to be in this world, but not of this world.  To me, this does not say to distance yourself from living.  To me,it means to look at how you are living from a spiritual perspective…and doing that gives you calmness and motivation.  It means to see things as they are, love them and move forward from that love to raise all that you touch to a different level.

    Make sure, also, Verena, that you are not using your understanding of spirituality as an excuse to not be motivated.  Spirituality does not mean withdrawing from life, it means fully engaging from a very different level of life!  It means living to your fullest potential because it gives you joy to simply Be who you really are, and demonstrate who that is.  If you are doing this, then you may actually find you have money and accolades, but they will be secondary things.

    Lena, you get to decide what you wish to Be in this life.  Just the fact that you have written this question tells me that you are questioning what you think you believe about spirituality.  Continue questioning…and then decide what makes you feel…just feel.  Feel good, feel passionate, joyful…engaged.

    If you would like a continuing dialog on this topic, we have Life Coaches on the site who answer questions. (Nova Wightman, Annie Sims, J.R. Westen, and Kevin McCormack), or you could go over to The Changing Change Network, and talk about it with Spiritual Helpers and wonderful peer members.

    Therese

    (Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net, which offers spiritual assistance from a team of Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less, and offers insight, suggestions, and companionship during moments of unbidden, unexpected, unwelcome change on the journey of life. She may be contacted at Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)

  • many many things….make me unhappy!!

     

    many many things……………. make me unhappy!!

    nine years ago, my son would born, then I took a taxi to hosipital, because my husband hadn’t car, but my father had at that moment. When my son had been borned, my father and my brother hadn’t came to hosipital to visit me. My brother might be couldn’t come because the visit time just 1:00pm to 4:00pm, he needed to work, but my father hadn’t come just he didn’t want to go to hosipital. He visited my son and I since I came back to my house. but now my brother’s daughter borned, he drove his car to go to hosipital for them, he had come to hosipital to visit them, also he always to help them, my father and mother treat his wife well, everything homour my brother and her, they love their daughter so much, they don’t like my son because they think he is a naughty boy. They always altercation to my son when we go to their house everytime. They also don’t like my husband, because he haven’t make them happy, give anything to them, money…..etc. I said that just a little bit , In additon, many many things……, I can’t tell you one time…..may be you think I always compare with anothers special my brother. Yes, I think so , but I can’t accept my parents not fair to me.

    Unhappy …………….

     

    Dear Unhappy,

    HAPPY NEW YEAR! What a great day to have this question, since this is a day we consciously decide to change…and I have some suggestions on how to do that!

    I would invite you to read the book, “When Everything Changes, Change Everything” (WECCE). This book is all about how to deal with Change in your life, and how past data (our past experiences among other things), creates how we think and feel today.  Unhappy, the nine Changes discussed there guide us into understanding that we always have a choice as to how we feel in any situation…no one makes us unhappy, we allow our unhappiness.  We all have the choice to be happy by changing our minds about what makes us unhappy.  

    Life is all in how we look at it, Unhappy. Could it be that not having your family in your sons life is a good thing that you just do not see at this moment?  Most of life is quite unseen except when looking back at it, but that backward look can be taken immediately after the event or thought…it does not have to take years.

    You talk about things not being fair.  Unhappy, I believe life is always fair.  It is how we judge things that make things look unfair.  Consider changing your mind about this as well.  For instance, your niece has the attention of your family, but because of this you have been given the opportunity to look into yourself and see what is really important instead of only looking at the outside of things.  you have been given the opportunity to forgive yourself and others.  you have been given the opportunity for compassion.  You have been given the time to be with your son and husband more.

    And you have been given the opportunity to choose a different way of being a parent to your child.

    A huge part of changing your mind about things that have happened is Gratitude for all that has happened…and for all that is currently in your life. Without things that seem to go “wrong”, we can never understand and appreciate things when they go “right”. When we are fearful and without gratitude, even for the things that seem awful, we stay in the feeling of “awful”, and are not capable of moving into feeling “joyful”. CWG contends that each moment of our life is an opportunity to demonstrate who we are…life is not full of challenges, it is full of opportunities!

    Which means that we must practice changing our minds.  It doesn’t usually happen overnight, because our past data is our life…but it can be done with grace and Love.  Take moments every day to just look at what you feel is working in your life, and notice what it feels like in your body.  (This is a small meditation, BTW.)  That is the feeling you are looking for…and you will have created it all by yourself!  

    Sit and just say, “I am Grateful for Life” and feel it, and enjoy the feeling.  When you know what this feeling is, you will recognize when something does not feel “Grateful”, because your body will not feel the same easy feeling.  For instance, when you say “Life is unfair to me.”  I’ll bet you have tightness in your chest, maybe a lump in your throat, and gut, and more.  Now say, “I am Grateful for Life.”  I’ll bet you can notice the difference in the feelings!  When you notice the difference do you know what you have done?  You have just created a Change!  and you can do this with everything in your life. You will naturally wish to have this feeling and create it more and more!

    I hope you read the book, Unhappy, and go to the website at www.changingchange.net for a continuing discussion with our community there.

    Therese

    (Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net, which offers spiritual assistance from a team of Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less, and offers insight, suggestions, and companionship during moments of unbidden, unexpected, unwelcome change on the journey of life. She may be contacted at Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)

     

     

  • If you think it’s a sign, it is a sign.

    I have a question about signs. I was in a relationship and always noticed my boyfriend’s first name everywhere…also the word “ring.” I kept thinking to myself why ring..I didn’t see him proposing?? Then I would see a wedding ring…odd. We broke up and I wish him the best, but just this week it started all over again. It has been a year!!!I feel like I am nuts. It doesn’t make sense. Is this a sign or something else?  Because I am confused.  ~T.

    Dear T.,

    If you think it is a sign, it is a sign. But a sign of what?

    You could go into the creative, romantic side of you and think that it means he’s thinking of you, and that is certainly possible. It might, and I believe more probably, mean that you are thinking of him and haven’t yet resolved your issues around him and the ring.

    Which leads me to a small discussion on preferences vs. expectations. Culturally, we are taught to expect the ring, so we go into a relationship with a very narrow focus of what it should look like…expectation. Only one way of fulfilling the vision. Preference, on the other hand, says that the ring would be nice, but that you know there are other ways of having a good relationship, and that you are open to any way that shows itself, and that is mutually agreeable.

    Then, perhaps, these are signs that you should look at what is actually true about the relationship, based on what you actually experienced and witnessed, rather than the story you made up about those things. Just as a short example:

    Fact: He left me.

    Story: He broke my heart, he doesn’t love me, he thinks that I am the worst person in the world.  (I’m making this up, of course, because I know nothing about your breakup.)

    T., it’s up to you to decide what the sign means. It could be as simple as you asking you to make up your mind about what you really feel. It could be he’s thinking of you. Or it could be something else entirely! I absolutely believe that God talks to us constantly, through little signs all day long. I also believe that if we “listen” through the body, via that old tummy test, we will actually know what the conversation is about!

    Find a quiet place, sit down, think about the things you have just read, and see how they feel in your tummy.

    Therese

    (Therese Wilson is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net, which offers spiritual assistance from a team of Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less, and offers insight, suggestions, and companionship during moments of unbidden, unexpected, unwelcome change on the journey of life. She may be contacted at Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)


  • Your Children Have to Live Their Own Lives

    Dear Editor…My son is falling into a group that uses drugs on a regular basis. This is not just youthful “experimentation,” this is serious drug abuse, as far as I am concerned. I have talked with him about it, but he keeps telling me not to worry, that he can take care of himself, and has no intention of becoming “addicted” to drugs. What can I do here? Are there any “spiritual truths” that might help me in this situation — or help him? I suppose I should tell you, he is 22 years old…but that doesn’t make him feel any less my worry or my concern.

    — Priscilla

    Dear Priscilla,

    The greatest gift a parent can give their children, and the hardest one for the parent to give, is letting them live their own lives. Especially when it is going in a direction that, to us, is clearly not the journey that we would want them to take. At 22, he is certainly on his own journey.

    There are no wrong paths, Priscilla, and I would like to suggest to you that your son is taking this path for two reasons. First, because this is the way he is experiencing what he chose, on a soul level, to experience. Secondly, so that you, and others, could choose your own experience through what he is doing right now.

    I am not saying that, Priscilla, from a flippant space. I have someone very special to me who is a recovering addict. For him, it took many years and many hard roads, including prison. We had a talk about his path recently, and he said that there was nothing I could have done that would have stopped him…until he was ready to stop. What he did say, that was most interesting to me, was that every word of advice that my husband and I gave him was heard! He said that he couldn’t truly hear them until he was sober, but then they became powerful.

    You haven’t indicated that your son is an addict, and I don’t want to suggest that he is, but the advice I would give you is the same. Talk to him. Don’t talk to him from your judgment, talk to him from your love. It is okay to tell him you are worried about him, it is not okay to tell him you think he is bad. Tell him you love him.

    If he knew who he really was, he wouldn’t be doing what he is doing. To help him know this, you might give him a copy of “Conversations With God” Book 1, but just give it to him gently and let him know it is okay if he doesn’t read it until he is ready to. Priscilla, you may also wish to have personal support, and if you feel so drawn, you might consider going to www.ChangingChange.net where you can share your journey and get practical and spiritual suggestions. The site is based on the book, “When Everything Changes, Change Everything”, and it is available, in total, to read on the site. There are, of course, many other resources available to both of you.

    Then let him have his own journey. It may never be one you understand, but, Pricilla, it will never be a “wrong” journey. This life is not the end of the experience as individuations of Divinity. Your task is to have your own journey, that, hopefully, includes finding a way to communicate to your son that his journey is the more difficult one, and that there is a way that works better. My journey included telling my special someone that I would no longer witness his self destruction. I told him that I understood that no one would consciously choose this road, and that I loved him, but staying on the road with him was not helping him, and was harming me, and others that I loved.

    Priscilla, communicate your fears, but don’t let judgment enter the conversation. Suggest, but don’t dictate. Let your son know your love. Then, no matter how long or short the journey through drugs he must take, be there when he comes out the other side. Then tell him you will always be his mother. I know that the seeds of love that I sowed took 15 years, but they grew into a magnificent man!

    Therese

     (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)

    (Therese Wilson is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net, which offers spiritual assistance from a team of Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less, and offers insight, suggestions, and companionship during moments of unbidden, unexpected, unwelcome change on the journey of life. She may be contacted at Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)

     

  • There’s nothing you have to do

    Question to Neale: Conversations with God says, “There’s nothing you have to do.” What does this mean? If this is telling us what I think it is, why bother working for a better world? Why bother even being a “nice person”? And if, as you say in What God Wants, the truth is that God wants nothing at all, why not just break all the rules, live a completely hedonistic life, and let the devil take the hindmost? This whole message leaves me frustrated. – AG, Minneapolis, Minn.

    Dear AG: You ask a good question. Yet the statement, “There’s nothing you have to do” should bring you the greatest joy, and not a moment of frustration, because it is God’s greatest gift: Freedom. The statement does not mean there is nothing you will do in your life, it means that there nothing you have to do. In other words, nothing that you are required to do.

    God does not require us to do certain things, or to avoid doing certain things, in order to “get into heaven.” That notion reflects an elementary (perhaps even a primitive) understanding of God and Life.

    The God of Ultimate Reality requires, commands, and demands nothing. Why would God, when God is and has everything? What God desires is simply to experience Godself in all its glory. So God created Physical Life as an out-picturing, or expression, of Itself, giving Itself total Free Will to manifest Itself in any way that any of its countless aspects might choose to, using a simple formula: the higher and grander the choice, the higher and grander the experience.

    The opportunity, then, that is placed before Human Beings (who are one out-picturing of God) is to express ourselves in each golden moment of Now in the next grandest version of the greatest vision ever we held about Who We Are. The greater our vision, the grander our possibilities, to which there no limits.

    Thus, the only reason to do or not do anything is not to “please God” or to avoid “displeasing God,” but rather, to express God and to experience God in the next grandest way possible, given the level of Consciousness of each manifestation of Divine Energy that exists in the Physical Realm.

    The answer to the question, “Why bother?” is, therefore: We do, or not do, a thing in order to express and experience, and thus to know and fulfill, Who We Choose to Be.

    Or, as CWG says; “Every act is an act of Self-Definition.”

    Put simply, humanity is in the process of re-creating itself in every moment. Anthropologists might call this process “evolution.” It is the process by which all living things evolve. The reason for doing any particular thing, then, is to evolve—and to demonstrate and experience the level to which one has evolved.

    We can help each other in this process. Indeed, that is what all Great Teachers have done from the beginning of time.

    And now, we are coming to see that we are all  “teachers,” in that humans have developed the technology for everyone now to see each other fully, openly, transparently. By using platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, YouTube and, for that matter, the Internet as a whole—including this Internet Newspaper, The Global Conversation—we place ourselves (perhaps unwittingly) in the space of Teacher. That is, we are teaching others whether we know it or not.

    Other people are watching us. How are we living our lives? How we are using these technologies? Are we using Facebook, Twitter, etc., to tell each other what we had for breakfast, and how frustrated we are that we missed our hairdressing appointment? Or are we using these technologies to share with each other what we have learned and what we have chosen to demonstrate regarding what it means to live our lives as human expressions of the Divine?

    What are you using your life for? And how would you choose to behave and experience your humanity if you felt that you didn’t have to do anything in particular to pass God’s “judgment”? Now that is true freedom. And that is what is meant by on Earth, as it is in Heaven.

    Can we create heaven on earth right now? Yes. Are we doing so? No. We are creating a hell on earth. And that, quite remarkably, is our own collective decision.

    It doesn’t have to be this way. You can choose differently, right now, this day, in your life. And if everyone did this, we could and would change the world.

    May God’s blessings flow to you, and through to, to everyone whose life you  touch, both now and even forevermore.

    — Neale Donald Walsch