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  • Communication that could change the world…

    Recently, I received a phone call from a friend who desired a safe space to share an experience of being talked at, rather than talked to. She was visiting with a family member, catching up on life, and discussing a variety of topics when an opinion-pusher invited themselves into their conversation to set them both straight about everything they were wrong about. The negative outcome my friend felt from the exchange was not so much the opinions themselves but rather the need of the other person to be right about their point of view, rather than being willing to discuss their differing ideas.

    We all have a point of view, an idea of how things should be, and a right to express those ideas. Yet how we choose to communicate our intention behind what we are saying goes a long way to having our expressions received. I have observed in the world today that most feel an overwhelming need to share their opinions, whether they are helpful or not. In my friend’s case, no thought was given to how the uninvited communication would land or whether or not they would even be interested in discussing differing points of view at the time. Had the Buttinski asked to join the conversation, instead of just barfing opinion all over them, a much different outcome could have been created.

    For me, real communication has nothing to do with being right; it has to do with being heard. Being right turns communication into debate or, worse, argument. Debate can be healthy, for often that is how we learn and grow. Debate causes us to think about issues, where we stand, and why we believe what we do. Being right is where communication ends and righteousness begins. At least in debate one listens to the other point of view before offering a counterpoint or a positional response. Real communication, however, has zero need to be right about its point of view. Healthy communication allows all points of view to be heard and then the freedom for the participants to agree or disagree without consequence.

    For example, over the years of working with the Conversations with God Foundation, I have received some rather confrontational communications around religious belief. Because I was listed on the website as “Reverend JR,” I would sometimes receive mail from people attempting to “save my lost soul.” It is held by some that CwG is of the “devil” and those of us who find value in it would soon see the error of our ways in hell. According to a few of my concerned “soul savers,” I, as a reverend, would find myself in a “special place of hell” for leading my flock away from the one true savior.

    I used to respond to these letters with the thought that surely we could discuss our ideas about God in a way that could be productive and beneficial for both of us but that the need to be right thing far too often got in the way. I quickly realized that with most of these letters, the writers were not interested in having a dialogue, but rather a monologue. There is no conversation in a monologue and no opportunity to grow if you think you already have all the answers. My interest in finding common ground and expanding our mutual understanding of God was, in the end, lost to this “need to be right” obsession.

    Being a lifelong student, I love to converse with people from all over the world, from different backgrounds, religions, and all points of view. I learn so much about myself, about life, and about God from these conversations. I decided long ago that I would honor all faiths and all points of view and let go of the need to be right about anything, especially for someone else. Instead, I would trust that each person could and would decide what works for them and that there is great value in discussing ideas and listening to alternate points of view. It is amazing what a conversation can create.

    It is from this place that the beginning of conversations that could change the world reside. The necessary ingredients of these conversations begins with respect and tolerance. My Father use to say that respect and tolerance would heal the world. Think about it. What would happen tomorrow if we all awoke without the need to be right?

    What if no one felt the need to be right about anything they currently held as a truth? What if each of us felt secure enough within to look at our own beliefs and even became willing to challenge those beliefs by listening to alternate points of view? What if we were willing to take a fresh look at all of our deeply held ideas to see if more could be revealed through inquiry?

    For example, is humanity convinced that God, if there is a God, has said all there is to say about life? If so, why hasn’t religion solved the major challenges that face humanity by now? Why are the greatest numbers of us still suffering? Perhaps there is more to be communicated about God and about life. Perhaps there is more to know, the knowing of which would change everything.

    It takes great courage and strength to stand in the place of “I am willing to be wrong about that.” Freedom lives on the other side of this equation. For if you lack the need to be right, nothing needs to happen for you to be at peace.

    You see, if the above statement was true for you, your happiness meter would go off the chart. It would also be the end of many of the circumstances and conditions that do not work in our world today. We are the world’s circumstances in motion. What we choose every day affects the whole of us.

    Could we all benefit from letting go of the need be right? You bet. The need to be right seems to me to be one of our greatest addictions and one of the reasons we are evolving so slowly.

    When I look out upon the landscape of humanity, whether historically or now, the need to be right has been the cause of so much pain, tragedy, and heartache. It isn’t just God or religion. Look at every system in the world today. The need to be right has shut down real communication in favor of positions and arguments that continue to lead to things like war.

    The media is responsible for some of it, for sure, with Facebook, reality TV, and opinion-driven product blasting points-of-view content at you 24/7. But we have to take responsibility for our participation in it. Energy grows where energy goes. Stop participating in these systems and watch how quickly they will change.

    The tool required to let go of the need to be right is critical thinking. Critical thinking is not a skill taught in school; it is developed by people who become willing to step back and consider differing points of view, by those willing to engage in real conversation, inquiry, and dialogue. This is the missing link in our human condition right now. This is the thing that could change everything.

    Critical thinking develops this kind of communication that could and would change the world. What is required is the ability to see that what works for you may not work for another. Are you willing to consider the possibility that your way may not be THE WAY but, rather, simply another way? The statement from Conversations with God applies here perfectly: “Ours is not a better way, ours is merely another way.”

    This kind of thinking applied, this kind of communication expressed, this kind of willingness to be open to new possibilities and new thoughts will be used by the people who do change the world. Why not let that be you?

    PS: I’m willing to be wrong about all of it!

    (J.R. Westen, D.D. is a Holistic Health & Spiritual Counselor who has worked and presented side-by-side with Neale Donald Walsch for over a decade. He is passionate about helping individuals move beyond their emotional and spiritual challenges, transforming breakdowns into breakthroughs. His counseling and coaching provides practical wisdom and guidance that can be immediately incorporated to shift one’s experience of life.

    As is true for most impactful teachers, J.R.’s own struggles and triumphs inspired him to find powerful ways of helping others. Sober since June 1, 1986, J.R.’s passion for helping individuals move through intense life challenges drove him to also specialize in Addiction and Grief Recovery.

    J.R. currently shares his gift of counseling & coaching with individuals from around the world through the Wellness Center, Simply Vibrant, located on Long Island N.Y.  In addition, he operates “Change House” a place where people come to transform.  He also works with Escondido Sobering Services and now serves as the Director for the Conversations with God Foundation. He can be contacted at JR@CWG.ORG or JR@theglobalconversation.com, or to book an appointment, write support@simplyvibrant.com.)

  • Co-Worker is Driving Me Crazy

    I have a co-worker who I just don’t get along with.  I do my best to be nice, have tried the “kill her with kindness” approach, but I have to admit I am getting sucked into the drama of it all more and more.  I don’t like having a relationship like this in my life, I sometimes dread going to work because I don’t want to have to interact with her, and I certainly don’t like the way I act sometimes because of it (gossiping, complaining, acting less than my highest self).  I’m not exactly sure what the problem is, I think our personalities just don’t match, but it’s beginning to drive me crazy because it’s taking up so much of my energy!  How do I make this problem go away?

    Janelle, TX

     

    Hi Janelle,

    On this day of your life, I believe God wants you to know…

    …that you cannot hope to solve any problem using the

    same energy that created the problem.

    Whether it’s the endless wars in the world or the

    unending quarrels and fighting in your own home, the

    problem is the same: conflicting energy. If you want

    to change the outcome, change the energy.

    The extraordinary aspect of this solution is that you

    do not have to wait for the other party in order

    to do it.

     

    Do you receive the daily emails from Neale?  If not, I highly recommend them, you can sign up at www.nealedonaldwalsch.com.  Anyway, the above quote is from the email sent out today, actually, and I believe it addresses your question perfectly.  In other words, you cannot fix a problem from inside the problem.  You must move outside of it, and actually shift your attention away from it.  This approach is difficult for most to understand, because it can appear to be avoidance, and we have been conditioned in our society to attack a problem head on.

    I assure you that shifting your attention is actually not avoiding it.  It’s “changing the energy”, as Neale articulates above.  When we change the energy, we are giving ourselves access to more information, broader perspectives, and yes, solutions.  And, as also articulated above, you do not have to wait for the other party in order to do it.  This is another great demonstration of how you can always control your experience of something, even if you can’t control the event itself.

    So how exactly do we change the energy?  What does that look like? 

    It looks like shifting your attention to things that feel better, to things you can control.  You may not be able to control what your co-worker says or does, but you can most certainly choose what you say and do.  You may not be able to choose how your co-worker perceives you, but you can most certainly choose how you perceive her.  Instead of focusing your attention on what you don’t like about her, consciously focus your attention on what you do like about her.  And I get it, that may be difficult at first, but I urge you to give it a try.  Even the smallest of things, do you like her hair color?  Perhaps she has a nice smile, or she actually does her job really well.  Furthermore, shift your attention to things you like about yourself, who are you being when you feel you are being your higher self?  What are you grateful for in your life?  In your job?  What things in your life are occurring that you wouldn’t label as “a problem”?

    All of these things, including other things such as meditating, journaling, spending time with people you love, doing things you love to do, help shift the energy.  And, while it may appear that you are not directly addressing the problem, you’re right, you’re not.  In other words, you are no longer looking at it as a problem, and in time, it no longer is experienced as a problem.  Trust me, I’ve seen it happen time and time again.

    One more thought for you, Janelle: when you find yourself thinking about this co-worker, try just sending her positive, loving energy, just as she is.  Silently bless her, and show her the greatest demonstration of love possible by allowing her to walk the path her soul has chosen to walk at this point.  Remember, in the largest picture, your soul and her soul have already made an agreement to help each other out in this lifetime, to give each other a certain experience of yourselves through one another.  For a deeper explanation of this, check out “The Little Soul and the Sun”, by Neale Donald Walsch.

     

    (Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling.  She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)

  • Confessions of a Self-Centered Teen

    In high school, I have been called plenty of names. Critical, controversial, outspoken, eccentric, just to name a few. But recently, there has been one name that has stood out from the rest. Last week, I was called “that self-centered bitch”. Though I was hardly surprised, this one was definitely a bit unnerving. Being a writer on spirituality, having that title was certainly NOT in my grandest vision of the greatest vision of myself. But after some careful contemplation, I realized that there is more truth to it than I thought.

    So, yes, I confess. I am self-centered. But is this really so bad?

    No. There is absolutely no problem with being self-centered. When we are self-centered, we are literally centered (or in other terms, grounded) in our Sense of Self. By introspecting everything we chose to be, chose to do, and chose to have, we create a very strong definition of Who We Are. In essence, being centered in the self is merely living and thinking in the most elevated idea of our highest thought. By continuously living in our highest understanding of self-respect, self-esteem, and self-actualization, we have faith in ourselves. Through this internal trust, we have the confidence in our ability to enjoy life as a creative experience. Who doesn’t desire this?

    Furthermore, being self-centered is exactly what we should be in high school. During our teenage years, our sense of identity is truly in the greatest fluctuation. As we journey to figure out for ourselves just Who We Really Are, we join clubs, groups, and cliques to create some type of name for ourselves. One of the greatest pitfalls among teens today is letting their new social group control their definition of their identity. And as teens become dependent on outside groups to define who they are, they lose sight of their own story – of their purpose and their potential.  If these teens are not self-centered, then they let these external forces shape their names, their decisions, and their history.  Everyone is familiar with the story of “the good kid” who hung around “the wrong people” and then became “the bad kid” (in the most subjective sense, that is). Whether it be through the influence of drugs, alcohol, or peer pressure, looking for our identity solely in an outside group can lead to some truly destructive results.

    If we teenagers decide to be self-centered, we already have our identity grounded on the strong base of our Innermost Beliefs. In this sense, we see external events, titles, and labels as an augmentation of Who We Are, instead of The Only Thing We Are. With such a sturdy foundation in ourselves, everything else is merely building upon ourselves.

    However, there is a fine line between being self-centered and being self-fixated. As being self-centered is thinking the highest possible thoughts about ourselves, being self-fixated is not realizing that there is anything beyond or above that. As teens become self-fixated, egotism begins to rise and dominate the personality factor. When we are self-centered, we can still look out into the universe and know we still have far to go on our journey. When we are self-fixated, we simply cannot get past that, seeing nothing more and nothing less.   

    So go on and say that I am self-centered. I’ll take it as a compliment to my spiritual evolution. And you should too.

    (Lauren is a Feature Editor of The Global Conversation. She lives in Wood Dale, IL, and can be reached at Lauren@TheGlobalConversation.com)

  • When it’s not selfish to be selfish.

     

    Dear Therese,

    I am a young stay at home mother of two, happily married, and I am a fairly spiritual person.  My life is really good, but I still feel kind of depressed.  I read CWG saying that my life isn’t about me, it’s about others, so I give all I can to my children, my husband and I do volunteer work.  I think I need some “me” time, but I feel guilty because that might take away from my giving to others.  What am I missing?  Aren’t I supposed to feel better because I am giving?

    Ann in Missouri

     

    Dear Ann,

    Yes!  You are supposed to feel better, but it isn’t your fault that you don’t.  Cultural influences around the world tell us that women are not supposed to be selfish, that they are not equal to men, that they should be ashamed, and that time for themselves is time they should be using to give.  They have it backwards.

    Ann, you are one of the “others” that you can give to.  You are certainly an “other” to those who know you.  Are you trying to do all of this alone, or are you reaching out and taking help when it is offered?  I know that I thought I had to be strong and independent…but it only isolated me.  It is not weakness to ask for help.  If it is okay to give to others, it is also okay to give to yourself.

    Let me expand on that.  If you do not fill yourself up, do you realize that you are not really giving as well as you think you are?  When you are running on fumes, even if you are giving all that you are capable of giving, the person to whom you are giving still knows they are not being given the very best you can give.  They may not know why something doesn’t feel right and true, but they know it, and don’t accept your efforts in the way you think they should…which means your effort was inefficient at best.  We do no one full justice when we do not give ourselves full justice.  When we are insufficiently full, we give insufficiently.

    It is not selfish to have “me” time, if the intent of that time is to make yourself whole, so that you may give of yourself well.  That is the mistake we make in our cultures.

     

    selfish |ˈselfi sh |

    adjective

    (of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure.

     

    Sweetie, you do not fit the description of “selfish”.  You do fit the description of tired, and needing to fill yourself.

    Taking “me” time can take many forms.  The first form I would suggest is simply using the word “no” more often.  If you are like me, the kids will invariably come into the bathroom whenever you are there…close the door!  I even wrote a poem once called, “The Temple That is my Bathroom”!  quiet, personal time, consciously taken, does not need a special space.  Take a bubble bath, or long hot shower, and shave those legs or use that loofah for more than 10 seconds…consciously enjoying the delicious time taken just for you.  Meditate…there are many ways of meditating that don’t require you to sit for an hour, including simply being aware of your breath, or stopping for a moment and noticing who you are with respect to your surroundings.

    There are grander things, of course, like taking a short vacation by yourself, or with your spouse to get reacquainted, going to two movies in the same day, auditioning for a play (not volunteering, unless it allows you to move into an area of joy you don’t usually get to experience), or sending the kids off to grandmother’s for a week.  Consider going on a retreat.

    “Me” time is essential…and you should also thank your depression for helping you to be aware of what is not working for you.  Depression gets a bad rap in this world.  Yes, there are people who are clinically depressed, and that is a very different thing, but most of us are called by depression to do something very simple…to stop…and listen to our bodies and our spirit, and recognize what is not working.  Pay attention to it.  It could also be a sign that you are not eating well, BTW, so remember that you are a mind/BODY/spirit being.

    So, sweet Ann, be selfish.  You just might find your full magnificence if you are!

    Therese

    (Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net, which offers spiritual assistance from a team of Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less, and offers insight, suggestions, and companionship during moments of unbidden, unexpected, unwelcome change on the journey of life. She may be contacted at Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)

  • Are we confused about love?

    As I take more time to look around and examine what is going on in the world today, it has become clear to me that most people are confused about the true nature of love. In the book The Storm Before the Calm, Neale Donald Walsch says you may ask yourself, “What is confusing about love?” However, I believe the question could be, “What is the true nature of love and could I have it confused with something else?”

    I have stated in my writing before that love is a feeling, not just a word. Love is, in my opinion, part of our DNA. It can’t be avoided.  It is the nature of the human soul to experience the feeling of love, especially between a parent and child. It is the kind of love that never separates you no matter what. No distance, no absence, etc., can dissolve a love that is born unto you.

    So as I observe some relationships between parents and their children, I have strongly begun to suspect that what I am witnessing may actually be a confused idea about the true nature of love. In our society today, we have put fear in place of love, control in place of love, guilt in place of love, or other emotions have been expressed in place of love. As a parent, it is quite common to allow those emotions, actions, and reactions to show through, shadowing the true nature of love.

    What is the true nature of love?

    It is you…just being. It is teaching, it is understanding, compassion, tears, laughter, and it is nature itself. There is nothing you have to do to love, nothing you have to be. Love is just being, allowing, and listening. I am not suggesting that as a parent you should not react to anything or not express frustration or even anger; I am merely suggesting that love is just there and you can nurture it through that understanding.

    The true nature of love is “hot-wired” in our developing brain in the womb. For example, our sexual orientation is within that wiring, but many strongly believe that is not natural to love and share in a physical relationship with the same gender. However, very young children do not see gender. Sure, on the outside they might notice differences, but not on the inside, not in the soul. That, in my opinion, is the true nature of love.

    Let me give a stronger example. What if we, the human race, never spoke a single word to one another? What if love was only expressed through our actions with everyone we encountered on a daily basis, and especially with our children? What if words never influenced any of us regarding politics, religion, the color of our skin, our sexual orientation, etc? How do you think your child would view the world, themselves, their parents, their friends? And as they grew, how do you think this would affect how they would internalize love and show love outwardly in the world? Imagine if we couldn’t express judgment onto our children through our confusion about the true nature of love? What if we, rather, allowed them to just be what they are, “Love,” through guidance, affection, compassion and the five natural emotions – explained in Conversations with God as love, fear, envy, anger and grief- of course, all while doing so without condition!

    My thought is that if we begin to understand that we have a confused idea about the true nature of love…and then move toward an expression of pure love…our world would change, morph into a beautiful ball of loving energy. I can have that idea about love, can’t I?

    (Laurie Lankins Farley has worked with Neale Donald Walsch for approximately 10 years. She is the Executive Director of his non-profit The School of the New Spirituality and creative co-director of CwGforParents.com. Laurie has published an inspirational children’s book “The Positive Little Soul.” She can be contacted at Parenting@TheGlobalConversation.com.)

  • The bully soulution

    “But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.” (Matt. 5:44)

    “What hurts you so much that you feel you have to hurt me in order to heal it?” ~ Neale Donald Walsch

    The dilemma of bullies is ancient, and we see it today on the playground, at work, and in cyberspace.  I’ve seen enough articles and people asking about this problem that it warrants important consideration.

    It surprises and perplexes me that when I see this played out in the
    mainstream news media (television, magazines, etc.), that they seem to
    ignore a simple technique that will transform bullying, neutralize it,
    and even create a blessing as a result.

    What’s the solution or soulution?  It was the first thing quoted above.  Matt. 5:44 I’ll modernize it in a moment.

    First, the solution or soulution is not often acceptable to people who want to stay in the problem-centered, negative or victim drama mode. Nevertheless, for those who may be agonizing over this, are dealing with this at this moment, or know someone who is, and are spiritually open-minded & open-hearted, a wonderful soulution is available.

    It’s worked and played in my life and in others’ lives.  Rather elegant & simple, it’s based on the quote above.

    Its effectiveness and simplicity throws some people off, and even creates disruption because they want to dismiss, minimize, and marginalize it.  Instead, they prefer to stay in the drama and victim-hood mentality for as long as they feel necessary.  For the rest of us, there’s a spiritual, psychological soulution.

    This method or technique can work for bullies at school or work, in cyberspace, hate groups, such as gay bashers and racial hate groups, etc.  Its effectiveness goes way beyond bullying, but because of the serious nature, especially with kids in school, and especially with cyber bullying and people in the work place, I’m especially signaling this out for those dealing with bullies.

    Think of the often quoted passage of Jesus, “But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.” (Matt. 5:44)   It’s in this passage and in the spirit of it that the soulution awaits.

    The soulution:  Radiating and pouring forth Light and Love on the person who is doing the bullying.

    I like to say waterfall Light and Love on this person or persons/group, etc. Surround them with Light and Love and watch what happens.  Watch what kind of energy change is created.

    A few personal examples:
    Let me give you an example or two.  I’ve been in work situations where I’ve been potentially bullied, and stuck up for myself right away.  In one case, the person was someone who pushed his weight around literally, in that he was a huge man who few would tangle with.  I didn’t really like his attitude, but he made it known he was out to get me and I should stay out of his way.

    What I did every night from work was to sit in my chair, visualize him, and pour light on him.  It was not very easy, at first.  I disliked him for the unfairness of the situation in which I was placed.  Even as I poured light on him, I could see he was still angry.  Now, mind you, this is all going on in my mind…my mental, emotional
    experience.

    As time went on and I did this daily, and my visualization of him being angry and unreceptive started to shift, and when I was imagining, visualizing, and pouring light and love on him, he started to become more receptive and finally started to accept more of the light and love I was showering.  Now, even though this all played out in my mind, I was working and playing to make an emotional shift away from the negative energy I felt I was unfairly being vented with.

    Yet, as my visualization shifted, eventually, so did he.  About 2 weeks later, working on a particular project, he came over and asked me to do a simple easy task on a project he was working on, which I did. His response was, “Ya know what?  You’re all right,” and then he left. This told me that in his own way, he was saying that the situation was neutralized and we were cool.  I knew that my pouring light and love on this had created a new energy that resolved this conflict.

    This happened again years later at a job where I refused to do something because another person was pulling rank on me as a new guy, and I would not give in and stuck up for what I felt was right.  This person, a woman, really got mad and took it upon herself to belittle me in front of others, in an extremely inappropriate way.  However, I knew she was acting out her pain on me, and I did not take it personally. I knew that my pouring of light and love on her would eventually change the situation toward the influence of that positive love and light energy.

    It took a lot longer, as this woman was very stubborn and really continued to act out, showing contempt and hate for me.  Again, it was a bit challenging to put this light and love on her when she continued such rude behavior, yet I persisted.  I was quite sure she’d eventually change her attitude, or leave my experience, or that my situation would change for the better without her continuing to be in my experience.
    After working on this for four to six weeks, she was fired.  Remember, I poured the light and love on her, yet she did not want to change her attitude, so life created an experience where each energy would be best expressed.

    Sometimes when you start waterfalling Light and Love on the situation, the drama may temporarily escalate and flare up even more dramatically.  This can be due to the chemicalization process of your good energy vibrations mixing with their self hatred or negative hurt energy.

    They may try even more drastic measures. This is when some people start to worry that what they are doing does not seem to be working. Don’t worry.  This shows that you are having a effect on them and as these opposing energies mix, the chemicalization drama is sometimes (not always) the result.

    Realize that this is temporary and as you waterfall the Love and Light on them, it will neutralize the drama.  This is a critical point to remember, as your Love energy moves in, they can sometimes rebel dramatically, but only temporarily. As you are consistent in your good energy out flow, they will eventually either, move into your good energy, leave you alone or move out of your experience.

    The Key here is that you don’t play the blame or victim game or card.  “It’s the bully’s fault, they are to blame, they are the reason my life is currently so miserable,” etc. Instead, you proactively work and play to adjust your thinking and feelings around this by actively proactively taking charge of how you are responding and being around this situation. You don’t have to do this.  Of course, many don’t, yet I’m here to say that if you desire this to be resolved for the betterment of you and the one bullying, you now have a new choice on how to be and show up in relation to this hurt energy they misdirect toward you.  That’s why you were directed by life to this article.

    Always let light and love be the waterfalling energy toward those who would bully you or create unfair work or life conditions for you. The energy you send, express and give will express itself back to you in a very beneficial way, without harming them. They will either change their attitudinal energy, move away from you, or be promoted out of your experience in an appropriate way for all involved, especially you.

    The loving, compassionate energy we send and give to those who treat us unfairly will optimistically and positively influence the environment we are in. I believe this to be true of most, if not all, bullying situations.

    That’s it!  It’s that simple!

    “But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.”  (Matt. 5:44) [and you will see, feel and experience the blessings of Light and Love.]

    Love and Light poured on those that hurt, heals their hurt and changes your experience for the better.

    Bully and suicides often leave out the mental illness that is also present in certain cases and sound byte articles often (not always) offer more simplistic answers to more complex issues that also play out as part of the overall picture.

    An update article link of interest 2.9. 2012:

    Bullying and Suicide

    Another bully article update added 10.3.2011
    By The Week Yahoo news:  “Can dogs reduce bullying in schools?”

    Educators across the country are using canines to teach compassion and social responsibility.  From surfing to sniffing out cancer, what can’t dogs do? Now, USA Today reports that a number of school programs across the country are using dogs to teach kids empathy and compassion in an effort to help curb school bullying. Here, a brief guide: How are dogs fighting bullying?

    Kansas City schools have a program called “No More Bullies,” in which program volunteers, accompanied by trained dogs, teach kids about fairness, compassion, and integrity for one hour a day over five days. “The animals are the glue that helps the children stay focused and understand the message,” says Jo Dean Hearn, an ex-teacher who developed the program. “Children can easily identify with an animal. And it’s easy for them to transition when we ask them to consider how an animal feels (if ill treated) to how the kid sitting near them feels (if poorly treated).”

    Are there similar programs in other parts of the country?

    You bet. Last year, the Yale University School of the 21st Century and the Pet Savers Foundation of North Shore Animal League America launched a program called Mutt-i-grees to help children learn how to be more kind — toward people and animals. The program, which typically employs a dog-shaped hand puppet instead of an actual dog, is now used in 900 elementary schools in 28 states, and it’s being expanded to junior high and high schools. Also, the Healing Species program, founded a decade ago in South Carolina, uses rescue dogs to help children and teens recover from abuse and learn self-esteem, empathy, and other core values.

    Do these programs really work?

    They seem to. The “No More Bullies” program is so popular that there’s a long waiting list for next year. While it’s still too early to evaluate the Mutt-i-grees program, most of the teachers who participated said their students’ social, emotional, and problem-solving skills improved. A study published in 2008 found that suspensions for violent behavior declined by 55 percent among students who participated in the Healing Species program, and general aggression and retaliation went down by 62 percent. Teachers and guidance counselors also reported improved grades and a more than 80 percent increase in their students’ ability to walk away from conflicts.

    Sources: Healing Species, Mutt-i-grees, USA Today, Wichita Eagle

    (Marko Damkoehler is an artist/writer/musician and creator of markoworld.com, as well as an avid student of CwG. He is also one of the Spiritual Helper Moderators on the changingchange.net website.)

    (If you would like to contribute an article you have authored to the Guest Column, please submit it to our Managing Editor, Lisa McCormack, for possible publication in this space. Not all submissions can be published, due to the number of submissions and sometimes because of other content considerations, but all are encouraged. Send submissions to Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com. Please label the topic: “Guest Column.”)

     

  • How to keep a sense of Oneness with people we disagree with?

    CWG says we are all one and it feels true to me at an intellectual level, but I have a hard time feeling one with people I disagree with, especially politicians. Sometimes they make me so mad! How can I keep the feeling of Oneness with them in spite of what they do? Thanks for your help … Mia

    Dear Mia… Boy, do I know how you feel! There was a certain president here in the U.S. who spent eight years doing exactly the opposite of what I wanted. I spent tons of time trying to undo all the damage I thought he was doing because they were issues that were very important to me. I didn’t feel our Oneness because I was carrying a lot of anger and resentment towards him. Looking back on it now, I realize I would have handled it much better if I’d stayed in my God-space through it all. Knowing, as CWG says, that God is always Joyful, Loving, Accepting, Blessing and Grateful, here’s how that might have looked:

    1. I could have chosen to stay Joyful in spite of the things he did that I vehemently disagreed with.

    2. I could have chosen to feel Loving toward him, knowing that we are connected as part of the One.

    3. I could have chosen to be Accepting of his actions without condemning them by working toward a different goal without resistance.

    4. I could have chosen to Bless him, knowing he was doing what he thought was right and best, given his model of the world.

    5. I could have chosen to feel Grateful for the contrast that his actions provided me, giving me the opportunity to define and refine myself.

    So here is the challenge for both of us, Mia:  Can we disagree with someone’s actions, yet stay consciously connected to them in a loving way? I believe we can, but it takes an ongoing mindful intention to do so. As you see in my model above, it all comes down to choice. It’s up to us to be the peace we wish to see in the world.

    Masters don’t let anything shake them from their calm and sense of Unity because they trust that the Universe knows exactly what It is doing and It doesn’t make mistakes. They set an example for all of us to work toward that will benefit not only the little “us” but also the big “Us”. When we stay in our joy and peace regardless of outside events and others’ actions, we stay vibrationally in alignment with all the good our Source has to offer, uplifting all of us.

    Hope this helps, Mia!

    (Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to:  Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com where our team is waiting to hear from you.)

  • Let’s Talk Money

    I am newly married and a few months in, and I’m loving the married life!  I haven’t noticed much has changed, really, except for one thing – my husband and I are definitely not on the same wavelength when it comes to money.  We recently moved into a new house and now have the whole mortgage and budgeting thing going on, and I now see that we operate entirely differently when it comes to money: I am a go with the flow, trust that things will work out type of person who definitely does not enjoy making sacrifices, and he is a follow the budge to a “t” kind of a guy.  This has caused some tension between us, and I’m not sure what to do about it because I don’t even like talking about money! I definitely don’t want this to be a bigger problem though, or drive us apart, so I need some advice.

    Kristi, Jacksonville

    Hi Kristi,

    Congrats on your marriage, and let me acknowledge you for bringing this issue to the light before it becomes a bigger problem.  You’re right, money can definitely be difficult to talk about for a lot of people, and it happens to be the number one thing that couples fight about, and incidentally, one of the top reasons for divorce.  Let’s avoid that, shall we?

    So, what most people don’t realize is that money is just energy, like everything else.  What we believe about it, how we think about it, speak of it, interact with it, etc., all contributes to our experience of it.  So the first place I’d like to direct you is to what your current idea of money is.  Do you believe money is bad, the root of all evil, limited, is earned in large quantities only by those who have either inherited it or work unGodly long hours and are miserable anyway?  Or do you believe that there is enough out there for everyone, that we are all deserving of large amounts of abundance of all kinds?  If you are unsure, a good place to look is what you heard a lot of growing up.  We were sponges as children and it was very easy to unconsciously inherit the beliefs about money that our parents had.  For example, if you saw your parents fighting and worrying about money all the time, you’re likely to grow up feeling stressful about money, not wanting to talk about it, avoiding the topic altogether or fighting about it with your spouse, not to mention having the experience of not having a lot of it.

    The good news is that a belief is just a thought you continue to think, and it is entirely possible to change that thought.  And that brings me to step 2: once you’ve acknowledged what your current beliefs/ideas about money are, decide whether or not they are serving you, and if you decide they aren’t, choose a new belief you’d like to have about money, one that does serve you.  Next, begin creating new habits that are in alignment with this new belief.  For example, say you’ve chosen to believe that money is wonderful and there’s enough to go around for everyone.  Some habits you may choose to adopt may be only saying good things about money and avoiding complaining about it, saying a prayer of thanks every time you pay a bill because you have the money to pay for such luxuries as heat and electricity or your cell phone, and you enjoy them all.  You could even start a dialogue with your husband about what his beliefs are about money, letting him know that although it’s been a difficult topic for you to talk about in the past, you’d like to be able to talk about it together and find a place in your finances that you both can feel good about.

    But I encourage you, Kristi, to start with yourself.  When you get into vibrational alignment with Who You Really Are in relation to any topic in life, it has a way of making everything come together without much effort on your part at all.  And everything I gave you above are great ways to come into alignment around money.  Look for what you appreciate about money, not what you dislike about it or feel helpless about.  Share what you do have with others lovingly and joyfully, now that’s a wonderful way to feel and experience your own abundance.  Look for what is currently working for you around money and share that with your husband, giving him the space to share what works for him around it.  Marriage is definitely about being willing to love and grow with each other not just through the good times, but through the challenging ones.  And this could be a wonderful opportunity for the two of you to grow closer and more intimate in ways you haven’t yet.

     

    (Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling.  She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)

  • Losing: Super Failure or Super Victory?

    This Sunday, millions of people across the nation will come together to experience a single event: The Super Bowl. While this year’s edition will set the Baltimore Ravens against the San Francisco 49ers, it will also set two brothers, Jim Harbaugh and John Harbaugh, against each other as head coach. As countless football fans eagerly await kickoff, they cannot wait to determine which Harbaugh brother will come out on top, and more importantly, which will fall flat on his face. Generating millions of hours and dollars of investment, Super Bowl XLVII will have all eyes fixated on its victor and its loser.  

    No matter it be the Grand Championship of football or just an intermural game of soccer, we have become obsessed with the idea of the exaltation of winning and the humiliation of defeat. As victory is held in such high esteem, losing is considered to be the epitome of personal failure. As dishonor, failure, and losing are becoming synonymous in our culture, we begin to avoid failure at all costs. But why do we consider failure to be such a terrible experience?

    The main source of failure as foul goes back to our experiences in an earlier time. In school, we are constantly reinforced that if we fail, we cannot move on. If we pass, we get to go to the next level. However, this couldn’t be farther from the truth. Life is NOT a classroom. From this perspective, many people believe the entire purpose of life is to get through it by ‘just passing’. Is getting a D in life really considered to be an achievement? Don’t we owe it to ourselves, on a spiritual, mental, and emotional level to do better? I think so.

    Failure represents our greatest opportunity to move forward. As failure is only determined by our own personal self-dissatisfaction, we can change our subjective experience of failure itself. In life, we are not given just one opportunity, but an infinite amount of opportunities to learn about what we think, what we do, and what we are. When we lose, we are given the incredible opportunity to objectively observe, understand, and experience the results of our previous thoughts, beliefs, and actions. As in the Core Concepts, “There is no Such Thing as Right or Wrong. There is only What Works, and What Does Not Work, given what it is that you are trying to do.” Through our ‘failures’ to produce the outcome we desired, our ‘losses’ can directly show us what we need to change in our lives to manifest these outcomes. As we evaluate our own personal failures, we easily perceive What Does Not Work in our performance, our behavior, and our belief. By understanding the effect of our current erroneous beliefs, we can decide to change these beliefs. All we need to do is to consciously apply this new sense of self that will create What Works. When we apply this towards ALL our perceived failures in life, we do truly win.

    As even the football giant, Coach Vince Lombardi, once said, “The price of success is hard work, dedication to the job at hand, and the determination that whether we win or lose, we have applied ourselves best to the task at hand.” Certainly, our own personal successes, whether it be in the spiritual field or the football field, are driven by our ability to continuously redefine the very definition of Who We Truly Are. If we apply ourselves, our highest selves, to every situation and every scenario, victory, or rather, personal growth and accomplishment, occurs at every level and every plane. So in regards to the Super Bowl XLVII, one Harbaugh will experience his failure. But, he will also be able to experience what he can change to redefine his team and himself for victory in years to come. And that is truly more valuable than any Super Bowl Ring.   

    (Lauren is a Feature Editor of The Global Conversation. She lives in Wood Dale, IL, and can be reached at Lauren@TheGlobalConversation.com)

  • Pain, pills, then accidentally addicted

    For most of the addicted community, the disease has been brought on by the conscious decision to use substances that are likely to cause dependence.  Typically, drug and alcohol use begins in response to trauma, peer pressure, stress, or overall lack of concern for the outcome.   Nobody ever picked up a drink or a drug thinking that someday they may be so hopelessly addicted they would lie, cheat, steal, rape, assault, even murder under the influence.  “It won’t happen to me” is the usual thinking.

    It is my belief that the genetic aspect of addiction should be taught to everyone at an early age.  This would enable everyone to fully understand the nature of their choice to drink or do drugs and what the consequences of that choice may render.  I understand that testing would be too costly and not a very good use of anyone’s money.  For most, simple observation of their family tree would let them know if they stand a good chance of being predisposed to the possibility of addiction.

    But this article is going to target a different segment of the addicted population.  There are many people who have unknowingly, unintentionally, even unwillingly become addicted to prescription drugs.  This may have started from something as simple as a slip-and-fall injury, a car accident, or some other type of pain-causing trauma.  Innocently enough, they went to their doctor and discussed the pain and what could be done about it.  Most doctors (not all) are pretty quick to prescribe narcotic pain medication to their patients.

    It has been my own personal experience that doctors freely prescribe dangerous narcotics for routine procedures and surgeries.  I have personally been given a prescription for narcotics after having my wisdom teeth removed.  It was my experience that a few Advil took care of any pain I had.  Just recently I had hip surgery and was prescribed Oxycodone even though I told the doctor there was no chance I would ever take it.  My experience post-surgery was that I did not even need an aspirin!

    Here is something shocking, and I do hope there is a medical doctor reading this that is willing to vouch for the validity of what I am about to tell you.  Most medical doctors only receive a few hours of training on addiction in their entire school career!  I do wonder how things would change if they realized that the drugs they are prescribing could possible send their patients spiraling out of control?

    The sad truth is that too many people believe that addiction is not a disease (doctors included) and that addiction is just a moral deficiency.  Most people who do not have trouble controlling the prescriptions they take and the alcohol they drink are not willing to believe that other people cannot do the same.  These so-called “normal people,” the ones who drink one beer and call it a night, or take one tablet of Vicodin every 4 – 6 hours as needed, they are the ones who can be most beneficial in assisting the addicted people into treatment. They are the ones with the clear mind to think with.

    People under the influence of narcotics, suffering with addiction, do not have good judgment.  Denial is a key indicator for addiction.  Believe it or not, the addict has tricked themself into believing that they somehow need to double, triple, quadruple the dosage of the Vicodin because their pain is “worse” than most people’s, and seeing as their doctor “can’t see that,” they end up going to multiple doctors.  Once all of the doctors figure out what they are doing and put an end to it, the addict “who knows better than the professional” seeks out the black market or a drug dealer for the drugs.

    These people I am writing about here are doctors, lawyers, nurses, police, firemen, postal workers, moms and dads, grandmas and grandpas, sisters and brothers, priests and nuns, rabbis and Imams.  Addiction crosses all lines and cultural boundaries. Those who know these people and see their behavior can do them the biggest favor ever and simply recognize it with them.   These are typically family members that know what is going on yet are afraid to do anything about it.

    Let me ask you this:  If you won’t say something to the addicted, who will?  Can you come from a deep place of love and compassion without judgment and condemnation?  Can you set aside your own lack of understanding about the disease of addiction and just extend a hand to a drowning person?

    For an addict to ask for help, many factors must fall into place, and none of them are pleasant.  It is called “hitting the bottom” for a reason; those who reach out for help are at a place where they never thought they would go.  Sometimes that window of opportunity is only open for a very short time.  It generally takes deep legal troubles, relationship woes, financial ruin, homelessness, or a major health crisis related to usage for the addict to admit they have a problem.

    Enabling by family members only ensures a much deeper and possibly tragic bottom for the addict.

    The good news here is this:  Those who become “accidentally addicted” have a much greater success rate in recovery than do the people who knowingly take illegal drugs for what some would call recreational usage.

    The spiritual recovery program is perfectly suited for these people.  They are usually not able to relate to the hardcore drug addicts found in the Twelve Step programs, although some do just fine there.  What they need to do is to overhaul their own belief system and become aware of the power they hold over their own lives.  Taking on an approach to life that embraces fellowship, personal integrity, and openness is a vital key to sustained sobriety as well as increasing the quality of life.

    Most people will agree that relapse is less likely to occur in the life of a happy, outgoing person.  For those seeking to improve their conscious contact with a Higher Power, happiness is a natural byproduct.  Using a support group in the pursuit of spiritual living encourages a sense of belonging and family that all humans desire. Seeking support from coaches and counselors is also highly recommended in the early stages of recovery.

    (Kevin McCormack is a Conversations with God Life Coach, a Spiritual helper on www.changingchange.net, and an Addictions recovery advisor.  You can visit his website for more information at www.Kevin-Spiritualmentor.com  To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@theglobalconversation.com)