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  • Everything is good…so why do I have no motivation?

    Hi, I take your offer and have a question for you: 

    Since I work hard on me to except everything in my life and I am way more relaxed with whatever life throws at me… the downside is that I don’t have much motivation to achieve things, cause things doesn’t annoy me anymore so there is not much need to do something about it.  But I work way under my qualification (I am a social worker and work as a support worker), and I know that I have the skills to do much more, to change things, to make a real difference, but I simply can’t be bothered. That would be okay if I would be happy like this, but I am not and want to live my whole potential.  I am stuck in between… have no drive to change things since that is the only thing bothering me…. 

    Does this make sense? 

    many thanks, 

    Verena

    Yes, Verena, it makes perfect sense.  I think the confusion comes in thinking that because you believe life is happening perfectly, you no longer have a reason, or right, to try and change what is happening in your life.  I believe that just the opposite is true.  Accepting all that is happening does not mean that change can’t or shouldn’t happen.  It means that you are no longer giving your energy to the past, and can now give that energy to what is in front of you, that you might be able to change.

    You see, once you know everything is perfect, the natural thing is to wish that understanding for everyone.  When you see those who are doing harm to themselves, or to you, you should do what you can to move them into an understanding that this is not working for them.  Being a social worker puts you right in the middle of doing just that!  You can be relaxed and motivated to help at the same time.

    Perhaps you are not letting the proper thing motivate you, Verena.  Is money your motivator?  Or acclaim for what you do?  Or is helping others your motivator?  As a social worker, I think you just might understand that this life is, ultimately, not about you.  Yes, you must take care of yourself and be kind to yourself, and doing that is not being selfish.  If you are spiritually healthy, then you are in a better position to give of yourself fully.  And when you give of yourself fully, you can give others back to themselves more fully.

    The Christian Bible says to be in this world, but not of this world.  To me, this does not say to distance yourself from living.  To me,it means to look at how you are living from a spiritual perspective…and doing that gives you calmness and motivation.  It means to see things as they are, love them and move forward from that love to raise all that you touch to a different level.

    Make sure, also, Verena, that you are not using your understanding of spirituality as an excuse to not be motivated.  Spirituality does not mean withdrawing from life, it means fully engaging from a very different level of life!  It means living to your fullest potential because it gives you joy to simply Be who you really are, and demonstrate who that is.  If you are doing this, then you may actually find you have money and accolades, but they will be secondary things.

    Lena, you get to decide what you wish to Be in this life.  Just the fact that you have written this question tells me that you are questioning what you think you believe about spirituality.  Continue questioning…and then decide what makes you feel…just feel.  Feel good, feel passionate, joyful…engaged.

    If you would like a continuing dialog on this topic, we have Life Coaches on the site who answer questions. (Nova Wightman, Annie Sims, J.R. Westen, and Kevin McCormack), or you could go over to The Changing Change Network, and talk about it with Spiritual Helpers and wonderful peer members.

    Therese

    (Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net, which offers spiritual assistance from a team of Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less, and offers insight, suggestions, and companionship during moments of unbidden, unexpected, unwelcome change on the journey of life. She may be contacted at Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)

  • Dealing with a harsh, sometimes cruel and
    nearly always verbally aggressive person

    ADVANCE REVIEW: “This piece is the most comprehensive “look” at this subject I have ever encountered…extremely insightful…right on the money, so to speak…very poignant, very sincere. I suspect Neale has had another ‘Conversation with God’…thank you!”

    — from the Comment Section beneath this column

    I had this interesting insight this morning: We’re all walking around trying to keep each other happy. I mean, on this planet. That’s all we’re trying to do is keep each other happy, so that we can keep each other in our lives. It’s about trying as hard as we can to avoid rejection. We don’t ever want to be alone again. We never want to be rejected again, because we think that’s going to lead to our being alone again.

    We were rejected once—at least, that’s what we were told has happened, when God kicked us out of the Garden of Eden—and we have felt the sting of that ever since, the loneliness of that, the utter desolation of that. I call it the “Desolation of Isolation,” and we struggle mightily to never experience that again, because there is nothing worse than feeling rejected, pushed out, left to our own devices.

    This is a repeat of the birth experience, and that is an experience we have never forgotten. We remember it at a cellular level. We remember being pushed out, left there, on our own. We’ve never forgotten that, and we never want to experience it again.

    So we spend or lives trying to please each other, trying not to get rejected, even in the smallest ways. Now, if it happens that in our life we have been rejected, or have been “pushed out” of someone’s life—of the life of someone we’ve dearly and deeply loved—no matter how hard we’ve tried to please them…there’s almost no repair for that. We can eventually get past it, but we can never get over it.

    This is the answer to the question, “What hurts you so bad that you feel you have to hurt me in order to heal it?” It may not even be us who did the original rejecting of another. They may feel so hurt by the original rejection wherever it came from that they have become bitter and angry with life at every level.

    They think, So this is what happens when you allow yourself to love somebody!, and that are determined never to become that vulnerable again.

    And so they armor themselves. And in some cases they do more than armor themselves. They embody the notion of preemptive strike. They lash out at anyone who shows them kindness, admiration, or affection—and especially if anyone tries to show them love.

    When I was a child there was a song I heard a lot on the radio, sung by a group named the Mills Brothers. I remember the lyrics to this day.

    “You always hurt the one you love, the one you shouldn’t hurt at all. You always take the sweetest rose and crush it ‘til the pedals fall. You always break the kindest heart with a hasty word you can’t recall. So if I broke your heart last night it’s because I love you most of all.”

    And it’s not always only about armor. With some people—people who have been severely or repeatedly damaged—it’s also at some level about revenge. It’s about getting back at the world for how the world has treated them. And this kind of “pay back” is indiscriminate. Everybody is in the line of fire.

    Harsh remarks are made. Cruel judgments are made. Cutting comments are made. “Corrections” are offered in the most searing, blistering, belittling ways. Tones of voice and facial expressions are mocked, often right in front of the other person. And if the “target” of such verbal aggression offers the tiniest protest, or displays the smallest sign of being hurt, the aggressor says, “Oh, come on, can’t you even take a joke?”

    If someone else other than the “target” calls the verbal aggressor out, asking why they would say such a thing, the aggressor inevitably responds, “Hey, I call ‘em as I see ‘em.”  And if some other person says, “But you don’t have to do that. If you have judgments about others, fine. We all do. But you can keep them to yourself. You don’t have to announce it in public,” the verbal aggressor will respond, “I’m just telling the truth that no one else will say. Someone has to.”

    In this, they see themselves as the Hall Monitor. They’ve been assigned the task of keeping everyone obeying the rules—and they won’t give anyone a “pass.”  If they catch you in the slightest infraction, they’ll call you on it. And if you say, “Wow, you don’t let anyone get away with anything, do you…? You know, you don’t have to notice and announce every single thing that you have a judgment about,” their defense and response is: “I hold in a lot more than I let out.”

    And so we see a person who feels incredibly and unbelievably superior to the world around them, and just about everyone in it. Their kindest act is to “hold in” 90% of their comments and judgments. What you’re seeing in only the tip of the iceberg.

    Ouch. They must be hurting really, really bad to have such an inner experience of everything they look at in life—even those they love.

    Now not every person has experienced the hurt of birth’s trauma in this way. And not every person—even those who have, like most of us, experienced some rejection in their life by someone they loved—retreats to such a place of Arm & Attack. But when you meet someone who has retreated to that place, you will know it. You will be able to spot it a mile away, because they will be caustic and mocking and sometimes even directly and harshly critical of every fault and foible of others—and maybe even of you—right in front of you.

    And the question then becomes: How to deal with such a person? How to respond?

    You don’t want to just turn away and allow the behavior to continue (particularly if it is directed toward you), because this creates a wholly dysfunctional relationship with the other: An Aggressor/Surrender relationship that simply teaches the aggressor that unkind words and unkind behavior is going to continue to be accepted by you. And acceptance, of course, is all that the other person ultimately wants. It is rejection that they fear! So they will continue to accept in themselves the very behavior that they see others accepting in them.

    That is the supreme irony.

    And so, my own personal recommendation is that we lovingly and caringly, compassionately and patiently—but very honestly and directly—communicate with the verbally aggressive person exactly how they are being experienced by you, and then let them know that every time they foist their verbal aggression on you in the future, you are going to call them on it.

    And if they continue to verbally attack you or those you love when they are around you, you will simply no longer have them around you. You will leave the room when they enter, and if you can’t easily and graciously leave, you will simply not interact with them in any important or meaningful way beyond common courtesy.

    Then, you will do this: When they ask you (as they surely will), “Why are you always so cold and distant with me? If you’ve got something ‘going on,’ why don’t you just come out and say it?”, you will gently respond, “I have said it, dear one, I have said it. You have simply not taken it in. So I will say it again…

    “You are not safe. You are too often unkind, too often harsh and cruel and mocking of others, and sometimes even of me, and I therefore find it more pleasant to not interact closely with you. We can be friends. We can always be friendly. But if you want us to be good friends, friends who want to spend time with each other, friends who have each other’s back, who can’t wait for the next interaction with each other, you will have to change those behaviors with me. I have a little slogan that I share with my friends: DON’T ATTACK. HAVE MY BACK.”

    Then your opportunity is, at first, to forgive the other person, knowing and seeing the level of pain they are in that is causing their verbally attacking behavior, then moving even past Forgiveness, right straight to Understanding. Conversations with God says that when Understanding arrives, Forgiveness leaves. That is, the need to forgive another for anything leaves us the moment that we understand how it is possible that they could have done such a thing. And that understanding arrives the moment that we see the same behavior in ourselves.

    Through the years I have learned that there is nothing another has done to me that I have not done to someone else, in some form or another. This is a second way of saying, “I possess every fault I find in you. I have committed every offense that I see you committing.”

    This is True Understanding. And it is revealed when an even deeper comprehension arises: Every act is an act of love.

    This is important to hear, this is vital to grasp, if you ever want to move into real Mastery.

    There is no emotion other than Love. Conversations with God famously said, “Love is all there is,” and this is true. Every other emotion, or action arising from it, is an expression of love. Fear is an expression of love. Anger is an expression of love. Hatred is an expression of love. And yes, even violence is an expression of love. All of these are expressions of love—distorted expressions, for sure (remember I said that), but expressions nonetheless of love, and of nothing else.

    Let’s test the theory.

    If you did not love something, you would not be in fear of losing it, or not having it, or not ever getting it. The thief steals something he loves because he fears not ever having it otherwise. Thus, thievery is a distorted act of love. A person becomes angry as an outcry of love that says, “I don’t want this! I want what I love!” Hatred is likewise an even more distorted expression of love. Consider this: If you loved nothing, you would hate nothing. There would be no reason to. And, at its ultimate level of distortion, violence is an expression of love for something. It is our awareness of this very truth that allows us to justify violence, and even killing—as we do on this planet every day.

    Knowing that every act is an act of love—for the Self or for another person, experience, or object—greatly increases our chance of understanding other people and their actions. The challenge then becomes how to stay in understanding—or at least its forerunner, forgiveness—without moving into dysfunction.

    In the case of the person who is continually verbally attacking, dysfunction is when you allow that person to verbally aggress upon you and seem to be okay with it when you’re not—all so as not to “rile” the other any further; so as not to offend the one who is offending you.,

    This is the height of dysfunction, and it appears in more marriages and more relationships than you might ever imagine. It shows up in such close interactions particularly because all of us are suffering the pain of Original Rejection, and the love of something we can’t have that we dearly want: ultimately, the end of Separation forever.

    Yet when we tell a verbally attacking person how you feel about their constant verbal aggressions, it will serve us to not be verbally aggressive with them, but rather, to heed the words of one of my own life’s spiritual masters, Francis Treon, who taught: “Speak your truth, but soothe your words with peace.”

    These things I have experienced being shared with me this morning, by the Source of Wisdom within. I share them with you in the spirit of togetherness, as we walk side-by-side along this road that we call Life. I hope you will Share with me your own insights, below.

    Hugs and love…neale.

    (The above is from the new book What God Said, due out in September from Penguin Putnam, and is part of a continuing series of commentaries by Neale Donald Walsch on the Conversations with God material.)

  • How to reconcile having more with helping those in poverty?

    How do I reconcile my desire to do and have more in my life with my desire to help those who struggle just to survive? I know there is unlimited abundance in the world because God is unlimited, yet for every dollar I spend on something I want just for fun, that dollar could go to someone who desperately needs it for basic necessities. I give to people on the street and to charity, and I want to do more… but I also want to live a fabulous, fun, free life, without feeling guilty about it. Please help!… Elizabeth

    Dear Elizabeth… Please know that your question is one that I also ask myself as I continually work to choose the highest and best way to express Who I Am. It’s an age-old question, really, how to come to terms with this gap between the “haves” and the “have nots”.

    Dr. Wayne Dyer said something very interesting once: he said he believes that if we could take all the money in the world, put it in an airplane, then distribute it evenly around the world, in a very short time it would end up right back where it started. What he was saying was, we can only embody that which we have in our consciousness, so the money would end up back in the hands of those who had it in the first place. If I have a wealth consciousness, I will continue to attract wealth. If I have a poverty consciousness, I will continue to attract poverty… unless I decide to dig deep and root out the Sponsoring Thoughts that cause it. Some people feel they are not worthy of being wealthy. Others feel that there is something inherently wrong with being wealthy. Society itself gives us many mixed signals about this, so it’s no wonder people harbor guilty feelings around having a lot of money.

    However, as you said, God is unlimited and there is unlimited abundance in the world. I whole-heartedly believe this is true. I also believe that God is Omni-present and in every single person, rich or poor. So to me that means every person has the same unlimited potential for abundance that God has… but only to the degree that they know it.

    Another thing Dr. Dyer said that I never forgot: we can’t feel bad enough to make someone else feel better. This is in no way meant to be a callous remark. Rather, he is rightly saying that we do much more good for others when we are in a positive frame of mind than when we are in a negative one. When we are in alignment with God and feeling great, that’s when we are open to receiving inspiration to really make a difference in the world.

    At the end of the day, it is up to each of us to discern how we choose to be in relation to everyone… and everything, including money. The opposites of wealth and poverty here in the Realm of the Physical are here to offer us yet one more way to decide and to declare, to express and to experience Who We Are.

    (Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to:  Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com where our team is waiting to hear from you.)

  • Beating the Winter Blues

    My question deals with something that may sound trivial to others but is a serious challenge for me.  I’m wondering what the spiritual approach to dealing with the harshness of winter would be?  Although I have never officially been diagnosed with SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), I’d lay money down that I have it.  I am happy, content and thriving throughout most of the year until these harsh winter months hit, especially after the holidays.  All I seem to want to do is stay home, sleep, and disengage from life.  It truly is a struggle, until spring comes and I’m back to my old self.  I’m no longer okay with feeling awful for 3 months of the year for no good reason.  There’s got to be another way, right?

    ~ Mark, North Dakota

     

    Hi Mark,

    There is always another way, because we are creative beings and have the ability to decide how we want to experience any given thing in life.  And when co-created events show up that are seemingly out of our control – like harsh, cold, long winters (I’m from MN so I can soooooo relate to this) – we get the opportunity to decide how we are going to experience them as well as who we are in relationship to it.

    So now, Mark, it is your turn to decide who you are in relationship to this thing called “the harshness of winter”, and create your experience of it.  Don’t worry, I’m not just going to leave you with that, I’m going to help you out with “the how” part as well.

    The very first step is to manage all of these thoughts and emotions you have because it’s winter, and the very best way I know of to do this is to engage in a daily practice, one that includes meditation (of any kind, whatever works for you) and gratitude (writing down at least 10 things each day that you are truly grateful for).  Those two practices alone go such a long way in quieting the mind chatter and lowering external influences, because it shifts your focus on what is good and gets you centered and connected – always a great starting point when approaching anything in life.  Plus, they raise your vibration and put you in a place of desire (creative) vs. a place of lack (resistant) for the next step, which is…

    Decide and express who you are in relationship to winter harshness and how you’d like to experience it.  Let go of any beliefs about how you’ve experienced it in the past, or how you think it has to be, put your focus on the way you’d like it to be for you, and then express that.  For example, if you decide that you’re actually okay with hibernating for winter, then get some good books and/or movies, buy one of those “snuggie” blankets to curl up in, light a candle or start a fire in the fireplace, and enjoy the comforts of home.  Quit making yourself wrong for it.  On the other hand, if you decide you’d like to still be able to get out and about and be active during the winter, then make it a point to schedule some social dates with friends, sign up for a class, or plan a winter weekend getaway.  Engage in winter activities like sledding, skating, or building a snowman, enlist a friend to join you and use each other as accountability partners.  Make it a point to connect.

    I used to despise the months of January and February here in Minnesota, they were so cold and so long and I never wanted to do anything.  My experience nowadays is vastly different.  I decided that I am naturally one who does slow down in the winter and hibernate a bit,  I spend a lot of time in my cozy house (and yes I have a snuggie blanket) with my family and watch a lot of movies.  And I love it.  You see, I no longer make myself wrong for wanting to do those things, I embrace it.  Incidentally I also decided that I wanted to be someone who enjoys winter, and while the latter is part of what I now enjoy about it, I also make it a point to schedule outings with my family and friends, and play in the snow with my 3 year old (something I previously also despised).  And what makes this a sustainable choice and expression of who I am vs. a fleeting one?  Those daily practices I spoke of as step one.

    Although you may never have a direct say in the weather conditions of winter, Mark, you most certainly have a direct say in how you experience it from now on.  And I don’t tell you this in theory, I tell you this from my direct experience.  I even look forward to winter now, something my former self of a few years ago would have laughed in your face if she heard you say it.

    P.S. I’ve also heard those sun lamps are great for those dealing with SAD, you may want to consider getting one, or making a commitment to spend time outside every day it happens to be sunny.

    Nova

    (Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling.  She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)

  • Israel Hearts Iran? A New Type of Love

    As the news reels come out of the Middle East, we are seeing anything but happy images. Instead, we see images of war; bombs, guns, missiles, and leaders that stand to make sure the other side won’t last through the next morning. More often than not, our view of the Middle East is spite, hatred, and cruelty Especially when we look at Iran and Israel, we remember all the stories we’ve been told, of endless bloodshed and brutality. But is this really true? Is that all these two countries are?

    Ronny Edry doesn’t seem to think so. As a graphic designer in Israel, Edry wanted to make a statement about the Israeli-Iran conflict, and decided to create an extremely simple poster. The poster showed a picture of Edry and his daughter, with the message, “Iranians. We Will Never Bomb Your Country. We Heart You.” Shortly afterward, Edry posted the image on Facebook, and got far more of a reaction than he had expected. Edry begain responding to conversations all across the world – and even in Iran. The Iranians that sent back their own posters, including “Israelis, in the end, we are all brothers and sisters” and “I love that blue. I love that star. I love that flag.” Since then, Israelis and Iranians are becoming friends – on the internet and in real life. They share, they love, and they have a new message to their government “Not Ready to Die in Your War.” Just from the actions of one man, the world is already a better place.

    By expressing his highest definition of who he is, Ronny Edry began a global campaign for peace, understanding, and love for mankind. In a December 2012 TED TALK, Edry stated that “I was in the army. I was in the paratroopers for three years, and I know how it looks from the ground. I know how it can look really bad. So to me, this is the courageous thing to do, to try to reach the other side before it’s too late, because when it’s going to be too late, it’s going to be too late. And sometimes war is inevitable, sometimes, but maybe [with] effort, we can avoid it. And really, we can be our own ambassadors. We can just send a message.” And our message is our expression.

    So, no matter whether we look at affairs abroad or at home, we know that ‘enemy’ is all a relative term. As teens, can we honestly hate any person, once we have seen their hearts and loved their souls? If such a bridge can be made between two of the world’s most hostile countries, then how easy is it to make the bridge between each other? With the expression of our highest self, we can link with each other, no matter how different they may be. In America, we have our own problems. Republicans, Democrats, Conservatives, Liberals, all are more divisions that have created ‘the enemies’ at home. Expression of our higher selves, our higher intentions, our higher purpose, diminishes the ego’s desires and reveals the eternal truths: to live, to love, to share the wonderful experience of humanity. So send your message, express yourself, and reach out across the aisle. Defy what you’ve heard to be true, to be what you know to be true. When they see your highest message, the differences will disappear. And when they see teens do it, a single word will change the world.

    (Lauren is a Feature Editor of The Global Conversation. She lives in Wood Dale, IL, and can be reached at Lauren@TheGlobalConversation.com)

  • If I say “I love you,” will you say it back?

    Isn’t it heartwarming and wonderful to watch very young children, two-, three-, four-year-olds, who express and demonstrate their love so spontaneously and unreservedly?  It’s not unusual to hear the collective sound of a harmonious “awww” from observers on a playground witnessing two new young friends sharing in an impromptu hug or unforeseen kiss on the cheek. These children live in pure awareness.  Their love is unfiltered, not yet programmed, authentic, allowing them to exemplify the level and kind of love we all yearn for but have somehow forgotten how to experience.

    But why have we forgotten?

    At some point in our childhood, we are exposed to and told to believe in a different kind of love.  This different kind of love works swiftly to reprogram what we come here already knowing:  that we already ARE love.  This different kind of love then works tirelessly to convince us that if we “do this” or “be that” or “do things in a particular way,” we will finally earn and be rewarded the love of another.  Haven’t we all, at some point or another in our lives, yearned to hear the words “I love you”?

    But what do we really mean when we utter these three words to another with an underlying hope that we will, in turn, hear “I love you” back?   To say nothing of the paralyzing fear that the possibility exists that we may not be the recipient of another’s confirmation of love.  Would it be possible to be in a relationship where the knowing of one’s love was so palpable that the desire and need to hear this verbal affirmation would no longer present itself?

    Somewhere along the way, in an attempt to capture the essence of love in a way that makes sense, we boxed it into our language, as we do many of life’s esoteric ideas and concepts, and formulated our own version of love.  We have minimized, twisted, stretched, warped, contorted, and manipulated this small but powerful phrase — “I love you” — to the point that its meaning is almost spiritually unrecognizable.  We hinge or hasten our expression of love upon some need-driven expectation of what we may or may not receive in return.

    Imagine a world where we did not condition our love, or the expression of it, upon an assurance and acknowledgment that we will be loved back, a world where everyone demonstrates their love freely, openly, and unconditionally, where love was not bartered over or bargained for.  I have, on more than one occasion, found myself asking the question:  Are we even capable of experiencing unconditional love for a period of time beyond an occasional moment or two?

    And the answer I receive is that if we fully awakened to who we really are – all of us – we would never place another condition upon our love.  We would not need to prove love’s reciprocity because we would already know and feel its omnipresence.  Fear and doubt would never cause us to hesitate in expressing our deepest gratitude and affection to anyone, as we would no longer buy into a perceived need to self-protect; but rather we would each place into the world our highest intentions and actions, giving freely from the source of our own abundance, understanding that the entire purpose of our being here in the first place has very little, if anything, to do with ourselves…and everything to do with all those with whom we share our path.

    I once saw an interview with Tony Robbins, the well-known motivational speaker, where he was asked if he gets nervous before he walks out on a stage in front of thousands of people.  His answer was (paraphrasing):  “If I thought that going out on that stage had anything to do with me, I would be nervous, tongue-tied, struggling to find my words.  But going out there has nothing to do with me.  It is about those people in the audience.  I am here for them.”

    That, to me, is unconditional love, giving your gifts absent the necessity to receive anything particular in return, a choice and demonstration of your Highest Self which arises out of a deeper understanding of why you are here.   Unconditional love asks, “Who am I in the room to heal?  And how will I let them know I am here?”

    Perhaps as our world continues to shed its Old Cultural Story, the one which carries with it a “different kind of love,” we will collectively begin to once again behold the world as our playground, just as we did when we were children, spontaneously and unreservedly declaring and expressing, returning to Love and a remembrance of Who We Really Are.

    (Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation.  She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com)

     

     

  • Your morning cup of tea or coffee can be your meditation

    Most people think that to meditate, you have to sit quietly in a lotus position (legs crossed, the right foot resting on the left thigh)  chanting a mantra.  When I learned Transcendental Meditation in the 80’s, that’s exactly what I did, 20 minutes in the morning and 20 minutes in the evening.

    Sitting like that gave me the feeling that I was in a meditation pose meant exclusively for meditating, and if anyone were to come into the room and see me, it would be rather obvious what I was doing.  But what I was doing had more to do with what was going on in my mind, than the position I was sitting in, and that, I’ve come to realize, is something you can do in any position, including sitting down drinking your morning cup of tea or coffee.

    Meditation is designed to quiet your mind and put you in a state of relaxation and peace. By focusing on your breathe,  your thoughts can come in and out of your mind more easily without attachment to them.  This focus and concentration allows for inner transformation to take place, which can take us to a higher level of awareness.

    The discipline of sitting quietly to achieve this kind of relaxation, peace, and awareness has wonderful benefits like reducing stress or anxiety, but not everyone has or makes time to sit on the floor with their legs crossed and eyes closed, but would like to realize the advantages of meditating.  So, can you, if you don’t sit in a traditional meditation pose like a Buddhist monk?  I think you can, and here’s how:

    1.  When you wake up in the morning be aware of your thoughts.  Allow them to come in and out of your mind by observing them.

    2.  Continue being aware of your thoughts when you do your morning ritual like brushing your teeth, showering and getting dressed.

    3.   Make a cup of tea or coffee.

    4.   Find a quiet place to sit.

    5.   Focus your attention on drinking your tea or coffee.

    6.   Feel the warmth of your drink on your lips, and going down your throat.

    7.   Be aware of how it tastes.

    8.   Feel the pleasure it gives you as you drink.

    9.   If a thought distracts you from enjoying your tea or coffee, put your focus back on the pleasure it gives you by the taste and feel of it.

    10.   Be aware of not rushing to finish your tea or coffee.

    11.   Stay present as you drink what is left of it.

    12.   Take a moment to hold your finished cup of tea or coffee, feeling the appreciation and gratitude of it as a gift to being alive.

    13.   Get up from your chair slowly.

    14.   Put your cup down and begin your day with the mindfulness you feel being in the present.

    Meditating is something everyone can do.  Whether you’re sitting in a lotus position chanting or drinking a cup of tea or coffee, you can put your focus on the here and now by concentrating on what you’re dong with awareness.   Practicing a form of meditation will help you go through the day staying in the present and remaining mindful of everything around you.

    Even if having your morning tea or coffee is at your local Starbucks or Coffee Bean, you can sit there, although it may not be quiet, using this meditation technique to transcend the noise or talking around you by focusing and concentrating on mindful drinking. There’s a great story about a Taoist master teaching his sons how to meditate at a busy, crowded park.  When they questioned their father as to why he was teaching them how to meditate in such a noisy place, he replied “If you can learn how to meditate here, you can meditate anywhere.”

    Everything we do is an opportunity to turn it into a meditation by allowing ourselves to be in the present, and focusing on whatever we’re doing with awareness. If you’re someone who would like to meditate, but don’t feel you have time to do it, you can experience it while you’re doing something like drinking tea or coffee, and it will become more than just drinking.  It becomes mindful drinking, which takes it to a whole other level.  You become aware of yourself drinking your tea or coffee with clarity of mind and a feeling of inner peace.

    It sure beats drinking a cup of tea or coffee in your car, rushing in traffic, trying to get to where you need to be, your mind racing everywhere other than being in the present.  I call that drinking on the go, not drinking in the now.

    (Posted on Huffington Post 11/14/2012)

    (Ora Nadrich is a certified Life Coach with a private practice in Los Angeles, CA. Her unique, practical method helps her clients attain happiness and fulfillment by teaching them to look inward and connect to their authentic selves in order to reach their goals. Ora is also a writer, speaker and facilitator of a popular women’s group focusing on inner awareness and a constructive, alternative approach to dealing with life’s challenges. A book detailing her method will be available in 2013. In the meantime, to learn more about Ora and read her previous blogs, visit www.oralifecoach.com. Email:  ora@oralifecoach.com)

  • What are Soft Addictions?

    Soft addictions are patterns of behavior we develop as coping mechanisms.  These so-called addictions are considered endogenous in the treatment community.  What this means is that the end result of the behavior is an internal release of reward chemicals in the brain.

    Human beings are all reward driven.  Some of us like the reward of excitement, that feeling of being “on top of the world,” and there are others who seek to feel more repressed or subdued.  Regardless of which you are, you would not choose to continue to live if you could not experience an emotional reward.

    Truly depressed people will share that their life is dark and empty, with no meaning.  These people are experiencing a life with little or no reward; and many who are truly in this place choose to end their lives.  It has been said that no normally functioning person could imagine what the person whose brain chemistry lacking in reward chemicals experiences.

    These naturally occurring chemicals are either dopamine or serotonin, and they control our moods.  When we have extra dopamine flowing, we are considered “high” or excited.  When we inhibit our serotonin levels, we are mellow or maybe even depressed.  Just for the sake comparison, cocaine is considered to be a dopaminergic drug; it increases the amount of dopamine in the synapses of the brain, giving us the reward of a high.  Alcohol is considered gabainergic, which is a depressant.  Alcohol acts to lower serotonin levels throughout the body.

    When we find a particular behavior that seems to work to bring the desired result, some of us become dependent on them.  When this dependency stops us from maturing and developing other coping mechanisms, that addiction takes place.  The difficulty in diagnosis is that most of the so-called “soft” addictions are common behaviors that, much like drugs and alcohol, if consumed correctly and with moderation, are very normal human actions.  What defines them as addictions is also the same as with drugs:  “repeated usage in spite of negative consequences.”  You will see this phrase used in this column often.

    When you lose multiple jobs from being tardy or absent, you may want to see if you are continuing unhelpful behaviors in spite of negative consequences.

    If you find your partners, whether they be spouse or other, continue to leave you, citing your behavior, it may be time to see if you have been repeating behaviors that bring negative consequences.

    Do you know all the first names of the police officers in your town because they have all given you tickets?  This is continued dangerous driving in spite of negative consequences.  And just to let you know, when a normal driver, one who is not seeking brain-reward chemicals from speeding or running red lights, gets a ticket, they take the blame for it and see to it that it never happens again.  Okay, I’ll admit, I needed to hear that and see it in writing as well!  My own son termed me a “habitual traffic offender.”  Nothing like the innocence of a young one to help break down your denial!

    Do your friends not want to hang out with you anymore because you argue all the time?  Have you ever admitted to being wrong about something?  Have you admitted you were wrong just to win another argument and be proven right again?  Has anyone ever called you “Mr. or Mrs. Right,” first name “Always”?  The addiction to being right could be one of the most damaging behavioral defects in our society. The effects are very clear to all but those who are smitten by this very divisive, anti-social, ego-driven compulsion.

    These are just a few of the soft addictions that plague humanity and keep us from experiencing our full potential as Triune Beings.  The willingness to look at ourselves and do a simple inventory of our lives and experiences we have had can unlock the door to the freedom and joy that we all say we wish to experience.  The world outside of us does not need to change for this to happen, and we would do well to stop waiting for the world to change before we do.

    Recovery is a personal journey that starts when we turn our focus inward and confront the reality which is our lives to date.  Every act is an act of self-definition, meaning everything we have said or done is who we are.  The hardest thing to do is give ourselves an honest and open appraisal.  The help of another person on the same journey is extremely important for us to arrive at our own truth.

    Denial is the biggest obstacle to recovery.  When we continuously place the blame of negative experiences outside of ourselves, we are in a reactive pattern.  Keep this in mind:  When you have one finger pointing at someone or something other than yourself, you have three fingers pointing back at you.

    (Kevin McCormack is a Conversations with God Life Coach, a Spiritual helper on www.changingchange.net, and an Addictions recovery advisor.  You can visit his website for more information at www.Kevin-Spiritualmentor.com  To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@theglobalconversation.com)

  • What does a friend say?

     

    A good friend of mine is going through some major changes in her life – angry separation from family, decrease in career/income, and her gentleman friend called and told her he’d found someone new.

    She’s in a panic and turning to me and another good friend for support.  I offered her the WECCE book, which she started to read and then put down.  At this time she’s in no mood to hear that these changes may be for her own good and/or that she created them.

    I want to support her, but am unsure what to say to her or do for her.   I cannot in honesty say “poor dear”, because I DO believe WECCE (it’s worked in my life many times).  I can agree with her that it’s a frightening and sad time for her, but she’s not ready to hear that the choice not to be frightened and sad has to come from within herself.

    I’ve told her that I know (from experience) that there’s really nothing I can say to make her feel better, that’s a decision she must make for herself.  But that I will support her totally in her choices to create the life she really wants, and that I love her. 

    At one point in WECCE Neil says to stay with a feeling until it no longer serves you.  Maybe that’s what she’s doing – staying with the saddness, anger and fear until it no longer serves?  Then when she asks for help, what does a friend say?

    Thanks, K

     

    Dear K,

    You have given her the book, and when/if it is time for her to read it, she will.  How lucky she is to have a friend like you who cares enough to not just talk, but to give tools!

    There is nothing wrong, by the way, with saying, “poor dear” to her at this point in her changes, K.  This human experience is all too real and all too painful, more so for some than others.  Saying “poor dear” now, does not mean that you must continue to do so, which would, of course, be enabling her to not even consider changing her mind about what is going on.  So, yes, for now she must experience sadness, anger and fear until it no longer serves her…but, of course, everything does eventually serve.

    The mistake that your friend may be making, regarding the “she created them” statements in the book, is forgetting that we are co-creators…and even then we are co-creating on a Soul level, and for a Soul purpose!  We most often have no direct control over the total picture, because we are rarely alone in that picture!  However, and this is the big “however”, we do have control over our own reactions to the events of our lives.  The big lie, if you will, is that we can not consciously control who we are, in any given situation.  WECCE, as you know, gives us tools on how to do just that.  It gives us tools to overcome past data and become conscious co-creators and not victims.  The biggest example I give is Nelson Mandella.  He was in prison for many years, unjustly, and yet he knew that this was just his external circumstance, and that it had nothing to do with who he really is.  The same can be said of Jesus, or Ghandi, and many others.  There were surely people in that same prison with Mandella, imprisoned falsely, who thought of themselves as victims.  The two thieves on the cross with Jesus…one found gratitude and love, the other stayed in victimhood.  They each made a choice.

    You might consider, when you are around your friend, and she is negative and in victim mode, asking her gentle questions and gently pointing out different ways of looking at things.  For instance, when she points out how horrible her boyfriend is, you might ask her if it isn’t a good thing that he isn’t lying to her any more so she can move on with her life in truth…or if it isn’t a good thing that she isn’t taking any more risk of disease.  I am sure you get where I am going.  There is always a positive side, if one is willing to change their mind.

    Of course, if the negativity continues, it may come to the point you refer to above, and you simply have to say, “I can see that you are hurting, but I can also see that none of the things that I have said mean anything to you right now.  I would like you to find the help and support you require, but it is clearly not coming from me right now.  I love you, and will be here when you think I can really be of help to you, but I can’t just sit here and let you live in misery and enable you to do so.”

    I would encourage you to encourage her to look at what fear (panic) is doing to her, and see that it doesn’t really serve her in the way she might think it is serving her.  Those are emotions that only cause us to stay in place, whilst looking backward with longing…but she can change her mind about her future!

    Thank you for coming here, and thank you for being a good friend, K!

    Therese

    (Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net, which offers spiritual assistance from a team of Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less, and offers insight, suggestions, and companionship during moments of unbidden, unexpected, unwelcome change on the journey of life. She may be contacted at Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)


  • Successfully MidAir

    I have come across a wonderfully insightful and enlightening book written by Rev. Sandra Daly that I am so excited to share with our readers.  Not only does this book contain some extraordinary spiritual tools to use and apply in your life, but this generous and gifted author is offering her book absolutely free on her website.

    From Rev. Sandra Daly’s website:

    “I am feeling guided to – rather than publishing Successfully MidAir as a book for sale – post the entire work here as an open-handed offering to you.  This book contains AND expresses my Heart, and it is my privilege to present it here to you, for you.  Thank you, and enjoy!”

    And that is exactly what she has done.

    The third in a series of books written by Sandra, she shares her own personal journey and transformation as a demonstration of how to transition once and for all out of “victimhood” into personal power and self-realization and begin changing your life “from the inside out.”  Sandra uses her own challenges and setbacks and her own triumphs and breakthroughs to encourage others who find themselves suspended in “midair,” searching for a place to land.

    Whatever “midair” situation you may find yourself struggling with right now, the tools in this book will help you navigate through whatever you are experiencing with more ease and more joy in your life.  Explore more deeply what the purpose of your life is and  learn how to live within that purpose consciously.  Finally live the life you desire by letting go of beliefs that no longer serve you.  Prepare to move forward with a renewed sense of freedom and clarity by “managing the turbulence” along the way.  And arrive at your chosen destination with grace and appreciation for all the goodness that accompanies landing “Successfully Midair.”

    Are you ready to take that “leap of faith and land in the life you want”?

    Successfully MidAir:  How to Navigate Your Leap of Faith and Land in the Life You Want can be read in its entirety on Rev. Sandra Daly’s website by clicking HERE.

    (Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation. She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team atwww.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)

    (If there is a book, movie, music CD, etc. that you would like to recommend to our worldwide audience, please submit it to our Managing Editor, Lisa McCormack, for possible publication in this space. Not all submissions can be published, due to the number of submissions and sometimes because of other content considerations, but all are encouraged. Send submissions to Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com. Please label the topic: “Review”)