The Global Conversation

Tag: 12 steps

  • They are just words, or are they more?

    Hi my name is  (_________) and I am an addict, alcoholic, compulsive gambler, sex addict, risk taker, over-eater.  These words are repeated daily by millions of people in recovery.  The reason given for saying these things lies in the belief that those who forget are doomed to repeat.  This is decent logic, but is there a better way to achieve the same result?  And when I say better I mean, more effective.  After all, isn’t effectiveness the goal of all that we do in life?

    Life is all about the effects.  Our thoughts, words and actions, are the process that we use to create the effects which we desire to experience in our lives.  Not very many people would ever admit to striving for mediocrity, although behaviors may indicate otherwise.  Most people wish for and strive for higher and higher effectiveness in their daily lives.

    I’d like to call into question the logic of placing a derogatory statement about ourselves behind the two most powerful words in the human language.  If those of us in recovery are seeking to remain abstinent from the substances and behaviors that we found ourselves unable to control, wouldn’t it stand to reason that we may want to make a more positive and empowering statement about who we are?

    In the world of recovery there is most important thing is of course personal sobriety.  In order to achieve and maintain long term sobriety a person either needs to be extremely determined not to use under any circumstances or create a life that is so grand that using would never even be an option.  I recommend the second choice there if you are wondering.  The first option is called abstinence or as the old timers would call it, “dry drunk.”  The second option is called sobriety.

    You may ask, what is the difference between abstinence and sobriety?  That is a very good question.  Abstinence is simply taking away the substance like alcohol or drugs and doing nothing at all about the underlying conditions that created the issues in the first place.

    Sobriety is a daily practice of self awareness and self improvement.  Persons who take on the role of raising their consciousness about themselves and their surroundings often find themselves to be happy and fulfilled, as well as inspiring to others.  Sobriety in this form is very contagious and people flock to you to share in the energy.

    Many words have negative energy as well as negative connotations surrounding them.  Words like, junky, crackhead, drunkard, lush, addict, alcoholic etc, not only have a darkening effect on the user but also projects out that same dark energy to surrounding ears.  Place the words “I am” right before them and we are actually summoning that definition to our reality.

    There is a recovery film out now called “The Anonymous People.”  If you get an opportunity to watch this please do.  In this documentary the political history of the 12 step programs is investigated deeply.  Many people have lobbied our politicians to find more funding for recovery programs and addiction treatment facilities. Currently the political answer to addiction is incarceration. Because we can all see how well the prison system is reforming people (sarcasm.)

    So the question then becomes how is that one of the greatest public health threats, addiction, isn’t treated as a healthcare issue?  One possible answer lies with the image of those of us in recovery.  When a person who is not in recovery hears one of us introduce our self as, “Hi, I’m Kevin, and I am a drug addict.”  They see a person with a moral deficiency.

    The same “normal” person responds differently when I introduce myself in a more positive light.  Hi, my name is Kevin McCormack.  I am a person in long term recovery from the disease of addiction.  For me long term means almost 27 years of continuous sobriety.  In those 27 years I have experienced great things in my life such as a long term job of 20 plus years, continued education, but most of all the respect of my family, friends and self.

    This type of shift in our language not only sheds light on the positive in our life which keeps our mind on what is most important, but it also brings about a certain level of respect and admiration from those who do not fully understand the disease of addiction.

    Ultimately, personal recovery is goal number one, however, the twelve steps is very clear that “we cannot keep what we have without giving it away.”  How can we give it away if we are hidden away in the basement of a church surrounded by those who have already found it?

    Humanity would be well served if we took the anonymity of ourselves a little less literally.  By all means I am not saying we should disclose someone else’s participation in recovery.  But it serves very little good to keep who we are secret.  It is time to stand together and raise the awareness of those in need.  Recovery is possible. A happy, productive life is at your finger tips.  Come walk with us, people in long term recovery who wish to help others achieve the same.

    (Kevin McCormack, C.A.d ,is a certified addictions professional and Recovery Advocate.  He is a recovering addict with 26 years of sobriety. Kevin is a practicing auriculotherapist, recovery coach, and interventionist specializing in individual and family recovery.  Kevin has a passion for holistic living, personal awareness training, and physical meditation. You can visit his website Life After Addicton for more information. To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@TheGlobalConversation.com)

  • All Paths lead to home

    A person named “Wendy” wrote to tell me of an ad she saw on television. In this ad the person states, “I was an addict for 10 years, now I am not.”  Wendy wanted to know how could someone claim such a thing when everyone knows, “once an addict, always and addict.”  Here was my reply:

    There are many paths to enlightenment and there are many ways to recover from addiction. I, for one, do not call myself an addict anymore.  I find that labels tend to attract their own definition into our reality.  I do say that I am a person in long term recovery from addiction. The distinction is that I am fully aware of the power of the disease of addiction and the cunning nature of the human mind. I have accepted that I have little to no control over mind and mood altering chemicals when they are in my system. Therefore, I do not partake in the lifestyle or activities that include drugs and alcohol in them.

    So, for this person to say they are not an addict doesn’t concern me. A tiger always has stripes though even if we change its name. Watching the behavior and actions of another is the true definition of who they are.  If they say they are not an addict and live a clean life they are in recovery.  If they say they are not an addict and continue to do drugs and alcohol and exhibit the behaviors associated with addiction then they are just in denial.

    Recovery to me is more than abstinence. It is a way of life, a way that includes self discovery, a softening of the personal agenda of life and a growing desire to lift others to greater heights. Recovery is about examining our behaviors and our beliefs and bringing them into alignment with who we wish to be. Recovery is a decision to face life on life’s terms.

    So how do you help someone who is in denial about their addiction?

    Well, if they are still exhibiting addictive behaviors you refuse to play the game.  You speak from a place of authenticity and you tell them your truth. In Conversations with God it is said that “Yet despots cannot be allowed to flourish, but must be stopped in their despotism. Love of Self, and love of the despot, demands it.”

    Addiction and despotism are of course not the same thing, yet the goal should be the same for all of us who claim to be loving beings.  We should desire for each person to experience themselves in the next highest version of the grandest vision ever held.

    Being vocally unwilling to enable the addict and refusing to take part in the lies, deception, and depravity of the disease is the best way to help someone who is experiencing it.  They may cast you out of their life, but the pain of turning away someone they love for a substance will eat away at their conscience.  Pain stacked up on top of pain will drive the addict to the tipping point we refer to as “the bottom.”  The bottom is the place where the pain of using the substance is greater than the pain of facing up to who we have been.

    The 12-Steps of anonymous programs work for some and not for others.  There are other methods of recovery that work as well.  Desire to recover and change is what it all boils down to.  I am not going to advocate programs that claim to be able to help people modify their usage. I personally feel that is a path that all addicts have tried on their own with no success.

    Alcohol is not something that is needed our useful to the human body. Anyone who claims to truly love themselves would never ingest even a drop of alcohol.  I also believe the same to be true for other drugs.  A person who is working on becoming more self aware, and returning to love, would be best served by being mindful food and chemicals they put into their bodies.

    I would like to close this article with the “new Gospel” of CwG.

    We are all one. Ours is not a better way, it is merely another way.

    (Kevin McCormack, C.A.d ,is a certified addictions professional and auriculotherapist.  He is a recovering addict with 26 years of sobriety. Kevin is a practicing auriculotherapist, recovery coach, and interventionist specializing in individual and family recovery.  Kevin has a passion for holistic living, personal awareness training, and physical meditation. You can visit his website Life After Addicton for more information. To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@TheGlobalConversation.com)

     

     

     

  • Came to believe

    Just about everybody knows someone who is addicted to something, and I am not talking about the soft addictions that limit our connection to our highest self.  I am talking about hard core addictions that are affecting the lives of not only the addict, but also many lives around them.  Addiction takes no prisoners and it spares no lives. Families are torn apart, friendships are dissolved, businesses go bankrupt and employees lose their jobs.  Children are left without parents and parents lose children to drug related tragedies.

    Many of us have been asked to help someone who is in need of treatment, only to find that after a few days of sobriety the person has returned to their past behaviors.  I know of one person who has spent over $200,000.00 on treatment programs for his son only to have him end up using after all was said and done.

    Addicts are not soulless-bad people who willingly harm others for the sake of doing so.  They are suffering with a disease that affects their mind, body and spirit.  They are doing what they feel they need to do in order to survive and they live in fear of having to change their way of life.  They are afraid because the disease of addiction strikes at the center of the brain that operates through our subconscious; the same part of the brain that controls our heart beat and our breathing as well as many other survival functions.

    If you have ever watched the television shows such as; Addicted, Intervention, or even My Strange Addiction, you will see the cold hard truth of what it is like to be under the spell of addiction.  You will see, “Continued use, in spite of negative consequences” up close and personal.  Still, without having the experience yourself, you can never truly understand what is going on in those persons thoughts. The behavior appears to be completely insane, and it is.

    Insanity is defined:  Repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results.  The addict truly thinks that the next drug is going to fix them and they will never need to use again, hence the term “get my fix.”

    What I have found in my experience, as well as in the experience of others, is that insanity is temporary. The second step of the Twelve Step programs is; Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.  So how do we do this? How do we come to believe?  How did you come to believe?   Have you always believed? Do you still not believe?

    When I first came to sobriety, and was confronted with this step, I did what many others have done; I went on faith.  If it worked for others it could work for me – unless they were lying!  Yes, I didn’t believe yet, but I was willing to give it a try.  What I have come to understand over the years of being clean is that to be fully sane, is a lifelong process. I return to sanity in bits and pieces only to awaken to other areas of insanity.  Through the enlightenment of unhelpful behavior patterns exposed in my life, my level of joy and freedom are increased.

    To be fully sane, is a lifelong process.

    Faith is simply taking someone’s word for something and being willing to give it a try. It doesn’t mean just trust me and don’t question me.  Faith is not going blindly on what others say.  Faith is temporarily putting aside current beliefs to experience another way of doing things.  Faith, with experience, turns to belief.  Belief, with experience and awareness, turns to knowing.  When you get to a place of knowing something to be true, you have found peace.

    So this is what I am here for, to help others to take a leap of faith, and support them through their process of coming to believe, and then walking beside them as they get to know, who they really are and what they wish to do.  This is life in recovery.  This is the path to peace.

    In June we kicked off our first in a series of CWG on recovery retreats.  A small group of people all shared a life-changing event.  If you are in recovery and not experiencing great joy and freedom or are still suffering with addictions, please consider giving yourself this experience.   Our next retreat will held in San Jose, California, Sept 19 -22nd, 2013.  On October 24 – 27th, 2013, we will have another retreat in Orlando Florida.  Click here for more information on these life-changing retreats.

    (Kevin McCormack, C.A.d ,is a certified addictions professional. He is a recovering addict with 26 years of sobriety. Kevin is a practicing auriculotherapist, life coach, and interventionist specializing in individual and family recovery and also co-facilitates spiritual recovery retreats for the CWG foundation with JR Westen. You can visit his website here for more information. To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@TheGlobalConversation.com)

  • We recover, I relapse

    With the odds of beating addiction and leading a productive life so low, the question has to be asked:  Why do some recover?  What is it that those few people are doing that opens up the door for an addiction-free life?

    There are many factors involved, Divine intervention being one of them!  But overall, the current path showing the best results are the 12-step programs.  “So what are they doing that other programs are not?” you may ask.  And I am here to tell you what I believe it is.

    The fundamental aspect of the 12-step programs is that you do not go it alone.  One of the very first suggestions to a newcomer is to get a sponsor.  It is strongly suggested that the person you choose to be your sponsor has at least one year in the program, goes to meetings regularly, has a sponsor them self, and inspires you to stick around.  This person should be of the same sex; or in cases of gay or lesbian, they should be the opposite sex.  Many deep emotional processes will be encountered in this relationship, and having a romantic interest would destroy the sanctity of the sponsor.

    It is well-known in the 12-step world that if you ignore this suggestion, the chances of your gaining long-term sobriety are bleak.  Addiction is a disease of denial and deception.  And who knows better if you are living in denial or deceit than someone who is all too familiar with those states of being?  The old saying “You can’t bullcrap a bullcrapper” (insert your own profanity if you so choose) really applies here.

    “An addict alone is in bad company”

    Life was not intended to be lived in solitary.  We live in the Realm of Relativity and we need others to help us shape our perspective.  This is especially true to the recovering person as they have spent nearly their entire existence telling lies.  This reminds me of a 12-step joke. Please indulge me here….

    “Do you know how to tell if a newcomer is lying?” says one 12-stepper to another? “Yes,” the other person says, “when their lips are moving!”

    Sometimes recovery is down and dirty and you have to assume the worst in order to help someone get through a tough time.  The one thing old-timers in the rooms know, pulling punches never helps anyone.  You have to be straight, direct, blunt, and willing to alienate someone if your gut instincts tell you they are up to their old tricks.

    This is the area that the 12-step programs have nailed down perfectly.  We do not need to have people in our lives that tell us what we want to hear.  What everyone needs are people surrounding them who will speak their truth at all times.  Compulsive behaviors, addiction, and deception cannot be practiced in the light of honesty and openness; this is what gives way to long-term sobriety.  The Tenth Step says something profound:

    “We continue to take personal inventory, and when we are wrong, promptly admit it.”

    Wow! Imagine the world for just a moment if everyone used just that tiny part of the 12-step program in their daily life!  Nevermind the humility it takes to do that, but think about the amazing conversations that we would be having with each other.  Humans would bond together like molecules of water, ebbing and flowing with purpose through life.  Some may argue that there is no “right and wrong.”  And I will give you that.  So let’s change the wording slightly:

    “We continue to take personal inventory.  And when we become aware that something we are doing is not an expression of who and what we are at our core, we promptly seek to make the changes necessary to bring ourselves back into alignment.”

    Let’s face it, we are human.  And “to err is human.”  This is the beauty of the Realm of the Relative. We always have events occurring that could use improvement.  This is a process of evolution we are in here, and we have many opportunities to move along that path together. Every opportunity to express ourselves in our highest expression moves us to a place of greater understanding.  By purposefully being aware of our own behavior, how it is sent, and how it is received, we offer ourselves and the other the space for expansion.

    (Kevin McCormack is a Conversations with God Life Coach, a Spiritual helper on www.changingchange.net, and an Addictions recovery advisor.  You can visit his website for more information at www.Kevin-Spiritualmentor.com  To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@theglobalconversation.com)