The Global Conversation

Tag: Be do have

  • How do I need to act to bring my boyfriend back?

    Last month, my boyfriend of five years and I had an argument and we have not talked since. He considers this a breakup. He already had commitment issues and our relationship has been on and off again a few times. He is seeing another girl, not romantically yet, but as really close friends. As much as it saddened me, my spiritual learning so far has helped me to just accept things as they are, and neither blame him, myself or the other girl for my unhappiness.

    I just finished reading Conversations with God Book One. I wish I had read it earlier so I would have been more aware of my Sponsoring Thought, that I was always scared of losing him. I feel my underlying thought pushed him away.

    Neale says we can all create what we like, but in order to do that we must go in reverse: Act, Speak, Think. I would like your help in understanding that in my particular situation. What do I need to specifically do, how do I need to act in order to bring the guy I love back into my life and get married to him? It goes without saying that I love him very much. Any other guidance you can give me in this case will be highly appreciated too… Amy

    Dear Amy,

    I think you are confusing the Three Levels of Creation (Thought, Word and Action) with the Be-Do-Have paradigm. Conversations With God says that most of the time we mix up the order of things thinking, “If I Do this, I can Have That, then I’ll Be happy.” We also sometimes think, “If I Have this, then I can Do That, then I’ll Be happy.” CWG invites us to come from a state of Beingness first. Decide ahead of time what it is we choose to Be, not waiting for circumstances to dictate it, then allow everything we Do to come from that place. The Having part then falls into place automatically.

    Now, pertaining to your boyfriend of five years, you should know that this process is not meant to be construed as a way to “bring him back into your life and get married to him”. This Be-Do-Have way of living isn’t some kind of voodoo or trick that you can play to get what it is you think you want. Remember, you are co-creating with your boyfriend and he has every bit as much right as you do to decide how he wants to live the rest of his life, with or without you.

    My concern when reading your letter was the fact that you would even want to do that. You said in your first paragraph that your spiritual learning has helped you to accept the fact that he has moved on. So which is it? Do you accept his choice or do you want to try to use some sort of spiritual magic to bring him back? And if it is the latter, why do you not feel whole, complete and perfect without him?

    I can tell you that because each of us is freedom at our core, when others sense that we want to to tie them down, or obstruct their freedom, it sends them flying the other way. If we come across as needy or unfulfilled, we are sending out big red flags to those who are in relationship with us.

    You didn’t tell me your age, but it sounds as if you are rather young and you have your whole life ahead of you. The best advice I can give you, dear Amy, is to continue your spiritual learning so that you can much more fully realize how perfect you are all on your own. Spend quiet time with your soul so you can deeply know that, as an individuation of the One Divine Spirit, you encompass the same qualities It has, as a being that is totally without need—especially without need for another to complete you.

    When you take enough time and energy to become very centered and you begin to know and express yourself as confident and kind, and as one who has no needs or expectations, the irony is, you then become irresistible to others!

    (Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Life Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com.

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to:  Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com where our team is waiting to hear from you.)

    An additional resource:  The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services.  The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions.  What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God.  It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.

  • Be, Do, Have…

    First, thanks so much for the wonderful birthday wishes.  I was so blessed to have received them from so many! I had a wonderful 50th birthday and I am looking forward to the next 50!

    I write to you this week from Medford, Oregon, where I just finished attending and presenting at a CwG Spiritual Renewal Retreat with Neale Donald Walsch. These retreats are perhaps my favorite thing to do in the world, for they allow me to BE some of my most desired states of BEingness.

    BEingness, as we discussed in the retreat this last week, has everything to do with creating your life experience. What I notice is that most have the formula backwards. Most attempt to create BEingness through either Doing or Having — if I do this or get that, I will then be the thing called happy. These two will not produce the long-term desired results simply because they are not the right tool for the job.

    For example, a couple of my favorite States of Beingness are being helpful and being of service. Retreats are a wonderful way of allowing my Beingness to flow through me in a doingness way, called being a presenter, facilitator, helper, etc.

    My recent appointment as the Executive Director of the Conversations with God Foundation has also kept me wonderfully engaged in my favored States of Beingness. I feel fortunate to have been reminded of this wisdom, what the Conversations with God material calls the “Be-Do-Have” paradigm. Choosing a State of Beingness prior to doing or having is the secret to creating a life you really love and desire.

    I, like most, had it backwards.  That is, I thought I had to Do or Have in order to BE. When I got that I could choose in advance what I wanted to experience, and that the choice itself would create the way to functionally have the experience, I got on with being those States of Being which have always provided me with the greatest joy.

    Because I have chosen to BE helpful and to BE of service, life has provided me with so many ways to fulfill those desired states. That is, because I chose to BE first — that is, prior to Doing — life joined in with me and co-created the possibilities to BE-come those States of Being, which, by the way, have been, and continue to be, abundantly provided in the forms of Doing. And because I do so much as a result, I have so much to show for it. Yet neither Doing nor Having can ever create, with any long-term result, the experience of Beingness…that you must choose for yourself!

    It truly is as Shakespeare said: “To Be or not To Be”! Remember that whatever your choice, life will comply and create the way to do and have that experience…so choose wisely!

    It is so wonderful when you choose to be who you really are, for there you will find — or said better, co-create — your mission, purpose, and passion in life. Because I chose to BE the aspects of Divinity that fulfill my Soul’s desire, being helpful and being of service, the Doingness was and is always abundantly provided. This is the Law of Attraction.

    There is great power in knowing and using this. That is, you can make up your life experience in advance, in the moment of now, or even in the past. I have seen many people awaken to the possibilities of recreating their lives anew just by choosing again. Choosing who you want to be is the simplest way to turn everything in life around in your favor. The universe awaits your decision and actions so that it can respond in like kind.

    For example, I was literally built for the Doingness “jobs” that I currently have, like being a counselor or working for the Conversations with God Foundation. I could have never lined up the universe so perfectly to get these jobs, not even if I had tried. Being of service and being helpful created the path to this work, not the other way around.

    The love that flows through me in my particular form of  Doingness provides me with the experience of BE-coming the next grandest version of the greatest vision ever I held of who I am. When I am being of service, there is no greater gift I could experience. AND the way to BE that continues to show up each and every day. That is the power behind intention and choice. Try it for yourself!

    If I may be so bold, may I share another form of my Doingness that could benefit your choice in Beingness? If you have never attended a Conversations with God retreat, it is an experience that I hope you gift yourself with soon. Those who take on recreating their lives anew in the next grandest version of the greatest vision ever they held of who they are find great benefit in gathering with others interested in creating similar outcomes. If you have not had the opportunity to share in that kind of joy, please consider joining me at one or both of our next retreats coming in June.

    I am particularly excited about the upcoming retreats. Two possibilities exist for you to recreate yourself anew. First we take on Recovery in a practical way in our “CwG on Recovery” retreat on June 23 – June 26. The evening of the 26th, we move right into the “CwG Spiritual Renewal” retreat.  It is sure to be a week of transformation for those who attend both.

    Most know that one of my specialties is in the healing of addiction. Addiction is the extreme opposite of who you really are. Few in our world escape the impact of it and most are touched by it in some way. Addiction, by definition, is “The continued use of substances or behaviors despite negative consequences.”  Whether it’s knowing someone or being one, addiction is one of the top causes of death on the planet today. The good news is it doesn’t have to be that way.

    “CwG on Recovery,” also known as “The Path to Peace” retreat, will focus on the healing of Dis-ease, not just recovery from addiction. I, along with a host of others, will cover the body, mind, emotional, and spiritual nature of healing, and of all life, using practical wisdom and tools to create balance.

    The program will offer a Body-Mind-Emotion and Spiritual approach to recovery and healing, and consists of practical tools that work. Our time together will provide the information and inspiration to remove the road blocks to Recovery and create a clear path to a life of Happy, Joyous, and Free. I hope you can join me.

    For more information about this or any other way I might help you BE-come that next grandest vision, please reach out. And use the Be-Do-Have paradigm consciously from now on and watch it make a world of difference in your life.  And don’t believe me…just try it! Until next time, Blessed BE! – JR

    (J.R. Westen, D.D., C.A.d, is a Holistic Health & Spiritual Counselor who has worked and presented side-by-side with Neale Donald Walsch for over a decade. He is passionate about helping individuals move beyond their emotional and spiritual challenges, transforming breakdowns into breakthroughs. His counseling and coaching provides practical wisdom and guidance that can be immediately incorporated to shift one’s experience of life. 

    As is true for most impactful teachers, J.R.’s own struggles and triumphs inspired him to find powerful ways of helping others. Sober since June 1, 1986, J.R.’s passion for helping individuals move through intense life challenges drove him to also specialize in Addiction and Grief Recovery.

    J.R. currently shares his gift of counseling & coaching with individuals from around the world through the Wellness Center, Simply Vibrant, located on Long Island N.Y. In addition, he operates “Change House” a place where people come to transform. He also works with Escondido Sobering Services and now serves as the Director for the Conversations with God Foundation. He can be contacted at JR@CWG.ORG. )