The Global Conversation

Tag: being who you really are

  • What People Think of You is None of Your Business

    Dear Nova,

    My biggest fear is to hurt another, and it is also my biggest block.  I am an artist and I often use nudity in my drawings, but have a hard time displaying them because I am afraid some people might be shocked or offended.  I do display them but struggle with the fear of making people uncomfortable. In fact, I often hold back in a lot of ways for fear of how it will impact others, and it leaves me feeling stuck and unfulfilled.

    If you feel you can help me out of there, I would welcome a contact.

    Warmly,     

    Angeline, Ontario

    Hi Angeline,

    I can relate very much to what you’re saying.  I’ve had the opportunity to do a lot of work in that area on myself, as it was very common for me to hold back in expressing myself authentically for fear of offending anyone (not so long ago, either!).  In other words, I took care of the emotions of others first and made them more important than my own.

    What I realized along the way, and what I now remind myself of nearly every day, is that not only am I betraying myself when doing this, I am denying others the opportunity to decide and experience who THEY are in the context our interaction is providing them.  While I think I am protecting and even helping them by making all sorts of assumptions to make sure they are not offended or uncomfortable, I’m actually robbing them of perhaps a very valuable experience.  And nobody wins that way.

    So I have come to the conclusion that my only job is to be as authentically me as possible, to express myself from a place of alignment (and when I’m not in alignment perhaps go within until I can get back there and/or be more gentle and “forgiving” of myself) and ALLOW others the opportunity to do the same.  Not always easy, mind you, but it’s always in the highest interest of all involved, and really, anything else is just way too much work, isn’t it?

    A great quote to remember about this, and I’m not sure who said it first, “What other people think of me is none of my business.”  And of course, CWG says, “Betrayal of yourself in order not to betray another is betrayal nonetheless.  It is the highest betrayal.”

    Be you, Angeline.  Give the world that gift, and do your best to not take the reaction/response of others’ personally, as you don’t know what their soul is trying to accomplish in this lifetime.  And by giving yourself permission to be Who You Really Are, well, there is such immense joy (not to mention relief!) in that.  Give it a go.

     

    (Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling.  She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)

    An additional resource:  The CWG Helping Outreach (www.cwghelpingoutreach.com) offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services.  The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions.  What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God.  It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.

  • What to Do When Anger Becomes Your Trigger Response

    What do you do with the stuff that easily triggers anger?  I’m an easy going, peaceful and loving person, but I have my moments where I lose it, like when my kids throw tantrums or are exceptionally whiny, or someone treats me with disrespect.  I get that we are all human and anger is a natural emotion, but in these situations it just feels awful and I always regret it.  How do we show up as who we really are in those moments?  I sometimes feel like a terrible person!

    Martha, San Francisco

     

    Hi Martha,

    Great question, and I think we can all relate to it. I’m glad you used the example of “losing it” with your kids, because those blessed little creatures sure know how to push our buttons and make us feel the furthest thing from spiritually evolved (coming from a mother of a “lively” 3 year old).  I’m going to use this example as I explain why we have some strong emotional responses that don’t feel so great sometimes as well as how to shift them.

    Conversations with God discusses the concept of “giving meaning to things”, saying that nothing in this world has any meaning save the meaning we give it.  So a thing is not “good” or “bad” by itself, it is simply a thing that is occurring and those who are observing this occurrence are the ones who assign the meaning of it being either a bad thing or a good thing.  Now let’s apply this concept to the thing we call “kids throwing tantrums”, something I happen to be very familiar with, and I’ll speak from my point of view since I can’t reach into your mind to access yours.

    The meaning I have assigned in the past to my child throwing a whopper of a tantrum (and total transparency here, please don’t judge!), looks something like this, “She is being so irrational right now for no reason, she is not listening to me which is disrespectful and undermines my parenting.  And this is awful to experience!”  The meaning I assigned that occurrence was making me feel bad, and triggering an emotional response of anger and irritation, which used to cause me either to raise my voice, get frustrated, things that certainly didn’t help the situation.  Presently, I am happy to report that I’ve assigned this occurrence a new meaning, which looks something like this, “Wow, my little baby is having a difficult time right now, she’s clearly overwhelmed by something and doesn’t know how to manage her emotions yet.  Poor thing!”  This new meaning triggers my emotional response of compassion, which now causes me to practice patience, tolerance, and even scoop the little tyrant up and hug her until she calms down.  Voila, my experience of this occurrence is now vastly different and much, much better for all involved, simply because I changed the way I was looking at it.

    So I encourage you, Martha, to take a deep look at those common situations that occur in your life that trigger your anger.  Ask yourself what meaning you are currently giving each of them, and then consciously assign them a new meaning that feels better to you.  And then, of course, practice implementing them.  You’re not a terrible person, you’re an amazing person for noticing something that you’re not in alignment with and wanting to change it.

     

    (Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling.  She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)