The Global Conversation

Tag: betrayal

  • What Are They Trying to Do?

    If you call someone a “Judas”, most people in the western world will understand that you’re calling someone a traitor or a false friend or a turncoat. Someone who will “sell out” their friends. Someone who values money above human life and above truth and above Love.

    The reference, of course, is to Judas Iscariot, who, according to most interpretations of the four gospels of the Christian Bible, betrayed Jesus to the Romans for 30 silver pieces. Most people seem to despise Judas and blame him for the death of the Son of God. For his part, according to some accounts, Judas felt so guilty that he later hung himself and, if asked, most people would suggest that he now rots in hell in eternal torment.

    I have a very different view of Judas. Jesus states that one of his twelve chosen disciples will betray him. And he knows it’s Judas. So if Judas is not “in on” the plan for Jesus to be crucified, then God/Jesus is using Judas as a pawn, against his free will. And this is something that God will not do! Therefore, Judas is an integral part of Jesus’ soul’s plan: to be crucified and rise from the dead after three days to show all of humanity that death is not the end. That life and Love go one forever without end.

    And, in fact, if it were NOT for Judas’ “betrayal”, the Romans would have had no reason to crucify Jesus and his soul’s agenda would have been unfulfilled. The way Jesus led his life, the only way TO be crucified was to have Judas “betray him”. So if it was NOT Judas’ choice to help Jesus to fulfill his soul’s agenda, then he was “used” by God/Jesus and that is simply not possible.

    So I believe that Judas accepted the role of Jesus’ betrayer, knowing full well that his name would be vilified and demonized for thousands of years afterwards. That he would be hated and scorned and, if others had their way, would be severely punished for his “betrayal”. I view Judas as Jesus most trusted friend. As the one who Loved Jesus the most because he was willing to be forever hated to help Jesus fulfill is soul’s agenda.

    So when police in Missouri recently arrested Craig Michael Wood on suspicion of murdering 10-year-old Hailey Owens and later reportedly found child porn on Wood’s computer, my initial reaction was the same as everyone else. “What a monster! Lock him up and throw away the key!”

    Then I remembered Judas.

    Most Christians— both back then and nowadays— would, I think, have said the same thing about Judas. “Lock him up and throw away the key!” (As an aside, many of the comments I read on various news sites and social media sites proposed punishment for Wood (who is still innocent until proven guilty in our legal system!) and other pedophiles/child murderers that was much more cruel, violent and ruthless than simply removing him from society for the rest of his life!)

    Judas sacrificed his “good name” and his “reputation” for the greater good. Jesus chose to die the kind of death he did to help every soul who lived after him to remember that death is not the end. Judas accepted the scorn and contempt of generations that would follow him to help Jesus get this message out to the world.

    God tells us in CwG that there are no victims and there are no villains, even if it appears that way sometimes. So Craig Michael Wood is not a villain and Hailey Owens is not a victim, although most people will see it that way. On some level, their souls (apparently— remember innocent until proven guilty) chose to meet in this lifetime in this manner so that we, collectively as the human race, might learn from the experience. So that we might be able to more fully express our divinity after Hailey’s death.

    Please understand, I do not condone what Wood has been accused of doing. But I recognize that there are many, many souls alive today that sacrifice their physical, mental and even emotional well-being to provide us with opportunities to demonstrate Who We Really Are.  As history has demonstrated to us over and over, and as personal experience has shown us over and over,  it is the most trying times and the most heinous acts that give us the greatest opportunity to grow the most spiritually.

    I am relatively certain that many people reading this are going to be very angry at my words.  At the challenge they present us as Divine Children of God to Love everyone, even the “least of our brothers”, unconditionally. Maybe even at me. Some may even think I’m as “bad” as her alleged murderer for suggesting that Hailey “planned” this and that Wood was (allegedly) helping her fulfill her soul’s agenda.

    That’s okay, because sometimes I myself wonder if these kinds of thoughts are “valid”. And yet when I look back on my life,  I realize how many important relationships in my life were with survivors of childhood abuse. I volunteer to help in domestic violence shelters and on sexual assault hotlines.  I wonder if maybe the reason for so many relationships of all kinds with survivors of abuse is so that I could think these very thoughts.  That I could come to understand that even those who society despises the most are still Divine Children of God. Are still worthy of unconditional Love. Are still contributing members of the human race.

    What message was Hailey Owens trying to get out to the world? Did Craig Michael Wood give up his “good name” just as Judas did by committing an act that most of us find vile and inexcusable? What message was he trying to teach the world? And, just as importantly, are we willing to learn those lessons?

     

  • Is This Love??

    Respected sir/madam,

    I have been in a very happy relationship for two years now, and both of us are very serious. We are sure that we want to spend the rest of our lives with each other. My boyfriend loves me very very much, but recently, I hurt him so deeply that he’s lost his trust in me.

    We were in different cities when we fell in love.Let us say that I was in C and he was in G. Recently, I had a chance to visit G but unfortunately, he was visiting my town then. My chances of meeting him were anyway slim and I had a mental misconception that if I went to G, I’d feel much closer to him. We hadn’t been able to talk to each other to our heart’s contents for a while and we were feeling a little empty. We needed to feel closer to each other.

    He didn’t tell me he wanted to take me there first (this was my first visit) but he made up a number of other reasons for me to not go. I justified all of them and in the end, he reluctantly agreed. He was angry with me but I wanted to go very very much so I thought that when all the bad things that he was afraid would happen wouldn’t happen he would forget about everything and everything would go back to being normal.

    When I finally reached G, I realized that I had made the worst mistake of my life. I had heard so much about the place from him that when I so much as read the name of a road, I missed my boyfriend and cried and cried. I was travelling by bus and I called my boyfriend and cried to him and he was kind and sweet to me but he was hurting and missing me too.

    I stayed in G for three days and missed him every second of that I was there. The only way I could distract myself was by talking to a group of boys who were really funny and warm. I generally don’t interact with boys much unless it is for work and he does the same with girls. We prefer it that way and we feel safe and comfortable in our routine. I knew he wouldn’t like my doing it, but I justified it because I didn’t have any proper girl friends with me and well….truthfully, what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.

    I’ve never lied to him before this and I hate myself for doing it now. I took a picture with a boy and I am grinning widely in it. I swear up and down right now that I wasn’t happy there. Sure I danced a little and smiled a little but I kept wishing that I was there with him not with a group of people I didn’t even like all that much.

    Anyway, now this picture? I fabricated the truth a little and told him that other people took it by crook and I hadn’t actually posed for it. Yes, I lied to him. But I swear I never have before this.

    The next day, I played in the water on the beach and went out at night and he’d told me not to because in that part of the country, they were both very unsafe and stupid things to do. But I completely forgot his strict instructions and did both of those things. I am an idiot.

    When I came back home to C, I sent him a copy of that picture and came clean. In my favour, I’d like to say that I was the only one with a copy of that picture and I still sent it to him because I couldn’t stand to lie to him.

    He saw it and was very very very hurt. He said he couldn’t trust me anymore because even though he’d asked me not to, I went into the water and went out at night and that if something had happened to me, he’d have lost me forever. He was also very hurt that I took a picture I anyway shouldn’t have but the fact that it was in G, where he and I were supposed to go alone for the first time, made it much much worse.

    I was so guilty that to prove to him that I love him very very much I cut myself for the first time in my life. I agree it was the stupidest thing I could have ever done, but…..oh, well. What’s done is done. He got mad about that too. Said I needed a psychiatrist.

    He’s ready to give me another chance but he is hurt. And he says mean things when he is hurt and they hurt me and there is simply a whole lot of hurt going around. What do I do? Please help me? I want to make things okay again. He says he I hurt him so much that he is numb and that he is beginning to lose faith in love and that he has no interest in going to G with me or otherwise again because the place is ruined for him. What do I do? That was our honeymoon spot 🙁

    Yours sincerely,

    Susan

    Dear Susan,

    Wow!, I’m practically out of breath reading this…I can only imagine how draining it is to you actually living it.

    Susan, the only betrayal in this whole long story is to yourself.  It is said that betrayal of oneself, in order to not betray another, is still betrayal.  In fact, it is the greatest betrayal of all.

    Susan, what does love mean to you?  If you yearn for another, and cannot live a day without that other without crying, does that mean you love that other?  I don’t believe that to be true.  To me, it means that you have handed your happiness to another, believing that happiness is something that is given to you by another.  Susan, dearest Susan, we create our own happiness, and misery, given our thought about a thing.

    It feels to me as though you are allowing your boyfriend to control your life.  A truly loving partner would have informed you of the dangers in city G, and upon finding out what you did, merely expressed relief that you hadn’t been harmed.  The dumping of guilt upon you is control, not love.  (Well, it IS love, in the strictest sense, since all negative emotion is distorted love, but I hope you understand what I am saying in this context.)

    You see, Susan, Love wants for you what you want for you.  If you feel you would enjoy having a wide variety of friends in your life, now, and even (especially?) after you should marry, then your partner should want that for you.  His inability to trust you now is his problem, not yours, because it shows that he wants for you, what HE wants for you, and not necessarily what you want for you.

    Just as an aside…I would, personally, question why my partner had so many reasons for me to NOT come and visit in the first place.

    As to your cutting.  Obviously you know that that behavior doesn’t really work for you.  It is a symptom of something larger, to be sure.  I would agree with your partner that professional help would be of benefit.  I lean towards body-centered psychotherapy, but there are many good professionals.

    Which leads me back to my earlier question:  What does Love mean to you, Susan?  Not, “what do I have to do to get someone to love me?”  There is a very good little book, by Neale Donald Walsch, called “Neale Donald Walsch on Relationships” that I believe could be invaluable in helping you gain insight.  It is a very short, easy read.  I got my copy for just a little money at an on-line used book store.

    Sweetie, guilt, stress, worry, anger, hurting yourself…these are all indicators that something is not working.  I have told my daughters what I am going to tell you now…Love should bring Joy.  Yes, it takes dedication, and effort, but it shouldn’t be a constant struggle, especially in the early stages.  If it is a struggle from the beginning, consider that it might not be any better going forward.  Consider choosing again…and again, and again until you find a relationship that doesn’t require you betraying yourself to have.

    Therese

    (Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.cwghelpingoutreach.com  She may be contacted at:                                                              Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)

    An additional resource:  The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services.  The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions.  What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God.  It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.

  • Unto Thine Own Self Be True…

    Dear Therese,

    I had dreams and plans that had to be put on hold because of family circumstances.  I made promises that I sincerely wish to keep, but I, none the less, find my mind wandering to those dreams and plans more and more.  I don’t want to back out on my promises to others, but I would really like the opportunity to follow my dreams.  What can I do?

    Darla in Fargo, ND

    Polonius:

    This above all: to thine own self be true,

    And it must follow, as the night the day,

    Thou canst not then be false to any man.

    Hamlet Act 1, scene 3, 78-82

    Dear Darla,

    In CWG terms, betrayal of yourself, so as not to betray another, is the greatest betrayal of all.

    Why?  Because there is no other.  When you betray yourself, your giving is tinged with the energy of betrayal in all you do.  You serve no one as well as you think you are serving them.  In some way the people to whom you made the promises know that you are giving from your lack and not your fullness…and that means they know that at least some piece of you is far away from them.

    It has been my experience that when I finally let go of the notion that I am the only one that can do something, or that I only have one way of fulfilling my promises, those promises have a way of still being kept!  One way of importance is that I enable others to step in and take the burden off, enabling them to demonstrate their greatness.

    When we think that we are the only ones who can do something, or that there is only one way of having dreams fulfilled, we get frustrated.  We move into expectation instead of preference, which is so very limiting…and why do we keep limiting a limitless Universe?

    Perhaps you could give a thought to fulfilling your dreams where you are?  Have you looked at the possibility of combining old and new dreams?  Maybe you can include the people to whom you made promises in your dreams?  Maybe they are ready for an adventure?  Consider, also, that you are where you are for a reason, if only for now.  What are you being called to look at?

    Of equal importance in this process is this:  Once you have decided it is time to be true to yourself, you must also tell the truth to yourself.  Admit all of the negative as well as the positive emotions surrounding this.  You may find that there is something entirely different than you think driving your feelings.  When you tell the truth to yourself, Darla, then, when you talk of changes to the others you wish not to betray, they will know they are hearing the truth.  This does not mean that they will react in a positive way necessarily, but it does mean that they will know, if only on their soul level (only??), that you are being true to yourself, and by extension, them.

    Finally, be Grateful for it all.

    Gratitude for all that is, is the engine that drives what is to come.  Yes, difficult sometimes, but can’t we all look back at our lives and see how something that seemed “not good” at the time, turned out to have one heck of a silver lining?  Look for that silver lining right now.  If you can not see it, know that it does exist!

    I know that’s a lot to take in, Darla, so take things as slowly as you wish right now, and when/if the time is right to make a change trust yourself.  It may be kind of scary, but know that it is also an adventure, and an opportunity to experience Life as fully as you can!

    Therese

    (Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net . She may be contacted at:                                                              Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)

    An additional resource:  ChangingChange.net offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services.  The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions.  What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God.  It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.