The Global Conversation

Tag: communication

  • Communication that could change the world…

    Recently, I received a phone call from a friend who desired a safe space to share an experience of being talked at, rather than talked to. She was visiting with a family member, catching up on life, and discussing a variety of topics when an opinion-pusher invited themselves into their conversation to set them both straight about everything they were wrong about. The negative outcome my friend felt from the exchange was not so much the opinions themselves but rather the need of the other person to be right about their point of view, rather than being willing to discuss their differing ideas.

    We all have a point of view, an idea of how things should be, and a right to express those ideas. Yet how we choose to communicate our intention behind what we are saying goes a long way to having our expressions received. I have observed in the world today that most feel an overwhelming need to share their opinions, whether they are helpful or not. In my friend’s case, no thought was given to how the uninvited communication would land or whether or not they would even be interested in discussing differing points of view at the time. Had the Buttinski asked to join the conversation, instead of just barfing opinion all over them, a much different outcome could have been created.

    For me, real communication has nothing to do with being right; it has to do with being heard. Being right turns communication into debate or, worse, argument. Debate can be healthy, for often that is how we learn and grow. Debate causes us to think about issues, where we stand, and why we believe what we do. Being right is where communication ends and righteousness begins. At least in debate one listens to the other point of view before offering a counterpoint or a positional response. Real communication, however, has zero need to be right about its point of view. Healthy communication allows all points of view to be heard and then the freedom for the participants to agree or disagree without consequence.

    For example, over the years of working with the Conversations with God Foundation, I have received some rather confrontational communications around religious belief. Because I was listed on the website as “Reverend JR,” I would sometimes receive mail from people attempting to “save my lost soul.” It is held by some that CwG is of the “devil” and those of us who find value in it would soon see the error of our ways in hell. According to a few of my concerned “soul savers,” I, as a reverend, would find myself in a “special place of hell” for leading my flock away from the one true savior.

    I used to respond to these letters with the thought that surely we could discuss our ideas about God in a way that could be productive and beneficial for both of us but that the need to be right thing far too often got in the way. I quickly realized that with most of these letters, the writers were not interested in having a dialogue, but rather a monologue. There is no conversation in a monologue and no opportunity to grow if you think you already have all the answers. My interest in finding common ground and expanding our mutual understanding of God was, in the end, lost to this “need to be right” obsession.

    Being a lifelong student, I love to converse with people from all over the world, from different backgrounds, religions, and all points of view. I learn so much about myself, about life, and about God from these conversations. I decided long ago that I would honor all faiths and all points of view and let go of the need to be right about anything, especially for someone else. Instead, I would trust that each person could and would decide what works for them and that there is great value in discussing ideas and listening to alternate points of view. It is amazing what a conversation can create.

    It is from this place that the beginning of conversations that could change the world reside. The necessary ingredients of these conversations begins with respect and tolerance. My Father use to say that respect and tolerance would heal the world. Think about it. What would happen tomorrow if we all awoke without the need to be right?

    What if no one felt the need to be right about anything they currently held as a truth? What if each of us felt secure enough within to look at our own beliefs and even became willing to challenge those beliefs by listening to alternate points of view? What if we were willing to take a fresh look at all of our deeply held ideas to see if more could be revealed through inquiry?

    For example, is humanity convinced that God, if there is a God, has said all there is to say about life? If so, why hasn’t religion solved the major challenges that face humanity by now? Why are the greatest numbers of us still suffering? Perhaps there is more to be communicated about God and about life. Perhaps there is more to know, the knowing of which would change everything.

    It takes great courage and strength to stand in the place of “I am willing to be wrong about that.” Freedom lives on the other side of this equation. For if you lack the need to be right, nothing needs to happen for you to be at peace.

    You see, if the above statement was true for you, your happiness meter would go off the chart. It would also be the end of many of the circumstances and conditions that do not work in our world today. We are the world’s circumstances in motion. What we choose every day affects the whole of us.

    Could we all benefit from letting go of the need be right? You bet. The need to be right seems to me to be one of our greatest addictions and one of the reasons we are evolving so slowly.

    When I look out upon the landscape of humanity, whether historically or now, the need to be right has been the cause of so much pain, tragedy, and heartache. It isn’t just God or religion. Look at every system in the world today. The need to be right has shut down real communication in favor of positions and arguments that continue to lead to things like war.

    The media is responsible for some of it, for sure, with Facebook, reality TV, and opinion-driven product blasting points-of-view content at you 24/7. But we have to take responsibility for our participation in it. Energy grows where energy goes. Stop participating in these systems and watch how quickly they will change.

    The tool required to let go of the need to be right is critical thinking. Critical thinking is not a skill taught in school; it is developed by people who become willing to step back and consider differing points of view, by those willing to engage in real conversation, inquiry, and dialogue. This is the missing link in our human condition right now. This is the thing that could change everything.

    Critical thinking develops this kind of communication that could and would change the world. What is required is the ability to see that what works for you may not work for another. Are you willing to consider the possibility that your way may not be THE WAY but, rather, simply another way? The statement from Conversations with God applies here perfectly: “Ours is not a better way, ours is merely another way.”

    This kind of thinking applied, this kind of communication expressed, this kind of willingness to be open to new possibilities and new thoughts will be used by the people who do change the world. Why not let that be you?

    PS: I’m willing to be wrong about all of it!

    (J.R. Westen, D.D. is a Holistic Health & Spiritual Counselor who has worked and presented side-by-side with Neale Donald Walsch for over a decade. He is passionate about helping individuals move beyond their emotional and spiritual challenges, transforming breakdowns into breakthroughs. His counseling and coaching provides practical wisdom and guidance that can be immediately incorporated to shift one’s experience of life.

    As is true for most impactful teachers, J.R.’s own struggles and triumphs inspired him to find powerful ways of helping others. Sober since June 1, 1986, J.R.’s passion for helping individuals move through intense life challenges drove him to also specialize in Addiction and Grief Recovery.

    J.R. currently shares his gift of counseling & coaching with individuals from around the world through the Wellness Center, Simply Vibrant, located on Long Island N.Y.  In addition, he operates “Change House” a place where people come to transform.  He also works with Escondido Sobering Services and now serves as the Director for the Conversations with God Foundation. He can be contacted at JR@CWG.ORG or JR@theglobalconversation.com, or to book an appointment, write support@simplyvibrant.com.)

  • Let’s Talk Money

    I am newly married and a few months in, and I’m loving the married life!  I haven’t noticed much has changed, really, except for one thing – my husband and I are definitely not on the same wavelength when it comes to money.  We recently moved into a new house and now have the whole mortgage and budgeting thing going on, and I now see that we operate entirely differently when it comes to money: I am a go with the flow, trust that things will work out type of person who definitely does not enjoy making sacrifices, and he is a follow the budge to a “t” kind of a guy.  This has caused some tension between us, and I’m not sure what to do about it because I don’t even like talking about money! I definitely don’t want this to be a bigger problem though, or drive us apart, so I need some advice.

    Kristi, Jacksonville

    Hi Kristi,

    Congrats on your marriage, and let me acknowledge you for bringing this issue to the light before it becomes a bigger problem.  You’re right, money can definitely be difficult to talk about for a lot of people, and it happens to be the number one thing that couples fight about, and incidentally, one of the top reasons for divorce.  Let’s avoid that, shall we?

    So, what most people don’t realize is that money is just energy, like everything else.  What we believe about it, how we think about it, speak of it, interact with it, etc., all contributes to our experience of it.  So the first place I’d like to direct you is to what your current idea of money is.  Do you believe money is bad, the root of all evil, limited, is earned in large quantities only by those who have either inherited it or work unGodly long hours and are miserable anyway?  Or do you believe that there is enough out there for everyone, that we are all deserving of large amounts of abundance of all kinds?  If you are unsure, a good place to look is what you heard a lot of growing up.  We were sponges as children and it was very easy to unconsciously inherit the beliefs about money that our parents had.  For example, if you saw your parents fighting and worrying about money all the time, you’re likely to grow up feeling stressful about money, not wanting to talk about it, avoiding the topic altogether or fighting about it with your spouse, not to mention having the experience of not having a lot of it.

    The good news is that a belief is just a thought you continue to think, and it is entirely possible to change that thought.  And that brings me to step 2: once you’ve acknowledged what your current beliefs/ideas about money are, decide whether or not they are serving you, and if you decide they aren’t, choose a new belief you’d like to have about money, one that does serve you.  Next, begin creating new habits that are in alignment with this new belief.  For example, say you’ve chosen to believe that money is wonderful and there’s enough to go around for everyone.  Some habits you may choose to adopt may be only saying good things about money and avoiding complaining about it, saying a prayer of thanks every time you pay a bill because you have the money to pay for such luxuries as heat and electricity or your cell phone, and you enjoy them all.  You could even start a dialogue with your husband about what his beliefs are about money, letting him know that although it’s been a difficult topic for you to talk about in the past, you’d like to be able to talk about it together and find a place in your finances that you both can feel good about.

    But I encourage you, Kristi, to start with yourself.  When you get into vibrational alignment with Who You Really Are in relation to any topic in life, it has a way of making everything come together without much effort on your part at all.  And everything I gave you above are great ways to come into alignment around money.  Look for what you appreciate about money, not what you dislike about it or feel helpless about.  Share what you do have with others lovingly and joyfully, now that’s a wonderful way to feel and experience your own abundance.  Look for what is currently working for you around money and share that with your husband, giving him the space to share what works for him around it.  Marriage is definitely about being willing to love and grow with each other not just through the good times, but through the challenging ones.  And this could be a wonderful opportunity for the two of you to grow closer and more intimate in ways you haven’t yet.

     

    (Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling.  She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)

  • When you gaze into my eyes,
    can you hear my soul?

    Day after day, week after week, month after month, and year after year, hundreds of thousands of people travel from all corners of the globe to the small southeastern European country of Croatia to communicate with a man named Braco, to engage in a unique “conversation,” if you will, that surpasses spoken words, an interaction which has demonstrated itself to be impervious to religious preferences, nationality, race, age, sexual orientation, gender, or any other brand of identifier we could place upon ourselves.  These exchanges do not even discriminate against those who have little or no financial ability…as they are completely free to every single person who wants to attend.

    Braco does not speak, he does not make physical contact with anyone, nor does he use any type of nonverbal suggestions.

    He simply gazes silently into each and every person’s eyes.

    For 5 to 7 minutes, in a room filled with people, the only form of communication taking place is a silent gaze into each other’s eyes, where participants can see themselves reflected back through Braco’s eyes, connecting to something greater than themselves. And while Braco does not claim to be a healer, but rather a flow-through of the positive and beautiful feelings and energy which we all carry within us, thousands profess to have experienced significant transformations in their life after a silent gazing event.

    As with many nontraditional forward-thinking concepts, these gazing events have not gone without criticism by skeptics and nonbelievers.  But why are thousands of people flocking to this man, yearning for this experience?  My intention for writing about this phenomenon is not intended to be an advertisement for Braco, but rather he caused me to reflect upon and explore more deeply how we could apply this very same methodology in our own personal relationships right here, right now, without the need to embark on a pilgrimage to Croatia.

    The way we choose to communicate in our relationships determines and changes the way we experience our relationships.  We are pretty good at speaking our minds when we have something to say, but how good are we at using our bodies to communicate?  If our body language is not in harmony with our words, is our message being conveyed the way we would like to believe it is?  And when someone is communicating with us, are we “gazing” in their eyes?  Are we leaning in to them?  Are we being a “flow-through” for the energy exchange taking place…or are we resembling something more like a brick wall?

    I am sure we can all come up with several instances where the loving glance of a parent reassured us or the pinched brow of a partner conveyed feelings of hurt, without the necessity of words.  So often we drift out of the present moment, excitedly gathering our thoughts about what we want to say next, perched so closely on the edge of telling our story that we even go so far as to actually talk over the sacred expression of another.  How can we receive if we do not create the space of silence for it to be placed within?  How can we truly hear if we are striving so desperately to be heard?

    In the most heartfelt and intimate of conversations with our loved ones, we are more apt to settle into a space of intention and commit to being fully present and open and available.  But what prevents us from entering into that space with all of our relationships?  Our co-workers, our parents, our neighbors, our children, each and every person we encounter each and every day?

    Perhaps Braco is really on to something here.  Hundreds of thousands of people from around the world seem to think so.  Maybe we as a society are too busy talking, writing, thinking, intellectualizing, planning, analyzing, and strategizing.  Perhaps it is in the stillness of our being and in the reflection of each other’s eyes that we hold the ability to understand each other on a level never before experienced.

    And if we are willing to consider that possibility, could it then be possible that the answer to the question that would change life as we know it on our planet — “How is it possible that 6.9 billion people can all claim to want the same thing (peace, security, opportunity, prosperity, happiness and love) and be singularly unable to get it?” — could also be found not within our words, but rather within the sacred and silent gaze of our eyes?

    (Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation.  She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)

     

  • Effortless parenting

    Whether you are a new parent or a “seasoned” parent, you know that parenting is a full-time job. It requires patience, understanding, endless energy, emotional endurance.  And the list goes on.  However, what I’ve found to be true is that what our children require most is Love — and the rest will fall into place naturally and effortlessly.

    I know this may sound like a patently obvious, if not naive, statement; but after raising two boys who are now 15 and 24, I want to share with you what I have learned, and continue to learn, about Love “in action” and what that awareness has taught me.

    An experience which greatly impacted and influenced my parenting approach, and one which further deepened my understanding of the Conversations with God principles, happened when my mother passed away. My youngest son was six years old. Only a short time into my mom’s memorial service, my son started to leave his seat. While his father and his grandmother attempted to keep him quiet and make him sit still due to their understandable uneasiness, I asked myself the question, “What would love do now?” I realized that this beautiful child would not act in a way that disrupted the service, knowing the love my son had for my mother and the powerful connection they shared. So I let go of control. And what happened next was stunning.

    Without saying a word, my six-year-old son moved from person to person — from my mother’s caregiver, to my mother’s best friend, to my own best friend, and then on to my brother. He simply sat next to each of them, working his way through the room, letting others know that he felt the same way they did: Sad. I sensed that he knew what was best for him, and apparently so did he. He felt moved to both give and to receive comfort.

    After the service, each of those individuals came up to me and shared how he had profoundly shifted their sadness to love.  I realized that day that my parenting could be more effortless if I would genuinely love and embrace and trust what was showing up, allowing myself to be guided by Love rather than by Fear and all of the Dos and Don’ts of parenting that I’d been taught. Perhaps it was just that easy.

    Love is a feeling. It is a reflection. It is a connection of energy that readily resides within a parent and a child. It is the key to unlocking effortless communication. Listening and being fully present to what our children are expressing, whether in words or actions, allows us to become more of a guide than a parent. When we understand that our children come here with a specific soul agenda, and each thought, each expression, and each action is fulfilling that agenda perfectly, we can let go of beliefs that our children will choose the “wrong” choice and, rather, trust that they will make the “right” choice…the one that feels most in alignment with Who They Are.

    When we listen and when we are fully present, providing a palpable experience of what our Love is, we shift the parenting dynamic and create a more natural dovetailing of instincts, allowing our children to express Who They Really Are while we do the same! Parents and children have a natural rhythm of feeling each other’s intentions, even when personalities may sometimes seem at odds, understanding that, no matter what, the Soul’s agenda, the purpose for which it came here, is still being fulfilled.

    Of course, we will have days that do not seem so effortless regardless of our best intentions. It’s a messy and wonderful process. And although some might argue that this perspective lacks discipline, I believe that gifting our children the freedom to choose their path provides them the opportunity to determine his or her own course and to develop their own sense of inner guidance and self-discipline.

    What would it be like if we lived in a world where both parents and children asked more often, “What would Love do now?”

    (Laurie Lankins Farley has worked with Neale Donald Walsch for approximately 10 years. She is the Executive Director of his non-profit The School of the New Spirituality and creative co-director of CwGforParents.com. Laurie has published an inspirational children’s book “The Positive Little Soul.” She can be contacted at Parenting@TheGlobalConversation.com.)