The Global Conversation

Tag: creating your experience

  • What to Do When Anger Becomes Your Trigger Response

    What do you do with the stuff that easily triggers anger?  I’m an easy going, peaceful and loving person, but I have my moments where I lose it, like when my kids throw tantrums or are exceptionally whiny, or someone treats me with disrespect.  I get that we are all human and anger is a natural emotion, but in these situations it just feels awful and I always regret it.  How do we show up as who we really are in those moments?  I sometimes feel like a terrible person!

    Martha, San Francisco

     

    Hi Martha,

    Great question, and I think we can all relate to it. I’m glad you used the example of “losing it” with your kids, because those blessed little creatures sure know how to push our buttons and make us feel the furthest thing from spiritually evolved (coming from a mother of a “lively” 3 year old).  I’m going to use this example as I explain why we have some strong emotional responses that don’t feel so great sometimes as well as how to shift them.

    Conversations with God discusses the concept of “giving meaning to things”, saying that nothing in this world has any meaning save the meaning we give it.  So a thing is not “good” or “bad” by itself, it is simply a thing that is occurring and those who are observing this occurrence are the ones who assign the meaning of it being either a bad thing or a good thing.  Now let’s apply this concept to the thing we call “kids throwing tantrums”, something I happen to be very familiar with, and I’ll speak from my point of view since I can’t reach into your mind to access yours.

    The meaning I have assigned in the past to my child throwing a whopper of a tantrum (and total transparency here, please don’t judge!), looks something like this, “She is being so irrational right now for no reason, she is not listening to me which is disrespectful and undermines my parenting.  And this is awful to experience!”  The meaning I assigned that occurrence was making me feel bad, and triggering an emotional response of anger and irritation, which used to cause me either to raise my voice, get frustrated, things that certainly didn’t help the situation.  Presently, I am happy to report that I’ve assigned this occurrence a new meaning, which looks something like this, “Wow, my little baby is having a difficult time right now, she’s clearly overwhelmed by something and doesn’t know how to manage her emotions yet.  Poor thing!”  This new meaning triggers my emotional response of compassion, which now causes me to practice patience, tolerance, and even scoop the little tyrant up and hug her until she calms down.  Voila, my experience of this occurrence is now vastly different and much, much better for all involved, simply because I changed the way I was looking at it.

    So I encourage you, Martha, to take a deep look at those common situations that occur in your life that trigger your anger.  Ask yourself what meaning you are currently giving each of them, and then consciously assign them a new meaning that feels better to you.  And then, of course, practice implementing them.  You’re not a terrible person, you’re an amazing person for noticing something that you’re not in alignment with and wanting to change it.

     

    (Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling.  She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)

  • Beating the Winter Blues

    My question deals with something that may sound trivial to others but is a serious challenge for me.  I’m wondering what the spiritual approach to dealing with the harshness of winter would be?  Although I have never officially been diagnosed with SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), I’d lay money down that I have it.  I am happy, content and thriving throughout most of the year until these harsh winter months hit, especially after the holidays.  All I seem to want to do is stay home, sleep, and disengage from life.  It truly is a struggle, until spring comes and I’m back to my old self.  I’m no longer okay with feeling awful for 3 months of the year for no good reason.  There’s got to be another way, right?

    ~ Mark, North Dakota

     

    Hi Mark,

    There is always another way, because we are creative beings and have the ability to decide how we want to experience any given thing in life.  And when co-created events show up that are seemingly out of our control – like harsh, cold, long winters (I’m from MN so I can soooooo relate to this) – we get the opportunity to decide how we are going to experience them as well as who we are in relationship to it.

    So now, Mark, it is your turn to decide who you are in relationship to this thing called “the harshness of winter”, and create your experience of it.  Don’t worry, I’m not just going to leave you with that, I’m going to help you out with “the how” part as well.

    The very first step is to manage all of these thoughts and emotions you have because it’s winter, and the very best way I know of to do this is to engage in a daily practice, one that includes meditation (of any kind, whatever works for you) and gratitude (writing down at least 10 things each day that you are truly grateful for).  Those two practices alone go such a long way in quieting the mind chatter and lowering external influences, because it shifts your focus on what is good and gets you centered and connected – always a great starting point when approaching anything in life.  Plus, they raise your vibration and put you in a place of desire (creative) vs. a place of lack (resistant) for the next step, which is…

    Decide and express who you are in relationship to winter harshness and how you’d like to experience it.  Let go of any beliefs about how you’ve experienced it in the past, or how you think it has to be, put your focus on the way you’d like it to be for you, and then express that.  For example, if you decide that you’re actually okay with hibernating for winter, then get some good books and/or movies, buy one of those “snuggie” blankets to curl up in, light a candle or start a fire in the fireplace, and enjoy the comforts of home.  Quit making yourself wrong for it.  On the other hand, if you decide you’d like to still be able to get out and about and be active during the winter, then make it a point to schedule some social dates with friends, sign up for a class, or plan a winter weekend getaway.  Engage in winter activities like sledding, skating, or building a snowman, enlist a friend to join you and use each other as accountability partners.  Make it a point to connect.

    I used to despise the months of January and February here in Minnesota, they were so cold and so long and I never wanted to do anything.  My experience nowadays is vastly different.  I decided that I am naturally one who does slow down in the winter and hibernate a bit,  I spend a lot of time in my cozy house (and yes I have a snuggie blanket) with my family and watch a lot of movies.  And I love it.  You see, I no longer make myself wrong for wanting to do those things, I embrace it.  Incidentally I also decided that I wanted to be someone who enjoys winter, and while the latter is part of what I now enjoy about it, I also make it a point to schedule outings with my family and friends, and play in the snow with my 3 year old (something I previously also despised).  And what makes this a sustainable choice and expression of who I am vs. a fleeting one?  Those daily practices I spoke of as step one.

    Although you may never have a direct say in the weather conditions of winter, Mark, you most certainly have a direct say in how you experience it from now on.  And I don’t tell you this in theory, I tell you this from my direct experience.  I even look forward to winter now, something my former self of a few years ago would have laughed in your face if she heard you say it.

    P.S. I’ve also heard those sun lamps are great for those dealing with SAD, you may want to consider getting one, or making a commitment to spend time outside every day it happens to be sunny.

    Nova

    (Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling.  She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)