The Global Conversation

Tag: dogs

  • The bully soulution

    “But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.” (Matt. 5:44)

    “What hurts you so much that you feel you have to hurt me in order to heal it?” ~ Neale Donald Walsch

    The dilemma of bullies is ancient, and we see it today on the playground, at work, and in cyberspace.  I’ve seen enough articles and people asking about this problem that it warrants important consideration.

    It surprises and perplexes me that when I see this played out in the
    mainstream news media (television, magazines, etc.), that they seem to
    ignore a simple technique that will transform bullying, neutralize it,
    and even create a blessing as a result.

    What’s the solution or soulution?  It was the first thing quoted above.  Matt. 5:44 I’ll modernize it in a moment.

    First, the solution or soulution is not often acceptable to people who want to stay in the problem-centered, negative or victim drama mode. Nevertheless, for those who may be agonizing over this, are dealing with this at this moment, or know someone who is, and are spiritually open-minded & open-hearted, a wonderful soulution is available.

    It’s worked and played in my life and in others’ lives.  Rather elegant & simple, it’s based on the quote above.

    Its effectiveness and simplicity throws some people off, and even creates disruption because they want to dismiss, minimize, and marginalize it.  Instead, they prefer to stay in the drama and victim-hood mentality for as long as they feel necessary.  For the rest of us, there’s a spiritual, psychological soulution.

    This method or technique can work for bullies at school or work, in cyberspace, hate groups, such as gay bashers and racial hate groups, etc.  Its effectiveness goes way beyond bullying, but because of the serious nature, especially with kids in school, and especially with cyber bullying and people in the work place, I’m especially signaling this out for those dealing with bullies.

    Think of the often quoted passage of Jesus, “But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.” (Matt. 5:44)   It’s in this passage and in the spirit of it that the soulution awaits.

    The soulution:  Radiating and pouring forth Light and Love on the person who is doing the bullying.

    I like to say waterfall Light and Love on this person or persons/group, etc. Surround them with Light and Love and watch what happens.  Watch what kind of energy change is created.

    A few personal examples:
    Let me give you an example or two.  I’ve been in work situations where I’ve been potentially bullied, and stuck up for myself right away.  In one case, the person was someone who pushed his weight around literally, in that he was a huge man who few would tangle with.  I didn’t really like his attitude, but he made it known he was out to get me and I should stay out of his way.

    What I did every night from work was to sit in my chair, visualize him, and pour light on him.  It was not very easy, at first.  I disliked him for the unfairness of the situation in which I was placed.  Even as I poured light on him, I could see he was still angry.  Now, mind you, this is all going on in my mind…my mental, emotional
    experience.

    As time went on and I did this daily, and my visualization of him being angry and unreceptive started to shift, and when I was imagining, visualizing, and pouring light and love on him, he started to become more receptive and finally started to accept more of the light and love I was showering.  Now, even though this all played out in my mind, I was working and playing to make an emotional shift away from the negative energy I felt I was unfairly being vented with.

    Yet, as my visualization shifted, eventually, so did he.  About 2 weeks later, working on a particular project, he came over and asked me to do a simple easy task on a project he was working on, which I did. His response was, “Ya know what?  You’re all right,” and then he left. This told me that in his own way, he was saying that the situation was neutralized and we were cool.  I knew that my pouring light and love on this had created a new energy that resolved this conflict.

    This happened again years later at a job where I refused to do something because another person was pulling rank on me as a new guy, and I would not give in and stuck up for what I felt was right.  This person, a woman, really got mad and took it upon herself to belittle me in front of others, in an extremely inappropriate way.  However, I knew she was acting out her pain on me, and I did not take it personally. I knew that my pouring of light and love on her would eventually change the situation toward the influence of that positive love and light energy.

    It took a lot longer, as this woman was very stubborn and really continued to act out, showing contempt and hate for me.  Again, it was a bit challenging to put this light and love on her when she continued such rude behavior, yet I persisted.  I was quite sure she’d eventually change her attitude, or leave my experience, or that my situation would change for the better without her continuing to be in my experience.
    After working on this for four to six weeks, she was fired.  Remember, I poured the light and love on her, yet she did not want to change her attitude, so life created an experience where each energy would be best expressed.

    Sometimes when you start waterfalling Light and Love on the situation, the drama may temporarily escalate and flare up even more dramatically.  This can be due to the chemicalization process of your good energy vibrations mixing with their self hatred or negative hurt energy.

    They may try even more drastic measures. This is when some people start to worry that what they are doing does not seem to be working. Don’t worry.  This shows that you are having a effect on them and as these opposing energies mix, the chemicalization drama is sometimes (not always) the result.

    Realize that this is temporary and as you waterfall the Love and Light on them, it will neutralize the drama.  This is a critical point to remember, as your Love energy moves in, they can sometimes rebel dramatically, but only temporarily. As you are consistent in your good energy out flow, they will eventually either, move into your good energy, leave you alone or move out of your experience.

    The Key here is that you don’t play the blame or victim game or card.  “It’s the bully’s fault, they are to blame, they are the reason my life is currently so miserable,” etc. Instead, you proactively work and play to adjust your thinking and feelings around this by actively proactively taking charge of how you are responding and being around this situation. You don’t have to do this.  Of course, many don’t, yet I’m here to say that if you desire this to be resolved for the betterment of you and the one bullying, you now have a new choice on how to be and show up in relation to this hurt energy they misdirect toward you.  That’s why you were directed by life to this article.

    Always let light and love be the waterfalling energy toward those who would bully you or create unfair work or life conditions for you. The energy you send, express and give will express itself back to you in a very beneficial way, without harming them. They will either change their attitudinal energy, move away from you, or be promoted out of your experience in an appropriate way for all involved, especially you.

    The loving, compassionate energy we send and give to those who treat us unfairly will optimistically and positively influence the environment we are in. I believe this to be true of most, if not all, bullying situations.

    That’s it!  It’s that simple!

    “But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.”  (Matt. 5:44) [and you will see, feel and experience the blessings of Light and Love.]

    Love and Light poured on those that hurt, heals their hurt and changes your experience for the better.

    Bully and suicides often leave out the mental illness that is also present in certain cases and sound byte articles often (not always) offer more simplistic answers to more complex issues that also play out as part of the overall picture.

    An update article link of interest 2.9. 2012:

    Bullying and Suicide

    Another bully article update added 10.3.2011
    By The Week Yahoo news:  “Can dogs reduce bullying in schools?”

    Educators across the country are using canines to teach compassion and social responsibility.  From surfing to sniffing out cancer, what can’t dogs do? Now, USA Today reports that a number of school programs across the country are using dogs to teach kids empathy and compassion in an effort to help curb school bullying. Here, a brief guide: How are dogs fighting bullying?

    Kansas City schools have a program called “No More Bullies,” in which program volunteers, accompanied by trained dogs, teach kids about fairness, compassion, and integrity for one hour a day over five days. “The animals are the glue that helps the children stay focused and understand the message,” says Jo Dean Hearn, an ex-teacher who developed the program. “Children can easily identify with an animal. And it’s easy for them to transition when we ask them to consider how an animal feels (if ill treated) to how the kid sitting near them feels (if poorly treated).”

    Are there similar programs in other parts of the country?

    You bet. Last year, the Yale University School of the 21st Century and the Pet Savers Foundation of North Shore Animal League America launched a program called Mutt-i-grees to help children learn how to be more kind — toward people and animals. The program, which typically employs a dog-shaped hand puppet instead of an actual dog, is now used in 900 elementary schools in 28 states, and it’s being expanded to junior high and high schools. Also, the Healing Species program, founded a decade ago in South Carolina, uses rescue dogs to help children and teens recover from abuse and learn self-esteem, empathy, and other core values.

    Do these programs really work?

    They seem to. The “No More Bullies” program is so popular that there’s a long waiting list for next year. While it’s still too early to evaluate the Mutt-i-grees program, most of the teachers who participated said their students’ social, emotional, and problem-solving skills improved. A study published in 2008 found that suspensions for violent behavior declined by 55 percent among students who participated in the Healing Species program, and general aggression and retaliation went down by 62 percent. Teachers and guidance counselors also reported improved grades and a more than 80 percent increase in their students’ ability to walk away from conflicts.

    Sources: Healing Species, Mutt-i-grees, USA Today, Wichita Eagle

    (Marko Damkoehler is an artist/writer/musician and creator of markoworld.com, as well as an avid student of CwG. He is also one of the Spiritual Helper Moderators on the changingchange.net website.)

    (If you would like to contribute an article you have authored to the Guest Column, please submit it to our Managing Editor, Lisa McCormack, for possible publication in this space. Not all submissions can be published, due to the number of submissions and sometimes because of other content considerations, but all are encouraged. Send submissions to Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com. Please label the topic: “Guest Column.”)

     

  • Which one are you?

    Every day I get to walk our puppy dog. It’s a ritual I’ve followed for more than three canine’s lifetimes with Bear, Sacchi, Morrie and now Toast.

    Anyone who has been graced with a household pet–or “fuzzy children”, as my friend fondly calls them–knows how much laughter, zeal, joy, frustration, slobber, dirt, hair, spontaneity, tenderness, and unconditional love this kind of being can bring into a home.

    And, if we’re lucky, we get to experience ourselves as equally tender and unveiled and unarmored many times a day. What would it be like to operate among human beings without that subtle layer of rejection-protection, I wonder? This is what passes through my mind whenever I lean in to kiss Toast’s rose-pink nose, near those perfectly round brown eyes, or in that soft notch where I imagine his “third eye” exists and quietly connects with my own.

    Why is it that we don’t lean in as often in a day with our own partner, our own child or friend with this same kind of openness and innocence? And what is it that keeps us from asking for help or support when we really need it? I still think that one of the most effective ways of letting someone know we could use a little love and support is to walk over, climb up and curl into a trusted one’s lap, to surrender ourselves totally, knowing that we will be tended to appropriately. This approach seems to work brilliantly for animals–why not us?

    For most of us, it’s very hard to ask for support when we really need it. In fact, for some of us, supporting others and spreading ourselves too thin is all we do. It’s a life of one-directional relationships, so much so that the people on the Receiving end come to expect it and are highly disappointed if we can’t bring them the level of support they’re used to.

    But usually for these same people we are endlessly giving to, asking and expecting others to support them is all they know how to do. And it seems that they have made such a well-crafted habit out of Receiving without Giving, that they don’t even know to what degree they’re doing it.

    Although I’m learning to reach out for support these days, I’m also learning to lend my support as well. It’s a constant balance and re-balancing of the two, as precarious as the childhood game of “see-saw”, where we would each sit on either end of a long plank balanced in the middle by some fixed support, one of us swooping swiftly up, the other dropping rapidly down as each of us took turns pushing the ground alternately with our feet. This is what exploring the dynamic of Giving and Receiving seems like these days, when so many of us are pushed well beyond our natural inclinations and healthy limits, and are forced to make choices between a meal, or getting to work on time; “being there” for our body or “being there” for a friend, staying up two hours later on the phone to be with them through a crisis, instead of logging in two more hours of much-needed sleep.

    I observe that the people I know fall into either one or the other category, that of either Giver or Receiver, the majority of the time. It’s a wise and aware person who can operate from a golden mean, this “middle way” between the two extremes.

    Which one are you? Do you create constant dramas, oblivious to other people’s own life challenges, and thus require everyone around you to forever stop, set down what they’re doing and help? Or are you the other kind–the person who believes you are partly responsible for any discomfort any person you know within a 300-mile radius may be experiencing, and so race out to try to lend a hand, zig-zagging across their Soul Path, certain that their lives are your responsibility and cannot move forward without you?

    Lately I’ve become acutely aware of how precious and precarious the balance is between Being There for myself, and Being There for others. Ideally, it is a beautiful dance, showing us over and over again how important it is to be aware of both practices, and how to keep our own vessel “full” that we may give to another whose own is running close to empty.

    If there were one awareness I wish someone could have gifted me with at a young age, it would have been to urge me to observe how often I required the help and attention of others unnecessarily, and even more importantly: How.

    Each of us probably knows someone who is charismatic, charming, and maybe even good looking enough to woo even the most savvy of personalities. They have perfected the art of winning us over by, for example, pointing out their own shortcomings and making fun of themselves so that we laugh along with them, thus excusing their actions through humor. Or perhaps tossing their hair to one side, smiling coyly, and then giving you a sudden kiss on the cheek, drawing you into your more charitable nature. Or they may find more obvious and conspicuous approaches that are equally effective, through hoping to make you feel guilty, or selfish, or as if you’ve disappointed them, or that they may even be mad at you.

    Every day my dog Toast makes me laugh. He beams at me and smooches my cheeks or my nose, or sometimes in my nose when my attention wanders. He accompanies me on every errand, and peers out the car window in earnest, celebrating me when I return. He plops on the couch between my husband and me every evening, and shares his beloved toys, and cleans one of our hands or a foot until it shines…

    Every day I walk Toast. We take different routes, depending on the season. Sometimes we take the long, dirt roads, until they get newly oiled to keep the dust and dirt down in the height of summer. Sometimes we take the higher, paved roads if foxtails and star thistles aren’t blooming over into the road from the gravel shoulder. But sometimes, even with our best intentions, we end up with some sort of weed, or the end of a thorny vine, or a small branch stuck in Toast’s tail. It’s at this moment that he stops, looks back at me, and waits calmly, and I like to say, “Mama help?”  Then, the extend-a-leash shortens as I close the distance between us, and I kneel down and begin to work the object out of his tail, or take the back foot or a front paw he has lifted up for me to inspect, and search the soft pads for a thorn or small rock that has caused a sudden limp.

    And for some reason, it always brings tears to my eyes and a huge smile across my heart. Because I think that’s how Giving and Receiving should feel.

    Yeah. Just like that.

    – em claire

    Three Dogs Knowing

    They don’t set out to do anything grand.
    They play, the three of them:
    Black and Burr ridden,
    Speckled and Bright-eyed,
    Sleek and Questioning.
    Every morning the play continues –
    tugging one another this way and that
    along throughout a day.

    If He sits, scratching and gazing out across
    the great divide of valleys,
    She will bring Him an enduring piece of hat
    or garden hose or
    the last fourth of a plastic ball
    and drop it at His feet.

    If the One with the moon-colored eyes
    lies in the ivy, with sun on Her ribs
    and leaves in Her ears
    the other two will attack mid-dream
    with nip and tug at
    neck and tail.

    It is pure genius and heart.

    Three dogs living out the Mystery
    every moment,
    while it slips like water
    through

    all of my grasping.

    ‘Three Dogs Knowing’ – em claire
    ©2007 All Rights Reserved

    (Em Claire is an American poet whose work appears in her book Silent Sacred Holy Deepening Heart, as well as in When Everything Changes, Change Everything. She may be reached through www.emclairepoet.com)