The Global Conversation

Tag: Happier Than God

  • What do I need to change in my personality in order to stop attracting people I don’t want into my life?

    I recently met a woman who I believe wanted a close friendship with me. I have moved to a new community and was keen to meet people and have accepted her generous offer a few times to drive me to venues I would have problems getting to on my own, for which I have thanked her and was grateful for her kindness. Over the course of our newly developing friendship, I found I have no rapport with her no matter how much I tried. In fact, I found her behaviour disturbing. For example, she would yell out, cursing at people legally overtaking her and others while in traffic, and even more disturbing was that she would call me everyday leaving the same monotonous message each day. I returned her calls a couple of times letting her know that I was okay and there was no need for her to be calling everyday. Then, there’ll be the same message, the same dialog the next day and the next and the next. I have a feeling she probably had been drinking when she called, so I stopped returning her calls. In line with CWG messages, how would I handle this situation? What would you propose I do? Also, meeting people like her is not new to me. I seem to attract people with such “weird” personalities into my life quite often. What do I need to change in my personality so that I don’t attract such people anymore? Thank you and best wishes… Gail

    Dear Gail… Although I do believe in the Law of Attraction, I think it’s a bit of a New Thought trap to think that there is something inherently wrong in our personalities when we attract strange people into our lives. While it may be true that there is something your soul wants to move through in these circumstances, it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong!

    Please remember, the Law of Opposites exists to give us choice points. To paraphrase a foundational tenet from Conversations With God, “In the absence of that which I am not, that which I am, is not.” In other words, we can only define ourselves by being aware of something different than us that we can use as a benchmark.

    You ask what CWG would recommend in regard to your relationship with the woman who you suspect was drinking and with whom you don’t want to associate anymore. I would invite you to look at the Five Levels of Truth Telling from CWG Book Two, as well as one of the 17 steps to being Happier Than God: “Speak your truth as soon as you know it but soothe your words with peace.” The four levels of truth telling that would apply here are, “Tell your truth about yourself to yourself,” “Tell your truth about yourself to another,” “Tell your truth about another to yourself” and “Tell your truth about another to that other.” I find the fourth level to be the hardest one, because confronting someone with my truth about them feels very uncomfortable. When I am brave enough to do it, I prefer to write down my thoughts and deliver my truth that way, so that I don’t end up stumbling over words, or worse, not being impeccable with my word. It helps to tell the other, “I could be wrong, but this is how it looks to me, and this is how I feel about it.” When we put the onus on ourself in this way, it helps us seem less judgmental of the other.

    Now, of course, you don’t have to do any of these things, Gail. You can simply allow yourself to gradually and organically drift away from the relationship. Sometimes that’s the easiest way out, but just know it can leave things feeling unresolved, and that’s why I think CWG invites us to do more than that.

    I feel your discomfort around this. It may help to know that we all have people who show up in our lives who are not easy to deal with, to say the least. It doesn’t mean we are being or doing anything wrong. It’s just what’s happening, so it is of course, perfect! There’s a very good reason CWG says that life begins at the end of our comfort zone. Every uncomfortable situation is an opportunity to choose to be more than we have ever been—to “step up to the plate” and seize the opportunity to re-create ourselves anew in the next grandest version of the greatest vision ever we held about who we are. And, interestingly, the more we do that, the fewer “weird personalities” and the more kindred spirits we begin to attract into our lives!

    From my experience of working with you in the CWG Online School, Gail, I would bet that you will handle all of this in the most beautiful way possible, because that’s the type of person I have come to know you to be.

    In all things, give thanks.

    (Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Life Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com.

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to:  Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com where our team is waiting to hear from you.)

    An additional resource:  The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services.  The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions.  What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God.  It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.

  • When opposites attract

    The grand announcement: “I am quitting drinking once and for all!” How many times are you allowed to say “once and for all”?  I know I’ve said it a bunch of times for a variety of different obsessions, compulsions, and addictions, not to mention bad relationships and the occasional snooze-button triathlon! Quitting, for me and many others, just doesn’t seem to work.

    One of the most difficult aspects of making drastic changes in our thinking and doing is getting past the pre-wired thinking in our heads.  We can’t simply state we are not going to keep doing a behavior that we have engrained in our pattern for many years by saying we are not going to do it anymore.  No, it takes much more than that.  What needs to happen for a successful transition is a deep commitment, a plan, and support of those who love us.

    “Conversations with God” states, “The moment you declare anything, everything unlike it will come into the space.” This is known as the law of opposites. It is the universe, or our soul, or our patterned brain, saying “how bad do you really want this?”  This process becomes a huge stumbling block in the life of an addicted or compulsive person. We crave the reward of the object of our obsession and the question from the unknown sets off an internal belief that we need the thing to survive.

    This warped survival instinct causes the addicted to fall into the trap time and time again. But the power and glory that is derived from answering the universe with a resounding “yes, I am sure” cannot be understated. The law of opposites is in place for a very good reason.  This law is the springboard to our physical, emotional, and spiritual evolution. We could not make that leap without it.

    The law of opposites presents the perfect opportunity for us to take full responsibility for our choices. All too often we choose the smaller choice, the painful yet comfortable choice, instead of pushing back on our craving.

    So what is this law of opposites and why does it appear to conflict with the law of attraction, you may ask?  The law of opposites is simply providing a contextual field for our true desires to be experienced. We cannot know the joy and the power of stepping into a new creation without the resistance that this law provides.  Life is meant to be experienced, and the only way to do so is for the opposite of our desires to be present to show us the way.

    For more on the law of opposites and the law of attraction, I suggest reading the book Happier than God. 

    The application of this knowledge is crucial in overcoming addiction, obsessions, and compulsions. Why? It requires that one put faith in something outside of themselves. We must first believe that what is working for others can work for us. Then we have to put trust in something that is unseen.  When we experience the reward of this blind faith, we begin to build upon it.

    Surrendering our destructive ways for the promise of better days and better ways is truly a difficult task in the human experience.  Many do not understand the plight of the addicted. All of life’s maladies call to us to face the law of opposites. Addiction is merely another hardship that we face so that we may fully experience the darkness so that we can eventually know that we are so much more than that.

    I would like to extend the invitation to those who are inspired to write a blog on addiction and recovery to contact me with your vision. The column must reflect the messages of new spirituality.

    (Kevin McCormack, C.A.d ,is a certified addictions professional and auriculotherapist.  He is a recovering addict with 26 years of sobriety. Kevin is a practicing auriculotherapist, life coach, and interventionist specializing in individual and family recovery and also co-facilitates spiritual recovery retreats for the CWG foundation.  You can visit his website Life After Addicton for more information. To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@TheGlobalConversation.com)

  • I’m lost and I feel like I’m nothing special

    I’ve seen too much suffering in the world and tried to commit suicide twice when I was young. Today, I’m lost. I’ve tried every church denomination I could find so I’m finally seeking help from a psychiatrist. I take too many meds just to keep me calm and sane. I am trying to find out how to find the peace that I lost along the way. I was never encouraged to do much with my life from my parents. Mediocre was okay. And teachers thought I was just another run of the mill student. Nothing special. So I’m nothing special. And that’s the way I feel. Just another cog, on meds to keep me working… Dan

    Dear Dan… Yours is a very common spiritual problem. You simply don’t understand some things about Life, the understanding of which would change everything. And the things you don’t understand are fundamental questions about how life works the way it does.

    All suffering comes from thought—the thought that things shouldn’t be happening the way they are. We all think this way until we come to larger understandings of the processes of Life. When we realize that our souls call forth the perfect people, places, and events to give us opportunities for growth and expression, we can more easily accept the cruelties of the physical world.

    Do you know who you are, Dan? You are an angel on this Earth, in physical form. Nothing special? I don’t think so, Dan, not for one second. You are an individuated aspect of God, as are we all, and you are capable of embracing the same “Five Attitudes of God”, which according to CWG are these: God is always Joyful, Loving, Accepting, Blessing and Grateful. Since you are part of God, these qualities are are your natural states of being, as well. It is just a matter of choosing thoughts that embody these attitudes no matter what is happening—choosing to consciously marry your mind with your soul’s highest knowing of Who You Really Are and What’s Really Going On Here.

    The way to do this is to be still and go within, often. Yes, I know the mind wants to jump all over the place when we meditate… at first. Learning to be still so we can commune with God/our Soul/our Higher Knowing takes practice, but in my experience, it is the only way to find lasting inner peace and happiness. When we go within we open ourselves to hearing what God is trying to communicate to us so that we can create our life in the happiest, most fulfilling way.

    Do you know that life is meant to be happy, Dan? It is, and it can be, I assure you. Please read Neale’s wonderful book, Happier Than God, for some clear ways to move toward the joy that you naturally are.

    And last, but not least, please begin to take your mind’s emphasis off yourself, and look to see how you can be a blessing to everyone you come into contact with. The world needs the very special uniqueness that is you, Dan. You will find that as you do what you can to uplift others, you also uplift yourself in the process.

    (Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to:  Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com where our team is waiting to hear from you.)

    An additional resource:  The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services.  The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions.  What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God.  It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.

  • The Birthday gift…

    Well, I turn 50 today. March 6, 1963, sure doesn’t seem like that long ago! And it certainly doesn’t seem possible that I have spent 50 years in this body. It doesn’t feel 50, it doesn’t think 50, and, wink-wink, I am sure you will all agree that it doesn’t look 50! But the math doesn’t lie, and so today I celebrate my 50th year in this physical form. I have been reflecting a lot these past few months as this day approached. You know, if you read my column, that it has been an especially challenging time for me personally. It has also been a time of great growth and, as hard as this was to see, a time of great change…that is, change that I now see as change for the better.

    Change is always for the better, whether or not you can see it in the moment. Once again, that has become true for me. Part of the reason it was hard for me to see was because it was unwanted and unexpected change. But even that, maybe especially because of that, the changes that have happened in my life have created the conditions for me to step into a larger and grander version of myself. While it hasn’t been easy, I spent the last half of last year using all of the tools (and I do mean ALL of them) that I have gathered since I began looking for deeper meaning and understanding of this thing called life. The best news is, they worked! And that has presented me its own Birthday gift.

    Having wisdom and using your wisdom are two different experiences. Knowing how to move through challenging times does not guarantee that you will use your knowledge during those challenging times. Knowing vs. using knowledge have two very different outcomes. I am clear that I would not be writing to you this very day without the latter.

    So many gifts have been made available to me as a result of all that has happened. I am happy to say I chose to use the same tools I would offer anyone moving through challenging times. Like for example, I didn’t go it alone.  Instead, I chose to ask for help. I didn’t reject my feelings, but rather I embraced them even though they were very painful. I didn’t stuff my emotions with any kind of addictive substances or behaviors, but rather expressed them when they came up. I didn’t hide from the truth, but rather faced it and eventually accepted it, because not to do so was more painful. All of these things, and more, were the pieces of wisdom that I have gathered along the way, moving through other tough times, gathering strength and courage to face the next. Perhaps the greatest gift was the knowing that no matter what, I would be all right. Even though I didn’t feel it, I somehow knew that it would all work out. Even though my life as I knew it was falling apart before my eyes, I also knew that I could pick up the pieces that I really wanted to keep and let the others fall away with grace.

    Yes, the last many months have been challenging and wonderful all at the same time. I experienced what the book “Happier Than God” offers, that happiness and sadness are not mutually exclusive; that is to say, it is possible to be happy and sad at the same time. Contemplate that for a moment. Consider it for a while. The implications of this statement could change everything for you. Think of a time when you may have experienced being happy to be sad. I am experiencing it right now. I am happy that I am sad about the losses I am moving through. It speaks deeply of who I am and who I am choosing to be. This experience has made it clear to me that I love deeply, and that when the loss of a loved one occurs, the experience I feel is a direct reflection of who I really am…love. And I wouldn’t want it to be any other way.

    A new day has dawned in my life, or perhaps it has just dawned on me that all I have been through has prepared me well for the new life now presenting itself. I am not only ready for the new challenges that I face, but I am excited to “Carpe Diem,” or “seize the day”!

    I have been presented with so many opportunities that I am grateful for. Gratitude is a powerful part of the recipe for transforming any experience, especially ones we might perceive as negative. All painful experience comes from a point of view or thought that “this shouldn’t be happening right now.” When you argue with reality, reality wins. The opposite possibility is, of course ,“this should be happening right now,” especially because it is. Accepting reality doesn’t mean you give up the ability to respond to it. Who you choose to be in relationship to the events in your life will create your experience and reality of them. So if it sucks right now, look in the mirror and ask, “How is this response working out for me?” If it sucks, would you be willing to change your mind, point of view, or perspective? Would you be willing to consider the possibility that more will be revealed? The revealing will change everything, including how you hold this experience currently. I hope you will, for that willingness and decision to do so will set you on a path to peace.

    I am grateful to say that I am at peace today. I am grateful for all that has happened to me in my 50 years here. I look forward to what I will co-create with the universe in the next 50…and beyond. I am excited about the opportunities that have presented themselves to me as the space has become available for these new things to arrive. I understand now that only when there is space available can the new opportunities become realized. I can now accept these new things in my life because I have accepted the reality of what was and have done my part to create a reality of peace, rather than pain, in relationship to all of it.

    Pain is mandatory only because it is instructive. Pain shows you the paths in life that do not work for you. Pain is the opposite of truth. It didn’t say “know the truth, it will cause you pain!”  No.  Truth sets you free! Pain presents the opportunity to see the truth in its opposite form. All I had to do was turn it around and move in the other direction.

    There are only two choices in any moment and only two possible outcomes from those two choices. Both are instructive if you only pay attention. One is a path to peace and the other is a path of pain. The choice is always yours which path you take. When you find yourself on a path of pain, turn around, go the opposite direction, make a change in course. Pain is God and Life attempting to show you that you are going the wrong way.

    It reminds me of my favorite scene from “Planes Trains and Automobiles” when the two unlikely travelers (John Candy and Steve Martin) end up unknowingly driving down the wrong side of the interstate. A panicked couple on the other side are yelling at the two, “YOU ARE GOING THE WRONG WAY!” which, just before the predictable disaster strikes, our two sarcastically say, “How would they know where we are going?” Don’t ignore your pain! Life sends you the signs if you are going the wrong way, and pain is one of its greatest tools.

    I am happy to say I am not in pain on this day, my Birthday, and that I am paying attention to the signs. I hope you are, too! I hope you are feeling the joy that is you today, for if you are alive and reading this, you have much to be happy and grateful for. We all do. If not, consider reaching out. That is why I am here.

    Finally, I would like to share one of the best Birthday gifts I have received this week. It came in the form of an opportunity to share my experience, strength, and hope with another. My work is one of my greatest joys in life, and it certainly is what I came here to be and do this time around. Over the years of counseling and coaching, I have received many of these kinds of expressions, which have always far outweighed any amount of financial compensation I might receive. All have touched me deeply, causing me to clearly know that what I am up to is exactly what I was meant to come here and do. I am grateful every day I get to be there for another.  And when they find the answers within that change everything, well, there are no words.

    Here was a recent note posted on the website built especially for the book “When Everything Changes Change Everything” (www.changingchange.com):

    “I reached out to the Changing Change network 2 days ago trying to connect with someone who could help me understand some of the things that I am going through in life right now. I was taking Neale’s advice in When Everything Changes Change Everything to “change my decision to ‘go it alone’”. I sent an email requesting info and just a few hours later I got a reply directly from JR Westen, the lead Coach on the Changing Change site, as well as on Neale Donald Waslch’s site, and the Director of the Conversations with God Foundation. He suggested that I call his office and schedule a free consultation with him to try to find a solution to the challenges I am facing. In his email, he wrote, “I have yet to meet a problem that did not come with a solution and a gift.” So, I scheduled the consult anxious to find out what he would think the “gift” is in my situation.

    The next day JR called me at the scheduled time and at first I was a bit apprehensive about telling my story to a complete stranger but before long I realized for sure that he was not going to judge me but was there to listen and help me see some things that I was missing.  I am the type who seldom discusses her problems with others but I felt extremely comfortable opening up. I felt like I was talking to a friend. He really gave me some much needed insight and helped me to look at the issues from a healing point of view. In fact, before my conversation with JR, I felt that I was experiencing what could very well have been the worst day of my life; after the conversation, I could not remember that feeling and I was able to have a great day.

    I will continue to connect with the Changing Change Network and use the opportunity for coaching whenever I need an impartial nonjudgmental look at my situation to help me see my way through. He understood that I cannot afford to pay the consultation fee right now and is still willing to work with me.

    I am writing this post to share my experience so that all of you out there who are going through adversity and want to connect for life coaching or grief counseling or whatever will not be afraid to reach out to the coaches at Changing Change. This is one of the most powerful services offered here, take advantage of it.

    Much Love…”

    These are the kinds of Birthday gifts I really love and appreciate. This is why I am so excited, especially about what my life is presenting me right now.  This day was made possible by the pain of yesterday and the inevitable growth and healing it birthed. I am reborn this day anew and full of gratitude. Not a bad 50th Birthday gift! No, not bad at all…

    (J.R. Westen, D.D., C.A.d, is a Holistic Health & Spiritual Counselor who has worked and presented side-by-side with Neale Donald Walsch for over a decade. He is passionate about helping individuals move beyond their emotional and spiritual challenges, transforming breakdowns into breakthroughs. His counseling and coaching provides practical wisdom and guidance that can be immediately incorporated to shift one’s experience of life.

    As is true for most impactful teachers, J.R.’s own struggles and triumphs inspired him to find powerful ways of helping others. Sober since June 1, 1986, J.R.’s passion for helping individuals move through intense life challenges drove him to also specialize in Addiction and Grief Recovery.

    J.R. currently shares his gift of counseling & coaching with individuals from around the world through the Wellness Center, Simply Vibrant, located on Long Island N.Y.  In addition, he operates “Change House” a place where people come to transform.  He also works with Escondido Sobering Services and now serves as the Director for the Conversations with God Foundation. He can be contacted at JR@CWG.ORG or JR@theglobalconversation.com, or to book an appointment, write support@simplyvibrant.com.)

  • Practice Your Way to Well-Being

    I’m looking for practices that support my well-being and my staying connected to who I am, besides meditation (which I’ve tried and I just can’t seem to get the hang of!).  Any good ones you know of that really work?

    Ken, Ohio

     

    Why yes, Ken, I do!  This is one of my favorite topics to speak to, as I have found in my own experience as well as the experiences of my clients that engaging in a daily practice is the single most important thing you can do for yourself, and happens to be the key to sustaining your connection and well-being.  When you show up for yourself in this way with such consistency, commitment and discipline, you are becoming aligned and present in life in such a way that positively and powerfully impacts every aspect of it.  The reason for this is because engaging consistently in practices such as meditation allows you to stay in a high-vibrating, good-feeling place, and you are able to access more clarity, truth, intuition, wisdom, inspiration, motivation, etc. than when you are feeling disconnected, negative, and vibrating low.  So I always encourage my clients (and myself) to make their daily practices as important and as high of a priority as eating, sleeping and breathing are, and I’m not exaggerating.

    So I’ll get off my soapbox now and give you 3 of my favorites:

    ~ Daily Gratitudes: Each day spend a few quiet moments writing down at least 10 things that you are truly grateful for, and consciously choose to make your first and last thoughts of the day thoughts of gratitude.  I have no doubt in my mind that if each and every one of us did this the world would be a much better place.

    ~ Incantations: Very similar to affirmations, yet waaaaayyyyyy more powerful because we are engaging your energy and physiology with the words to produce the “feeling” of what you are saying.  Let me explain.  You know how sometimes repeating an affirmation or a mantra can sometimes get frustrating because while you are saying it you are very aware that you are not feeling it?  With an incantation, we choose our statement, and repeat it with feeling, much like an actor delivering a line.  We also repeat it while engaging in a “power move” or stance, a movement or position that makes you feel powerful.  The results are quite magical.  For example, if you were to use the incantation, “I am confident and happy”, repeating it several times with emotion while moving your body powerfully (or even just standing in a yoga pose or something), you would find yourself feeling confident within minutes, sometimes seconds.  You see, incantations help us immediately manifest the emotion, which is what we’re looking for anyway.  It’s not the house, the car, the job, the relationship, etc. that we want, it’s how we think it’s going to make us feel.  Imagine being able to feel however we wanted to without the things we think we need in order to feel it first – that would mean we literally do not need anything outside of ourselves in order to feel good (see: illusion of need from “Communion with God”)!  And a lovely added benefit to this is that our very “feeling” or “being” draws those things to us (see: process of creation from “Happier Than God”)!

    ~ Meditation:  Yeah, yeah, I get it – you’re not good at it.  But I’m going to include it anyway because the benefits are endless, and I’d like to offer you a new approach/perspective on it: there is no wrong way to meditate.  Whether it’s sitting in silence with your eyes closed focusing on your breath, doing a guided meditation, or just daydreaming, you are benefiting.  Try a few different things on, without judging them, just notice which method you like best.  And start small – even 3 minutes a day every day can work wonders.

    Try these out, Ken, and see how they feel.  But give it a good two weeks of committing to practice these every day no matter what so that you can really feel the impact.  Because it doesn’t really matter what you do, it’s the fact that you take time to go within consistently that creates the experience of well-being and connection.  Enjoy!

    (Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling.  She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)