The Global Conversation

Tag: Loss

  • How can I heal the pain of my uncle’s death?

    How can I heal the pain of my uncle’s death?

    My name is Michael. I am a 37 year old man and nine days ago my very beloved uncle died. He was like a father to me. He always supported me, advised me, and was always so kind to me. When I was in trouble he always helped me. Now, after nine days since he left, I feel worse and worse. The pain I have in my heart is so terrible. How can I heal this pain, that I feel is killing me?

    Dear Michael… First of all, please allow me to offer my condolences. I’m sure it must be terribly painful, losing the man who was like a father to you, who was so kind and loving to you. Any time we lose someone in our lives who we were very very close to, it leaves a huge hole in our hearts.

    I would encourage you to allow yourself to fully feel all of the emotions that are naturally coming up for you, yet know that they won’t kill you. You see, even though it may feel terrible, grief is actually a blessing to us. It’s that emotion that lets us know that we have loved deeply. There is an age-old question that asks, “Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?” I think for me the answer is, it is better to have loved and lost. Imagine how different your life would have been had you not been blessed by your and your uncle’s mutual love for each other. I’m sure your life would be very different if he hadn’t been in your life, so yes, by all means, grieve for your loss. Allow yourself to cry or scream or whatever wants to be released in you as you are releasing him from your physical presence.

    Please know, though, that just because your uncle is no longer with you physically doesn’t mean he isn’t with you spiritually. Neale’s wonderful book, Home With God: In A Life That Never Ends says that the moment we think of a dearly departed one, their soul flies to us in an instant! And although we can’t see them with our eyes, it doesn’t mean it isn’t happening. Sometimes, if we are highly attuned we can sense their presence.

    Please also know that your uncle is your angel in heaven now. I promise you, he still loves you with all his heart, and is watching over you, blessing you and sending you his love. He may even try to find a way to let you know, by sending you a sign of some kind. If this happens and the thought crosses your mind that this could be him, please don’t disregard or disbelieve it. Allow yourself to entertain the possibility that he has reached out to you!

    Trite as it may sound, time heals all wounds, dear Michael. Of course, time will never cause you to stop loving your uncle, but it can help you stop missing him so much. After you have allowed yourself to grieve fully, gradually start getting back into your normal routine of life. This will help assuage the acute feeling of loss you are experiencing now. And this is good, because I know your uncle wouldn’t want you to grieve forever. He wants what any father figure wants for their child (or nephew): for you to be happy.

    Please buy a copy of Home With God and read it right away. It contains “18 Remembrances” that may change your understanding about the whole process of this thing we call “life and death”. When we understand what is really happening, we can be much more at peace about it.

    If, after reading the book, you are still grieving very deeply, please reach out to one of the Conversations With God Life Coaches or one of the Spiritual Helpers at CWG Helping Outreach. I’ve included a link to the website below.

    I send you much love, dear Michael, as, I’m sure, does your uncle. Blesséd be.

    (Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Life Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com.

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to:  Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com where our team is waiting to hear from you.)

    An additional resource:  The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services.  The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions.  What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God.  It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.

     

     

  • A deeper look at loss

    Beyond the appearance of every personal storyline, loss has nothing to do with the choices being made. Every form of loss is orchestrated on a soul level prior to incarnation. This indicates that choices determine how consciously or unconsciously we deal with the things we face, having nothing to do with an outcome already determined on a level of existence void of any sense of personal will. As the grace of loss is experienced, patterns of attachment are released out of your energy field in a spontaneous form of cellular healing. In the absence of attachment, the simultaneous death of ideas called past or future reveals the natural ability to be totally open, authentic, and honest in relationships.

    It is here where we discover the essential freedom of being nourished by how deeply we give instead of needing to be fed by what we assume we’ll get. Until such a depth of authenticity is tasted within the presence of life’s timeless love affair, every remaining pattern of attachment is inevitably healed by the spontaneous losses revealed in time throughout the impermanent nature of momentary experiences. This is the primary sense of transformation occurring in the play of relationships, whether between family members, friends, or lovers. When we are unaware of the deeper purpose relationships serve in our own evolution, we may find ourselves caught in the grip of perpetual disappointment until our healing is complete.

    Depending upon how consumed we are with the world in view, we may be unknowingly avoiding such healing by attempting to outrun the transformative power of loss in a heart-breaking dream, where nothing but desperation is hypnotized by its own lingering fragrance. No matter what occurs, loss is not anything to fix. It is something we survive.

    Matt Kahn2012(Matt Kahn is a spiritual teacher, mystic, and intuitive healer. His spontaneous awakening arose out of an out-of-body experience at the age of 8, and his direct experiences with ascended masters and archangels throughout his life. Many spiritual seekers have experienced amazing, unexplainable healings, and have awakened to their true nature through Matt’s profound and loving teachings and his transmission of sacred heart wisdom. Matt is the author of the forthcoming book, “Effortless Freedom – A Timeless Dialogue of Life’s Deepest Teachings.” www.TrueDivinenature.com)

    (If you would like to contribute an article you have authored to the Guest Column, please submit it to our Managing Editor, Lisa McCormack, for possible publication in this space. Not all submissions can be published, due to the number of submissions and sometimes because of other content considerations, but all are encouraged. Send submissions to Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com. Please label the topic: “Guest Column.”)

  • Good Grief?

    There is so much pain in the world. I see it written in the eyes and on the faces of people everywhere I go. Perhaps I see more of it given my work with grief, but all kinds of emotional pain finds its way to my doorstep. I do not see emotional pain as a bad or negative thing, rather I see it for what it is, the opportunity to be one of our greatest guides. It is a process to knowing and experiencing the depths of who we really are. There are many different kinds of emotional pain. And in this week’s column, we will begin to explore the many aspects of grief and recovery. Healing our grief is vital if we desire to create health and lasting happiness, so let’s look at it a little deeper.

    What is grief? Most would answer sadness. While sadness may be a part of grief, it’s not representative of the whole picture. Grief is actually all emotions one feels and experiences while moving through any kind of loss. It is also common to feel what would seem to be conflicting emotions while grieving, like sadness and happiness at the same time. For example, sad that a loved one died but happy that they are no longer suffering from the pain of a long illness.

    There are major losses, like death and divorce; and minor ones, like breaking or losing a favorite pair of sunglasses. We all experience grief in every form, yet not all recover from it; major losses being especially challenging. Having recovery tools to move through this very natural human emotional process can make the difference between really living versus just existing. Embracing your grief is to embrace your life, for it is part of who you are. Living a life full of joy does not mean we live a grief-free life, it simply means we move through the tough times returning us to our natural state of being. Winston Churchill said, “If you are going through hell, keep going.” I couldn’t agree more.

    While I get having a conversation about grief isn’t usually in our “top ten” list, we might want to consider placing it there, for there is no one who escapes it.  And learning how to be with it, rather than avoiding that which is unavoidable, just makes sense.

    When you look to see what it is you were taught about grief and how to deal with it, it becomes clear that we may have been given some less-than-helpful information around it, if we’re given any info at all. How many of us were taught things like “time heals all wounds” or “big boys don’t cry”? I am sure you could come up with many more of these well-intentioned but untrue statements.

    Often there are things communicated that might even be intellectually true for us but aren’t really helpful when we are in the midst of dealing with a loss, things like “they are in a better place now” or “there are more fish in the sea.”  Far too often we approach grief with our intellect, which is the wrong tool for the job; grief is an emotional process. Intellectual comments, whether true or not, can leave us feeling empty and isolated. Going through loss alone makes it that much more painful and it’s never recommended. Suggestion number one in “When Everything Changes, Change Everything” is never go it alone.

    Avoiding grief can lead us toward unhealthy behaviors which do nothing to help us resolve or heal our pain. The desire to feel different or to “fix” what we are feeling is quite common. Of course, in truth, there is nothing to fix because grieving (feeling) doesn’t make us broken. All of this born out of the idea that there is such a thing as a “bad feeling”; this thought leads us into more pain. Far to often people self-medicate, using all different sorts of substances or different forms of destructive behavior seeking an unneeded cure. Stuffing our feelings over time can create all sorts of health issues. Think about how often do you stuff laughter? Then why do we stuff our pain?

    Feelings are created to be expressed and not repressed. When feelings are expressed, they are like waves…they have a beginning, a middle, and an end. Once a wave passes, either a similar feeling begins with less intensity as the next wave or the feeling of being complete begins to set in. Completion is all our feelings desire, simply to be fully expressed, holding nothing back. This emotional process happens until it ends naturally; surrendering to it is the key.

    When I became willing to move toward my pain, rather than avoiding or running from it, an interesting thing began to happen for me. Moving toward it, especially with the intention of healing it, revealed gifts my pain had to offer. Gifts you ask? Yes, underneath all emotional pain is buried treasure. It certainly may not look or feel like it when you are in the middle of it, and I do not say this lightly or without empathy for the many painful events we all move through, yet I am still humbled when I think of the many ways my pain has nudged me in directions I may never have taken without it. Here is where our spiritual nature reveals itself, always there, holding us together as we fall apart. I am certain that if you have been on the planet for awhile you have experienced this, probably many times. The question I ask myself these days is, why do I resist it? Especially knowing that perhaps all of my greatest insights and spiritual awakenings have come through some of the most painful events and greatest hardships in my life.

    I am moving through such a challenge right now and once again have noticed that old familiar feeling of resistance coming up. Yet there is another voice present, one gently urging me to surrender to the process. This voice whispers: trust that nothing happens by accident and that everything that is happening right now has a reason and purpose behind it, which, as always, supports you and your greater good. Listening to this voice has provided some comfort and a willingness to move back into the process, moving within to heal with a new level of faith and trust. But perhaps more importantly, simply allowing the pain to be expressed rather than repressed; this is the message my soul wishes to remind you of today. There is something wonderful to be experienced within the authentic expression of our emotional process, and to deny yourself that which you created simply because it feels “bad” produces more of the thing you are attempting to avoid anyway. Remember “what you resist persists.”

    Moving through emotional pain is a blessing as only moving through it can be. Allow others to not only witness your process but hold you through it. Know that help is available. Know that you are not alone. Reach out…I am here.

    I will close this week’s column with this wonderful quote: “Beautiful pictures are developed from negatives in a darkroom…so if darkness has fallen upon you, rest assured that a beautiful picture is being prepared, waiting only for the right time to be revealed.”

    The time has come because you are here. What is being revealed for you?

    Holding you in my heart – JR

    (J.R. Westen, D.D. is a Holistic Health & Spiritual Counselor who has worked and presented side-by-side with Neale Donald Walsch for over a decade. He is passionate about helping individuals move beyond their emotional and spiritual challenges, transforming breakdowns into breakthroughs. His coaching provides practical wisdom and guidance that can be immediately incorporated to shift ones experience of life. As is true for most impactful teachers, JR’s own struggles and triumphs inspired him to find powerful ways of helping others. Sober since June 1, 1986, JR’s passion for helping individuals move through intense life challenges drove him to also specialize in Addiction and Grief Recovery. J.R. currently shares his gift of counseling & coaching with individuals from around the world through the Wellness Center, Simply Vibrant, located on Long Island N.Y. . In addition, he works with Escondido Sobering Services and serves on the Board of Directors for the Conversations with God Foundation. He can be contacted at JR@theglobalconversation.com, or to book an appointment, write support@simplyvibrant.com.)