The Global Conversation

Tag: oa

  • They are just words, or are they more?

    Hi my name is  (_________) and I am an addict, alcoholic, compulsive gambler, sex addict, risk taker, over-eater.  These words are repeated daily by millions of people in recovery.  The reason given for saying these things lies in the belief that those who forget are doomed to repeat.  This is decent logic, but is there a better way to achieve the same result?  And when I say better I mean, more effective.  After all, isn’t effectiveness the goal of all that we do in life?

    Life is all about the effects.  Our thoughts, words and actions, are the process that we use to create the effects which we desire to experience in our lives.  Not very many people would ever admit to striving for mediocrity, although behaviors may indicate otherwise.  Most people wish for and strive for higher and higher effectiveness in their daily lives.

    I’d like to call into question the logic of placing a derogatory statement about ourselves behind the two most powerful words in the human language.  If those of us in recovery are seeking to remain abstinent from the substances and behaviors that we found ourselves unable to control, wouldn’t it stand to reason that we may want to make a more positive and empowering statement about who we are?

    In the world of recovery there is most important thing is of course personal sobriety.  In order to achieve and maintain long term sobriety a person either needs to be extremely determined not to use under any circumstances or create a life that is so grand that using would never even be an option.  I recommend the second choice there if you are wondering.  The first option is called abstinence or as the old timers would call it, “dry drunk.”  The second option is called sobriety.

    You may ask, what is the difference between abstinence and sobriety?  That is a very good question.  Abstinence is simply taking away the substance like alcohol or drugs and doing nothing at all about the underlying conditions that created the issues in the first place.

    Sobriety is a daily practice of self awareness and self improvement.  Persons who take on the role of raising their consciousness about themselves and their surroundings often find themselves to be happy and fulfilled, as well as inspiring to others.  Sobriety in this form is very contagious and people flock to you to share in the energy.

    Many words have negative energy as well as negative connotations surrounding them.  Words like, junky, crackhead, drunkard, lush, addict, alcoholic etc, not only have a darkening effect on the user but also projects out that same dark energy to surrounding ears.  Place the words “I am” right before them and we are actually summoning that definition to our reality.

    There is a recovery film out now called “The Anonymous People.”  If you get an opportunity to watch this please do.  In this documentary the political history of the 12 step programs is investigated deeply.  Many people have lobbied our politicians to find more funding for recovery programs and addiction treatment facilities. Currently the political answer to addiction is incarceration. Because we can all see how well the prison system is reforming people (sarcasm.)

    So the question then becomes how is that one of the greatest public health threats, addiction, isn’t treated as a healthcare issue?  One possible answer lies with the image of those of us in recovery.  When a person who is not in recovery hears one of us introduce our self as, “Hi, I’m Kevin, and I am a drug addict.”  They see a person with a moral deficiency.

    The same “normal” person responds differently when I introduce myself in a more positive light.  Hi, my name is Kevin McCormack.  I am a person in long term recovery from the disease of addiction.  For me long term means almost 27 years of continuous sobriety.  In those 27 years I have experienced great things in my life such as a long term job of 20 plus years, continued education, but most of all the respect of my family, friends and self.

    This type of shift in our language not only sheds light on the positive in our life which keeps our mind on what is most important, but it also brings about a certain level of respect and admiration from those who do not fully understand the disease of addiction.

    Ultimately, personal recovery is goal number one, however, the twelve steps is very clear that “we cannot keep what we have without giving it away.”  How can we give it away if we are hidden away in the basement of a church surrounded by those who have already found it?

    Humanity would be well served if we took the anonymity of ourselves a little less literally.  By all means I am not saying we should disclose someone else’s participation in recovery.  But it serves very little good to keep who we are secret.  It is time to stand together and raise the awareness of those in need.  Recovery is possible. A happy, productive life is at your finger tips.  Come walk with us, people in long term recovery who wish to help others achieve the same.

    (Kevin McCormack, C.A.d ,is a certified addictions professional and Recovery Advocate.  He is a recovering addict with 26 years of sobriety. Kevin is a practicing auriculotherapist, recovery coach, and interventionist specializing in individual and family recovery.  Kevin has a passion for holistic living, personal awareness training, and physical meditation. You can visit his website Life After Addicton for more information. To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@TheGlobalConversation.com)

  • Collateral Damage

    During a recent recovery training class I attended the teacher asked the following question:  Who is the person that all addiction professionals have the hardest time helping? The answers were coming fast, and all were wrong according to him.  Some said “meth-heads,” others said “methadone addicts,” and other answers consisted of bulimics, anorexics, over-eaters, cigarette-smokers, etc.  The professor just kept shaking his head no.  Finally someone gave the answer he was looking for:  co-dependents. There was a collective sigh of agreement from the room when the answer was given.

    The human ego is our outward expression of who we think we are.  Ego is what we show to the world.  A Course in Miracles defines ego as “nothing more than a part of your belief about yourself.”  Of course, for the most part, our belief about our self is almost always very limited and oftentimes incorrect. Nonetheless, it is a critical part of who we are and how we experience life here. 

    So one of the most difficult things to get across to someone who has been affected by the behaviors of their loved ones is that they have been negatively impacted much in the same way that their loved ones are.  When the topic of co-dependency comes up with a family member of an addict or abuser, the answer we get is almost always the same: “I am not the one with the problem; they are!”

    It sure is easy to see it that way, too.  The alcoholic/drug addict has clear and definitive symptoms. Their lying, stealing, scrapes with the law, loss of jobs and relationships directly relate to addiction.  Yeah, addicts are pretty much out in the open with their disease, but guess what?  They don’t see it themselves.  And the same is true for co-dependents.  They do not see the destructive nature of their behavior but, most people around them do.

    For the outsiders, co-dependent behavior is baffling.  Many say, why won’t she just leave him? Or how many chances will he give her?  Or I can’t believe they put up with that kind of behavior.  Rational people cannot grasp what keeps the co-dependent repeating self-destructive behaviors.

    My heart goes out to the sufferers of co-dependency.  The longing for love lost is heartbreaking to witness.

    When an addict takes his first drink or drug, they have no idea they are going to become enslaved and addicted to it.  At some level, however, we understand that what we are doing could have some serious consequences. When a person falls in love with an addict or an abuser or a person with a narcissistic personality, they are much more unaware that they have become collateral damage to the disease of addiction.

    To some degree, addiction is contagious.

    How can a person’s thinking not be affected by the unpredictable behavior of their loved ones?  Our ego, in many cases, attaches ownership to our significant others.  We feel responsible for their behavior and their public image.  Soon we begin to lie to cover for them.  Not to protect them.  Usually by that point we don’t care much about them anymore.  No, we do it to protect us.  We don’t want anyone to see that we don’t have it all together.

    This is the point our ego becomes the obstacle we must overcome.  And sadly, many do not.  If only we in the helping community could get the point across that when we have one finger pointing at someone else, there are always 3 pointing right back at us.  Try it and see.  No, the thumb doesn’t count!

    What I would like to get across here in this blog and in my life’s work is that recovery from anything is really our human quest.  Staying the same, remaining unchanged, attempting to uphold an image of perfection goes against what the human experience is all about.  We are here to grow and experience all there is and as much of it as possible.

    Sadly, what happens to all too many of us is that we end up experiencing the same things over and over again.  After 50, 60, 70 years of that, many are so done with it they just wish life would end. I don’t feel it needs to be this way.  I have met countless people now in my 26 years of recovery; and for the most part, these people are living and enjoying life again.

    Being in a place of actively welcoming change into your life is a magical place. Breaking down the walls of ego and being transparent with your life is a gift from the soul.  We can’t learn anything if we are always right. We can’t receive compassion from others if we hide our pain and sorrow.  We can’t experience love others until we learn to love ourselves.

    Co-dependency, like addiction, is not a derogatory identity to have. It is merely the path we have chosen to take on this particular journey through the physical.  We have been here before; and undoubtedly, we will be here again.

    If this article has struck a chord with you please feel free — no, feel inspired to comment below.  Be the one who starts the conversation.  Be the source of recovery from the destructive thought patterns that limit our experience here in the physical realm. This is your invitation.

    (Kevin McCormack, C.A.d ,is a certified addictions professional and auriculotherapist.  He is a recovering addict with 26 years of sobriety. Kevin is a practicing auriculotherapist, life coach, and interventionist specializing in individual and family recovery and also co-facilitates spiritual recovery retreats for the CWG foundation.  You can visit his website Life After Addicton for more information. To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@TheGlobalConversation.com)

  • Addiction and Spirituality

    (This week’s Addiction & Recovery column is hosting a guest article written and contributed by Nicole Lewis.)

    “We know perfectly well how to be spiritual.  It’s being human that we have trouble with.” – Renee Bledsoe

    I used to be under the impression that addiction and spirituality were mutually exclusive.  In the midst of another self-destructive moment, I could easily scoff at the idea that someone…anyone, with an addiction, especially myself, could have an iota of spirituality in their body.

    Fortunately, I was misinformed about not only myself and others, but about spirituality as well.  As someone who has several years of sobriety under her belt, I can stand on the sober side of addiction and say, unequivocally, that addiction and spirituality are inexorably intertwined.

    I believe that we all feel the same deep sense of connection; a primal urge that pulls us toward community and fellowship, the desire to feel wanted and accepted by others, and the unwavering notion that there has to be something — more.  I believe this is our spirituality beckoning to us.  It is the part of ourselves which is connected to all of life.  It is the aspect within us which compels us to seek an answer which, at times, feels just beyond our grasp.  Addiction convinces the addict that this yearning is something within us which is broken.  We crave an end to the longing.  We await the feeling of relief which comes from the addiction, even if only temporarily.  Caught in the cycle of addiction, we strive only to fill—repair—numb.  It becomes easier to live in the certainty of the addiction than in the uncertainty of our spirituality.  And so, as the vicious cycle of addiction wreaks havoc on us, we are nonetheless comforted in the brief periods when we have managed to suppress our eternal knowing one more time.  We become strangely comforted by our despair and made whole by our torment, for they are certain.  It is when the numbness fades and the deep pull returns that we are thrust back into the uncertainty.  The cycle of addiction seeks to smother the very essence of what it means to be part of this amazing co-creative experience that we call life.

    Through sobriety, I have learned that our spirituality is not something that can be quantified or measured.  It is our essence.  The longing within each of us is our shared connection to something grander than we can imagine.  Admittedly, this can be a scary idea.  Nevertheless, it is neither a void which needs filling nor a force which requires suppressing.  I have learned to embrace this aspect of myself and by doing so, have become comfortable with the feeling.  It is the exhilaration of knowing, at an innate level, that I am safe, connected and loved.  Ultimately, the darkness of my addiction could not stand the light of this revelation.

    (Nicole Lewis is a life coach.  She is a grateful recovering alcoholic with 5 ½ years of sobriety.  To connect with Nicole, please email her at theinfiniteiamllc@gmail.com)

  • Came to believe

    Just about everybody knows someone who is addicted to something, and I am not talking about the soft addictions that limit our connection to our highest self.  I am talking about hard core addictions that are affecting the lives of not only the addict, but also many lives around them.  Addiction takes no prisoners and it spares no lives. Families are torn apart, friendships are dissolved, businesses go bankrupt and employees lose their jobs.  Children are left without parents and parents lose children to drug related tragedies.

    Many of us have been asked to help someone who is in need of treatment, only to find that after a few days of sobriety the person has returned to their past behaviors.  I know of one person who has spent over $200,000.00 on treatment programs for his son only to have him end up using after all was said and done.

    Addicts are not soulless-bad people who willingly harm others for the sake of doing so.  They are suffering with a disease that affects their mind, body and spirit.  They are doing what they feel they need to do in order to survive and they live in fear of having to change their way of life.  They are afraid because the disease of addiction strikes at the center of the brain that operates through our subconscious; the same part of the brain that controls our heart beat and our breathing as well as many other survival functions.

    If you have ever watched the television shows such as; Addicted, Intervention, or even My Strange Addiction, you will see the cold hard truth of what it is like to be under the spell of addiction.  You will see, “Continued use, in spite of negative consequences” up close and personal.  Still, without having the experience yourself, you can never truly understand what is going on in those persons thoughts. The behavior appears to be completely insane, and it is.

    Insanity is defined:  Repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results.  The addict truly thinks that the next drug is going to fix them and they will never need to use again, hence the term “get my fix.”

    What I have found in my experience, as well as in the experience of others, is that insanity is temporary. The second step of the Twelve Step programs is; Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.  So how do we do this? How do we come to believe?  How did you come to believe?   Have you always believed? Do you still not believe?

    When I first came to sobriety, and was confronted with this step, I did what many others have done; I went on faith.  If it worked for others it could work for me – unless they were lying!  Yes, I didn’t believe yet, but I was willing to give it a try.  What I have come to understand over the years of being clean is that to be fully sane, is a lifelong process. I return to sanity in bits and pieces only to awaken to other areas of insanity.  Through the enlightenment of unhelpful behavior patterns exposed in my life, my level of joy and freedom are increased.

    To be fully sane, is a lifelong process.

    Faith is simply taking someone’s word for something and being willing to give it a try. It doesn’t mean just trust me and don’t question me.  Faith is not going blindly on what others say.  Faith is temporarily putting aside current beliefs to experience another way of doing things.  Faith, with experience, turns to belief.  Belief, with experience and awareness, turns to knowing.  When you get to a place of knowing something to be true, you have found peace.

    So this is what I am here for, to help others to take a leap of faith, and support them through their process of coming to believe, and then walking beside them as they get to know, who they really are and what they wish to do.  This is life in recovery.  This is the path to peace.

    In June we kicked off our first in a series of CWG on recovery retreats.  A small group of people all shared a life-changing event.  If you are in recovery and not experiencing great joy and freedom or are still suffering with addictions, please consider giving yourself this experience.   Our next retreat will held in San Jose, California, Sept 19 -22nd, 2013.  On October 24 – 27th, 2013, we will have another retreat in Orlando Florida.  Click here for more information on these life-changing retreats.

    (Kevin McCormack, C.A.d ,is a certified addictions professional. He is a recovering addict with 26 years of sobriety. Kevin is a practicing auriculotherapist, life coach, and interventionist specializing in individual and family recovery and also co-facilitates spiritual recovery retreats for the CWG foundation with JR Westen. You can visit his website here for more information. To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@TheGlobalConversation.com)