The Global Conversation

Tag: perspective

  • Beating the Winter Blues

    My question deals with something that may sound trivial to others but is a serious challenge for me.  I’m wondering what the spiritual approach to dealing with the harshness of winter would be?  Although I have never officially been diagnosed with SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), I’d lay money down that I have it.  I am happy, content and thriving throughout most of the year until these harsh winter months hit, especially after the holidays.  All I seem to want to do is stay home, sleep, and disengage from life.  It truly is a struggle, until spring comes and I’m back to my old self.  I’m no longer okay with feeling awful for 3 months of the year for no good reason.  There’s got to be another way, right?

    ~ Mark, North Dakota

     

    Hi Mark,

    There is always another way, because we are creative beings and have the ability to decide how we want to experience any given thing in life.  And when co-created events show up that are seemingly out of our control – like harsh, cold, long winters (I’m from MN so I can soooooo relate to this) – we get the opportunity to decide how we are going to experience them as well as who we are in relationship to it.

    So now, Mark, it is your turn to decide who you are in relationship to this thing called “the harshness of winter”, and create your experience of it.  Don’t worry, I’m not just going to leave you with that, I’m going to help you out with “the how” part as well.

    The very first step is to manage all of these thoughts and emotions you have because it’s winter, and the very best way I know of to do this is to engage in a daily practice, one that includes meditation (of any kind, whatever works for you) and gratitude (writing down at least 10 things each day that you are truly grateful for).  Those two practices alone go such a long way in quieting the mind chatter and lowering external influences, because it shifts your focus on what is good and gets you centered and connected – always a great starting point when approaching anything in life.  Plus, they raise your vibration and put you in a place of desire (creative) vs. a place of lack (resistant) for the next step, which is…

    Decide and express who you are in relationship to winter harshness and how you’d like to experience it.  Let go of any beliefs about how you’ve experienced it in the past, or how you think it has to be, put your focus on the way you’d like it to be for you, and then express that.  For example, if you decide that you’re actually okay with hibernating for winter, then get some good books and/or movies, buy one of those “snuggie” blankets to curl up in, light a candle or start a fire in the fireplace, and enjoy the comforts of home.  Quit making yourself wrong for it.  On the other hand, if you decide you’d like to still be able to get out and about and be active during the winter, then make it a point to schedule some social dates with friends, sign up for a class, or plan a winter weekend getaway.  Engage in winter activities like sledding, skating, or building a snowman, enlist a friend to join you and use each other as accountability partners.  Make it a point to connect.

    I used to despise the months of January and February here in Minnesota, they were so cold and so long and I never wanted to do anything.  My experience nowadays is vastly different.  I decided that I am naturally one who does slow down in the winter and hibernate a bit,  I spend a lot of time in my cozy house (and yes I have a snuggie blanket) with my family and watch a lot of movies.  And I love it.  You see, I no longer make myself wrong for wanting to do those things, I embrace it.  Incidentally I also decided that I wanted to be someone who enjoys winter, and while the latter is part of what I now enjoy about it, I also make it a point to schedule outings with my family and friends, and play in the snow with my 3 year old (something I previously also despised).  And what makes this a sustainable choice and expression of who I am vs. a fleeting one?  Those daily practices I spoke of as step one.

    Although you may never have a direct say in the weather conditions of winter, Mark, you most certainly have a direct say in how you experience it from now on.  And I don’t tell you this in theory, I tell you this from my direct experience.  I even look forward to winter now, something my former self of a few years ago would have laughed in your face if she heard you say it.

    P.S. I’ve also heard those sun lamps are great for those dealing with SAD, you may want to consider getting one, or making a commitment to spend time outside every day it happens to be sunny.

    Nova

    (Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling.  She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)

  • The war is over

    My ex-husband and I padded the bank accounts of several high-priced attorneys and occupied over two years’ worth of courtroom time and resources, mired in the pain and enveloped in the confusion surrounding our divorce, a word which suddenly and ferociously became a synonym for our own personal “war.”  And most regrettably, we allowed our distorted sense of “victimization” and perceived “failure” to interfere with our ability to be the loving support system that our only son desired and deserved.  We, like so many others, found ourselves consumed with the upheaval in our relationship and paralyzed by the illusions of fear and need, as we found ourselves sinking deeper and deeper into despair and moving further and further away from any concept of who we once knew ourselves to be.

    Until one day everything changed.

    And I mean literally in one day.  And more profoundly, not only in one day, but as a result of one choice:

    I changed my perspective.

    It was glaringly apparent, after years of bitterness and conflict, that what we were doing wasn’t working.  So why were we continuing to do the same thing over and over again, making the same choices and expecting different results?  Which, by the way, is the phrase Narcotics Anonymous offers as the definition of insanity in its time-honored book on addiction.

    When I shifted my perspective and held my relationship, and the experiences provided to me within it, in a new light, this is what I was allowed to remember:

    First, our relationship was not ending.  It was merely changing.  The purpose and intent of our union always was and always will be integrated in our human experience in the way we choose for it to be.  We can choose to consciously and purposefully include and utilize the opportunities blanketed within this experience, or we can choose to continue to react to the experience as one that is happening outside of us and, therefore, to us.  Two very different realities are birthed out of each respective choice.

    Second, this relationship was drawn to and co-created by us both as a vehicle within which we were both given an opportunity to experience an aspect of ourselves not yet remembered, not yet expressed, not yet demonstrated.  And because I do not believe that life is a series of random happenings, and I also do not believe that life shuffles us through a predetermined script, I knew there was a larger opportunity being offered here to create meaning and to declare purpose and to know and experience ourselves at a higher level.

    Third, I was led to a deeper understanding of what “forgiveness” means…and what it doesn’t mean.  Neale Donald Walsch’s new book “The Only Thing That Matters” says, “Absolution is not necessary, since all human action is based, at its root, in love, however confused, mistaken, or distorted its expression.”  And as “Conversations with God” puts it:  “No one does anything inappropriate, given their model of the world.”

    The marrying of these two spiritual concepts created the perfect recipe of change for me and facilitated a new perspective, one that propelled me into a deep sense of appreciation and profound gratitude in relation to someone who once was my partner and who now is my friend.

    When some of the top stories in today’s headlines are “Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ Bitter Divorce” or “Real-Life War of the Roses,” as described in a story by ABC News where Michael Rose and Rona Rose’s divorce resembled the popular Hollywood movie that coined the popular phrase and amplifies the rage of a bitter divorce, I now understand the gift I have been given and value the opportunity to share my personal experience to help others.

    Why are we as a society enamored with the downfall of celebrity or high-profile relationships, as the rows and rows of tabloid magazines in our grocery store checkout stands reflect?  Perhaps it soothes our own perceived sense of failure to notice that the “most notable” in our society, too, are struggling with relationship challenges.  Perhaps our egos hurt less when we think someone else hurts more.

    What if, just for today, you assigned a new meaning to something that is changing (perhaps a relationship) in your life?

    What if you saw this event through the lens of an entirely different perspective?

    If there is a new perspective that feels better than the one you currently hold about a particular situation that you are facing, what is standing in the way of you embracing it?

    Could you “end the war” right now?

    (Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation.  She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support .   To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)