The Global Conversation

Tag: romance

  • Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places

    I am a 28-year-old Indian woman.  I am quite attractive and a very loving person but have never been in a romantic relationship.  For some reason, the people whom I have fallen for have never reciprocated my love.  In India, marriages may also be arranged by your friends or family.  I really want to have love in my life, but I want it to come naturally. I do not want to look for a partner or go for an arranged marriage. I am really confused as to whether I should make a conscious effort, like joining a matrimonial site, or do I wait for love to come by?  I really can’t imagine getting married to a person whom I do not love…please guide.

    Pilar, India 

    Hi Pilar,

    First of all, thank you for reaching out, for listening to the voice of your soul and being brave enough to ask if there is another way to find love that is more in alignment with who you really are, as well as how to find it.  The answer to your question of whether or not to go actively searching for it or wait for love to come by is…neither.  Instead, here are two other approaches that I’m going to offer you today, Pilar:

    One of the greatest messages from Conversations with God is that if there is something you’d like to experience in life, the quickest way to do so is to give it away, give it to another.  The very act of doing so is a statement to the Universe that it is yours to give, and in the actual giving of it, you are indeed experiencing that thing you said you wanted to experience.  For example, for someone who wants to experience being rich, sharing what little they do have with someone who has even less can produce a tremendous experience of being rich.  Now, in the situation of intimate love, this can be kind of challenging.  It doesn’t necessarily mean going around telling everyone you see that you’re in love with them (unless, of course, that serves you).  Instead, it means fully expressing all kinds of love – to your family, your friends, your pets, your fellow humans walking their own path.  It also means giving yourself the experience of being in love with you.  Treat yourself with the same love, appreciation, respect, kindness and tenderness that you would your significant other.  Take the time to express that love to yourself, through loving thoughts, words, and deeds.  You see, what happens when you do this is that your focus is shifted towards love itself, versus the perceived lack of it in your life, and via the process of creation, you can’t help but call forth more of it into your life.

    The second approach is an approach that I would offer, no matter what the external challenge or problem, is to first of all stop worrying about how to make it happen (in other words, get out of the energy of the problem, as no solution is ever available in the same energy the problem exists in), and to go within and focus on your own alignment.  Neale calls this your “soul’s agenda” and offers the powerful question, “What does this thing (problem, choice, situation, etc.) have to do with my soul’s agenda?”  When you are living from your soul’s agenda, or living from a place of alignment, everything else quite literally comes together.  It works itself out.  In other words, love finds you, you don’t have to find it.  By the consistent attention to and raising of your own vibration, you open the door to allowing all of the things you desire in life to come through, and, in the process, you get to experience all of those feelings you thought you could experience only in the having of something external to you.  You get to experience them right here, right now.  It’s incredible.

    So what does that look like, this alignment thing, or how do you tune into your soul’s agenda?  By focusing your attention inward, through meditation, journaling, practicing daily gratitude, whatever you resonate with that allows you to connect to that source within.  But here’s the key:  do so consistently.  Sometimes even the simple posing of the powerful question “what does this have to do with my soul’s agenda?” or even “what would my soul do here?”, without consciously trying to answer it, is enough to shift your attention, and the answer appears right exactly when it needs to.

    Try the above approaches, Pilar, and much love to you in the process.

     (Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling.  She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)

  • If God doesn’t want anything from me,
    why do I expect so much from you?

    Yes, it is almost here again, Valentine’s Day.  The arrival of this “Day of Love” can produce a broad spectrum of experiences for those who are touched by it.  For some it will glide in on the wings of new-found love and breathtaking romance.  For others it will simply not arrive at all – or at least not in the way it is desired.  Either way, has Valentine’s Day evolved into just another holiday which places the focus of what it is we all imagine ourselves to desire in a relationship firmly in the thoughts, choices, and actions of another?  Will he buy me flowers?  Maybe he will shower me with expensive jewelry or escort me to the finest restaurant in town?  Perhaps she will have sex with me?  Will I even be the recipient of a thoughtful card?

    But what happens when the thoughts, choices, and actions of another on this particular day fall short of what we are hoping to experience?  Is Valentine’s Day truly a day of love, a celebration of partnership, a reminder of our unity?  Or rather, is it just another day of consumerism, the perfect setup for unrealistic expectations, and perhaps more divisive than cohesive when it comes to moving forward in our partnerships?

    Are we so attached to the external shiny objects that are dangled in front of our senses on this day – the flowers, the candy, the jewelry, the food, the sex, the presents, the promises – that we lose sight and stray off of the path that will truly lead us to the experience of joy, happiness, and love in our relationships?

    Don’t get me wrong.  I am not a prude.  And I love romance – hey, I am the “Romance & Relationship” columnist after all!  But I have found myself on the receiving end of feeling disappointed on Valentine’s Day for not receiving a card or a gift and constructing some pretty harsh judgments around that, placing myself in a position of asking myself, “What is that about?”  Especially when that particular person never let a moment go by where his love and presence were not wholly known and deeply felt in ways that transcended the potential of any material expression.

    If God does not want or need anything from me, why do I place those expectations upon the person with whom I share my life’s journey?  Could it be that somewhere along the line I was taught and then adopted the idea that love was measured in direct proportion to that which I was either giving or receiving?   The more you give me, the more you love me?  The more I receive, the more I am loved?

    And if that is not the case, then how DO we express this thing called “love”?

    How do we express that which is so profound and so complex and so seemingly “unexpressable” in our limited human capacity?

    My life has demonstrated to me that the answer to that question is foundationed in first understanding and living each moment of your life in full awareness of the Agenda of your Soul, and understanding that the people with whom we share a relationship also have a Soul Agenda — whether they are aware of it or not.

    But what  does the Agenda of my Soul have to do with Valentine’s Day?  Or my partnership?  Or anything I do, for that matter?

    It has everything to do with not only those things, but each and every choice I make and the entire purpose of my life.  If I am clear on the Agenda of my Soul — or at least recognize that I have one — and when my partner, too, is living in alignment with his Soul’s Agenda, then our love, our companionship, our presence in each other’s life becomes an expression of that purpose and that intention, creating moment after moment of experiencing our communion with God and Unity with each other, reaching completion of that which we are here to experience…Over and Over and Over again…knowing ourselves as Soulmates and remembering who we really are.

    I could be wrong.  It could really about the chocolates and the lingerie and the sappy cards.  I could measure the extent of my spouse’s love and commitment against the value of the gifts he may – or may not – give to me.  I could hinge the purpose of our relationship upon a single day, in single a year, and what I “get” out of it.

    But I don’t think so.

    I sense that it is much, much larger than that.  I may happen to receive a sweet card or some exotic flowers or perhaps go out for a romantic dinner on Valentine’s Day.  Or I may not.  Either way, I am very clear on one thing:  my Soul will not yearn for more or less than the perfect experience of being exactly who I already know myself to be:  LOVE.

    (Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation.  She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)