The Global Conversation

Tag: self-expression

  • What People Think of You is None of Your Business

    Dear Nova,

    My biggest fear is to hurt another, and it is also my biggest block.  I am an artist and I often use nudity in my drawings, but have a hard time displaying them because I am afraid some people might be shocked or offended.  I do display them but struggle with the fear of making people uncomfortable. In fact, I often hold back in a lot of ways for fear of how it will impact others, and it leaves me feeling stuck and unfulfilled.

    If you feel you can help me out of there, I would welcome a contact.

    Warmly,     

    Angeline, Ontario

    Hi Angeline,

    I can relate very much to what you’re saying.  I’ve had the opportunity to do a lot of work in that area on myself, as it was very common for me to hold back in expressing myself authentically for fear of offending anyone (not so long ago, either!).  In other words, I took care of the emotions of others first and made them more important than my own.

    What I realized along the way, and what I now remind myself of nearly every day, is that not only am I betraying myself when doing this, I am denying others the opportunity to decide and experience who THEY are in the context our interaction is providing them.  While I think I am protecting and even helping them by making all sorts of assumptions to make sure they are not offended or uncomfortable, I’m actually robbing them of perhaps a very valuable experience.  And nobody wins that way.

    So I have come to the conclusion that my only job is to be as authentically me as possible, to express myself from a place of alignment (and when I’m not in alignment perhaps go within until I can get back there and/or be more gentle and “forgiving” of myself) and ALLOW others the opportunity to do the same.  Not always easy, mind you, but it’s always in the highest interest of all involved, and really, anything else is just way too much work, isn’t it?

    A great quote to remember about this, and I’m not sure who said it first, “What other people think of me is none of my business.”  And of course, CWG says, “Betrayal of yourself in order not to betray another is betrayal nonetheless.  It is the highest betrayal.”

    Be you, Angeline.  Give the world that gift, and do your best to not take the reaction/response of others’ personally, as you don’t know what their soul is trying to accomplish in this lifetime.  And by giving yourself permission to be Who You Really Are, well, there is such immense joy (not to mention relief!) in that.  Give it a go.

     

    (Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling.  She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)

    An additional resource:  The CWG Helping Outreach (www.cwghelpingoutreach.com) offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services.  The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions.  What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God.  It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.

  • Being Full of Yourself – The Greatest Gift You Can Give

    I have a counseling practice, and I help a lot of people on a day to day basis.  I’ve followed the Conversations with God material for years and incorporate it in my work at every opportunity.  Part of my job is to show my clients how wonderful they are, what a gift they are to the world, and that they are not their “problems.”  What I’m having trouble with is getting myself to believe that about myself.  I seem to have this resistance to accepting anything good about me, and every time a client thanks me for changing their life, tells me how great I am, I am quick to turn it back to them, make it about them.  I just have such a hard time acknowledging the good things about myself, no matter where they come from, without feeling conceited or arrogant.  I know there’s some learning for me here, and I’m more than open to hearing your thoughts, please!

    Savannah, N. Carolina

     

    Hi Savannah,

    Bless your heart for the work you do.  I know you do much more than what you’ve just outlined for us but that part is perhaps one of the most important gifts you can give to others.  And you’re very wise for recognizing that you haven’t yet given it to yourself, and that there is some “learning” here for you.

    We have been conditioned for years by our parents, grandparents, churches, and all sorts of sources to not speak well of ourselves, to not brag or boast, etc.  Along with that we all know a person or two who can’t seem to get enough of talking about themselves and how great they are, which can often be received as annoying and we say that person is “full of him/herself”.  Between those two factors and probably many others, it’s quite normal for you to have this resistance to acknowledging yourself and owning your own magnificence, and you’re certainly not alone in that (just think of all the clients that come to you!).  But it doesn’t have to be that way, and the other side of the coin holds gifts and opportunities beyond measure, and not just for you.

    In my experience and observations a person who brags all the time and comes across as arrogant and conceited is actually overcompensating for something, and you can smell it a mile away.  However, it is quite a beautiful thing to witness someone who is indeed “full of him/herself” in the way I believe God intended for us to be, in such a way that couldn’t possibly be interpreted as arrogance or conceit, but instead a joyful experience of a person owning and loving who they are without apology.  I’m guessing you know a person or two who has accomplished this as well, yes?  And, being that you’ve undoubtedly helped facilitate this process in others, you’ve seen the incredible impact this kind of self-love and appreciation has not only in the individual’s life, but the lives of their loved ones and even the world at large. You see, Savannah, it is not only in our best interest to acknowledge and own the beauty and brilliance that each of is, it is our responsibility.  It is our gift to the world.

    So this begs the question, what on earth are you waiting for?

    Here’s an exercise to help you:

    ~ Make a list of your own magnificence.  List as many things you can think of that are great, wonderful, and extraordinary about you, and do so without a thought towards sounding arrogant.

    ~ Write or talk about 3 examples where your magnificence really came in and brought about something very powerful for another soul.

    ~ Also, from a future perspective, ask yourself the following: what will it mean for you to fully engage your magnificence?  What will it mean for your life, the lives of the people you’re in contact with, and the world at large?

    This is a profound exercise.  In fact, my own coach just gave it to me as my homework recently, and I have already given it to two of my own clients.  So complete it first for yourself, Savanna, and then pass it on.  Let’s see just how many people we can get to own their own magnificence, to see and live the very best parts of themselves freely and with joy.  The benefits of this are literally endless.

    — “Accept yourself. Love yourself just as you are. Your finest work, your best moments, your joy, peace, and healing come when you love yourself. You give a great gift to the world when you do that. You give others permission to do the same: to love themselves. Revel in self love. Roll in it. Bask in it, as you would the sunshine.” ~ Melody Beattie —

     

    (Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling.  She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)