The Global Conversation

Tag: the only thing that matters

  • Happy Holidays? You get to decide!

     

    Dear Therese,

    Well, it’s that time of year again.  The time of year that I start out with good intentions to be cheerful and helpful and not get upset by my husband’s family.  But Thanksgiving was a disaster, and I am so very worried that Christmas will be the same.

    Here’s the thing.  Every year for the past 14 years it is the same story.  My husband’s sisters just let their mother do all of the work in the kitchen, and the fellas are off in the living room watching the football games, and I am the only one in the kitchen helping my mother-in-law!  The ladies are all drunk, and there is an inevitable fight that breaks out, and they accuse me of not joining in with the family.  I want to be part of my husband’s family, but how can I do this?

    Not so jolly Joanna in Illinois.

     

    Dear Joanna,

    Boy, will a lot of people resonate with this one!

    I am going to make the usual suggestions, like, can you alternate holidays, or find a way to limit your time at the event?  Have you tried actually asking your husband’s sisters, or mother, just what they think you could do to fit in better?  Sometimes communication does actually work, but we really don’t want to risk the status quo, (even though it sucks) being made worse…and we don’t like to acknowledge it, but even that is a choice.

    Now I am going to ask a question.  Just how is this serving you?  What is it that you are getting from playing this little scene over and over?  Until you figure out what that might be, you may just keep on playing your role in perpetuity.   So, Joanna, do you enjoy being the “victim”?  Do you secretly enjoy being “superior”?  Maybe you are being given the opportunity to say “no” (and not taking it)?  Do you really want to be part of this family, or is that just something you say because it is the “proper” way to feel?  Joanna, there are so very many things that could be going on, and only you, of course, can honestly answer the question for yourself.

    There is a word I used there that is very important, Joanna…opportunity.  Life continues to give us the opportunities we require to have this journey as our soul desires, and sometimes those opportunities look like difficult choices and honesty with ones self.  If the same thing keeps happening over and over again, it is a pretty sure bet that there is something you are not willing to look at.

    Once you have answered the question above, ask yourself this question:  Is this serving me in the way I would really prefer?  If the answer is “no”, then ask yourself how you could see yourself acting differently, if you had the courage…would you walk out of the kitchen and ask for help?  Would you leave your mother-in-law alone in the kitchen?  Might you re-think those moments in the kitchen and cherish the one on one time with her?

    You see, Joanna, once we look at who we are Being in any circumstance, we get to decide if we are happy or miserable…we get to actually choose which one serves us in that moment!  AND get to decide that we can do the same thing we have always done, but, as “The Only Thing That Matters” says, do it for an entirely different purpose.  We can know that even the mundane, and the painful are spiritual events, and we get to choose to look at them one way or the other.

    I’ll bet, Joanna, that if you go to the Christmas event with the mindset that you are going to look at each person as individuations of Divinity…if you decide to BE the calm center in whatever chaos may ensue…that you will have a very different experience than before…and you may even see the family transform before your eyes as well.  But even if they don’t, you will have transformed your own unhappiness, and that seems like a pretty good gift to give yourself!

    Therese

    (Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.cwghelpingoutreach.com  She may be contacted at:                                                              Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)

    An additional resource:  The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services.  The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions.  What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God.  It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.

     

  • Unforgivable?

    There have been moments in my life when I have entertained unkind thoughts. I have also said things in my life that I do not feel proud of. And I can remember times when I have acted in ways that contradicted my best intentions. I suppose each and every one of us can remember at least one time in our lives when our thoughts, words, and actions were not in alignment with our Highest Self, instances when we functioned from a place of fear and not from a place of love, moments when we knew at a very deep and certain level that we had stepped off the path of clarity.

    However, fortunately for most of us, our mishaps, intentional or otherwise, were not instantaneously broadcast on national television, shared feverishly across thousands, if not millions, of internet websites, blogs, Facebook and Twitter pages, or published in countless newspaper and magazine publications around the world simultaneously, as they have been in recent days for Paula Deen.

    Ms. Deen is being sued by a former manager at her restaurants, Lisa T. Jackson, in Savannah, Georgia, for sexual and racial harassment. Jackson’s lawsuit alleges that Deen and her brother, Bubba Hier, committed numerous acts of violence, discrimination, and racism that resulted in the end of her five-year employment with Deen.

    During a deposition in the legal proceedings, Paula Deen admitted to using racial epithets, such as the “N” word, tolerating racist jokes, and condoning pornography in the workplace, candid forthcomings that have landed her smack dab in the middle of a firestorm of sharp criticism and vilification from both the media and the public at large. Ms. Deen’s candor ultimately led to the swift decision by The Food Network to cancel her cooking show on their television station only one hour after she publicly offered her heartfelt apologies and begged for forgiveness from all those who have been affected by her choices and actions.

    I would like to be clear that I am not here to judge what Paula Deen did, or did not do, as being good or bad, right or wrong, defensible or indefensible. What I am interested in having a conversation about is: What happens now? How do we, individually and collectively, show up now in relation to this event and this experience? Do we attempt to drain and deplete Paula Deen of every ounce of goodness and joy that she has given to our world as a trade-off for the moments in which she forgot who she was? Do we punish her? Do we support her? Do we forgive her?

    Is forgiveness even necessary?

    In the book The Only Thing That Matters, we are offered the invitation to consider a radical new way of thinking: Forgiveness Forgone, a concept which says that forgiveness is not necessary when it is replaced, rather, with the more powerful energy of Understanding. If this concept is held as true, then the question becomes: What are we being asked to understand here? Are we willing to see through the thick layers of distortion – anger, fear, judgment – to understand that anything Paula Deen has said or done is truly an expression of love? Do we need to see to it that Paula Deen “loses everything” in order for us to feel as though we are “made whole”? Is that how it all works in this game of life?

    Perhaps the notoriety of situations like these offers us an opportunity to peer into our own personal relationships and notice where we are holding on to grudges or allowing tightly held resentment to dominate our choices. Is there anything in life that is unforgivable? Is there a “point of no return”?

    Perhaps the woes and sorrows of another famous face are unimportant to us as we move through the day-to-day affairs of our own lives. As with everything in life, we all get to decide for ourselves what it means. But for me, I can’t help but notice the many way in which these types of defining moments continue to appear, calling me, beckoning me, and inviting me to once again choose, declare, and ultimately experience who I really am.

    Who will you choose to be?

     

    (Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation. She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)

  • Is death just nothingness?

    Dear Therese,

    I am at the time of my life where I realize I have far fewer years behind me than ahead of me, and I have to admit I am afraid of death.  I have always been afraid of death.  Even when I was young, and practicing my religion I never thought death was anything except just stopping.  I would like to believe something else, but right now I just believe death is forever nothingness, and I think about it a lot.

    Nancy in St. Paul

    Dear Nancy,

    Increasingly there is evidence that there is life after death, due to things like near death experiences, but it is still very contradictory at best.  Some think it concrete evidence, some think it evidence of what our bodies do when under certain conditions and stresses.  I happen to think it is not strictly chemical.

    Getting to the very basics of science, energy can never go away, it can only change form, right?  Which means, if nothing else, we will continue on for sure, even if not in the form we are experiencing right now.  Not very comforting, though, is it?

    I also happen to resonate with things in the CWG world…go figure!  In “Home With God, in a life that never ends” Neale Donald Walsch talks with God about death.  One of the things that seems most true, given the anecdotal evidence mentioned above, is that what we believe about death is what we will experience after we die.  If we believe in hell, or, in your case, nothingness, that is exactly what we will experience…until we decide we have finished this particular human experience all the way to its completion, and are ready to meet up with the All (God, if you will), and choose again.  We can choose to do the same life again, or we can choose one of the infinite possibilities that exist called “The Life of Nancy.”  Or we could stay with Creator, but that isn’t likely, because the urge to experience what we know would be very alluring.

    Part of what I hear you saying, though, Nancy, is that you have a particular attachment to this body, and this mind.  What if I were to tell you that it is also suggested in “The Only Thing That Matters,” by Neale, that we change form for a bit, but that we ultimately reunite with this same mind/body/soul that we now are?  Our form changes energy, much like snowflake to rain to ice to vapor and back to snow.  It is all the same thing, but different forms, and we will resume our form as well.  For me this is comforting, and explains a lot of my feelings of been-there done-that!

    Of course, as is glibly said, there’s no getting away from the fact that we are going to die, but that does not mean that we have to dwell in the fear of it either.  Ultimately it is just another change in a life that is nothing but change…each change can be called a little death, and, if you are like me, you can also look back and see that each “little death” opened up the pathway for something else.  I think it is pretty cool to sit and imagine what that “something else” will be after the change called my physical death!

    Nancy, I hope that you can imagine that, too, and choose to live this life consciously and with joy, and not waste it through living fearfully…although, you will get the chance to do it again if you’d like!

    Therese

    (Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net, which offers spiritual assistance from a team of Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less, and offers insight, suggestions, and companionship during moments of unbidden, unexpected, unwelcome change on the journey of life. She may be contacted at Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)

  • Walk on Uneven ground

    Today I am going to share “advice” I realized I had to give to myself.

    I recently had minor knee surgery.  Minor in and of itself, but the third time on this particular knee, and placing my sweet knee dangerously close to bone on bone.  My doctor has cautioned that I must remember that my knee is no longer normal.  My physical therapist also advised me to not always walk on the level ground of sidewalks, but to walk on the grass to strengthen the muscles all around the knee better.

    So…yesterday I walked around the little lake in our neighborhood.  On the area with the most dramatic slope.  With the weak knee on the upside of the slope, making it do the power work.  And today…I can barely walk!  If I move, it feels better, but when I sit for awhile it gets weak again.  Sheesh.

    I was so proud of myself for how good I was at getting to the point where it didn’t hurt so soon after surgery!  But now I realize I was just doing enough…enough to get by, but not enough to challenge and really strengthen the knee.

    Then, as I am wont to do, I began to ask myself some questions.  Is my body, which is the connection between my soul and my mind, asking me to look at something?  Way too quickly came my answer…of course, silly!  Is it possible you’ve been taking the easy, level path spiritually?  Ummm…I don’t wish to answer that, thank you very much!  Have you been letting your fears settle into your body again?   Are you moving too fast, or too slow, or even both?  OUCH! literally ouch!  Could be!  Is it time to take the uneven path, and change your mind about some things?  Dang it!  Stop asking me questions!  And, just for the record, self, the answer is…yes!

    Dearest Therese, yes, your body is speaking to you, especially if you think it is speaking to you.  Be kind to yourself, don’t judge and compare yourself…not even to yourself.  Where you are, is where you must be to see where you are going.  Give the understanding you give to others, to yourself…you will then be able to share that understanding more wonderfully.

    Therese, walk the uneven ground, even though it be fearful and confusing, and brings things into your life you do not understand right now.  The uneven ground will strengthen your body…and it will strengthen your spirit.  CWG, in “The Only Thing That Matters” says that each time you think you are “there”, you will be given the opportunity to move into an even higher expression of “there”.  Don’t make the mistake of thinking this means you are moving backward.  It just means, if you are lucky, if you are open and brave, you will always be new at something all of your life!

    Therese

    (Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net, which offers spiritual assistance from a team of Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less, and offers insight, suggestions, and companionship during moments of unbidden, unexpected, unwelcome change on the journey of life. She may be contacted at Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)

  • The war is over

    My ex-husband and I padded the bank accounts of several high-priced attorneys and occupied over two years’ worth of courtroom time and resources, mired in the pain and enveloped in the confusion surrounding our divorce, a word which suddenly and ferociously became a synonym for our own personal “war.”  And most regrettably, we allowed our distorted sense of “victimization” and perceived “failure” to interfere with our ability to be the loving support system that our only son desired and deserved.  We, like so many others, found ourselves consumed with the upheaval in our relationship and paralyzed by the illusions of fear and need, as we found ourselves sinking deeper and deeper into despair and moving further and further away from any concept of who we once knew ourselves to be.

    Until one day everything changed.

    And I mean literally in one day.  And more profoundly, not only in one day, but as a result of one choice:

    I changed my perspective.

    It was glaringly apparent, after years of bitterness and conflict, that what we were doing wasn’t working.  So why were we continuing to do the same thing over and over again, making the same choices and expecting different results?  Which, by the way, is the phrase Narcotics Anonymous offers as the definition of insanity in its time-honored book on addiction.

    When I shifted my perspective and held my relationship, and the experiences provided to me within it, in a new light, this is what I was allowed to remember:

    First, our relationship was not ending.  It was merely changing.  The purpose and intent of our union always was and always will be integrated in our human experience in the way we choose for it to be.  We can choose to consciously and purposefully include and utilize the opportunities blanketed within this experience, or we can choose to continue to react to the experience as one that is happening outside of us and, therefore, to us.  Two very different realities are birthed out of each respective choice.

    Second, this relationship was drawn to and co-created by us both as a vehicle within which we were both given an opportunity to experience an aspect of ourselves not yet remembered, not yet expressed, not yet demonstrated.  And because I do not believe that life is a series of random happenings, and I also do not believe that life shuffles us through a predetermined script, I knew there was a larger opportunity being offered here to create meaning and to declare purpose and to know and experience ourselves at a higher level.

    Third, I was led to a deeper understanding of what “forgiveness” means…and what it doesn’t mean.  Neale Donald Walsch’s new book “The Only Thing That Matters” says, “Absolution is not necessary, since all human action is based, at its root, in love, however confused, mistaken, or distorted its expression.”  And as “Conversations with God” puts it:  “No one does anything inappropriate, given their model of the world.”

    The marrying of these two spiritual concepts created the perfect recipe of change for me and facilitated a new perspective, one that propelled me into a deep sense of appreciation and profound gratitude in relation to someone who once was my partner and who now is my friend.

    When some of the top stories in today’s headlines are “Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ Bitter Divorce” or “Real-Life War of the Roses,” as described in a story by ABC News where Michael Rose and Rona Rose’s divorce resembled the popular Hollywood movie that coined the popular phrase and amplifies the rage of a bitter divorce, I now understand the gift I have been given and value the opportunity to share my personal experience to help others.

    Why are we as a society enamored with the downfall of celebrity or high-profile relationships, as the rows and rows of tabloid magazines in our grocery store checkout stands reflect?  Perhaps it soothes our own perceived sense of failure to notice that the “most notable” in our society, too, are struggling with relationship challenges.  Perhaps our egos hurt less when we think someone else hurts more.

    What if, just for today, you assigned a new meaning to something that is changing (perhaps a relationship) in your life?

    What if you saw this event through the lens of an entirely different perspective?

    If there is a new perspective that feels better than the one you currently hold about a particular situation that you are facing, what is standing in the way of you embracing it?

    Could you “end the war” right now?

    (Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation.  She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support .   To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)