The Global Conversation

Tag: tragedy

  • What do I say to my kid about tragedy?

    Until now, I’ve avoided writing here about the mass shootings, the bombing, the natural disasters, and other recent tragedies in the world. I thought I would leave them to those who know what to say better than I. Today, I am moved to speak.

    Much, I am sure, like you, my heart breaks when I hear of disasters. As a person, who feels the Conversations with God concept We Are All One to my core, I experience the loss of life as if those people are my own neighbors, people I know, not as nameless or faceless strangers. I weep for the people who are hurt or killed, their families and for society at large.

    I do not feel more or less devastated when the tragedy is man-made or natural because I do not value any life more than another. While I sometimes wish we would find positive ways to prevent the “senseless” or “preventable” ones; I don’t think that changes their effect on society or their import. Times are tumultuous enough with all of the political and ideological unrest; another disaster, natural or otherwise, just seems like fuel on the fire of an already tense environment. Yet there will be those that want to capitalize on it for political or emotional points, who will make calls for banding together for the common good (a wonderful sentiment) but will forget those calls as soon as the dust settles and will be back to fighting again.

    But how does all of this affect parenting? How does a person living in the New Spirituality handle discussions of tragedy in a home where children are present? I don’t have any answers for you, sorry! But maybe my ideas will help you brainstorm how you can deal with it in your own family. Remember: There is no such thing as right and wrong.

    Honestly, my ideas about this are evolving as my daughter gets older. When she was very small (as in, a baby and couldn’t understand anything!) I thought I would always be honest with her – don’t sugarcoat, show her the world as it is, teach her how to process it – so that she will be equipped to handle it without being derailed.

    Then as her personality became apparent my thoughts changed. She is very loving, sensitive and takes things seriously; she internalizes external events more than I would hope for her. So I backed off, became more protective of her knowledge and began to show her the selective truth about tragedy. Shielding her from the more gruesome, gory details, and in some cases (the Newtown Shootings, specifically) not telling her about them at all until days later. But recently, as she is becoming, simultaneously, more self-aware and more conscious of world events I am having a harder time insulating her completely.

    I’m not surprised by change; I expect that, what I am surprised by is how difficult it is to walk the tight rope of information-giving. Do you have this same challenge with your child? Children are inquisitive and they want to know what is going on in the world around them; yet they also want to feel safe and sheltered.

    My fear…I admit it even though I know Love is all there is, I still experience fear from time to time…my fear or trepidation is that it is all so confusing for adults, how are children going to process it? And what can we, as parents, do to help them? There is a wonderful quote by Mr. Rogers about finding the helpers in times of tragedy to help children focus on the positive. There is probably merit in that, but how can we further help our children to assuage their feelings of insecurity after something bad happens?

    I don’t know. My daughter slept with us last night due to the storms that came through Missouri after she heard a little bit about the Oklahoma tornado. She just could not sleep otherwise. I guess in that moment, she felt insecure alone. After the Boston bombings – we tried to insulate her as much as possible but you would have had to go “radio silent” for 3 weeks to have avoided all discussions – she questioned me constantly in public places about how you would know if someone had a bomb. I did everything I could to reassure her that while we never know what will happen next mommy will always protect her to the best of my ability.

    We talk a lot about how life is unexpected and that We create our own reality means, not that we can control what happens around us, but that we can control how we live in, how we interpret, and how we let events affect us. I don’t know that I am doing it “right” for her, only time will tell. All I know is that I am answering her every question with love and as much honesty as I can. I hold her tight and I try to calm her fears. I spend my days trying to fill her life with exploration, beauty, light, nature and connection to others. The rest, how she interprets the world internally, is up to her, as it is with every human being!

    My wish today is for peace and healing to come to those in Oklahoma. That people there feel the light and love of us all as they go through these next few days.

    Namaste…Emily

    (Emily A. Filmore is the Creative Co-Director of www.cwgforparents.com. She is also the author/illustrator of the “With My Child” Series of books about bonding with your child through everyday activities.  Her books are available at www.withmychildseries.com. To contact Emily, please email her at Emily@cwgforparents.com.)

  • How Do I Deal With Tragedy and What Can I Do?

    Lately it seems like I’m surrounded with sadness, tragedy, drama, and heavy, heavy emotions.  Most of the time this is coming from people around me, as I am usually the one my friends and family go to when something is troubling them.  Right now it’s more than usual, and with the tragedies happening in the world lately I’m not quite sure how to handle any of it, I feel so overwhelmed by how bad things really seem to be right now.  How do I handle the heaviness of it all and help make a difference?!

    Juan, Pennsylvania

    Hi Juan,

    I hear you, and I agree with you, there seems to be a lot more upheaval right now than usual, or at least many of us are more aware of it that usual.  And with Monday’s explosions in Boston a lot of people are at a loss as to what to do.  I encourage you to read Neale’s headline article of this newspaper, which you can access here.  It offers great insight, hope and solutions as to what we as a whole can do, how we can help shift the way humanity has been living.  In terms of dealing with the emotions of it all, read on.

    When problems arise, or tragedy strikes, we are often left with shocked and outraged reactions, as well as with a lot of desperate questions (“who would do such thing”, “why doesn’t somebody do something about this”, “what else could go wrong?” etc.).  This is our way of recognizing that we are not okay with what happened, we are not in alignment with this, and it’s a perfectly normal response.  Those emotions and reactions can be really difficult to deal with, and if they’re not processed or dealt with properly, can turn into depression, despair, extreme fear and hopelessness, among other things.  When not dealt with or processed, they also contribute to the problem, not the solution.

    So the trick to dealing with these emotions, then, is to first acknowledge what you’re feeling and let whatever that is be okay – meet yourself where you’re at, talk to someone, journal about it.  But don’t stay there.  Instead, ask yourself, “Who am I in light of this?  Who do I want to be here?”  Then find ways to express and demonstrate that.  This is when our normal initial “reactions” turn into conscious creation.

    Furthermore, make it your business to focus on nothing but love, gratitude, kindness and compassion, and express that, too.  Energetically speaking, this is the most powerful thing we can do in such situations, whether it’s in response to a worldwide tragedy or some trouble in your personal life.  Focusing on the negative aspects simply magnifies them, draws more negativity, and as I said above, contributes to the problem.  Shifting your attention to the good consistently raises your vibration, and the vibration of the world, contributing to the solution.

    Let’s be clear about something, though, this is not what some refer to as a “spiritual bypass”, an increasingly popular term some people in New Age and New Thought arenas like to use to describe using positivity as avoiding and ignoring the problem, invalidating the emotions that come up.  That’s not what this is at all.  Remember, my very first suggested step here was to acknowledge how you feel and let it be okay.  What we’re doing here is transforming those emotions, or energy (emotions = energy in motion), into something more useful.  Instead of wallowing in despair, hopelessness, and frustration, we are choosing to raise our vibration and get into alignment with Who We Really Are, and it is from this place that we gain clarity and access to the actions we can take, from a place of love instead of fear. 

    I believe this is how we transform the fear, hate, violence and separation in the world (both on a large, worldwide scale and smaller, personal scale) into love, peace, compassion and unity.  It starts with each of us, the individual, doing our part, taking responsibility for our role in this Universe.  So I challenge you, Juan, and anyone else who may be reading this, to take the steps above.  And when you reach that place of clarity, love and alignment, see what you’re inspired to do from there.  Perhaps it’s joining a cause or organization that is taking specific steps towards a solution, perhaps it’s coming up with a brand new one no one has ever thought of.  Or perhaps it’s a deep shift within you where kindness, love, and compassion towards all becomes your first language from now on.

    Thanks for being willing to do your part, Juan.

    (Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling.  She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )

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