The Global Conversation

Tag: trust

  • How can I make my boyfriend forgive and trust me?

    My boyfriend can’t forgive me because for the first year we dated I never invited him to my apartment. I was embarrassed because his apartment is so much nicer than mine, so I was always making excuses not to have him over. He thinks it was because I was unfaithful and living with another guy but nothing could be further from the truth. I’ve tried to explain it to him but he’s still holding it against me. I love him so much and miss the good times we had together. How can I regain his trust?… Mandy

    Dear Mandy,

    You’ve learned the hard way, I’m afraid, that relationships can’t prosper fully when one is intentionally withholding information from another. That said, if you’ve sincerely apologized and explained your reasons and he still won’t forgive you, it’s probably time you have a heart to heart talk and try to find out what’s really going on with him. Set an intention for clarity and honest, open, peaceful communication. Here are a few talking points that might help get you started:

    The way I see it—and please correct me if I’m wrong—if you haven’t yet forgiven me, it must be for one of these three reasons:

    1. Because I haven’t explained why I did what I did, well enough for you to understand. I’ll gladly try one more time if you want me to.

    2. If I have explained it fully and you understand what I’m saying, but you choose not to believe me, there is nothing I can do about that.

    3. If I have explained it fully and you understand what I’m saying and you do believe me, but you choose to hold and carry a grudge, there is nothing I can do about that, either. 

    Are any of these scenarios true for you or are you using what I did as an excuse because you don’t have the courage to tell me that your feelings about me have changed? Or maybe you never really felt the same way about me that I feel about you?

    CWG says there is nothing to forgive; there is only to understand. God fully understands the reasons behind everything we’ve ever done—what our fears were, what our thought processes were about that fear, and why it drove us to make that “mistake” (of course, there really are no mistakes in the Universe). That is why we need not ask forgiveness from God. Even before we ask it is already given.

    Also, Mandy, we must always understand and forgive ourselves if we expect to receive understanding and forgiveness from others. This is how the Universe works at a metaphysical level—it reflects back our own thoughts about it. So perhaps the larger question is, Have you forgiven yourself?!

    (Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Life Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com.

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to:  Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com where our team is waiting to hear from you.)

    An additional resource:  The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services.  The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions.  What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God.  It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.

  • Conquering fear

    Fear has been on my mind a lot lately, especially when it comes to this venture of Pajamas Notebook.  I started out as I always do, like a firecracker, but as time goes on I find myself getting fearful again.  This time around, it is a different type of fear than I am normally accustomed to.  Usually, I would get scared of failure. “What if no one likes me?”  “What if I fail miserably?” Those feelings I am used to and have become really good at handling,so they don’t bother me anymore.  What this new fear does deal with is the fear of success!  Odd, isn’t it?

    This time around I find myself saying, “What if I become successful?” or“What if my message takes off and the spotlight starts to shine on me?” How do I handle that?  Being a humble person, the thought of “all eyes on me” is a bit daunting, as I have never wanted to outshine anyone else in my life.  I suffer from “feeling bad for those around me when I start to take the lead so I step back” syndrome.  This was even stronger when I became a Wife and Mother.  I always wanted to be a Stay-at-Home Mommy (which I am), a supportive wife (which I am), a loving sibling (which I am), and a loving daughter (which I am)…which is why my mind keeps putting me in checkmate by saying, “You have everything you ever wanted… why push it and try for more?  How will you balance your home with a business?  How will you care for your husband?  How will you make time for your kids?”  It is those moments where fear starts really knocking at my door.

    With that being said, I ended up spending the entire weekend thinking about this subject.  What fear is, what common fears are, and how it affects different kinds of people.  Through this process, I was finally able to muster up enough courage to no longer allow this emotion to get the better of me.  How did I do this you may ask?   Simply, by deciding to put all TRUST in me, so that I will be able to answer any knock at my door with a smile and with love.   You see, the truth is that fear is constantly knocking at our doors if you really take time to listen.  We can either choose to ignore that it’s there and just keep pressing on, or we can finally stand up with all that we are and open the door to invite fear in!

    That is what I have chosen to do.  I have decided to walk straight up to my door, open it up, and invite fear inside.  I am going to ‘trust’ that this feeling knocking means I truly am on to something with my business…I am going to love the crap out of this scary emotion until it’s so full of love it has no choice but to love me back…I am going to put all my light towards the fear, and whatever else walks through my door, that it will be overrun with the warmth of which I am.

    I have decided right here and now, to no longer live life by constantly ‘exiting stage right.’  Instead, I choose to harness the gifts provided to me and get to gettin’ when it comes to sharing my message with all of you!

    Since I have made this declaration to myself and to the universe, I am overrun with pure joy for what lies ahead and am excited to have ‘fear’ along for the ride.  Maybe, just maybe, I can finally teach IT a thing or two about how the soul really works!

    What would you do, if you knew you wouldn’t fail?  What would you do, if fear no longer conquered your life?

    (Jaimie Schultz , a/k/a Pajamas, is a fun-loving, passionate, adventure seeker who loves life and loves helping others see how much they should love theirs. She is passionate about all things mystical and out of her control. You can visit her website at www.pajamasnotebook.com)

    (If you would like to contribute an article you have authored to the Guest Column, please submit it to our Managing Editor, Lisa McCormack, for possible publication in this space. Not all submissions can be published, due to the number of submissions and sometimes because of other content considerations, but all are encouraged. Send submissions to Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com. Please label the topic: “Guest Column.”)

     

  • My boyfriend can’t forgive me and doesn’t trust me anymore

    My boyfriend can’t forgive me because for the first year we dated I never invited him to my apartment. I was embarrassed because his apartment is so much nicer than mine, so I was always making excuses not to have him over. He thinks it was because I was unfaithful and living with another guy but nothing could be further from the truth. I’ve tried to explain it to him but he’s still holding it against me. I love him so much and miss the good times we had together. How can I regain his trust?… Mandy

    Dear Mandy,

    You’ve learned the hard way, I’m afraid, that relationships can’t prosper fully when one is intentionally withholding information from another. That said, if you’ve sincerely apologized and explained your reasons and he still won’t forgive you, it’s probably time you have a heart to heart talk and try to find out what’s really going on with him. Set an intention for clarity and honest, open, peaceful communication. Here are a few talking points that might help get you started:

    The way I see it, and please correct me if I’m wrong, if you haven’t yet forgiven me, it must be for one of these three reasons:

    1. Because I haven’t explained why I did what I did, well enough for you to understand. I’ll gladly try one more time if you want me to.

    2. If I have explained it fully and you understand what I’m saying, but you choose not to believe me, there is nothing I can do about that.

    3. If I have explained it fully and you understand what I’m saying and you do believe me, but you choose to hold and carry a grudge, there is nothing I can do about that, either. 

    Are any of these scenarios true for you or are you using what I did as an excuse because you don’t have the courage to tell me that your feelings about me have changed? Or maybe you never really felt the same way about me that I feel about you?

    CWG says there is nothing to forgive; there is only to understand. God fully understands the reasons behind everything we’ve ever done—what our fears were, what our thought processes were about that fear, and why it drove us to make that “mistake” (of course, there really are no mistakes in the Universe). That is why we need not ask forgiveness from God. Even before we ask it is already given.

    Also, Mandy, we must always understand and forgive ourselves if we expect to receive understanding and forgiveness from others. This is how the Universe works at a metaphysical level—it reflects back our own thoughts about it. So perhaps the larger question is, Have you forgiven yourself?!

    (Annie Sims is the Global Director of The Conversations With God School, is a CWG Life Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com.

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to:  Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com where our team is waiting to hear from you.)