The Global Conversation

Tag: truth-telling

  • How can I keep my resolution to stand in my truth?

    I attended a spiritual retreat earlier this year. Afterward, I had all this strength and clarity and felt so strong! I made a decision to leave my husband, which is something I’ve wanted to do for a long time because the marriage was a mistake from the beginning. When I got home I told him, and it felt really good to start living my truth and moving my life in the right direction. But then I lost my resolve and let him talk me out of it, because trying to figure out all the details of a divorce seems overwhelming. I feel terrible because I really don’t want to be with him anymore. How can I get back on track and stay there?… Carly

    Dear Carly,

    It is said that the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. When making a big change in your life, don’t try to figure it all out at once. Just take it one step at a time, thanking God for guiding you every step of the way. Your feelings are your guidance and they come directly from God, via your Soul. God puts them there to guide you toward the most joyous life you can live, but the longer you continue to disregard the feelings that don’t feel good to you, the longer you postpone your joy.

    You already followed the first two steps of Truth-telling: “Tell your truth about yourself to yourself” and “tell your truth about yourself to another”. Yet, you say you’ve wavered in your resolve to act on it. Is it still your truth that you want to leave your husband? Knowing that this is a major decision in your life, please, once again, do some deep Soul searching about it. Then if it is still your truth, you may need to repeat that to your husband, as lovingly and compassionately as you can. You might soften the blow by telling him that relationships don’t ever end—they only change form. Endings can be very hard, so sometimes it’s easier if we think of them as changes, not endings. “We’re changing the way we interact together…”

    The way to stay on track is to stay in touch with your Soul, which knows all. You can’t figure this all out at the level of Mind, because the Mind’s information is so limited. However that works for you—prayer, meditation, yoga, walking in nature, chanting… whatever—make it a top priority every day. Better yet, make every waking moment a conversation with God. Learn to trust the wisdom of the Voice within you, knowing it is Divine Intelligence at work in your life. The more you follow that “still, small voice”, the happier you’ll be. And worry not about your husband, because he also has access to all the wisdom in the world. God is always with him too.

    Last but not least, you might find this mantra helpful as you encounter challenges along the way:

    “Thank you, God, for helping me remember that this problem has already been solved for me.”

    (Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Life Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com.

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to:  Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com where our team is waiting to hear from you.)

    An additional resource:  The CWG Helping Outreach offers spiritual assistance from a team of non-professional/volunteer Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less. Nothing on the CCN site should be construed or is intended to take the place of or be in any way similar to professional therapeutic or counseling services.  The site functions with the gracious willing assistance of lay persons without credentials or experience in the helping professions.  What these volunteers possess is an awareness of the theology of Conversations with God.  It is from this context that they offer insight, suggestions, and spiritual support during moments of unbidden, unexpected, or unwelcome change on the journey of life.

  • All benefits must be mutual.

    Dear Therese,

    A friend and I have been doing things together twice a week for almost ten years.  We enjoy our time together and have many things in common, but that’s not the problem.  My problem is that I always drive, because she doesn’t, and she has never once offered to pay me for gas.  Until recently that wasn’t an issue, because the places we like to go are in her area, but I am on a fixed income and would sure like to keep costs down for me, and there are things much closer to me that I could go to, instead of by her.  How do I tell her?

    W.H. in Wisconsin

    Dear W.H.,

    The simple answer, W.H., is tell her exactly what you just told me!  You’ve given no indication that she is abusive or unreasonable, which probably means that she has likely fallen into the habit of letting you pay.  Is it possible that when this arrangement began you consistently told her it was your pleasure, or no problem, or you liked doing this?  Sweetie, if you don’t speak up, you will never know if there really is a problem!  It could be that she is very willing to pay and just doesn’t know circumstances have changed for you.

    Your predicament is a microcosm of a much larger social problem, of course.  We are encouraged to give, but not told why.  The “why” is because this life isn’t about us, it is about how our lives touch and improve the lives others (put very simply, of course).  What we aren’t really told these days is that all benefits must be mutual.  The mutual ultimately boils down to the joy of giving, but being the human beings that we are, it often takes something a little more concrete to demonstrate mutuality.  For sure it means that one person can not take advantage of another.  When generosity is abused, the energy of the relationship changes, and we feel it.

    Then comes the next predicament.  We are also told that we have to be nice.  We are encouraged to avoid conflict.  We are fearful that other people won’t like us.  None of these things are necessarily wrong, until they stop us from being true to ourselves.  When we stop being true to ourselves, W.H., we also stop giving from our joy, and our giving becomes tainted.

    When our giving no longer comes from our joy, as is demonstrated in your case, it affects relationships.  Your friend, W.H., has no way of knowing that something has changed unless you tell her.  Chances are she suspects, by your behavior, or some subtle changes in you, but she can not really know until you tell her your truth.  I suggest you tell her very gently, but directly, that your circumstances have changed.  Don’t just stop doing things with her and go to places closer without giving her a chance to give back to you.  Who knows, she may have been hiding information from you about her finances or other things, and may wish to talk to you, too.  This one thing may actually open up a whole new avenue of communication between the two of you and move you two into a whole new level of mutual benefit.

    We just never know where standing in our own truth, even in seemingly simple things, will take us!

    Therese

    (Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net, which offers spiritual assistance from a team of Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less, and offers insight, suggestions, and companionship during moments of unbidden, unexpected, unwelcome change on the journey of life. She may be contacted at Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)

    (If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)

  • Recognize addiction by its definition

    The most generally accepted definition of addiction in the treatment and medical community is “continued use in spite of negative consequences.”  The reason this designation has been given is to point out the leading indicator of those suffering with the addictive behaviors and compulsive disorders; and that is denial.  It is my intention in this article to point out negative consequences of the different types of addictive behaviors and compulsive disorders.  In doing so, this gives us the opportunity to examine our own actions, as well as heighten our awareness of those around us.

    There are certainly different levels of addictions; we have used the term in this column “soft addictions” and “hard addictions.”  The consequences for the hard addictions have wide-sweeping impacts.  The families, employers, co-workers, and many times innocent bystanders get caught in the dragnet of hard addictions.  Try finding somebody who hasn’t been in some way affected by addiction, then let me know when you find one.

    Soft addictions, however, the consequences are mainly directed at the person in question.  Typically, the soft-addictions person appears to have life pretty much all together.  This person may simply being addicted to being lazy.  They will sit around every chance they get, doing very little physical exercise, if any.  Their body over time begins to suffer the negative fallout and breaks down earlier than it should.  Sloth is a very common form of dependence that typically goes untreated.

    With the computer age well in hand, obsessive and compulsive use of the internet and our wireless devices has taken over the lives of many.  I have already written a blog on this called “Beyond the Big Five.”  The typical results from seeking the brain reward chemicals from our electronics is that we become very removed from social interaction. The instant gratification we receive temporarily relieves the need for companionship.  Like all addictions, however, our tolerance grows and we seek more and more gratification from the virtual reality we have created.

    Food addiction is a very complicated subject, and even more complicated to evaluate.  There are those for whom food takes on the form of a hard addiction.  For some, it is clear that the negative consequences of obesity signals the need for treatment; however, many of us can have less damaging addictive traits surrounding our food.  I have noticed in my life that when I overindulge in sugars, that my mental and spiritual connection are diminished.  This is clearly a negative consequence in my life, yet some days I will still partake in this behavior.  Although the softer food addiction still has many adverse effects on our lives, they are nonetheless obstacles to experiencing joy in its fullest form.

    The sex addict who fathers eight children with eight different women, all the while being married to the same person over the entire time, is suffering the consequences of addiction and at the same time causing a giant ripple of destruction in the lives of all the people involved.  The “hot” school teacher who knows full well that having any relationship with a student, let alone a sexual one, and proceeds to do so without regard for “what is true,” will experience the wrath of negative consequences sooner or later.  We have seen this countless times, so much so that we don’t even seem to be upset by it anymore, unless of course the teacher isn’t “hot” or a female.

    The “lighter” side of sex addiction is pornography.  This, very much like the internet addiction, is a compulsion of solitude. The effect this has on a person can be seen in their outward body, as well as their social interaction.  Any meaningful relationship becomes compromised at some point.  Trust boundaries are trampled on and self-esteem issues abound for those involved with the porn addict.  Without treatment, this person ends up leading a very lonely life.

    As with all addictions and compulsive disorders, denial is the obstacle to recovery.  In many cases, not only is the addict in denial, but the family members will be as well.  Our society has one major addiction that most of us indulge in, that is the reliance upon a belief that we don’t need help from anyone. “We can do it ourselves” we say, without having the first clue where to turn.

    The definition of denial is the refusal to accept what is true.  Truth as we all know comes in many flavors.  The truth we are talking about here is what is observably true.  It is fairly safe to say that given the information in today’s society, if a person gets caught driving while intoxicated one time. they made a huge mistake and showed terrible judgment.  If that same person then repeats that behavior and has a second offense, they have crossed the line into addiction.  The non-addicted person who gets a DUI never makes that mistake again.

    “The truth will set you free” it is said, and recovery from all types of addiction require it.  We must tell truth about our self  to our self   We then should tell the truth to our self about someone else.  Once we get to this point, we will then be willing to tell the truth about our self to another.  When we get to a higher place of evolution, we will begin to  tell the truth about another to that other, and this is service to humanity.  At this point, we begin to tell the truth to everyone about everything.  This is how the world evolves.  This is how we create peace on earth and goodwill towards men.

    (Kevin McCormack is a Conversations with God Life Coach, a Spiritual helper on www.changingchange.net, and an Addictions recovery advisor.  You can visit his website for more information at www.Kevin-Spiritualmentor.com  To connect with Kevin, please email him at Kevin@theglobalconversation.com)

  • The five levels of truth-telling

    The first time I read about this concept, it resonated deeply within my soul.  But I must admit, I was a bit fearful that it would not be easy to apply on an everyday basis.

    Sure, in my years as a patient, and then as a therapist, I had learned the value of truth and did my best to honor it both in my professional and personal life…most of the time.

    So what was still keeping me from being truthful in certain situations?

    Well, I told myself it was in order not to hurt others – to protect them, you might say.  But in reality, as it is for most of us, I was paralyzed by the thought that if I tell my truth, I may lose the interest, love, and appreciation of others. I was the one scared of being hurt.

    Of course, Life, benevolent and loving as it is, heard my interrogation and was already working at creating the perfect circumstances for me to experience the power of truth-telling.

    It started with a conference call with Neale Donald Walsch (being a spiritual helper on WECCE, I am so very fortunate to participate in those).

    On that particular call, a helper asked Neale – given his extensive life experience and wisdom – what piece of advice he would give to a young person starting in life. Neale did not have to think over it twice.

    “To tell the truth all the time” was his first and foremost answer.  He went on to add that even though it wasn’t easy, it was one of the soul’s highest goals, and that truth should be told in a peaceful, respectful way.

    So there it was again, taunting me to look at myself squarely and stop hiding behind false pretense.

    I went back to the 5 Levels of Truth and started applying them to the situations in my life where I felt difficulty or conflicts. Sure enough, I was not being totally transparent in those exchanges.

    It all starts with:

    Telling the Truth to Yourself About Yourself

    This one may sound like a no-brainer, but it’s really not. Often we tell ourselves what we tell others: nice little fibs. We are afraid of the truth itself.  We imagine awful consequences to our revelations and use them as pretexts to stay in an uncomfortable “comfort zone.”

    Still, I felt pretty sure I knew my truth. In my present situation, it had to do with a very close friend who was making jokes and comments which conflicted with my values.

    So I moved on to the second level of truth-telling:

    Tell the Truth to Yourself About Another

    This one had me pondering. I mean, obviously we have a hard time staying neutral about others, but shouldn’t this be a goal?

    I was forgetting an essential truth:  Seeing is not judging.  Judging is forming an opinion based not on our feelings but on our thoughts; whereas seeing is simply observing from the soul’s point of view.  This was pretty subtle, but I could see where this was taking me.

    It was taking me beyond my pride and prejudices.  Suddenly I could see what was at stake – namely, not my opinions on defensive humor and criticism, but the reality behind it:  my friend’s psychological and spiritual well-being.

    The next level was:

    Tell the Truth About Yourself to Others

    I thought I could do that and started having conversations with him around this subject. Yes, around…not totally addressing it. Once again, this is something we all do at one point or another (especially if you’re a woman and have been taught you should not hurt/make waves/contradict others for the last 2,000 years).

    A bit taken aback by the lack of result my endeavors were having, I moved on to the fourth level of truth-telling:

    Tell Your Truth About Another to the Other

    This left me feeling sad and at loss, because I tried and tried and tried again, but he would not take my advice on consulting a therapist, nor reading books that might provide with some guidance.  In fact, this only served to separate us more.  I thought our friendship was just coming to an end and I had to accept it.

    Still, I moved on to the last level of truth-telling:

    Tell Your Truth to Everyone About Everything 

    That sounded impossible and yet it jerked me awake.  I realized that I had been so entrenched in my own little drama (the fear of losing my friend, the fear I wasn’t providing efficient help) that I still had not told my initial truth.

    Not telling this very same truth had separated us a first time many years ago. It was now poisoning the relationship, like every secret, every lie always does.

    So I decided to follow Neale’s advice to a “T.”  I worked on ways to convey my truth in a peaceful, non-judging way, and then asked to see him.

    Neale had been right, it wasn’t easy.  It took some courage, some guts even.  And then all hell broke loose, the relationship ended…and not nicely.

    Still, I felt liberated.  I knew I had demonstrated to myself and to my friend respect by putting words on my feelings.  Whatever pain or sadness I encountered in the following months over this ending, there wasn’t a trace of regret in me about telling my truth.

    In fact, this prompted me to honor my truth more and more, in every aspect of my life, making my relationships happier and easier.  Now, I won’t lie to you, sometimes I lose sight of my truth, I feel uncomfortable about something and it takes me some time to identify what it is and then some more to convey it in a proper way.

    But you know what? The Soul leaves no stone unturned.  Lies and half-truths will come back to haunt you until you set the truth free.  And once you do, not only does this works, it ripples…

    A month ago, my friend came back. He had started seeing a therapist and was starting to feel much better.  One of the things that had strongly prompted this change was our conversation and the ensuing break-up.

    Tell your truth and expect miracles…both inside and around you.

    (Sophie Lise Fargue is a therapist working with energy, animating workshops and giving seminars on Personal Development in Paris, France. She also volunteers as a Spiritual Helper at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. You may connect with her at www.revenirasoi.com or slfargue@gmail.com.)