Losing hope of ever finding peace

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17 responses to “Losing hope of ever finding peace”

1. 

   October 2, 2012

   Melissa Shawn

   Here is a simple and straightforward way to change your perspective quickly. Try asking this in the face of every experience:

   WHAT IS THIS GOOD FOR?

   Reply
2. 

   October 2, 2012

   Ruchir Garg

   Earlier this year I fell sick and just could not get better. For over two months, I felt miserable. My threshold for pain being rather low, I requested God to give me death or to give me good health. In two weeks I started feeling better and recovered fully in a month. I do not know why I fell sick. I had been taking care of myself very well. I had not been under any mental or physical strain – at least none that I was aware of. I continued to try to get better and somehow I did. However I could fall sick again tomorrow and never recover and never know why. We know nothing of why things happen and yet we think that we know or that we must know. Mostly we just make things up and start believing in them.

   This is my suggestion: There is some intelligence that is keeping you alive, turn yourself over to it. Surrender completely. Do not ponder over why bad things happened to you. Some day you may understand but it is not necessary to understand it now. Do whatever it takes to feel better – even for a brief moment. Spend time with those who love you or those who you love, and if that is not possible, do it mentally. If you have a strong desire for something and don’t see it coming true in this lifetime, you can always get it in next one (I am coming back as a rock singer in my next life). Find little joys in life – food, music, arts, pets…anything over which you have control. Do not let the losses and defeats dishearten you. Life is a drama and one character defeats another. Do whatever is natural to you and comes easy and not what you think you should. If you were to return to your natural state of being (without the mental chatter of what you must do or be), it has to ease up. And if this suggestion seems foolish, reject it 🙂 Only you can evaluate what is best for you.

   Reply
3. 

   October 2, 2012

   Laura Jean Pringle

   Wondering if LJ has ever looked into astrology. It has helped me tremendously in understanding why I have so many struggles. Some people just have “difficult” charts, (ie, there are energies in conflict that usually manifest as struggles)- and just understanding this has helped me put things in a perspective in which I am outside looking in. (instead of being lost in the sea of agony or whatever). By understanding the conflicting energies, I have frequently been “saved” from utter desolation because I can pinpoint WHY this is happening, and when it might possibly abate. Not only that, but it helps me see why certain people “rub me the wrong way”, and why. Totally a life-improver, if ya haven’t tried it, I advise you to!

   Reply
4. 

   October 3, 2012

   mewabe

   Hi LJ, I sympathize with your situation…believe me your are not alone.
   But I find it very difficult to give you an answer here without hearing the specifics. I mean that if you were talking to a therapist or even a friend, she would most likely ask you to elaborate, to speak about a specific situation.

   Speaking of, it may help you to find a group, a circle of like minded people, where you can speak (in person) and hear others also speak about their challenges and feelings, express them…it is always amazing to discover that we are all vulnerable, we are all hurting in various ways, we are all human and all have so much in common. Find a space where you can be vulnerable (in person, the web cannot take the place of real person to person interactions), this is my advice.

   Too many in this culture do just the opposite, they aim for invulnerability, in all kinds of different ways, and do not want to be caught with their emotional pants down so to speak…this attitude is very damaging to everyone, making a person who is less than together feel like a terrible failure.

   I have no formula to give you for a perfect life free from hurt, from losses… I can only encourage you to be human, be real, be open and vulnerable, seek to share your humanity with others, open your heart and soul and seek mutual support, you will see that we are all in this together, and that vulnerability is a beautiful thing.

   Ring the bells that still can ring
   Forget your perfect offering
   There is a crack in everything
   That’s how the light gets in.
   Leonard Cohen

   Reply
5. 

   October 3, 2012

   Shuchi

   Dear LJ, I empathise with you for your feelings as there is really no one on Earth who has, at some point in their lives, not felt that their life wasn’t working and their choices/decisions not working out. For some it’s a passing phase while for others it’s a more consistent experience like yours. Either ways it is a sign that something needs to be changed.

   Here are some questions, which, if you ask yourself, will bring insight and, hopefully, a good measure of self-appreciation too:

   1. Which endeavours made you feel valued? (ones that reminded you of your strengths and could be your potential niches)
   2. Which endeavours made you feel that your efforts went unnoticed/unappreciated?
   3. Did you notice the positive outcome even if others didn’t? (look closely at even the little things – a flourishing garden, children with sound values, being there for a friend, etc.)
   4. What is your definition of peace?
   5. What is your definition of success?
   6. How have you grown in strength and wisdom because of your experiences? What do you do differently now?
   7. Have you grown to dislike yourself because of the outcomes of your choices? This could be creating more of the same results as you function out of self-dislike and self-abandonment.

   While it all life experiences can neither be controlled nor predicted, you can still choose what meaning you give them (I wish I had specifics to be able to help you better). Sure, a financial loss will be a loss but it isn’t as unfathomable if you retrace the steps that led up to it. Were there early signs that went unnoticed?

   The limitation of introspection is that wisdom is achieved on hindsight. So while nothing can be changed about the past, the future can be prepared for better.

   One last question is: Is there a recurring pattern to your loss?

   The insight that I would like to share with you is that when everything seems to not work, it is because the external has nothing to offer you right now. Inner work is required – something that reconnects you with your own power and innate wisdom. Let them guide and propel you into the future with greater confidence and self-love.

   I’ll also venture to recommend hypnotherapy for you for two purposes:

   1. Visit a past births in which you felt happy, peaceful and successful (not all your births are riddled with challenges). Understand why those birth worked out for you.
   2. Heal recurring patterns that are occurring for you in this lifetime.

   Lastly, no cycle goes on forever. And even though all challenges cannot be fully resolved, patterns will cease when you become increasingly clear about how you want to change them.

   I send you deep love.

   Shuchi

   Reply
6. 

   October 3, 2012

   mewabe

   I have to come back to this, because I think that Therese’s advice about gratitude is fundamental. It is a crucial step. No matter what the situation, there is always something you can be grateful for, even if you had nothing in your life but a blanket to wrap yourself in…and gratitude changes your life from the inside out, literally.

   If you are not ready to be grateful for experiences that are negative, begin by finding what is positive and be appreciative for it, I mean really appreciative, from deep within your heart. You have to feel it to make it real, gratitude is not just a concept.

   Gratitude is extremely empowering, precisely because it ends the perception of victimization immediately. From gratitude you can begin to build on what you have and no longer risk wasting or disregarding the opportunities or gifts you receive in your life. Without gratitude these gifts are very often overlooked, wasted.

   Gratitude is the “soil conditioner” of your life, that makes it extremely fertile and causes whatever seed you plant in your life from this day forward to grow in a very healthy way.

   During tests with water crystals, Dr. Masaru Emoto discovered that gratitude produced even more beautiful outcomes than love.

   Life is a gift that is given every day…every second…do not forget…remember simple things…air, water, food…give thanks for these things…the universe gives unconditionally. Love life, and I promise you it will love you in return.

   Lastly, you wrote this: “What have I done wrong? I try to follow…”

   Could this be a pattern, and the very source of what you experience as defeats?

   My advice to you is…do not follow…never follow, anyone or anything. Lead your own life, and only follow your own heart, your own soul, your own mind, your own vision. You, and only you, know what is true for yourself. Honor your unique truth, do not follow society’s definition of happiness, or any script of how you should live your life, how you should think, feel or be.

   We can be inspired by others, by teachers…but we cannot walk in their shoes, we have to walk our own paths. “Know Thyself” is still a fundamental requirement, and no one can answer this for us, no one can realistically tell you who we are, even though education, society, culture, religion attempt to do just that, but that’s another topic.

   Reply
7. 

   October 3, 2012

   Jaz

   You are wise beyond words, T. I have much to be grateful to you. You have shined light in many of my life’s dark moments. Thank you for being who you are. I totally am grateful for all your being and doing in this world Thank you to all us who are here. Your sharing is priceless. Peace and LOVE.

   Reply
8. 

   October 3, 2012

   LucíliaOsorio

   My dearest LJ,
   Smile! YOU ARE NOT ALONE! God is with you, talking to you, but are you listening? Who do you think made me come to you? And many others who also want to help you? Who do you think inspired me and the others to come to help you? LJ, it was God! See? YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

   In «Conversations with God» God says: «What you resist, persist.» So, I suggest try not to resist, oppose or reject the feeling of suffering. Rather, feel your suffering, your pain. It is your resistence that is causing you pain. Just for a second, try to accept it and say to yourself: ok, I’m feeling very bad! I’m feeling awful! My suffering is real, it’s a fact, yet I choose to welcome it because there must be a meaning behind it. And there is, LJ, there is a meaning behind your suffering. things are going to change for you!

   Also in “Conversation with God” we can read two most wise statements: One: «Your life has nothing to do with you but with those whose lives you touch.»
   Two: «All you wish for yourself give it to others. for example:
   – If you wish people to smile to you… Go and smile to them!
   – If you wish to be paid attention… Go and pay attention, to a person, a dog, a cat, a tree, a plant… and observe the transformation you have just created in them by just giving them your attention.
   – If you wish to have more money… Go and give money to someone, even if you have just the essencial for yourself.

   I am certain that your life is about to change, all crisis give birth to a change for the better. You wait and see. And this is what I most wish for you, because I love you, LJ.

   Reply
9. 

   October 4, 2012

   Buzz

   Hello LJ,
   I am uniquely experienced enough to answer your plea for help. My entire life, from age 5, I have felt this way, even to this day. I have read almost every major publication of self help therapy ever printed, seen dozens of doctors and professionals, both in and out of hospital for mental disorders, and continue to suffer greatly every moment of every day.
   My precise combination and severity of conditions has never been recorded prior to my life. The primary reason I’m told is because of the high suicide rate of sufferers before diagnosis can be confirmed. I was discharged from a voluntary mental health facility because it was making me worse.

   If you feel anything like I do, nothing that previous bloggers have said will have a lasting effect. Encouragement, compassion and wise words are a nice band aid measure. More aggressive therapies like CBT, PFPP, and positive reinforcement hypnosis are expensive long term solutions I’m pursuing, but often take years and sometimes a lifetime to get working.

   The best method I’ve come up with is to flood your lifestyle and contextual field of awareness with things, thoughts and feelings that help. Make your mental health your only priority. Throw out, sell or give away everything that makes it hurt. Be ruthless! As for bad memories, and stimulus within your living environment that remind you of pain, set yourself up with an elaborate charade network of distractions that are designed to keep you optimistic at all times. For me this has come in the form of a custom designed model of Samsung smartphone, a carefully controlled Facebook newsfeed, a social group of people with mental disabilities and well trained, compassionate staff, an iPod Touch chock full of music designed to empower, uplift and energize, and my monthly subscription to the Spiritual Cinema Circle.

   Even with all this, I’m just barely hanging on, but that’s me. Follow my example and you’ll be fine I’m sure.

   Reply
10. 

    October 4, 2012

    mewabe

    Hi Buzz,

    You might be interested in this and might be able to use this knowledge, or not…I do not know if it could apply to you. just in case, I thought I would share it with you (this is not self help, and it is not encouragement or a spiritual approach, or medications, it is therapy, relatively short term).

    This book is called:
    Why You Get Sick, How You Get Well,
    The Healing Power of Feeling
    Dr. Arthur Janov

    Reply
11. 

    October 4, 2012

    Buzz

    Thank you Mewabe,
    I welcome the suggestion and very seriously hope you continue to offer advice.
    The book you suggest, written by Arthur Janov, is a component of the therapy Janov created called Primal Therapy. My uncle’s most recent wife received primal therapy as part of her treatment for mental illness decades ago with extreme success, and when my uncle learned of my condition it was suggested and later ruled out.
    According to Wikipedia, Primal Therapy is about treating repressed trauma and PTSD by re-experiencing the traumatic event in a controlled environment designed to help the mind accept the past and recognise it has passed, thereby no longer being a threat.
    The book you recommend is a do over of his 1991 book “The New Primal Scream” with 2/3 of its contents recycled. The other 1/3 is about Brain Maps designed to improve diagnostic accuracy.
    My condition is non delusional paranoia, with traumatic events occurring most days of an average week. This has been normal for me since age 5. I’m now 30. There is no one major singular traumatic event for me to have repressed. Some events are easier to remember than others due to the pain and/or fear they produced. However, like any long term torture receiver one becomes tolerant and strong within, at the core.
    Therefore Primal Therapy and the components of psychotherapy and psychiatry that it’s based on are not applicable in this situation.

    Reply
12. 

    October 4, 2012

    mewabe

    Buzz, I am impressed by your knowledge…

    It is true that Primal Therapy cannot be applied to everyone…however Wikipedia is not quite correct. Problems do not have to originate from one or two or more traumatic events. They can arise from things that are far more subtle…and yet, because repetitive, just as devastating in the long run.
    The process is not just about accepting the past but feeling repressed feelings while spontaneously reliving the corresponding repressed memories.

    The dialectic is that a young child cannot integrate such emotional or psychological pain/fear when overwhelming or when not allowed to safely feel and express, and the brain automatically suppresses it…but the adult can feel, integrate, understand and release such experiences in a safe and supportive environment, and thus regain a sense of self, of wholeness.

    The suppression does not always work when there is too much pain or fear (or for other reasons), then some of it “leaks” from the deepest part of the brain into the noecortex, without being properly integrated with the memory…it can therefore take unreal, symbolic forms in some cases (such as delusions, paranoia) as the brain attempts to make sense of it. Janov explains it so much better…(I don’t have time to look at his books now, if I did I could use more appropriate terms).

    I am sorry this could not work for you…I hope you find a way.

    Reply
13. 

    October 5, 2012

    Buzz

    Oh you are very good. I really like talking to you. And in the spirit of Sophism, and our search for aretê, I completely agree with all of that. My uncle really got my hopes up when he explained Primal Therapy, but unfortunately it was categorically ruled out as a realistic potential treatment. NDW says with understanding comes the redundancy of forgiveness, and my childhood traumatic experiences, while subtle on occasion and less subtle on others, were primarily based on my behaviour to instigate those events, playing the psychological games of aloof and victim by Eric Berne MD. I still play aloof quite a lot even today, unintentionally. I therefore hold no blame, guilt, remorse, anger, fear or vengeance toward my childhood tormentors, and hope they find peace.

    Remember I said I am unique. The dictionary definition of paranoia includes delusional psychosis, yet my non delusional paranoia is entirely evidence based, scientifically supported fear and dread of events that have been occurring most of my life, are occurring now, and are reasonably expected to increase in frequency and severity in the very very near future. This threat is hiding in plain sight, every human on Earth is fully aware of it, and noone with the power to act, anywhere on Earth, is prepared to do what is necessary. Including me. Because the consequences of doing nothing are so significant, that means the obvious solution is unacceptable, so we’re all looking and hoping and praying an alternative, less drastic solution presents itself before we pass the point of no return. Part of my anxiety comes from knowing that there is a possibility we have already passed it, and all effort may be for nothing. As with bushwalking, when you’re on the wrong path there are no signs to indicate as such, and backpackers can die walking too far in the wrong direction and not knowing they are lost. The point of no return is near invisible, and everyone gets 20/20 in retrospect.

    Our only collective opportunity, since we have time and resources left for only one last chance to solve this problem before game over, is to pool our talents, cooperate in a way this planet has never seen (even in Hollywood), puts aside our petty differences (Speech by US President near end of Independence Day with Will Smith), and deal with this issue openly, publicly, and as soon as friggin possible. If we fail to plan, we plan to fail. In this case failure = extinction, potentially including every multicellular species that has or will ever exist on Earth. But on the bright side, the planet will still be here, some measure of life will continue, and everyone’s invited to the big party in the afterlife. Smile, put on some Bob Marley “Don’t worry, be happy”, and start talking to people today!

    You’re Aussie friend,
    Buzz Lightyear

    Reply
14. 

    October 5, 2012

    Roger Groulx

    I strongly suggest the work of Byron Katie at http://byronkatie.com/

    Try it you’ll like it.

    Seriously.

    Roger

    Reply
15. 

    October 5, 2012

    Therese

    Thank you, ALL, for contributing to the possibility of healing here for LJ.

    I wasn’t sure what to expect, but now I am clear that my response is just a jumping off point for many ways to be presented, and the poster to decide just what resonates with them.

    Amazing stuff, eh?

    Therese

    Reply
16. 

    October 9, 2012

    Anne

    Excellent words and well received. I am also in a situation where I am puzzled about what to do, but it’s not about a job it’s a health issue. I cannot live at very high altitude any more (cardiac problems) and my husband cannot see his way past his fears to go anywhere else. He says “he cannot live where he doesn’t know anyone” — so he cannot (in his mind) so anyplace. I don’t want to destroy a relationship, but I’m pretty fond of breathing. I have been looking at this very issue and these questions and still don’t have a clear answer. I’d appreciate any help anyone could offer. He’s a good man, no doubt, but riddled w/ fear especially about the 2012 prophecies and he is pretty much frozen in place. Help?

    Reply
17. 

    October 13, 2012

    mewabe

    Nothing is going to happen in 2012…either good or bad. The Mayan prophecies have been totally misinterpreted, and very little is known of them by the Mayan themselves, because the Spaniard destroyed most of the documents and there is nothing left to go by except the mention of “a new sun”, which probably represents a new cosmic age (like the Age of Aquarius), but without any sudden or drastic changes.

    In my opinion, your health should come first, it should take precedence over a preference as to where to live…the situation should be re-framed this way: you CANNOT live in high altitude because of a cardiac problem over which you have no control…He DOESN’T LIKE the idea of living where he doesn’t know anyone…”Cannot” takes precedence over “doesn’t like” in a committed, caring relationship, if a couple is to remain together.

    Reply