Witnessing child abuse in a movie theatre

On Friday, Sept. 21, I decided to go see End of Watch because I had read great reviews and I don’t feel I can honestly discuss violent films if I never see any.

It was a 2 p.m. show and very few people were in the theater. Right before the film started, I was stunned to see a young mother bring a very small boy into the theater. He could not have been more than four or five years old.

The film is rated “R” and all of the advertising for the film makes it very clear that the film is exceedingly violent and profane. Nevertheless, here is this little boy in this giant theater with digital sound being forced to watch intense violence and profanity from the very first frame of the film.

After about ten minutes, during which there were numerous violent acts and F-bombs every other word on screen, I just couldn’t take it anymore. Not the film. The situation with the child.

There was no way I could sit in that theater and watch the violence on screen, knowing this little boy was being, in my opinion, emotionally and mentally abused by his either clueless or narcissistic mother.

So I got up and went to where the mother was sitting. I told her that such a small child should not be subjected to that kind of violence and profanity and that she should get him out of the theater. She just looked at me with a blank stare and turned away.

And I walked out.

Standing in the lobby, I knew I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t at least try to do something more. Anything.

So I called the Child Protective Services hotline here in Portland on my cell phone.

When I explained the situation, a very compassionate woman commiserated with me and said “Look, you’re right. No responsible parent would take a little child into a film like that, but, legally, there’s nothing we can do. I suggest you talk to the theater manager and let him know how upsetting this was to you. And thank you for caring enough to call.”

I then sought out the theater manager, who was also very compassionate. He told me that he had a two-year-old son and could completely empathize with how I was feeling; however, he, too, was powerless to act unless the woman caused a disturbance.
Of course, I understood. Legally, he was handcuffed, as was the lady at Child Protective Services. As was I. (Personally, I’m a huge fan of the Regal Cinema chain and their fantastic “Go Big or Go Home” campaign to encourage people to see films in theaters.)

I exited the theater and noticed a news van right out front from KGW, Channel 8, the NBC affiliate here in Portland. I called my wife Lauren to relay what had happened and, without me even telling her about the news van, she immediately said I should call our friend Sally Ramirez, who is the Assistant News Director at that very station. So I called Sally and explained the situation. She then called her reporter in the van (which was there to cover first-day sales of the new i-Phone) and, within a few minutes, I was doing a news interview about what had happened.

And, a few days later, KGW aired both that interview and an extensive news story on the subject matter.

Going forward, here are my thoughts:

I do not believe in censorship. I’ve produced “R” rated movies myself.  I just don’t think that little children should be forced by their parents to experience the kind of violence and/or profanity and/or explicit sexuality in “R” rated films.

Just because we can do something (like take a child to a film like that) doesn’t mean that we should.

I would love to see more people get involved, so parents don’t subject their little children to a kind of violence/profanity/sexuality that they have no way of being able to process in a healthy way. If you see this kind of thing, and you don’t feel comfortable talking to the parent, talk to the theater manager. Maybe even tell him/her that you don’t want to sit in an “R” rated film with little children. And maybe even ask for a refund. If enough of us do that, the theater chains will definitely pay attention.

I would hope that theaters would instruct their ticket sellers to at least caution a parent who is about to buy a ticket for an “R” rated movie for a small child. “Hey, there’s a lot of violence and profanity in this film. Are you sure you want to take your child in?” Just that could prevent some parents from proceeding. In fact, I’m told that some theater managers do, indeed, instruct their ticket sellers to do just that—to which I say, “Way to go!”

I would love to see the “R” rating mean that no one under 12 or 13 can be admitted to that movie, even with an adult.

What now?

What can or should we do in situations like that?

Was I out of line for confronting the mother?

Was it none of my business?

Should I have just shut up?

What, if anything, do you suggest we do about little kids and “R” rated films?

Please let me know what you think, and if this commentary resonates with you, please put this link on your Facebook and Twitter pages, and distribute it to your friends and whomever else you think should see it so we can get a national dialogue started.

Children are so vulnerable and impressionable. They need and deserve our help.

(Stephen Simon produced such films as Somewhere in Time (Christopher Reeve), What Dreams May Come (Robin Williams) and All The Right Moves (Tom Cruise). He produced and directed both Indigo and Conversations with God and co-founded The Spiritual Cinema Circle. He is also the author of The Force is With You and Bringing Back The Old Hollywood. He blogs regularly at his website, at www.TheOldHollywood.com)

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Comments

21 responses to “Witnessing child abuse in a movie theatre”

  1. Jackie Messinger Avatar
    Jackie Messinger

    Stephen,
    I agree with you about age limits on R rated movies, which I believe are very profane in language, and excessively violent. Especially on a big screen with the sound ramped up so loud you can hardly comment to a friend sitting next to you.
    It is an assault to the senses, even if you are expecting it. It can be overwhelming and terrifying for a little child.
    I would have done the same thing as you did, in approaching the mother. I might even have gone back in to try a different approach. Who knows?
    But people like that seldom listen to others, in my experience.
    I look back on my own childhood, and it seems such a simpler time (Im 58) and maybe it was or maybe not, but my parents cared enough about me to shelter me from the violence of the world. Back then there was little on television that was offensive, violent, sexual in content, mostly being programs that anyone in the family could watch.
    What to do about little kids and R rated films? I think your suggestion of letting the theater manager know how we feel about the situation is an excellent and hopefully, effective solution. If the theater refuses to sell a ticket to someone with a small child, I see that as a act of responsibility, not one of censorship.
    And thank you for sharing your experience with others, I appreciate your concern.

  2. Erin/IAm Avatar
    Erin/IAm

    Ahhh, yet another ‘test’ of Freedom & free will choice!

    Yes, I agree that guardians of youth should be wiser than such example as this…However, this will come when we have realigned our knowledge bases toward grander wisdom.

    Until such time, we really need to be most thoughtful of our Freedom & responsibilities as a specie & the right to each one’s own choices of their matters…irregardless of what ‘old thinking’ springs us to our feet…We are aiming higher than this, yes? This Little will survive their movie experience just as many survive thru beatings, sexual abuse, neglects, etc…until Wisdom & Love rule our moves.

    When this shift occurs, our entertainment venues will reflect that, our education will reflect that, our relationships will reflect that…Leaders will reflect that…A domino effect.

    Please remain mindful of the road…wary of these little tripping stones, but keeping higher-thinking in our steps.
    Blessed be & Good Journey!:)

  3. Ionic Breeze Avatar
    Ionic Breeze

    I couldn’t agree more that we can do more by saying, “I want my money back.” I don’t know if I would approach the mother, because maybe that mother had a bad day and needed a time out, but I know I wouldn’t want to be in that room, and I know I would demand my money back.

    I don’t approve of the hint of violence, though I honor everyone’s right to suck it up if they want. It’s just I don’t. I ban the hint of violence even in books like “Hunger Games”, which made it to the big screen, and not only that was in print and put out by Scholastics. My God, what crap is that we feed the children. The hint of the title is enough to turn an ear away from God’s love. Hunger Games. It’s the whole survival of the fittest only to the upmost violent, insidious violence given in the form of a fiction that’s meant to inspire creativity, full blown imagination.

    What can the children learn from Hunger Games? How to kill each other and win at life. My God. I ban that so quickly all life’s head spun. I don’t care who called me crazy for banning Hunger Games, but I did.

    Love to all,

    Ionic Breeze

  4. Deborah Rodvik Avatar
    Deborah Rodvik

    I think you did exactly the correct things in the best possible order. You started at the bottom and worked your way up until you got a result. Also, your suggestions sound responsible and stay within the legal boundaries. You went above and beyond my friend!

  5. Donna Bunce Avatar
    Donna Bunce

    Yes…thank you for writing this piece! I so agree and have become alarmed myself when I was a young mother and now. I’ve recently started seeing a movie on Sunday afternoons with a friend. We have been noticed this same situation here. Some of these movies I can barely watch myself. The energy that we absorb is great. How do these little people handle such stimuli? Maybe we need a childcare center at the theater’s? Of course parents need to wake up and protect the psyche of their children!!

    Agape4us

  6. Keya Avatar
    Keya

    I think most parents just don’t realize that such violence has an affect on small children. I have three young children and I am constantly debating with my own husband about not letting them watch certain movies at home (or in the movies) I think that movies like Transformers and Fast and Furious are inappropriate for a 7, 5 and 2 year old. But alas my spouse disagrees. I think the issue is of ignorance. Even if you are to tell the parent (as I have) that the violence is too much for a young child, they are not likely to listen because they simply do not understand how a little old movie is going to mess their child up.
    I agree with Erin. It takes elevating the consciousness of the individual, group and society before issues like this can really be addressed.

  7. Laura Jean Pringle Avatar
    Laura Jean Pringle

    Kudos to you for doing what you did. It’s scary what kids can and do get exposed to these days. I wish I had sheltered my kids more than I did. Why they even make films depicting violence and gore eludes me. So many popular films have illegal activities being glorified. Sadly, it appears that we are a society of hypocrites!!!

  8. nayana Avatar
    nayana

    i agree 100% that children need to be protected by law against this. i was shocked to read your story. my 3 year old, who only recently began to want to sit and watch a movie, became afraid in some of the parts of toy story, lion king was also scary for him in some parts and we had to fast forward it – their perception is so delicate in this age, i cant imagine the fear or potential trauma that he might have to deal with if subjected to a violent adult movie. ive even begun to wonder if he is simply too young to watch any childrens movies as they all seem to have some scary part. i honour your care for the rights of children. thank you

  9. mewabe Avatar
    mewabe

    Great topic!

    The fundamental issues here, and judging by the comments, seem to be sensitivity versus insensitivity, and whether laws should protect children from insensitive parents or parents who lack common sense. Unfortunately much of the mainstream culture constantly desensitizes people…particularly the media.

    It is an issue that has a lot of ramification, because trauma can be inflicted (and is) in so many different ways, daily and often behind closed doors. The damage that is done to children every day is the most misunderstood, ignored issue in our world. It is literally a silent, global killer, when we know of the devastating consequences of early trauma (which most unfortunately people do not).

    I was once living on the Oregon coast near the dunes, and while hiking one day I saw young families with the fathers getting ready on their noisy ATV’s and dirt bikes…with babies, toddlers crawling on the ground right next to dirt bikes being revved to the maximum (the noise was unreal), and everyone (fathers, mothers) being absolutely unaware of the insanity of the situation, of the stress inflicted upon the young children by the extreme noise. How could they not know? (…the answer is called neurosis, non-feeling, but it is another topic).

    Much of humanity is numb, and when not naturally numb (insensitive, neurotic), numbs itself with drugs and alcohol…more laws are passed every day to control every possible behavior…is this the solution? Are we so literally out of our minds (and hearts and souls) as a specie that every one of our action must be supervised by some authority because we are becoming increasingly less capable of making sounds choices, or because the world is becoming too complicated for us?

    Can we legislate sensitivity, common sense, awareness, feeling, intelligence? Can we force people to fully be human?

    When I was a teenager, on darker days I used to think people should be tested before they have children, to assess whether they are psychologically and emotionally fit…very few would pass such test, sadly.

  10. Charlotte Avatar
    Charlotte

    Hi,
    I don´t know about the Cinemas in the US but in Sweden we have an Agency who sets the permissions for different kind of movies. Movies with a lot of violence and terror is permitted from 15 years. Se info below:

    Before a movie can be distributed on the Swedish market, it must be reviewed by the National Cinema Agency. They assess whether the film should be PG, permitted from 7 years, 11 years or 15 years.

    PG = The film will be seen by all age groups, with or without a parent or guardian *.

    From 7 years = One must be at least 7 years to see the movie, with a guardian all age groups can see the movie.

    From 11 years = One must be at least 11 years to see the movie, the guardian * companion must be at least 7 years.

    From 15 years = You must be at least 15 years old to see the movie, REGARDLESS of parent or guardian is present. 15-year limit is absolute. If a foyer host or other theater staff let in someone who is younger, this is a direct violation of the law. * A parent or guardian is a person aged 18 or over.

    It is not Swedish Cinema set up these rules, but we are responsible for their compliance. For more information do not hesitate to contact the National Cinema Agency on

    This is working, in my own experience, very well.
    The best to you,
    Lotta

  11. Charlotte Avatar
    Charlotte

    Hi,
    What a frustrating situation, I hope I never have to experience it!

    This is how it works in Sweden and I think it works rather well:

    Before a movie can be distributed on the Swedish market, it must be reviewed by the National Cinema Agency. They assess whether the film should be PG, permitted from 7 years, 11 years or 15 years.

    PG = The film will be seen by all age groups, with or without a parent or guardian *.

    From 7 years = One must be at least 7 years to see the movie, with a guardian all age groups can see the movie.

    From 11 years = One must be at least 11 years to see the movie, the guardian * companion must be at least 7 years.

    From 15 years = You must be at least 15 years old to see the movie, REGARDLESS of parent or guardian is present. 15-year limit is absolute. If a foyer host or other theater staff let in someone who is younger, this is a direct violation of the law. * A parent or guardian is a person aged 18 or over.

    It is not Swedish Cinema set up these rules, but we are responsible for their compliance.

    Hope for the best in the future,
    Lotta

  12. Charlotte Avatar
    Charlotte

    Sorry, I thought the first comment disappeared! Now it´s three. <3

  13. Charlotte Avatar
    Charlotte

    And now its four:
    I did not see the error.
    From 11 years = One must be at least 11 years to see the movie, with a guardian its permitted from 7 years.

  14. Marko Avatar
    Marko

    This is a fascinating topic for me. It’s really quite weirdly spectacular that we have these violent vulgar movies.

    People actually pay people to write this stuff! Yet we are ALWAYS at choice whether to see them or not. We are the ones who pay money to see these & sustain the cycle. We choose whether to see them or not.

    So the answer is quite simple. Boycott such movies, they are after all mostly 99% money & profit driven.

    People have the freedom to make mistakes & even to be less conscious about their actions. I use to have strong negative judgments about people who smoked & now when I see them I have a different perspective. Much more conscious & compassionate.

    First, rather than think something like “Stupid ignorant person who doesn’t care for their own health & is committing slow suicide” I think something like this:

    “They are going through a phase, that will eventually stop (especially very young people) & older people,– I see them as people who have the possibility to quit & my attitude & positive possibility thoughts can & may be the subtle influence that will pull them in that direction.

    I’m very aware of the influence of my thoughts, emotions & feelings that can positively & optimistically help others. So for my part I feel I can be a positive influence by how I positively judge what I see.

    The same goes for bad parental behavior. I think “they may be the person who writes the book on good parenting in the future & give seminars on it.” Like the people smoking I may think “they me quit & teach others how to become free from the addiction.”

    There is so much negative judgment on people, that is what needs to stop or, at least be modified. So it starts with me & all of us.

    I will comment more on this about Mandy Patinkin who regrets working on Criminal minds tv show. This guy finally spoke the truth that is not being addressed.

    Magical blessings 2 all,
    -Marko

  15. Marko Avatar
    Marko

    Mandy Patinkin regrets ‘Criminal Minds’ role
    Sept. 14, 2012, 11:41 AM EST

    WENN
    http://tv.msn.com/tv/article.aspx?news=757475

    Actor Mandy Patinkin regrets taking a role on the hit TV show “Criminal Minds” because he was appalled by the level of violence in the crime drama.

    The star played a criminal profiler on the show for two seasons, but quit before work started on the third. Patinkin now reveals he couldn’t stand the gory storylines and wishes he had never taken the job.

    He tells New York Magazine, “The biggest public mistake I ever made was that I chose to do ‘Criminal Minds’ in the first place. I thought it was something very different. I never thought they were going to kill and rape all these women (in storylines) every night, every day, week after week, year after year… It was very destructive to my soul and my personality. After that, I didn’t think I would get to work in television again.”

    Patinkin went on to land a role in hit drama “Homeland” opposite Claire Danes, and he is much happier in his new job. He adds, “A show like ‘Homeland’ is the antidote. It asks why there’s a need for violence in the first place.”

    *************************************************************************
    WoW isn’t that refreshing!!! I’ve seen some of these “Law & Order & Criminal mind” Shows & was absolutely astounded at what they showed. To me this is on prime time free tv! To me these shows are truly pornographic for the soul.

    I feel as did Patinkin & was very happy to see this article & to share it here. And no I don’t watch these shows!

    Magically,
    -Marko

  16. mewabe Avatar
    mewabe

    Marko, I agree and about these shows I do not think the intent is totally innocent or profit driven…I am not sure I understanding it, but it appears that there is a desire to desensitize, to numb the public to violence.

    I personally disconnected and got rid of my television years ago. I grew up without it and always felt better without one around….it is at best useless, at worst pollution for the mind (and the heart and soul).

    See “Four Arguments for the Elimination of Television” by Jerry Mander…very important information, especially for anyone who has children.

  17. Trisha Avatar
    Trisha

    I’m with you. I’m also upset that though others would respond with compassion albeit by the way they are responding to you, is it compassion if they won’t step outside of their comfort zone as a human being, instead of a job title to assist? I have come across this a lot of times in my life when I step forward to do the right thing. People agree with me that there is wrong-doing but cause themselves to have fear (i.e. excuses) to step forward and help. Until we ALL can go past the agreement there is an issue and actually do something about it, we are stuck.

    I say far out that you would keep pushing the issue. Its truth that needs to be evaluated by the MANY and something collectively has to be done to create the world we keep saying we want.

    I’m gonna share your article and do my part.

  18. Franny Avatar
    Franny

    In the netherlands we have another system with movies. AL which means all ages, 6 (years and older), 9, 12, 16 and 18. Al movies have symbols too like violence, sex, etc. You can’t see à movie in THE cinema if you’re not old enough. But if you’re 2 or less years younger than rated age you can go in with an adult. For example if a movie is rated 16 and you are 14 you can watch movie with someone who is 18 or older. If you’re 13 you can’t.
    But nevertheless Dutch children could still see inappropiate movies at home.

    I think most people don’t understand that children think differently, we forgot because we have an adult brain now. So the sexual and or violent context in movies are progressed in our brain differently than in THE brain of young children. I think most parents forget.

  19. Joni Bosworth Avatar
    Joni Bosworth

    The right thing is the right thing, period. Thank you!

  20. Marko Avatar
    Marko

    Mewabe, you said of tv “.it is at best useless, at worst pollution for the mind (and the heart and soul).”

    This is again such a sweeping inaccurate generalization I’m tempted not to even comment. Though I’m sympathetic to it. 🙂

    While I feel not having a tv can be a very good thing, so can having one if you watch it consciously & deliberately. It’s all on “how” you use it.

    You further said “See “Four Arguments for the Elimination of Television” by Jerry Mander…very important information, especially for anyone who has children.”

    I’ve read this quite a long time ago & some good points as well as so so points were made is my recollection. That is, reading it at the time (I had no tv at that point.) I didn’t find it as convincing as I thought it could be. Nevertheless, tv is a reflection of society & it’s potential with all the good & the less than good.

    There is a lot of stuff that is definitely wasteful for the benefit of our time & evolving desires, but there is really spectacular stuff as well you just have to be aware of it.

    By not having a tv you give yourself the benefit of more free time. Yet the internet too reflects society, both good & bad, the perverse & the sublime & how we use it & our time is up to us. As we evolve more, we will have more of the sublime & less of the perverse as our entertainment.

    Magically,
    -Marko

  21. mewabe Avatar
    mewabe

    Marko, I should have specified that these were only my opinion and experiences…but I thought it was self-evident.

    I am sorry but I have no interest in attempting to appear “objective” or “reasonable” in order to avoid offending certain sensibilities…thus what you call “sweeping generalizations”.

    I personally have never seen a program, a documentary worth watching on television. I can get more information by reading 3 pages of a book on a specific topic than by watching 3 hours of television on the same topic, because I can do without the dramatization and the dumbing down for general audiences.

    As far as the book, there were extremely interesting points about the effects of television on the central nervous system and the brain, which have nothing to do with whether a program was “perverse” or “sublime”. These effects are objectively verifiable, they have nothing to do with personal taste in programing.

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