I am in need of such help right now.

I am reading WECCE, and I am in need of such help right now. I am full of anxiety, fear, and loneliness for the first time in my life. During the past 2 months, my best friend moved away, my boyfriend, who I loved dearly, broke things off.  Then last week my dog was killed.  I know in my heart and soul that I am supposed to be going through these changes, but I’m having such a hard time letting things go. I built my life for two 1/2 years around my boyfriend.  I have lived alone in several cities with job transfers, etc. And I LOVE where I am living now, and I thought I had met someone with so many interests. I had some of the best times in my life with this person, but he could not give me the spiritual support and move on to build a future with me.  I completely lost and disliked myself.  I KNOW of all this, so why is my heart just clinging to everything?  Why can’t I feel ANY joy in anything I do or see?  I try and try to see the beauty in my home, in nature, in ALL things that brought me such great joy. I just want to let everything go..let go of the pain, let go of the wondering of how I manifested this all. I never imagined I would feel such loneliness – ever.  

I know my pain will heal and I will feel (and eat) normally again. I will continue to pray and meditate to love myself more. Here it comes…BUT…loving yourself when you are BY yourself is pretty easy (I think), as I have lived alone quite a bit in my life.  The big test comes when you are joined with someone else. I have been emotionally unavailable and feared intimacy ALL my life – hence why I have attracted men that are the same. I want to do everything in my power to change that. How do I know when I’m really ready?  And to really know that my subconscious is going to attract someone that will be good for me?  Do I trust my feeling?  How do I lose the fear? I would appreciate any help….

C.D.

Dear C.D.,

WECCE is about how to embrace Change (another word for God/Evolution), and how to choose how we live in that change.  Part of that process involves looking at our current Truth.  What version of that truth are we living?  Most of us are living in distorted truth.  We can, however, move pretty easily to apparent Truth by simply reframing it with no judgment.  For instance, “My boyfriend broke things off” could merely be “My boyfriend is not with me anymore. ”  “I completely lost and disliked myself” could be “I was not being who I really am in the relationship.”  Even “I can’t feel any joy” could be transformed with “I am experiencing a lack of joy right now,” which would easily allow you to experience the lack of joy with Gratitude, because you know it is only what you are feeling right now, not something that has to go on forever…unless you choose to let it go on forever.

For every negative thought, there is the opposite positive one.  Look for these opposites, C.D., as you re-train yourself.  It takes practice!  If you are even reaching out, it means that you are beginning to do just that…practice being good to yourself!  Negativity is definitely not good for you or anyone else.

Take a good look, and you will see your post is all about the past!  This has nothing to do, ultimately, with now…unless you allow it to be.  In reading WECCE, you will have read that this is all past data.  This past data came from many sources, all of which thought that they were protecting you in some way…and all of which were subconscious, and controlled by the ego.  The ego is the part of you that defines you as human, as an individual human, but, nonetheless, is also the part of us that operates out of fear.  This fear is designed to keep us in the familiar and actually stop us from moving into what is truly our better selves.  Fear holds us in place in the now, not in the manner of being present, but from the place of looking back and avoiding looking and moving forward.

Life, as they say, begins at the edge of your comfort zone…and your comfort zone is fear.  Why do you wish to live your life in fear?  It is serving you in some way?   Since all we do serves us.  Do you get to define yourself as the person who is emotionally unavailable?  or the person who is fearful of intimacy?  In some way, this has served you, but do you wish it to continue to serve you?  Yes, we can choose to love what the past has shown us (in this case you know intimately what fear and unavailable feel like and how you are when you embrace them) and actually choose to be the opposite of that!  This is a world of context, of opposites, and if you know one thing, you are now very well able to know the other…if you choose to remember.

I would take the “gut” test when you have a thought.  Your tummy will tell you if you are coming from fear or love.  Ask yourself why you even feel you have to have someone in your life right now.  How does the answer feel?  Look in the mirror and look into your eyes and very quietly tell yourself you love you…and keep doing it.

The first time I read in CWG the part about saying out loud, “I love sex or money or…” and then it asked me to say loudly, “I love me!” I found it amazing that I was unable to say that without hesitation.   Wow!   And I am a pretty self-confident person, so I knew if it was difficult for me, it must be almost impossible for others.  I was okay with all of it, but not the unabashed loving of myself!

C.D., not only can you tell yourself you love yourself, I would like to tell you something else…you are love!  Just by being here, you have demonstrated that you are love!  By writing this note, you have shown you can overcome fear, which is a supreme act of self love.  How wonderful is that?

Be gentle with yourself and be proactive…choose!   You are choosing Change right now, actively, because passivity has not served you well.  Way to go!

Therese

(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net, which offers spiritual assistance from a team of Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less, and offers insight, suggestions, and companionship during moments of unbidden, unexpected, unwelcome change on the journey of life. She may be contacted at Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)

(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)