Stuck in Limbo

Recently I made the decision to switch careers and do what I really want to do, which is in speaking, consulting and writing, and I’m really happy about that.  The problem is I’m not officially leaving my day job for another 3 months and I’m not sure I can make it that long!  I have mentally checked out, all I want to do is work on stuff for my new business, but I know that I have to stay with my job for awhile longer for financial reasons and because I made a commitment to so I can train in the new employee.  It’s also beginning to affect my personal life because I’m so busy trying to do both.  It all makes sense on the outside but I’m miserable on the inside and the thought of feeling this way for the next 3 months is terrible.  Do you have any advice on how I can manage during this limbo period?

David, Indiana

Hi David,

Being a firm believer in your external conditions not having to determine your happiness or internal conditions, yes, there are many ways to manage what you’re feeling and how you’re experiencing this limbo period.  However, this could be less of an issue of “managing during this limbo period” as it is of challenging your beliefs around this transition, and what you think it needs to look like.  Since I don’t know the whole story, I’m going to give you a bit of direction around both and you can choose the one that feels best, sound good?

First of all, I want to invite you to remember that you are at the cause of your own experience.  Maybe not all the events in your life, but definitely the experiences.  So bring some loving consciousness and awareness into the situation by setting your intention each and every day.  How do you want the day to go?  What state of being would you like to be in?  Sometimes that’s all it takes, because it reminds you that you are at the cause and not the effect of how your day goes.  But to give your intentions even more support, engage in some daily practices that will support positive thought, words and actions throughout your day, such as daily gratitude, or meditation.  I cannot stress enough how important the word daily is here.  You see, it is not enough to occasionally engage in such practices or occasionally choose to have a positive outlook, in fact this is what sometimes causes people to find themselves in the this-positive-thinking-stuff-just-isn’t-working-for-me-trap.  If you’re looking to feel good and be happy most of the time, then make a daily effort to make that happen.  We are all more than capable of this.

Now for the beliefs approach.  What is your current belief around this transitional period?  Based on what you said I’m going to guess that your belief is something like this: “I made a commitment to stay for 3 months and they are all depending on me to train my replacement in and I don’t want to let them down.  Plus, my business isn’t quite ready yet and I need the money coming in right now.”  Is that close? I think we stay in situations that suck the life out of us largely because we hold at least one of 3 beliefs about it: we are obligated to stay, fear of the unknown, or we are responsible for the feelings of others.  So I want you to ask yourself some big questions here, such as a)are you staying for the 3 months for one of the above reasons and b)if so, could there be another belief that might serve you better here?  Take a look at some assumptions you’ve made based on your belief about this.  For example, is it really necessary for me to train in my replacement for 3 months?  Would they be okay if I only did 1 month, or gave the widely accepted two-week notice instead?  Really, would the company collapse in my absence?  My guess is probably not.  They’d be just fine, and they are also at the cause of their own experience here; in other words, nobody’s happiness is dependent on you other than your own.  As for the financial reasons, is the belief you have about this based in fear or love?  What would love do here?

So, David, you’ve got some thinking, contemplating, deciding, and re-creating to do.  But I encourage you to not be overwhelmed by this, but instead be over-joyed by it.  Our ability to re-create ourselves anew in each and every moment, to be at the cause of our own experience, is an incredible gift.  Challenging, yes of course, but incredibly and deeply fulfilling, too.

(Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling.  She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )

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