How can I stop feeling sad all the time?

My assistant at my job who I became very close friends with, sabotaged me at work (I loved my job) and with my boyfriend who I was potentially going to marry. I never put it together until ultimately my boyfriend broke up with me, and the company I worked with for 27 years asked me to resign. Needless to say, I have been very sad for a long time and have been searching for healing, answers, something to help me feel good again, feel happy again, put those awful memories behind me, or I pray to bring my ex back but it’s never happened. She ruined my career and my life. I still relive, rethink the memories and feel so sad all the time. How can I get past this?… Cindy

Dear Cindy… I am very sorry you went through such a heart-breaking event. You had a triple whammy, really: losing a friend you loved and trusted, losing the man you loved enough to marry, and losing a long-time job you loved. Wow. It’s certainly easy to see why you have been searching for healing and answers and a way to feel good again.

You say you’ve been carrying this deep sadness for a long time. My question is, for how long? It is normal and healthy to feel sad during times of loss, and for some time afterward. It is not normal and healthy, however, to continue to feel deep sadness long after an event is over, and to continue to dwell on it. In doing so, you are actually continuing to create the sadness in your mind. Has this sadness become depression for you? If so, you may need to see a psychiatrist to help treat it, at least temporarily. On the other hand, if you don’t think you are clinically depressed, then as a spiritual life coach I would say it is time to become pro-active and to take your joy back. I would invite you to notice that that was then and this is now.

You say that your assistant ruined your career. While it may be true that she sabotaged you at that particular job, can you absolutely know that your entire career is ruined? Is it out of the realm of possibility for you to ever work in that type of job again, but with a different employer? What I’m trying to say is, a job is one thing; a career is another.

Likewise regarding your statement that she ruined your life. Dear Cindy, no one, and I mean no one can ruin your life except for you. Do you know what hell is? Hell is what you are putting yourself through by continually re-living these painful memories! It is so important for all of us as human beings to stand at the portals of our minds—to consciously choose to stop dwelling on things that are unhealthy emotionally, spiritually and physically. It is up to us to stop thinking thoughts that don’t feel good. We all have this ability and it isn’t as difficult as it might seem, once we start noticing the painful thoughts and start choosing to say to ourselves, “I’ve thought about this long enough. It hasn’t changed anything. All it does is make me feel bad, so I’m just not going to think about this anymore.” Then we intentionally shift our focus to something that makes us feel better, which can be a thousand different things. It doesn’t matter what you start thinking about as long as it makes you smile, laugh or feel good. It also helps to do something fun. Watch a comedy show, listen to positive music, pet your cat, take your dog for a walk in the sunshine—anything that feels light and good.

I get it, that you would like to understand why things happened the way they did, but if after all this time you haven’t come up with any good reason, then I invite you to allow yourself to move on, regardless. Given the benefit of time, surely some good thing will come as a result of it. For now, I invite you to trust that God knew exactly what It was doing when it brought you this experience. I invite you to rest in the knowledge that God doesn’t make mistakes and that everything that happens is for your highest good, or it wouldn’t be happening. I invite you to take charge of your thoughts and stop thinking about past pains. Start thinking about how you would like to start living now. There is great power in keeping our focus on the present moment, for when we continually dwell on the past (or the future, for that matter) we are robbing ourselves of the potential joy we could be experiencing now. We are depriving ourselves of the gift of life, the gift of the present moment. We aren’t really living at all when we do this. If we have tried and tried to understand something and we still don’t, then we just have to drop it and get on with this thing called life.

Please read Neale’s book, Happier Than God. It contains 17 steps to being happy, and if you start to implement these, I promise you, it will change your outlook on life. Just as you have created your sadness by dwelling on sad thoughts, you can create happiness by dwelling on happy thoughts. You are the creator of your own reality, dear Cindy, and it’s time you take your life back. It’s time you re-claim the joy that is your birthright as a human being. Please, please read this book. I promise, if you follow its advice and if you take charge of your thoughts and refuse to dwell on the past anymore, you will feel happier and happier.

You have manifested a great job and a wonderful man before, so you have proof that you can do it. If you can do it once, you can do it again because you have the consciousness of it. It will be much easier to find another dream job and another life partner when you are coming from joy because you will radiate that out into the world. And speaking of radiating joy out into the world, maybe the best thing I can tell you is this: Conversations With God says, if you want more joy in your life, the fastest way to have it is to be the source of joy for another. Take your focus off yourself, and start focusing on how you can bring happiness to others. The paradox is, when you brighten someone else’s day, you end up brightening your own.

(Annie Sims is the Global Director of CWG Advanced Programs, is a Conversations With God Life Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com.

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